Chapter 57
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Knox
Knox
I have glasses but I never wear them.
Ryan
To me, coffee smells like dog poop.
“ I don’t think he’s ever gone this long without talking,” Mia whispers from where she walks beside us when I catch her eye.
Sawyer sits in front of me as we walk Angus’s horse, River, around the training ring at the ranch.
His eyes were big as saucers when his mom handed him to me.
His sweet little hands gripped on to mine as I settled him into the saddle.
I’ve talked to him, explaining everything he needs to know about riding and horses.
He’s nodded a time or two, but he’s stayed quiet.
Smiling at his mommy, I check in with him. “Hey, buddy. You having fun or you wanna stop?”
He turns to look up at me, and his smile is wide. He catches me off guard when he bounces in the saddle and says, “More horsey!”
I’m still not used to his adorable face and bright blue eyes. That he’s my son is still a shock. He’s something else.
“Okay, little man. We’ll keep going.”
Mia smiles at his excitement, but I don’t miss the trepidation she feels around me. Each time I see her, she seems a bit more at ease, but I can’t help but think she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.
We take a few more laps around the ring, but when it’s time to lift him out of the saddle, Sawyer fusses, not wanting his ride to end. I try to hand him to his mom, but his entire body goes stiff as a board.
“Shh...” I say, You’ll scare River. We don’t want to scare the horsey, do we?”
He quiets but doesn’t relax. Holy shit, it’s hard not to give him what he wants.
“You know, just because we get down, it doesn’t mean we’re all done. Part of being a cowboy is taking care of your horse. We still have to put his saddle away and get him back in his stable, all safe and sound. Will you help me with all that?”
He calms, his body going lax in front of me. “Yes, I help.”
“Thanks, buddy. I bet you’ll be the best helper ever.”
After that, we walk River back to the barn, remove her saddle, bridle, stirrup, and reins. I talk to him through the process. Surprisingly, he stays focused the entire time. I hold him while he helps me brush the black mane of the dark gray horse.
I was right, he’s a great helper.
We finish in the tack room where I put things away, and he runs to his basket of toys.
Thanks to the small air conditioner I had installed when I upgraded the room, it’s nice and cool in here.
Mia perches awkwardly on the edge of the big leather chair in the corner and it kills me to see her even slightly uneasy around me.
We may not be close, but we’ve known each other her entire life. She shouldn’t feel on edge around me.
Hopping up on the marble counter, I address the elephant in the room. “Mia, it’s obvious you’re not completely comfortable around me. What can I do to make things better?”
“What? No. I’m fine.”
Tilting my head, I look at her like I don’t believe her, because I don’t.
“This is still new. I’m not sure how it’s supposed to go.”
This I believe.
“Tell me about it. Being the father to the son of my sister’s best friend and the love of my baby brother’s life was not on my bingo card of life.”
“God, when you say it out loud like that, it sounds so scandalous.” Exasperated, she throws herself back in the chair. “Once the people of this town find out, I might as well walk around with a scarlet letter on my chest.”
She’s right. People will judge her much more harshly than they will me. It’s unfortunately the way of the world and it’s bullshit .
“I don’t want that for you, and I’ll handle things however you want as far as what the public knows. As long as Sawyer knows who I am to him at some point, I don’t care about the rest of the world. He needs to know he’s wanted. Loved. And safe. Period.”
Somehow, I feel as confident as I sound.
“I was wrong not to tell you. I’m so sorry?—”
“Mia, stop. What’s done is done. We need to focus on the here and now and Sawyer’s future. I want visitation. We’re turning the spare room at the cabin into his. He’ll have his own space and?—”
This time, she interrupts me. “You said we’re. Sounds like things are pretty serious with you and Ryan.”
“As serious as they come. I guess we should talk about that. I’m not real good at this yet. I should probably make sure you’re okay with Sawyer spending time with Ryan. She’s not going anywhere, so I sure hope you are.”
She sits up straight, an up-to-no-good smile on her face. “Of course it is. She’s one of my oldest friends, Knox. You couldn’t have done better if you tried.”
“Right?”
She giggles. “You gonna put a ring on her finger?”
“I would, but she says she never wants to get married.”
“Well, you don’t need a ring to be committed to each other. Are you okay with it?”
“Mia, as long as I have her, I don’t care. If she changes her mind one day, I won’t hesitate to put hardware on both of our fingers, but if that day never comes, I’m fine with that too.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks, I’m happy for you and Angus.”
It’s nice to talk to Mia, relaxed like this. With no fear in her eyes. I think we might not just co-parent together, we might become friends.
Hopping off the counter, I saunter over to where Sawyer is playing with one of his many trucks. “He’s the coolest kid I’ve ever met.”
She steps up next to me. “It’s crazy, isn’t it?”
“You’ve done so good, Mia.”
“Thanks. I’ve had lots of help.”
If I could, I’d watch him play all day, but Mia is starting to pick up their things. Our visit is coming to an end.
“Thanks for today.”
“Of course. He had a great time, but he’s ten minutes from a meltdown, so I should get him home.”
“Sounds good. I’m supposed to drop by Cal and Charlie’s, anyway.” I squat down next to Sawyer. “Hey, little man. I have to get going. Can I get a hug?”
With a truck in one hand and a dinosaur in the other he scurries over to me for his hug. Then he leaves a slobbery kiss on my cheek. “We’ll ride again real soon, okay?”
“Yes!” He flies his dino in front of me. Only instead of roaring it neighs like a horse.
It’s hard to leave him, but I force myself to stand.
Mia seems anxious again. She opens her mouth to say something, then closes it and opens it again. “Knox?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m adding you to the birth certificate. I’ve got the paperwork and plan on turning it in this week. He’ll know who you are to him. I promise.”
Time stops. My pulse thunders in my ears. I’m not sure what to say .
“Are you okay with that?” There’s an edge to her voice. She thinks I don’t want her to do the paperwork.
“Shit, yes. Sorry, you surprised me is all. Yes, I would be honored.” A thought hits me square in the chest and disappointment douses my excitement. “But let’s wait.”
“What?”
“I know that sounds bad. But hear me out. Wait a year or two. Let’s give the world time to forget about me.
Those vultures in entertainment news have internet alerts set with all the celebrities’ names.
That’s how they learn about big name divorces the same day the paperwork is filed.
Any legal filings trigger an alert, and the paparazzi will descend on Goose Hollow.
Trust me, I don’t want to wait, but I also want to protect the two of you. ”
“Oh.”
“This is why I need you to believe me when I say I understand why you did what you did. You were right to protect him. It won’t take long. I’ll be a washed-up has-been in the eyes of the world before you know it.”
“That’s pretty messed up.”
“It is.”
“You sure you want to wait?”
“No, but it’s the right thing to do.”