7. Hot and Triggered #3
The thumping between Nadine’s thighs seemed to pulse in time with the music. The tightness of her dress wasn’t allowing her to squeeze her thighs tighter, to quell the hunger and aching. Her thong was once again a sticky, utterly useless, mess.
Zen had pinned her in with one hand against the wall, next to Nadine’s head. The other skimmed her side, making its way down her leg to the split in her dress. When she felt the edge of Zen’s nails against her inner thigh, she moaned. Zen gave her a satisfied look.
Nadine’s heels felt like toothpicks trying to keep her upright, but she knew, deep down, that this enchantress of a woman wasn’t going to let her fall. At least, not onto the floor. Into her pussy, maybe…
“You’re not letting me go?” Nadine didn’t recognize her voice. It was so small, so nervous.
“You know you don’t want to go, beautiful.” Zen’s hands moved inside her thigh, toward that sticky thong. One finger skirted her outer lips, causing Nadine to ball her hands up at her sides. Fuck. She wanted to touch Zen. Feel her. Pull her close, but she knew she couldn’t. She shouldn’t.
A voice called out from the shadows. “Hey Zen, a VIP is asking for a dance. You good?”
Zen moved away from Nadine, licking the finger that was near her pussy. “Coming.” She leaned toward Nadine, whispering in her ear. “The theater is toward the left, down the hall, make a right. See you around, beautiful.”
Nadine stood there, paralyzed for several minutes. She had to catch her breath and will her body to move. Her brain tried to remember Zen’s directions as best she could. Eventually, she found her way back to their booth in the theater, trying her hardest to look normal.
Eddie looked at her, a worried expression on his face. “You ok, Deanie? I was about to come looking for you.”
Nadine felt her liquor trying to make its way back up. She held her stomach. “Yeah, I think I drank too much. Can we go?”
Eddie’s face was etched with concern. “Are you sure? We still have more of the club we can explore. If you need to take a break, we can even…”
“Yeah,” Nadine shook her head, interrupting. “I’m sure, Eddie.”
“Ok. I got us a room at the Ritz.” Eddie finished the last of his cognac and pulled out a few $100 bills to leave on the table.
He held out his hand to Nadine, who took it. As they walked back to their SUV in silence, she tried to muster up a comforting smile, one that Eddie could find believable. She hoped that it worked.
Nadine lay awake, surrounded by the plush pillows of the Ritz. Eddie’s soft, post-coital snores and the hum of the air conditioner were the only sounds in the room.
She replayed the events of the night over and over.
It was like the night was a constant highlight reel.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Zen at every moment.
Not even when she was riding Eddie’s dick.
Not even when he was pounding into her from the back.
She imagined his hand being that woman’s hands, gripping her hips.
His lips being her lips, searing her skin with kisses.
She imagined Zen wearing a dildo just like the lady on stage, pounding deep into her pussy.
Their mixture of moans belonged to her, the woman that had taken up residence in her brain.
Eddie declared it was the best sex they ever had.
She didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t totally because of him.
With sleep evading her, Nadine reached over on the nightstand for her phone.
She pulled up the email from Dr. Flournoy, reading the attached documents.
She opened the first document on deconstructing faith and sexuality.
Words such as “purity culture” and “shame” stood out.
Nadine chewed her lip, pondering the words.
So much of her life was about being a “good girl”, being “pure”.
She remembers the messages at Sunday school about remaining virginal for your husband.
About how her body belonged to her husband, and he was the head, along with God.
God…husband…woman…child. In that order. So, when she kissed Allison…
when she lusted after her fellow members of the cheerleading squad…
when she let her Soror eat her pussy in her dorms after the frat party and blamed it on the alcohol.
It was ok, wasn’t it? She was still virginal.
She was still pure. It wasn’t with a man, so it didn’t count, right?
Like her parents said, she’d grow out of it.
Eventually. As soon as she had a husband, these feelings would be replaced.
The shame would be gone. She’d be a good girl again.
Their good, decent girl… the one her mother loved once.
“Baby, you awake?”
Nadine place her phone back on the nightstand. “Yeah, just couldn’t sleep .Just checking email.”
Eddie turned to face Nadine, his fingers lightly stroking her bare shoulders. “What’s wrong? Is it about tonight? Listen, if I pushed you too hard out of your comfort zone, then I am sorry. I just…”
“No,” Nadine interrupted. “I enjoyed tonight. I did. Truly.”
“Are you sure? Because when the dancer kissed you, you sort of freaked out.” Eddie chuckled softly. “It’s like you saw a ghost or something.”
A ghost. A shadow. A fragment of a memory…
Nadine closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m fine. I am.”
“Are you telling me the truth?”
“I am sure that kiss was for better tips, that’s all,” Nadine chuckled nervously. “Eddie, seriously, it’s all good.” She turned, kissing him on the lips. “Go back to sleep, babe.”
“Aiight,” Eddie yawned. “But you can be honest with me, baby. Always.”
“I know.”
Nadine rolled over, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to command her mind not to replay her time at Secrets. But like a video on pause, the loop restarted.
Nadine’s lips tingled from the memory of the kiss. She pressed her thighs together, trying to ease the throbbing of her clit. Eventually, she grabbed a pillow, lodging it between her legs to relieve the pressure.
So much for honesty.