Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Ryan
I decided to give Knox some space, making myself scarce before the show. Having me around is clearly a pain point for him, and I’m wondering if I should even be here.
Is my presence ruining what should be a momentous experience for him? I know it was their choice to have me on tour, but I don’t want to impact his time with the band or his performance.
I’m sitting in my designated spot while the opening band, Shock Value, plays.
My chair is waiting for me on the side of the stage, between the heavy black curtains that hide me from the audience before every show.
The road crew packs my chair up after each city and it’s waiting for me by the time soundcheck rolls around in the next.
I’m in my chair, ear protection in, laptop ready before the band’s entrance, every show.
Shock Value aren’t bad, but they’re young and have room for improvement.
They’re slowly climbing the charts thanks to great riffs, catchy choruses, and the teeny tiny fact that every one of them is hot as hell.
I’ve gotten to know the lead singer Jason and the drummer Harrison.
They’re sweet and harmless enough, but most girls in the crowd want to climb them like trees.
As pretty as the entertainment is, I’m not paying attention tonight.
I’ve got my ear protection and am focused on my laptop trying to read back over what I’ve written so far for my article, but focusing is nearly impossible as I rack my brain, trying to figure out the puzzle that is Knox McKinnon.
I seem to be missing a few pieces. I’m clueless why me being from the same hometown as him is a problem.
Or why he’s friendly and curious one minute, then walking away in a rage the next.
What the heck am I missing?
Lost in thought, I register Shock Value leaving the stage but nearly jump out of my skin when someone taps me on the shoulder. Turning in my seat, I’m stunned to find the man who has me all twisted up standing behind me.
He asks if I have a second, but with my ear protection on, I can’t hear him well.
Standing, I pull an earbud out and say, “Hey.”
“Sorry to interrupt you while you’re working.”
“It’s no problem.”
Knox opens his mouth to say something when Jason from Shock Value walks by hand in the air.
Like always. I slap it as he passes. This is our routine whenever we see each other.
No words spoken. Just a simple high-five.
Knox’s brow furrows, his head tilting the way it does when he’s trying to work something out in his head.
He watches Jason until he’s out of sight.
When he turns back to me, he seems to have forgotten what he came to talk to me about.
With his head still tilted, he looks at me as though I am also a puzzle he’s trying to piece together.
I have no intention of helping him figure it out.
What I do and with who I do it with is none of his business.
“Did you need something?” I ask.
Losing his puppy dog tilt, he pushes his hair behind one of his ears. Leaning forward, he places his hands on the arms of the chair. The side of his hair not behind his ear falls like a curtain hiding us away from prying eyes when he speaks into my ear. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
He’s close.
So close I smell the peppermint of his gum. If I moved a few centimeters, his lips would touch my skin. It would be easy to do, but if he pulled away... well, I’d rather not find out how that feels.
This is the second time in an hour he’s apologized to me, but it feels different this time. It could simply be his nearness. Whatever it is, I don’t reply. Afraid to ruin the moment.
“I’ve got a lot of personal stuff going on and I’ve been taking it out on you.
” His minty breath skates across my ear and the deep timber of his voice lights a flame inside me I haven’t felt in far too long.
“I haven’t been fair to you and for that, I’m sorry.
Can we try again tomorrow? On or off the record.
It’s up to you. I have something I can’t miss after the show, otherwise I’d say tonight. ”
He pulls back, his amber eyes darker than usual, drawing me in so deep I forget he’s asked me a question. It isn’t until that head of his tilts again that I come to my senses.
“Oh, sure. Yes, that would be fine.”
“Good. I’ll text you.”
“Great!’ I chirp with too much enthusiasm.
A small smile graces his lips. “So, how’s it going?” He nods to my computer.
“Not too bad. I?—”
“Hey, sexy,” a syrupy sweet voice coos.
Knox’s smile falls, his entire demeanor changing.
For a millisecond before turning toward the sultry voice, he locks his eyes on mine as if trying to tell me something, but too quickly rips his gaze away.
A pair of long, thin arms wrap around his neck, and he spins to face their owner. Perfect pink nails play with his hair.
That fire inside me is quickly extinguished, while my flight response kicks in.
I have to get out of here.
I’m about to walk away when he gently pushes her off him and turns back to face me. Again, with the eyes. I swear he’s pleading for help. Is he signaling an SOS or is he saying ‘sorry, don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve got to go get laid real quick before the show’?
“Ari, this is Ryan. She’s writing a series about the tour for Vanity Fair . She’s a great fucking writer and from our hometown. Ryan, this is Ari.”
I’m smacked upside the head by two things.
First is the fact that supermodel Arianna Maxwell is standing in front of me clinging to Knox like a damn spider monkey.
Second, is that Knox just complimented my writing and acknowledged I’m from back home and seemed fine with it?
His compliment should make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but the desire to claw Arianna’s eyes out is too overwhelming.
I’ve never been one for long nails, but right about now they’d come in handy.
Squashing all the feelings I have no business having down deep, I nod my head and say, “Nice to meet you.”
After giving me a judgy head to toe once-over and not coming up with any immediate threat to her perfection, she says, “You too.”
Bitch.
I’m not supermodel material and wouldn’t want to be. I love the skin I’m in and a disapproving once-over from Arianna Maxwell isn’t going to change that.
Expecting them to walk away, I take my seat, opening my laptop again.
I’m about to put my earbud in, when I feel Knox’s large body press against my chair.
There’s only the thin piece of canvas between us.
Frozen, I eavesdrop on their conversation, because for some reason I think he wants me to hear them.
Otherwise, he would have distanced himself and Ari from me, instead he’s moved so close he’s touching me.
“What are you doing here?”
“What? Can’t an old friend come for a surprise visit?”
“Ari, we were never friends, and you know that.”
“Fine, can’t an old lover come for a surprise visit?”
“No. Not after all the bullshit you pulled with the tabloids.”
She laughs. “You can’t believe everything you read.”
“No, but I believe the words I heard coming out of your mouth when you were talking to the TMZ. ”
Holy shit. This is juicy. And very off the record. Still, I’m human and clinging to every word.
“That was over a year ago. You aren’t still mad about that, are you?”
“Listen, I have a show in a few minutes and plans after. I don’t have time for whatever this is.”
“You can always change your plans,” she coos.
“Not these plans.”
“Well, Trevor said I could stay for the show.” As though on cue, a roadie places another director’s chair next to mine. “We can talk about everything after.”
He doesn’t reply, but I feel him grip my chair. His finger grazes my back, sending a jolt to my heart.
“Have a good show, baby,” she says.
The weight of his body disappears, and I immediately miss him.
Arianna smiles at me and then takes the chair left for her, scooting it ahead of mine. She’s positioned herself where the crowd can see her.
Calculated is what this woman is.
She’s up to something.
The reporter in me does a quick internet search of the latest news for Arianna Maxwell and what do you know?
A younger face has just replaced her in the perfume campaign that’s been hers for years.
Reports also say she’s had a falling out with her management team and has new representation.
But what sticks out most is that nearly every article mentions she is the former girlfriend to Hollow Knocks lead singer, Knox McKinnon.
She’s floundering and trying to grasp at something that brought her attention. If she can attach herself to Knox again, she might find some of what she’s lost. She’s desperate and it shows.
I almost feel sorry for her.
Almost.
Curiosity now at bay, I ignore her, turning my attention on the crew as they prepare for the band to take the stage.
They’re such a well-oiled machine. None of this would be possible without this team and this final tour must be difficult for many of them.
Some have worked with the band for years and are feeling the emotions of everything coming to an end too.
As exceptional as they are at their jobs, I know they’ll all find other work, but there are at least a hundred people, if not more, who are a part of this band family the Hollow Knocks have built over two decades.
It says something about the integrity of the band that most of the crew have been around so long.
A few minutes later, the band takes their place on the stage currently covered in darkness.
Fans scream, anticipating that first blast of noise.
That first beat of the drum. The first shred of the guitar.
The first hit of the drug that is Knox McKinnon’s voice.
Sean hits the bass drum. The lights bring the stage to life and Knox is staring at the side of the stage.
Only he isn’t looking at the supermodel.
He’s looking at me. He wants to know that I see him.
How could I not? He’s trapped me in time and space with the intensity of his gaze.
I’m not the only one who’s noticed. Without taking my eyes off the lead singer currently ignoring his fans, I notice the blond beauty turned in her seat to see what exactly has the attention she’s so desperately in search of.
Then all too quickly, Matt begins the opening riff to “A Night of Madness” and Knox faces the crowd, closes his eyes and hits the first note with an angst I’ve never heard from him before.
As the song progresses, he pours his soul into every note.
Waiting with bated breath to see if he’s going to look in my direction again, I’m disappointed when he doesn’t. He doesn’t look my way for the rest of the show. When he leaves for the encore, he exits the other side of the stage. The side he never leaves on.
Is he avoiding me or Ari?
Once again, left confused, I head out before the encore is over and when the band finally turns up backstage to greet family and friends, Knox is covered in sweat and supermodel.
Her arm is around his waist and his around her shoulders as he whispers in her ear. Looks like all is forgiven.
It’s irrational for me to have any feelings about the situation but I’m disappointed in him. Does he realize he’s giving her exactly what she came here for?
Irritated, I quietly leave the room while everyone is distracted.
I need to get the hell out of here.