CHAPTER 15
It had been so long since Victor had even been on a date—let alone sucked someone off—that he had no clue how to act or think the next morning.
He looked at his phone to see if Johnny had texted him.
He had not. Was that bad? What did it mean?
Did Victor just fuck up their whole relationship because he was a bit too eager to show Johnny a good time?
He hadn’t gotten home until midnight the night before, so he was late getting out of bed.
Typically he was out at the barn by seven, but this morning he didn’t make it out until eight-thirty.
On Sundays it was typically just him and Hannah, though it looked like Hannah hadn’t yet done the rounds, because no one was fed.
Victor decided to do it himself. That ate up an hour of his time before he moved onto training.
All the while, Victor kept checking his phone, wishing Johnny would text him.
At this point Victor realized he should take the initiative and do it himself, but he felt like he’d done Johnny the favor by sucking his dick without the courtesy of a reach around.
If their roles had been reversed, Victor definitely would have texted him by now, at least to thank him for the fun.
Maybe Victor wasn’t as good at sucking dick as he thought.
Then he scoffed out loud and rolled his eyes.
Men did not have high standards for these things, and he doubted Johnny did either.
In rural Oklahoma, you took whatever it was you got.
Victor headed out to do some grocery shopping, and when he got back he was halfway through making dinner when his phone finally vibrated. He rushed to grab it and unlock it, hoping it was Johnny. It was, but the message wasn’t exactly the one he’d been hoping for.
Will bring Taylor down after school for lesson tomorrow. That ok?
Victor stared at his phone a moment, halfway between anger and bafflement. It was in his nature to be accommodating and professional, so he responded That’s fine like nothing had changed between them. In response, Johnny sent a thumbs up emoji. That was it.
“I hate men so much,” Victor said aloud to himself in his empty kitchen. With a long, aggravated sigh, he called Skyler. She picked up, thankfully, and seemed to be in a chipper mood.
“What’s up, dude?” she asked. “Something happen?”
Victor explained the whole night, though he left out the blowjob detail. Not because he thought Skyler would be scandalized but because he thought it made him seem kind of desperate, and he was feeling a creeping sense of shame about offering up sexual favors so quickly.
“So he’s into guys. I told you that you should have asked,” Skyler said.
“Should I text him? Call him? I don’t know how to go about this.”
“You’ve done more hooking up than me. Shouldn’t you know?”
“If it’s just a hook up it’s different. I know this man, we’ve been good friends since April.”
“Just be normal about it. Text him. Say you had a good time and you look forward to seeing him tomorrow. No offense to you and your kind, but men are fucking stupid. They need a little leadership sometimes.”
Victor snorted, then laughed. Trust in Skyler to tell it how it was. “Okay. Okay, I think I can do that. Do you… do you think I’m stupid?”
“About boys you are.”
Fair. “He’s probably the only person in a fifty-mile radius that is both interested in men and someone I can get along with, so I just don’t want to fuck this up.”
Skyler sighed. “Something tells me if anyone fucks this up, it’s going to be Johnny.”
* * *
Victor relieved all of his anxious energy the next day by throwing himself into training.
He worked his way through several horses before he had a lesson to instruct, and by the time he looked at his watch, he realized Johnny might show up at any moment.
He’d texted Johnny last night as per Skyler’s request, just saying he’d had a good time at the rodeo and he’d hoped Johnny had as well.
Johnny hadn’t replied, which didn’t bode well, but maybe he’d rather get his feelings out there in person.
He seemed like the type of guy who didn’t go for confessionals by text.
Finally, just as he was stepping out of the indoor ring into the stall area, he spotted Taylor skipping his way. She waved happily before skidding to a stop in front of him.
“Can I go see Midnight?” she asked.
“Clean out her stall first.” Victor leaned over and snatched a pitchfork perched nearby. “Then you can do what you want.”
“Okay!” She grabbed the pitchfork with a wide grin and skipped off like Victor had just handed her a present.
He chuckled, then turned and spotted Johnny still hanging back by the barn entrance, one shoulder against the wall with his thumbs hooked over his belt.
When Victor’s gaze landed on him, he straightened and headed over.
“Hey there, Vic,” he said, a tad more reserved than usual.
“Hey.” Victor swallowed, mind racing. What should he say now?
He looked over his shoulder, then gestured Johnny toward his office.
Only once Johnny followed him inside and Victor closed the door did Victor feel himself relaxing slightly.
He went to his desk chair and straddled it backward, which Johnny must have taken as a sign to go flop down on the couch like an overheated pooch.
“Hope you ain’t mad for me kinda ditchin’ you Saturday night,” Johnny said, removing his cowboy hat and settling it on the couch next to him.
“No, it’s fine. I get it. You had to leave with Sarah.”
“I guess I coulda stuck around… wasn’t really thinkin’ all that well.” Johnny gave Victor a half-hearted smile, and Victor’s chest tightened. His brain was fogging up with sexy thoughts when he needed his mind sharp.
“So, um, I figure we need to chat,” Victor murmured. He had worried all night about coming out to Johnny, but there was no way Johnny wouldn’t figure out on his own if things went well, and Victor didn’t want to be called deceitful, especially since it was so often an insult hurled at trans people.
“Yeah, you got that right.” Johnny shifted on the couch, then perched his elbows on his knees and leaned forward.
“When I met you, I couldn’t believe you weren’t married.
Have you seen the men ‘round these parts? I guess with a dozen combined you might get halfway to Brad Pitt, but you’re a handsome guy with is life together, his own business…
I thought ‘ain’t no way this man is on the straight and narrow’, ‘less women are blind or somethin’. So now it all makes more sense.”
“I, uh…” Johnny seemed to be providing a compliment, but Victor still wasn’t sure. “Thanks?”
“Course, you ain’t real flamboyant or anythin’, so I couldn’t know for sure.
Still, there was somethin’ a bit… hmm, I dunno the right word…
sensitive? I guess that’s it. You’re more sensitive than most guys I meet.
At first I thought maybe you were super Christian, cuz some of those guys are soft as hell but after a while I figured that wasn’t it. ”
“You thought I was super Christian?”
“I ain’t ever seen you smoke or mess around with women, and only that one time have I seen you drink.”
“That doesn’t mean—”
“Course, I know you’re from California, and some of those guys are kinda fruity.”
Victor pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh. He probably should have been insulted, but he knew Johnny wasn’t always the most politically correct, even if his heart was in the right place.
“Also, you never even talked about women, and I thought that was weird, too. But now I know the truth I guess, and it makes lotsa sense. You coulda told me earlier, you know.”
“You could have told me about you.”
“Oh. Well.” Johnny glanced down at a small tear in the thigh of his jeans and wiggled a finger against it. “How could I have known how you’d feel about it?”
“Sounds like we have the same issue.”
“But things are different now, right?” Johnny perked up.
“Listen, I think we could make this work to both our advantages. I figure, what happened Saturday night… we could make that more of a regular thing. You’re probably hard up, and so am I.
We both know the pickin’s are slim. We could figure out some kind of, I dunno, arrangement. ”
Victor frowned in confusion. “Arrangement?”
“Yeah. You know. What do they call it? Friends with benefits?”
Victor’s chest clenched again, but this time for a different reason. “You want to just… have sex.”
“We’re friends, ain’t we? Friends do things for each other, make each other feel good. That could be us, you know?”
“I was actually hoping for more than that.”
“More? Like what?”
Victor stared at Johnny a second, appalled that Johnny really couldn’t seem to think up an answer. “Like a commitment,” Victor clarified. “We could actually date each other.”
Now it was Johnny’s turn to stare with lacking comprehension.
For the first time, his eyes turned serious and his mouth folded into a thin line.
After an awkward pause, he reached up to rub at the back of his neck.
“Listen, Vic, you know I care about you and all that but… this is rural Oklahoma. This ain’t California.
Ain’t no way you can just walk ‘round holdin’ hands and grocery shoppin’ together, ‘less you want a Molotov cocktail thrown through your window one night while you’re sleepin’. ”
Victor found his throat constricted, making it hard to breathe and speak. “It can’t be that bad. I just met a lesbian farrier who lives here with her wife, and they’re out.”
“Good for them, I guess, but I ain’t nowhere ready to bring that sort of shit into my life.
People in the world of rodeo still know my name, and I got a reputation I gotta uphold.
It’s not—listen, I’m still attracted to women, and I plan on datin’ women.
I’ve lived a hard life, and I don’t want things to be any harder than they need to be. ”