Chapter 41
CHAPTER
After Jesse left, Ferne didn’t move from the sofa for an hour, her body numb, her soul aching.
She mindlessly scrolled through Facebook and Instagram, not giving a flying fig that Mae had won best vanilla sponge at the Mildura Fair, or that Lori’s third grandchild had started walking at ten months.
Even the video Elora had posted of Cruz didn’t hold her attention, though she wondered how her son was coping with the high views and endless comments.
Along with the revealing video, Elora had done an amazing job revamping the farm’s profile pages.
She’d posted gorgeous photos along with facts (boil the peel and pits of avocados to make a pink dye), polls—Do you like Haas or Shepard avocados better?
—and a fun quiz with questions like Which fruit isn’t a berry: a blueberry, a strawberry, an avocado, or a banana?
The engagement on the page had skyrocketed along with follower numbers, and Ferne couldn’t be happier.
Like Taj. Ferne remembered him telling her, when he’d worked as a picker on the farm, that his uncle in Mumbai had a monopoly on the markets in the city, along with owning a chain of high-end restaurants, and if India ever got with the program of using avocados, Kinstead could monopolise.
She’d laughed at the time, not caring about raising the farm’s bottom line, more obsessed with the reappearance of her first love and contemplating leaving her life behind for him.
While she’d come to her senses and stayed, she wondered if Taj’s uncle would be a lead worth exploring now.
When Taj had appeared on her doorstep, the farm had been the furthest thing from her mind, but after chatting with Cruz, perhaps she’d bring it up when Taj arrived.
He’d texted her, solicitous and concerned, asking if it was still okay to pop over with the lunch leftovers, and she’d said yes.
She didn’t want to dwell anymore. Confronting Jesse had been cathartic but having Taj here would be a welcome distraction.
When the app on her phone buzzed ten minutes later and she let Taj into the foyer, she still hadn’t moved from the sofa, and had to haul herself up with effort. Every bone in her body ached like she’d tumbled down stairs, but she knew that her exhaustion stemmed from emotional upheaval.
She opened the door to find Taj with four glass containers filled with food in his arms.
‘Hope you’re hungry,’ he said, kissing her cheek as he entered. ‘My other mates reneged on lunch at the last minute, and Bette and I barely made a dent in the food because we were worried about you.’
‘Sorry about that. Did Bette mention anything?’
‘No. She said you’d explain.’
Once again, Ferne couldn’t believe she’d made such a good friend in under a week.
Her friends in Rosevale Grove thrived on gossip and would’ve feasted on her misfortune.
She hadn’t minded their penchant for mindless chatter, because the more Mae and Lori nattered about other people in town, the less she had to talk or divert their beady eyes from her.
What kind of person did that make her, that it took a new genuine friendship to realise she’d been acting the entire time in Rosevale Grove?
Pretending to be okay with the sad situation in her marriage, faking it for her friends, assuming a role of a farm owner invested in the region, when in reality it had been a sham. All of it.
Maybe confronting Jesse had brought more clarity than she’d thought?
‘You’re a million miles away,’ Taj said, placing containers into the fridge. ‘Perhaps you want to talk first and eat later.’
‘Sure.’
Watching him move around her kitchen with ease triggered something unexpected in Ferne. Did she want this? A man she’d once loved wholeheartedly re-entering her life and slipping into comfortable domesticity hot on the heels of escaping a life that had encapsulated exactly that?
Did Taj realise this couldn’t be more than a fling for her? That she craved travel and freedom like her next breath? That she’d never give up her dreams for a man ever again?
Then again, perhaps she was overthinking this. Taj had given her zero indication he was thinking about the future. How could he, when they’d only discovered each other again?
She needed to ‘calm the farm’, as Mae used to say. No point stressing about something that may never eventuate.
‘Can I get you anything?’ Taj asked as he sat opposite her.
‘No, I’m good, thanks.’ She clasped her hands together in her lap. ‘I’m guessing you want to know what happened this afternoon.’
He nodded, the lines at the corners of his eyes crinkling with concern. ‘Were you really sick or did being in my place freak you out?’
‘Nothing like that. But you’re right, I wasn’t sick. I needed to get out of there, because Jesse was Mac’s lover.’
He gaped at her, shocked, before closing his mouth and shaking his head. ‘How did you … I mean … Wow.’
‘Long story short, Bette brought dinner over the day I fell, I loved it and asked where it was from, she mentioned the restaurant’s name, and I put two and two together because of the restaurant’s proximity to the flat and Mac’s lover being called Jesse Lee.
So I went down there and recognised him, and he recognised me too.
Then when he walked into your place today … I had to get out of there.’
‘Understandable. I’m sorry you had to go through that.’
‘I invited him over here this afternoon and he came. We talked.’
‘That must’ve been tough.’
‘It was, but I’m glad I did it.’
Taj’s stunned expression morphed into one of concern. ‘Being in this apartment, knowing they conducted their relationship here, must be hard on you, so I have an idea. What if you moved in with me?’
It was her turn to gape as he continued, ‘I’ve got plenty of room. There’s a guest bedroom downstairs so you wouldn’t have to tackle the steps. And I can look after you while your ankle heals, plus it gives us time to get reacquainted. What do you think?’
He looked so excited, so hopeful, that Ferne almost said yes. Before common sense kicked in and she responded with the only sane answer.
‘I can’t.’
Refusing Taj’s offer for her to move in with him had a surprising effect on the man Ferne once harboured dreams of marrying: tears filled his eyes.
‘You can’t or you won’t move in with me?’ he asked, crossing his arms.
‘Taj, while I appreciate the kind offer, we’ve only just re-entered each other’s lives.’
‘Isn’t that reason enough?’
He swiped the tears away and her heart swelled with untold emotion for this sensitive man who could’ve made her happy if she hadn’t valued stability so many decades ago.
‘I hadn’t planned on telling you any of this for a while, but I’m too old for games.
’ He scooted closer to her. ‘You’ve always been it for me, Fer.
No woman has come close. When you dumped me, I was gutted, but I figured it was your loss, I’d meet someone else.
So I travelled extensively, doing odd jobs, dating women, but they always fell short …
’ He shook his head, his expression guilty. ‘I have a confession to make.’
Great. Just what she needed. Another man with secrets.
‘Working as a picker on your farm ten years ago wasn’t a coincidence.
A friend of mine showed me the job advertisement because he still liked to move around a lot and thought it would be fun for us to do a short-term gig for old times’ sake.
When I saw the farm’s proprietors were Mac and Ferne Wardlow, I experienced a stab of nostalgia.
There aren’t too many women named Ferne, so I researched the farm and realised it was you.
’ He held his palms up like he had nothing to hide.
‘That’s how I ended up there. It was planned.
I wanted to run into you. Not to disrupt your life, but to see you so I could put you behind me.
But then I realised how unhappy you were in your marriage, and while it was wrong of me to want you to leave with me, I couldn’t help but ask. ’
Ferne should be flattered that Taj had reciprocated the depth of her feelings to the extent he’d come to the farm for her.
She’d never forgotten him, especially when her marriage to Mac had soured and she’d often daydream about ‘what if?’.
What if she’d stayed with Taj? What if she’d embraced his nomadic lifestyle?
What if she’d followed her heart not her head?
But having Cruz put paid to any yearnings she may have had, because she would’ve given her child the moon and stars if she could. And despite Taj’s actions potentially being classed as romantic, she couldn’t help but feel duped by yet another man she’d trusted.
‘Not that I’m comparing you to Mac or the extent of his secrets, but surely you can understand how I feel when I discover you’ve deceived me too?’
A shadow passed over his face. ‘It was ten years ago, Fer. It has little bearing on us now. I’m done wasting time. I want you to move in with me not only so I can look after you, but because I want a future with you.’
‘After a few days?’
‘It’s been a lifetime for me.’ He took hold of her hand between his. ‘When you know, you know.’
Surprised by his residual feelings and his conviction, she stared at the work-roughened hands clasping hers.
She wanted to ask how he could be so sure, when she wasn’t sure of anything these days.
With age should come wisdom, but since she’d discovered Mac’s secrets, she’d been adrift, craving freedom but scared of what she might find in the big, bad world.
She’d never felt so untethered and, at seventy, it sucked.
Then there were the financial ramifications.
With Taj still doing odd jobs like delivering groceries, if she moved in with him, he could lay claim to her sizeable nest egg in a year once the farm sold.
She’d given up any semblance of happiness for that farm; how would she feel if a relationship with Taj didn’t work out again and she lost some of her money?
No, she couldn’t do it. Time to start protecting herself.
But first, she had to ask a question that would help the most important person in her life: her son.
‘I need some time to think, Taj, and at the risk of you labelling me bonkers for a change of topic, are you still close with your uncle in India who imports goods?’
His eyes widened and he released her hand. ‘That’s what you want to talk about after I bare my soul?’
Undeterred, she continued, ‘India is importing avocados at a startling rate, and it would be helpful for Cruz to gain a foothold in the market.’
He stared at her in disbelief. ‘My uncle is dead, but his son has taken over the business. To answer your question, yes, I’d be happy to connect Cruz with him.’
He stood and stalked away, bracing himself on the back of the sofa opposite. ‘My feelings for you mightn’t have changed, but you haven’t changed much either. Still looking out for number one.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘We had a good thing going decades ago. We loved each other fiercely, but you thought I wasn’t good enough.’
She opened her mouth to protest but he held up his hand.
‘Do me the courtesy of not lying. You thought I was too poor, too unambitious, too transient, and that’s why you dumped me.
But you know something? Just because I didn’t have my life figured out in my twenties didn’t mean I never had plans.
All those odd jobs I did? I lived frugally and I invested.
Wisely, as it turns out, because now I’m comfortable. ’
‘But you’re still working, delivering groceries.’ She hated that it sounded judgemental, like he begged for a living.
‘That’s because I enjoy being hands-on.’ His harsh laugh, devoid of amusement, raised the hair on her arms. ‘I own the delivery company. People living in inner-city Melbourne lead busy lifestyles and get most of their stuff delivered. It’s a booming market and I got in on the ground floor.’
‘You own your house?’ Crap, why couldn’t she stop saying the first thing that popped into her head? She’d managed to hold her tongue for years while married to Mac, yet with Taj, she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.
‘You definitely haven’t changed.’ Disappointment accentuated every line on his face. ‘Money impresses you, which I assume is why you stayed in your appalling marriage. I hope it was worth it, Fer. And I hope you’ll be happy embracing the freedom you so obviously crave.’
As he strode towards the door, the enormity of what she’d done slapped her. She’d flung Taj’s offer of a future back in his face. She’d revealed her doubts in him as a dependable adult by questioning his financial status. She’d dismissed his feelings.
What the hell had she done?
‘Taj, wait—’
He walked out the door without looking back.