Chapter 36
CHAPTER
Cruz rode back to the homestead in a daze, the truth about his father and Roger reverberating through his head like an annoying earworm.
He’d spent the first twenty years of his life living on this farm and hadn’t seen the slightest hint that his dad was gay.
Then again, Mac Wardlow wouldn’t advertise the fact.
His father had been obsessed with projecting a good image to ensure the farm’s reputation never suffered.
He’d be turning over in his grave at El’s thirst trap debacle.
But the thought of his father hiding his identity saddened Cruz. Is that why Mac had worn a perpetual scowl? Why his father couldn’t lavish affection on his only child? Why he treated his wife like an adjunct to the farm?
Hiding his sexuality would’ve been an immense burden and, for the first time since his father died, Cruz wished they’d had a chance to talk.
Until now, he’d barely grieved. How could he feel sorry for a man who had been a father in name only?
But learning the truth, imagining how difficult it must’ve been for Mac to exist in a small country town with a secret of that magnitude, softened Cruz’s resentment.
He parked the quad bike and strode towards the homestead, his heart pounding in time with his steps as he noticed El’s car was gone.
She’d left without saying goodbye.
Though what did he expect after he’d unceremoniously fired her?
As he neared the back door, Bindi appeared around the corner.
‘You’re back,’ she said, a frown grooving her brow.
‘Thanks for stating the obvious,’ he muttered. ‘I take it you’ve settled into the studio?’
She nodded. ‘El let me in and gave me her key.’
‘Good. I’m just going to check and see if the permits have come through, then we can get started on converting the shed.’
Bindi cocked her head, studying him, and he didn’t like the intensity of her scrutiny.
‘Do you always give up on people so easily?’
‘What are you talking about?’ Though of course he knew, but discussing El with Bindi was the last thing he felt like doing.
‘I hope you don’t fire me if I mix up an order or spill guacamole on a diner.’
‘This is my place and I’ll do what I damn well please.’ He crossed his arms, hoping she read his glower: Back the hell off. ‘If you have a problem working with me, it’s probably best you say it now so I can find someone else.’
Bindi’s frown deepened and she jabbed a finger in his direction. ‘See? That right there is you giving up on me before you’ve seen what kind of employee I am.’
Damn her for being right.
‘I’m not in the mood to stand here and discuss El or anything else with you.’ He unfolded his arms and pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘It’s been a tough morning and I just want to get this restaurant up and running sooner rather than later, before I go insane.’
Understanding lit her eyes and her expression softened. ‘You decompress in the kitchen preparing meals.’
‘Yeah. And I need to decompress badly.’
‘Losing El has you this rattled?’
He wanted to say, I haven’t lost her, but although Cruz may be many things, delusional wasn’t one of them. Firing El had put paid to their burgeoning romantic relationship and every angry, resentful feeling he’d managed to subdue on that manic quad-bike ride rushed back tenfold, winding him.
‘We need to get started,’ he said, desperate to change the subject. ‘Kyle’s in the packing shed. Why don’t you find him and ask him to find a suitable piece of wood for the restaurant sign, then help him paint it?’
To his relief, Bindi lost her combative stance. ‘What are you calling it?’
‘Smashed.’
She guffawed. ‘Corny and cringey, but cute.’
He didn’t need Bindi’s approval, but her reaction to the name brought back the memory of him discussing the name with El, and how he’d allowed himself to get excited about something for the first time in ages.
The thought of running a farm-to-table restaurant showcasing this place’s fresh produce hadn’t entered his head until she suggested it.
He owed her, and what had he done? He’d let his temper get the better of him.
‘You’ve got a funny look on your face,’ Bindi said. ‘If you’re thinking about El, she hasn’t left town. She’s staying at the motel until the end of the week, working on what you’d already hired her to do.’
‘Ferne hired her, not me.’
‘How is your mum?’
Guilt at not contacting his mother since she’d left mingled with his regret about firing El and his shock at hearing the truth about his dad. Today could officially be classed as the pits.
‘Good, as far as I know,’ he said. ‘I’ve been swamped since I came back and thought she might appreciate her space, considering it’s the first time she’s left the farm in years.’
‘That’s code for you’re a shitty son and haven’t called her.’
Rather than Bindi’s judgement annoying him, he couldn’t help but admire her forthrightness. They’d get along well.
‘Stop being such a smartarse and go get that sign done.’
She grinned and saluted. ‘Sure thing, boss.’
As Bindi turned away, Cruz said, ‘It’s good to have you here. Don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything.’
She surprised him when she turned back, her eyes clouding with emotion as she said, ‘Thanks for taking a chance on me. I won’t let you down.’
Their nods of mutual respect made Cruz want to run after her and delve into how she’d ended up here, depending on the kindness of an old high-school acquaintance, but he’d unearthed enough secrets for one day. Time to get cracking with setting up the restaurant.
Being in the hospitality industry for the last ten years and working in several high-profile restaurants in Melbourne meant Cruz had connections and he hadn’t hesitated in calling on them to fast-track his permits.
Everything had come through, including the liquor licence, meaning it would be all systems go over the next few days.
But before he got caught up in more admin, he had to call his mum.
As usual, Ferne picked up on the second ring. ‘Cruz, everything okay?’
‘Why wouldn’t it be, Mum?’
‘You’re back on the farm for the first time in years and stuck there for the foreseeable future.’
‘Good point.’
‘I’ve been meaning to call you. How are you? Is everything okay?’
‘As good as can be expected.’
‘How’s Elora working out?’
Cruz didn’t want their conversation to get derailed, which would happen once his mother heard he’d fired El, so he reached for a little white lie. ‘Good. She helped me come up with an idea of running a farm-to-table restaurant here.’
‘Wow. That’s huge.’
‘Yeah, it’ll be a good way to highlight our produce and put the farm on the map, driving up the price for when we ultimately sell.’
‘Brilliant. What else has been happening?’
Cruz hadn’t envisaged having this conversation over the phone, but he couldn’t hold onto the secret about his father.
If Roger had opened up to him, what would stop him from reaching out to Ferne and telling her?
Cruz hated the thought of his mother learning about his father’s homosexuality from Mac’s lover rather than her own son, especially if Roger mentioned Cruz knowing.
Ferne would think he’d deliberately kept her in the dark too.
‘Mum, I have to tell you something and it’s pretty shocking.’
‘At my age, not much shocks me.’
He heard her wry chuckle and wished there could be some way to soften the incoming blow. ‘It’s about Dad.’
Silence.
‘Mum?’
‘There’s not much I don’t know about your father, Cruz. I discovered quite a lot after he died.’
Hell. She knew?
‘Like what?’
She sighed. ‘Mac led a double life I knew nothing about.’
‘You know about Roger?’
‘Roger? As in Roger Oldfield?’
Tension built behind Cruz’s eyes. It sounded like his mum didn’t have a clue about Roger, which meant his revelation would blow up her world.
‘I bumped into Roger at Dad’s shed a little while ago.’ Cruz pressed a hand to his chest to settle his thumping heart. Yeah, like that would make any difference. He hated the thought of hurting his mum after she’d been through so much already.
‘What was he doing there?’
Pining. Trying to rekindle feelings he had for Mac. Being a sentimental old fool.
But Cruz couldn’t say any of that, so he settled for, ‘What did you mean about Dad leading a double life?’
Ferne took a deep breath and Cruz couldn’t help but wonder if she’d known the truth about Mac a lot longer than she said.
‘I know your relationship with your father was always strained, Cruz, and with him no longer around, I guess what I’m about to say won’t change much.
’ She sighed. ‘When I was going through his things not long after he died, I found a second phone and it had photos on it. Photos of him with a man who was obviously his lover.’
Fuck. If the man had been Roger, his mother would’ve known him, so for her to say ‘a man’ meant his father had been playing the field. He shouldn’t feel bad for Roger, but he did, because while the old guy seemed to be pining for the love of his life, Mac had been sleeping around.
‘Cruz? Are you okay?’
‘Yeah, Mum.’ Though this all-round crappy day continued to worsen. ‘I presume Dad had Roger stashed away at home and another lover in Melbourne?’
‘Poor Rog.’ Trust his mum to be sympathetic towards a man who’d been undermining her marriage. ‘Yes, I discovered your father owned the apartment I’m staying at in Melbourne too. It must’ve been his love nest.’
Those last two words made Cruz’s gut churn with anger. While Ferne had been home on the farm, struggling to make a go of things, Mac had been living it up in the city on his frequent ‘business’ trips.
‘And in some strange, coincidental twist, he’s a chef at a nearby Asian fusion restaurant.’
Cruz’s stomach dropped. ‘What’s his name?’ Could he know his father’s lover?
‘Jesse Lee. The restaurant is Lee’s House of Fusion.’
Relieved, Cruz swiped a hand over his face. ‘Never heard of him or the restaurant.’
‘Thank goodness. I was worried you might know him and it would make everything worse for you.’
‘I’m okay, Mum. I’m more concerned about you. I hated the thought of breaking the news about Roger to you. Does it make me a bad person that I’m relieved you already knew about this Jesse bloke?’
‘You’re not a bad person.’ She hesitated, then said, ‘I wasn’t sure how to break the news to you either. It must’ve been an awful shock for you, finding out from Roger.’
‘You could say that. Though I guess it explains a lot.’
‘About your father being emotionally distant?’
‘Yeah. Living a double life must’ve taken a toll.’
‘At least we’ve got the farm and once it’s sold, financial security.’
Relieved his mum had known the shocking news about Mac, he changed the subject.
‘How are your travel plans coming along? I’m surprised you haven’t flown off to some tempting location by now.’
‘I booked a trip to New Zealand but had to cancel.’
‘Is everything okay? You’re not sick?’ He’d been so caught up in the news about Mac, he hadn’t thought his mum might be anything other than healthy.
‘I’m fine, apart from taking a tumble at a local café the first morning after I arrived and re-breaking the ankle I fractured on the farm years ago. It’s not a bad break, just a hairline fracture, so I’m in a walking boot and using crutches. I get around okay.’
‘Anything I can do, Mum?’
‘Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.’
‘Would you like me to come down there? Look after you for a few days?’ He couldn’t afford the time off from the farm, but he could delay the opening of the restaurant. If anyone deserved a little TLC, his mum did.
‘Don’t be silly. I’ve made a new friend, Bette, and she’s been great. Then I bumped into another old friend, and he’s been helpful too.’
He. Cruz didn’t know his mother had any male friends, but he didn’t want to delve. Learning Mac’s secrets was enough for one day.
‘Well, if you need me, don’t hesitate to call, okay?’
‘Sure. And that goes both ways.’
‘Love you, Mum.’
‘Love you too.’
When he hung up and thought of everything his mother had been through over the years because of his selfish father, Cruz wanted to bawl.