Chapter 25Trust the process
twenty-five
. . .
trust the process
“Did you make sure to tell your mom I’m not bringing you back until after dinner?”
Zeth reaches into the split-open box, grabbing another slice of pizza. “Yeah,” he replies before taking a bite that demolishes nearly the entire piece.
“Good.” I take another slice too, and bring it to my lips but pause. “Thanks for lending a hand today. And hey, I’m glad you finally got to come check out my place.”
He looks around at the boxes littered everywhere, Delane’s name scrawled on them in bright blue Sharpie. “I like your place.” He turns to me with orange grease in the corner of his mouth. “Your girlfriend has a lot of stuff.”
I laugh at that because it certainly does feel like a lot of boxes. But I know there’s room. “She does.” I nudge him. “ She likes to read, too. We share that interest. And she works on cars.”
His eyebrows lift. “Really? Girls work on cars?”
I finish my last bite of the slice. “Yeah, anyone can do anything. You just have to believe in yourself.”
Zeth takes a long drink from his can of soda. “That’s pretty corny, Miller.”
“I know,” I admit because it is. It really is super fucking corny. Even I know it. “But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s true, dude. You can do anything; you just can’t lose sight of your dream.”
“Trust the process,” he says slowly, which earns him a quizzical look from me.
“That’s exactly right. Don’t doubt yourself along the way.” I narrow my gaze on him. “That’s pretty smart.”
He shrugs. “It’s what my mom tells me before she cuts my hair.”
At that, I laugh, and I laugh hard because under those circumstances, trusting the process is probably a lot more nerve-wracking.
Zeth looks back at the door. “When are they coming back?”
Patty and Art had been at my place all day, helping with the moving.
Because of his back, Art was relegated to the unpacking phase and the order pizza task while Patty, Delane, Zeth, and I carried most of the boxes.
Atti and Beau popped by once to move an armoire with me, but all in all, we knocked it all out in the span of four hours.
The three of them left to get Mara from her friend’s house, where she’d slept over.
With no karate today, she kindly told her older sister that she didn’t want to “do a damn thing” on her day off .
But with the good pizza here and the discovery of Salsa, Mara’s ready to come over.
“Soon.”
He chews the inside of his cheek as he pulls the napkin through each finger.
“What’s up?”
I can legit sense when this kid has something on his mind. He shrugs. “I love my mom, you know,” he starts, and I reassure him right there, sensing he needs it.
“Of course you do.”
“But, I liked Delane’s family. It was nice being around family.”
There is no way to take that ache out of his heart. If I could reach in and steal it from him or feel it for him so he didn’t have to, I absolutely would. Because I’ve been him.
Maybe at his age, I had both parents, but I never had a family.
I was a pawn in their house to be dragged around and manipulated.
I didn’t have a voice, I was never asked my preference, and never once had I ever felt warm and cozy.
I was meant to further their cause, a cause that wasn’t even theirs but belonged to someone else.
I was meant to follow the rules and sacrifice my individuality for the greater good–one that was never presented as an option but only as my stark reality.
I deeply understand Zeth’s feelings, and while I know I can’t alter them, I know I can give him something that was never given to me. I wish it was more, but it’s all I can do.
“You are welcome here, and so is your mom, whenever you want. Holidays, parties, you two are my family. Okay? And they’re my family now, even though I’m not their blood, and if they’re mine, then you’re theirs, too.”
“They barely know me.” I can feel his nervous vulnerability and his pride, and I want more than anything to tear it down and build him back up with me, but he’s got to find that peace on his own. Until then, I’ll never stop making him feel safe and loved.
“Now. They barely know you now. But it won’t feel that way in a couple of months.” I peer at him as he plays with the napkin still. “Mara’s your age, you know.”
He shrugs. “Girls don’t like the poor kid.”
I’ve never been that because growing up in the commune, one kid represented them all. But still, I know his fear: that he will never be like everyone else.
“Your mom may not be rich, Zeth, but you aren’t poor.
Okay? And I mean it when I say you and her are welcome with me anytime.
In fact, why don’t we have a big Christmas dinner?
You and your mom, me and Laney, and her family.
You can still cook. I’ll help you. In fact, Laney’s mom might teach you a few things. ”
He looks up at me with hope in his eyes. Hope tethered to fear. “Mom has to work.”
I nod. “Fine, you’ll come with me then. I’m sure she’d rather have you with me and Laney’s family than alone at home.
Plus, you can use your new sous chef skills.
” I bump his shoulder and watch a grin spread across his lips in response.
“You can cook now. Let’s show everyone.” I make him stand, and then I pull him into a hug.
We don’t hug but today, with my girl officially moved in, my life feels like a dream. And I just want to spread that feeling.
“I love you, Zeth. I know I’m not your blood brother, but I am your family.
And there is nothing you can say or do to ever change that.
” He smiles, and I can tell he’s fighting emotions.
I ruffle my fingers through his hair, and he swats me back.
“So ask your mom if I can pick you up on Christmas morning and have you all day, okay?”
He nods, and the door swings open, bringing noise, laughter, and snow inside the small space. I fucking love the way it feels in my apartment today.
After we each took a turn in a long, hot shower, rinsing off the day of heavy lifting and moving, Delane and I crawled into bed, tired and cold. But happy.
So fucking happy.
Right as we’re starting to doze, she rolls in the bed to face me, reaching up to press her palm to my cheek.
“Have sex with me,” she whispers against my lips as she reaches into my sweats, finding my sleepy cock already waking.
“I need to feel you over me and inside me right now,” she adds, her admission a hoarse whisper.
Reaching above me, she yanks off my shirt, and we both work on losing the rest of our clothes.
And then her legs are spread open, and I’m tucked between them, driving my erection into her soft core in slow, dizzying strokes. Our lips fuse as she feeds me moans and mewls of pleasure, our bodies pressed together, sealed with sweat and passion.
“Miller,” she moans, her heart rate skyrocketing. Mine beats quicker, keeping up with hers and my already impending orgasm. I’ve only been inside her a minute or so, and her wet warmth is already making me struggle. She fills her fingers full of my hair, tugging gently as our mouths crash together.
My hips never stop roving, and I move over her a bit more, changing the angle as I push inside of her, over and over. Her tits bounce as I fuck her, and when I look down to find her mouth open mid-moan, breasts jiggling, sweat shiny on her smooth skin–I curse. Because I can’t hold back .
Knowing just what my grumble means, she strokes her palms along my sides, then grips my bare ass. My balls tingle, and my groin cinches.
“It’s okay, cum if you’re ready.” Knowing there will be a day when I can make it longer than this, I seal her words with a kiss and find my hips rolling to a stop as I empty myself deep inside of her, throbbing pulse after throbbing pulse.
When I’m able to pull my face from her neck and meet her eyes, I find her wearing the sexiest, most sensuous smile.
“I want you to go down on me,” she grins, and before she clarifies, I’m already shimmying down her body. Bury my face in her pussy? Why would I need to be asked twice?
“Wait,” she giggles, slapping my shoulder. From over her belly, I peer up at her. “Suck my clit, and when I cum,” she says, chewing at the side of her lip like she’s…
“Are you nervous?” I drag myself over her body until I’m over her mouth and laying hot kisses on her lips. “Laney, Laney, Laney,” I tease.
She wrinkles her nose, pushing a sweat-laden curl from her face. “When I cum, I want you to really go down on me.” She drags her thumb along my bottom lip as she whispers, “then kiss me.”
I slide back down her body until her puffy pink pussy is staring back at me. It’s so pretty. No, it’s more than pretty. It’s beautiful and fucking perfect, and the only thing prettier is her.
With her hands in my hair the way both of us like, she nudges my face to her slippery pussy, and I dive in like the utterly starved man I am.
Biting gently, I suckle on her swollen bud as her legs spread wide, fingers sunk into her hips.
I hold her there against my face as I feast, loving how wiggly and responsive she is with every pass of my tongue.
As fast as I came, she lets her hand slide free from my hair, down to my shoulder to smack me. “I’m gonna cum,” she pants.
Taking my cue, I slip my tongue inside her just as her orgasm crests, her warm cunt seizing around my tongue.
A few more pulses around me, and a moment later, a salty flavor rushes into my mouth.
When her legs are no longer pinching my head, and she’s coming down from her high, I climb over her body and bring my mouth to hers.
As soon as our lips touch, she drives her tongue into my mouth, hunting for her taste. Our joined lips vibrate with her hum as she collects everything in my mouth with hers, then swallows.