29. The Last Session
The Last Session
Nadine watched as Dr. Flournoy bit into a batch of fresh blueberry scones. Watching someone take the first bite of anything she’d made was Nadine’s favorite part of baking.
“Oh my god, Nadine,” Dr. Flournoy said, between bites. “I am losing my manners here. These are amazing!”
Nadine smiled. “Thank you. I figured I should bring a parting gift.”
Dr. Flournoy wiped her hands on a napkin. “You know, I cannot believe this is going to be our last session.”
“For a while,” Nadine clarified. “I am sure I’ll need a mental tune up here and there but not like before. I think you’ve given me the tools to handle problems if things arise. Right now, I think it’s time to take a break.”
Dr. Flournoy smiled. “I understand. Therapy is a process and a journey. You’ve concluded this part of the journey.”
Nadine rubbed her hands against her jeans. “I am super grateful for everything, too. I know I was difficult at first, especially with opening up. But I’ve learned so much about myself over these past few years. Especially about accepting who I am. I feel, well, I know I’m in a good place.”
“I wouldn’t say difficult,” laughed Dr. Flournoy. “But I’m glad that you allowed me in.”
“Me too,” chuckled Nadine.
“So what’s next for you, Nadine?”
Nadine shrugged. “I don’t know. And for the first time in a long time, I am relieved.”
“Why is that?”
Nadine smoothed the top of her bun down as she thought.
“I think it’s because I’ve always had an answer for everything, felt like I had to have a plan a, b, and c if things didn’t work out.
When my first marriage didn’t work out, I threw myself into work.
When I got pregnant, I threw myself into motherhood, not once, but twice.
When I felt like I couldn’t be myself, I threw myself into crafting the perfect image of myself.
I am so fucking tired of being perfect. And I am tired of having plans. ”
Dr. Flournoy nodded with understanding. “So how does it feel to let go of the idea of perfection and plans?”
“Freeing,” Nadine responded. “My friend Alisa says Black women have the right to do whatever they want. Be whatever they want. Without judgment. I spent so much of my life judging everyone around me without looking internally at myself. I was locking myself in a cage of my own fear and anxiety. I finally understand that.”
“Good for you. And that Alisa seems like a wise woman.”
Nadine rolled her eyes. “Oh lord, don’t have her hear that! She’ll think she’s The Oracle from the Matrix.”
Both women laughed until Dr. Flournoy gently steered the conversation back to Nadine. “So, how are things with Eddie? And Zaire?”
Nadine could feel the smile forming across her face. “Things are incredible actually. Eddie’s given me the space to see where this goes. Z and I are also giving Eddie space to also explore his own sexual desires. It’s been pretty easy to balance, but so far no issues.”
“I take it this has changed your mind on polyamorous relationships now.”
“Absolutely. Can’t judge my friends anymore. I see how love isn’t just one thing.”
Dr. Flournoy paused as she looked down at her notes. She scrolled a few times, tapping her pen against the tablet. Nadine was curious about what she was looking for, but didn’t want to interrupt.
“When we last met, we talked about what it would be like opening up to your father and daughter, and it was something you needed to think about. Where do you stand with that now?”
“I had those conversations,” Nadine sighed.
It was a sigh of relief, no doubt, that Dr. Flournoy noticed.
She nodded, encouraging her to continue.
“Alex has been understanding, but a little resentful. I understand. I gave her a lot of mixed messages over the years. My father, bless him, still can’t wrap his brain around any of it, but he’s trying. So, that’s all I can ask for.”
Nadine bit the inside of her jaw. Dr. Flournoy noticed her change in demeanor. “Is there something else, Nadine?”
“I saw Allison.” Nadine blurted out.
Dr. Flournoy’s eyes widened. “Really? When?”
“Coming back from Waycross visiting Daddy. In a gas station, of all places. I wasn’t exactly looking the cutest,” chuckled Nadine. “But it was still…seeing her was…amazing.”
“Amazing? Tell me about it.”
“Well, we caught up on our lives. Said some things we’d been waiting to say for like thirty years. It was wild.”
Dr. Flournoy was genuinely surprised. “Things like what?”
Nadine recalled her conversation with Ally, the apologies, the confessions. At the conclusion, Nadine felt as if she was telling her and Allison’s secrets, but she knew she was safe with Dr. Flournoy.
“We even made plans to go out to lunch. So, that’s nice.”
“How do you feel learning that she’s out as well?”
Nadine looked up at the ceiling, trying to choose her words carefully. “Relieved,” she confessed. “Knowing someone was on a similar journey as I let me know this isn’t so crazy. And I’m not alone.”
“Nadine, coming out late in life happens more often than you think. Trust me.”
“I know that now,” Nadine smiled. “You’ve helped me to see that.”
“Well, I’m glad you got a sense of closure, Nadine,” Dr. Flournoy patted her knee. “But you have to promise me something?”
Nadine’s forehead wrinkled. “What’s that?”
“That you stop by and bring me at least a dozen of these scones once a month.” Dr. Flournoy picked up another scone and took a big bite. “Mercy! They[are just heavenly!”
Nadine laughed, happiness blooming deep within her soul. “Will do.”