Chapter 47
CHAPTER
Cruz thrived under pressure. Always had.
He hadn’t had time to miss El since she’d left.
Maybe if he kept telling himself that, he might believe it.
Because in the manic rush of ensuring all legalities had been covered, getting the restaurant looking perfect, repeatedly testing every dish he’d be serving, and wording Bindi up on how to present them, thoughts of El would pop up at random times.
While dicing chives to sprinkle on the avocado hollandaise.
While whisking eggs for the avocado pavs.
While double-checking the allergy alerts for each item on the menu.
During his busy days, he’d relegate thoughts of El to the back of his mind while he multitasked, but when he fell into bed exhausted, usually after midnight, the memories would come crowding back and there wasn’t one damn thing he could do to stop them.
Insomnia plagued him, and to make matters worse, his mum had arrived yesterday. Not that he didn’t like seeing her, but she had this way of looking at him like she could see down to his soul. She’d always done it and the last thing he needed as the grand opening drew closer was to be interrogated.
She’d left him alone last night, retiring to her room early, citing ankle soreness after the long trip on the train and coach. But she’d been subdued when he’d picked her up from the station, too, despite her reassurance she was fine.
‘Good morning,’ Ferne said, entering the kitchen as he fed the last orange segments into the juicer. ‘Is that your famous orange, kale and ginger kick-starter?’
‘Of course.’ He handed her the glass he’d already filled. ‘You looked like you needed it last night.’
‘Listening to all the podcasts in the world couldn’t save me from the monotony of that trip.’ She shuddered. ‘Driving is so much better and faster.’
‘You’re here now, and that’s the main thing. You can put your feet up and let me feed you.’ He’d never seen his mother so pale, and while he rarely thought of her as old, she looked exhausted.
‘I’m not an invalid, Cruz. I can take over the admin side of things again while you focus on the restaurant.’
‘That would be a huge help. Thanks.’
‘What else are mums for?’ She smiled, but an emotion he couldn’t identify shifted in her eyes as she sipped her juice.
‘Is everything okay, Mum?’
‘Why do you ask?’ She lowered her glass, having only drunk a quarter when she’d usually finish the juice in a few gulps.
‘You look tired.’
She waggled a finger at him. ‘Never tell a woman that.’
‘I’m not a complete moron.’ He bet El would beg to differ. ‘What’s really going on? Because while I appreciate you coming back to help me, you couldn’t get away from this place fast enough. What’s changed?’
Her eyes lowered to stare at her juice, and when she raised them again to meet his, he glimpsed determination tinged with fear.
‘I want to talk to you about your father.’
‘Next topic, please.’
‘I’m being serious. I hate that I didn’t tell you the truth when I discovered it, and that I left here in a hurry.’ She shook her head. ‘I should’ve told you everything before heading to the city, and I’m so mad that you found out from Roger and not me.’
‘It’s okay. To be honest, it’s the furthest thing from my mind. I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to dwell.’ He snapped his fingers. ‘By the way, your friend Taj hooked me up with his cousin in India as a possible export opportunity, and it could be really lucrative, so thanks for that.’
‘You heard from Taj?’
‘Yeah, sounds like a nice guy. Said he was an old friend of yours and you ran into each other in Melbourne.’
‘That’s true,’ she said, ‘and I’d usually leave it at that, but I also came back here to confront old demons, so in the interest of that, I’ll tell you about Taj.’
Realisation hit. Was Taj an old flame? While Cruz had little interest in hearing about his mum’s past boyfriends, the longer Ferne talked about herself, the more chance he had of dodging any questions about El.
They would come, and it showed exactly how off her game his mum was that she hadn’t asked already.
She took his silence as approval. ‘Taj was my first love, first boyfriend, first real relationship, first man I lived with. He had wanderlust in his blood and survived by doing odd jobs, so after eighteen months, I wanted more, and I dumped him.’ Her face screwed up.
‘I spent the next decade dating sporadically, but no man lived up to Taj. When I met your father in my late thirties, I wanted a child, so I settled.’
Cruz couldn’t hide his shocked expression as she rushed on, ‘Please don’t feel like I’m blaming you for sticking by Mac.
I wanted you with every fibre of my being, and you were my world.
Your father being a shitty husband had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him hiding his sexuality, as we both now know.
Then ten years ago, not long after you left, Taj turned up here as a picker. ’
Uh-oh. If his mum was about to confess a sordid affair, he’d change the subject.
‘Nothing happened between us beyond a kiss, but he asked me to leave with him and I chose to stay.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I was scared to give up my cushy life to follow a nomad.’ The corners of her mouth drooped.
‘Turns out, the joke’s on me, as Taj invested wisely over the years and is richer than me ten times over.
But it wasn’t just about the money. I figured your father might punish me by hurting you, and the only way he could do that was by disinheriting you. ’
Appalled that she’d given up a chance at real happiness because of him, Cruz said, ‘That’s a massive sacrifice to make, Mum, and I can’t help but feel guilty you stuck with Dad because of me.’
‘Please don’t feel guilty. I made my choice and I’d do it again. But I wanted you to know, because I’m done hiding things from you. From now on, it’s full transparency, and that’s why I told you about Taj, because he recently asked me to move in with him.’
Worried by his mum’s speed in moving on, he said, ‘That’s fast.’
‘Which is why I said no.’
His relief was short-lived when Ferne added, ‘But I’m re-evaluating that stance. I said some awful things to Taj, so I’m not sure if he’ll even want me back, but I’d like to try to make a go of a relationship because I’m seventy and deserve some happiness in what’s left of my life.’
Cruz couldn’t fault her logic, but after all she’d been through, he hoped his mum wasn’t settling again. ‘I’m not a romantic and far too cynical for my age, Mum, but do you think you might be considering such a momentous step because you’re craving security again?’
She shook her head. ‘Taj is so much more than security to me. Not many people get a second chance with their first love, and while I don’t believe in fate, having him reappear in my life at a time when I’m ready to move on is too good an opportunity to pass up.
’ She became animated as she talked about Taj, her eyes lighting up in a way he’d never seen her around his father.
‘Though all this could be moot after the way I hurt him. Not my finest moment.’
‘We all make mistakes, Mum.’
‘None that can’t be rectified, hopefully.’ She hesitated, before saying, ‘I think I’ll see Roger while I’m here.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he must be grieving. You and I aren’t. Am I right?’
He nodded. ‘I’m not a hypocrite and can’t pretend to care that a man I hardly knew is dead.’
‘Exactly. But I assume, from what you told me, that not only is Roger grieving, but he’s probably harbouring guilt at what he did to our family, and I want to reassure him that we’re okay.’
‘Are you going to mention Jesse?’
‘No. The poor man is suffering enough.’ She shrugged. ‘Besides, Roger isn’t the man I’m mad at. That honour belongs to your father.’
His mother’s answer to his next question wouldn’t change anything, but he had to know. ‘Did you have any inkling?’
‘None. Then again, even if I’d had any suspicion, I probably would’ve ignored it because I didn’t care enough about him. Does that make me a bad person?’
‘No, because we make the best of a situation.’ Cruz moved around the island bench to clasp her hands. ‘I’m just glad you get a chance to start fresh. And you’re right, if you have the smallest chance at happiness, you should grab it.’
Tears shimmered in her eyes and she blinked them away. ‘Speaking about happiness, I’m sure I didn’t imagine the spark between you and Elora before I left. How is she?’
‘Gone.’ He released Ferne’s hands and retreated behind the island bench again. ‘She’s back in Melbourne, working remotely on the restaurant campaign.’
‘You hired her for that too?’
‘Yeah, she did a great job promoting the farm.’
‘Even with that viral video you must’ve hated?’
‘That video has propelled us into the black, with a healthy profit margin for the year ahead, so yeah, I was okay with it once I calmed down.’
‘And nothing romantic happened between you?’
Cruz had no intention of playing twenty questions with his mum. He missed El enough without rehashing every reason why.
‘It’s called a private life for a reason, Mum.’ He made a zipping motion over his lips. ‘Now, as much as I’ve loved our chat, I’ve got a pop-up restaurant soft launch in three days and I’m swamped.’
‘Noted,’ she said, but he didn’t trust the gleam in her eyes. ‘Just let me know what you want me to do and I’ll get out of your way.’
Grateful to have her here despite his fierce independent streak, Cruz outlined the tasks Ferne could help with.
The soft launch would be a good way to get a feel for how things would operate without the pressure of paying customers.
He’d invited Kyle, Thommo, Robbo and Bindi—he initially thought she’d be serving as practice for when they opened, but decided she needed a treat—and a few others.
He’d toyed with inviting Roger, too, and would mention it to his mum before she caught up with him.
There would be eleven guests and he could easily serve that many without the need for a waitress.
He planned on having a buffet-style meal, where the guests could help themselves to entrees, mains and desserts.
Low key and simple, because ultimately, he wanted their feedback about taste and portions, and anything he could improve on.
He hadn’t been this excited about cooking in a long time and he had El to thank for it.
Which is why he hoped the twelfth seat at the table would be filled, but the likelihood of that would be as remote as him earning a Michelin star.