Chapter Twenty-Three
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Mira
The trembling started when I was out of Emperor Kalias’s view, growing worse as a Warrior escorted me through the massing crowds.
I had the impression of steps, of people, of bright colours flashing in the afternoon sun. All of it was wrong. Too loud, too vivid, too jarring. It pressed in on me – threatening to suffocate me.
My mother is dead . The words encircled my mind, a constant loop. They still didn’t feel entirely real.
But they were real. Celeste would never smile at me again. Never wrap her arms around me and hold me close. The sound of her laughter would become just another memory – until that, too, was forgotten.
‘Keep moving.’ Rough hands pushed me forward.
I followed the directive on unsteady legs. My eyes were blurry – probably with tears – but I kept my gaze fixed on the entrance to the arena. Everything would be better when I reached that obsidian arch. When I left the crowds and the memories behind.
But Ravalians swarmed against me, their bodies caging me in. A prison of heat and muscle and sneering faces.
And amongst them—
My heart seized as I recognised Nikolas speaking to a girl with white-blonde hair. Blood rushed in my ears, blocking out the sound of her purring laughter.
Laughter – after my mother had been murdered. And the others, all my age, all dressed in fitted black leather . . . the rest of the candidates. My competition.
They had been watching, I realised. They had seen —
I lurched to the side and hurled my guts up.
There was a disgusted sound – some noblewoman, probably, worried about sullying her expensive shoes – but I was shaking too hard to care. I felt like I was about to shake apart, and even the new bubble of space around me gave me no relief.
Calloused hands took hold of my shoulders. The Warrior’s breath was hot on my face as he issued instructions. His words meant nothing to me. My eyes were on his sword, glinting faintly in the sunlight.
Maybe I should have let Roran end it. I didn’t know if I could endure this.
‘Get up.’ The Warrior’s order was hard, uncompromising. ‘Get up now, or—’
‘Don’t touch her.’
A familiar figure pushed his way through the crowd, his brown eyes burning.
A Warrior moved to intercept him, and I tried to force my uncooperative body to stand. My breath came in shallow gasps as I imagined Aric being clapped in irons and dragged away, perhaps to the cell I had just vacated—
‘Let him through.’ The cool voice spoke with unmistakable authority, a perfect match to his slow, strolling footsteps. ‘Give them a moment, and then take the girl to the palace. Emperor Kalias has organised accommodations for her there.’
I wanted to see who was speaking, but another wave of nausea swept through me. This time, the hands on my shoulders were warm and comforting. And then there was a familiar voice at my ear, murmuring my name. Telling me to breathe .
I can’t. I wasn’t sure if I thought it or said it out loud, but Aric’s grip tightened in understanding.
‘You can, Mira,’ he said. He squeezed my palm and held it against his chest, allowing his heartbeat to reverberate through us both.
I kept my eyes shut, focusing on the rhythm until I felt steadier, too. Still shaky, but no longer in danger of falling apart.
‘Listen to me.’ Aric’s voice was low and urgent. ‘When the Warriors escort you from the arena, you need to seem cool and unaffected. The candidates will be watching, and that’s the image they need to see. No trace of weakness, do you understand? You can’t afford it. Not here. Not now .’
A different kind of hopelessness engulfed me. ‘They’ve already seen—’
‘They’ve seen nothing .’ His words were fierce. ‘Now stand up. Shoulders thrown back, chin high.’
As my trainer, Aric had given me plenty of guidance over the years – lessons on how to hold a blade, exercises to build muscle, advice on strategy. Years of following those instructions allowed me to follow them now.
‘Good,’ Aric said, but the way he looked at me – the tenderness in his gaze—
I leant into him as he took my face in his hands, and for a moment it was just us in the near-empty arena, breathing the same air.
I braced myself for what came next – his questions and condolences, the pain of reliving my mother’s execution, but instead Aric rested his forehead against mine. In that gesture, I felt all the fear and sadness and affection he was battling down even now. Knowing that now wasn’t the moment to give voice to them.
When he pulled back to look at me, his eyes were brighter than before – filled with a smouldering intensity that made my heart stutter. Aric’s lips crashed down on mine a second before the Warriors took hold of my arms.
‘You can survive whatever they throw at you, Mira,’ he shouted as we were prised apart. ‘We both can. Together .’
Despite his assurances, there was something frantic about the way he strained against my guards, his eyes drinking me in—
As if he might not get another chance.
A cell would have been better.
Anything would have been better than this – this mockery of luxury. I could feel the emperor’s hand in these chambers: every tessellated tile, every glint of marble and gleam of gold laughing at me.
When I didn’t move, the Warriors pushed me forward – through a set of bronze doors and into a receiving room dominated by paintings of Ravalian domestic life. The doors shut behind me with a ringing thud.
Trapped. As easily as that.
I took in my new prison with wary eyes. Blinding – it was absolutely blinding, everything decorated with gold and upholstered in rich shades of crimson. Despite the high ceiling and ridiculous amount of space, I had never felt more penned in.
Look, the opulence screamed. Look at the life you might have had. The life I took from you.
Three attendants rushed to meet me, unnaturally pristine in their white uniforms.
One of them raised a hand to her mouth – then turned and dashed for the bronze doors, unable to face the task ahead of her. Or maybe just unable to face me .
I knew what I must look like, splattered with red – like a monster rather than a girl. But that was fine with me. Mira Tundra had died with her mother, and when I’d walked out of that arena, I’d made the choice to leave her behind for good. All that was left was numbness. A void that could only be filled by vengeance – vengeance that would drive me forward.
And I was glad of it.
The Trials were supposed to begin tomorrow, but for me, they’d already started. Which meant I needed to cling to that numbness with everything I had. If it faltered, I would too.
‘Come,’ the senior of the two attendants said, her voice clipped. The other girl didn’t so much as meet my eyes.
They led me underneath imposing arches that reminded me of the arena, and as they did, I caught glimpses of other rooms: a dining space complete with over a dozen chairs, a study with a mahogany desk, and a bedchamber dominated by a canopied bed, which extended into an adjoining bathing room.
The doors to the balcony were flung open, sunlight streaming in along with the floral scent of the gardens. It was painfully beautiful. Idyllic.
It hurt my eyes just to look at it.
I’d passed the other Trial candidates on my way here, gathered outside the three buildings reserved for the Orders. They had gone quiet at the sight of me, and I had understood then. Why the Warriors had taken that route through the grounds – and why the emperor had given me rooms in the palace.
This was just another opportunity for him to alienate me from the other candidates. Another way of making the citizens of Ravalia resent me.
My attendants were no exception.
They bathed me efficiently, not speaking a word. Their eyes didn’t stray towards mine, and their hands didn’t brush my skin for a second longer than necessary. They might as well have been preparing a corpse for burial.
It took them over an hour to make me presentable enough to meet the emperor – to remove every trace of my mother’s blood, to apply cosmetics to my face and rub oils into my skin. I shut off my mind and let my body go limp, allowing them to do whatever they wished. Instead of being grateful for my compliance, they seemed increasingly unnerved. Their relief was almost palpable as they shifted me to the bedchamber and reached for—
‘Not the dress.’ It was the first I’d spoken since leaving the arena, and the words came out harsh and clipped.
The attendants exchanged a glance. ‘Emperor Kalias chose it for you. It would be an insult to refuse.’
‘I’m not wearing that,’ I said when one of them brought the gown forward. It was soft and light, virginal – a perfect match to my chambers, with their pale walls, gauzy curtains and woven floor rugs. A dress and chambers selected for a delicate, ornamental princess.
A princess who would die quickly.
‘But it’s an honour,’ one of the attendants protested. ‘You will look beautiful.’
‘I will look weak ,’ I corrected.
The two attendants hesitated, exchanging another nervous glance. But at least they were paying attention to me now.
‘This is how it’s going to be.’ It was an effort to force cool command into my voice, to try and pretend to be something other than the empty shell I was inside. ‘Get rid of that dress and find me something else. I’m competing in the Trials, and I want to look like it.’
The attendants hesitated but conceded, their white-and-gold uniforms winking at me as they rushed back through the suite of rooms. When they returned, they brought exactly what I’d asked for.
I dismissed them curtly and dressed myself.
When I was done, even I was intimidated by the young woman in the mirror. The form-fitting leather hardened me, making me look like I was about to charge into battle.
‘Black suits you.’
I spun around to see a young man standing in my bedchamber, as if he had every right to be there. His eyes were a deep, hypnotic blue – the same relentless, all-consuming blue as the Tempest Sea – and utterly ruthless.
I folded my arms. ‘Who exactly are you?’
‘Call me Cassius,’ he said, running a hand casually through his golden-blond hair.
It didn’t escape my notice that he’d only told me his name, and not his title. I cast an eye over his pristine ebony tunic, with its silver trim and distinctive high collar. He must have been a noble, for he was too finely dressed to be anything else. And yet, despite his refined appearance, there was something nonchalant about him – a kind of irreverent charm I didn’t trust.
‘You burn with it,’ he continued idly.
‘Pardon?’
‘The anger,’ he said, moving closer. ‘I was watching you, in the arena. It smouldered in your eyes, just like it does now.’
The arena . He mentioned it so casually, like it was nothing. I stared up into his perfect face, wanting to claw at it with my nails.
‘ There it is,’ he said, sounding satisfied. ‘Let me give you some advice – if you want to survive in this court, you’re going to have to hide your emotions.’
I said nothing. If I tried to speak, I might lose control. I might do something very unwise.
Cassius’s lips quirked into something not quite a smile. ‘Try not to be too obvious in your hatred when you’re introduced to the emperor,’ he said, extending his arm.
I hesitated but begrudgingly took it. Two Warriors followed as we walked along the hallway, though neither of us acknowledged them. Whether they were there for Cassius’s protection or to keep me in line, I didn’t know and didn’t care.
We continued down the grand staircase, passing beneath candlelit chandeliers as we descended three opulent levels. Just like in my chambers, the mosaic floors and painted walls depicted scenes of Ravalian life, only these scenes were far from domestic: black-garbed Warriors charged into battle astride hulking stallions, while red and gold soldiers cut down their opponents on the battlefield.
Cassius must have noticed my interest because he murmured, ‘Impressive, aren’t they?’
If circumstances had been different, I might have found the paintings impressive. Instead, I found them monstrous. Sickening.
‘You’re welcome, by the way,’ he said offhandedly. ‘For intervening with those Warriors.’
It took me a second to put it together. To remember that cool, cultured voice, instructing the Warriors to stand down.
‘Why did you?’
Cassius paused on the ground floor, and I realised that I had stopped walking. The candlelight played across his golden hair and fine-boned face and, for the first time, I allowed myself to notice how handsome he was. The kind of handsome that had the power to rob you of breath or thought.
‘Few people stand up to the emperor the way you did,’ he said at last, his voice soft. ‘Perhaps I felt that such bravery should be rewarded.’
I dropped my hand from his arm, stepping back from that penetrating blue stare. ‘Somehow, I don’t think that’s it.’
‘Fine,’ Cassius said, amusement thick in his voice. ‘You want the truth? I liked the stir you caused amongst the court. It was about time someone shook them up. But then, when I sought you out, you were about to ruin it all.’
My brows drew together.
‘You were seconds away from breaking – in a very public setting.’ His sensuous lips twitched into another half-smile. ‘I thought it would be a shame to destroy such a wonderfully intimidating first impression.’
He continued down the entrance hallway, forcing me to hurry to keep up with his longer stride. Before I could say anything else, the Warriors opened a set of towering doors. The throne room was so large that I had to pause to take it in: a cathedral-like space, with a high, vaulted ceiling and imposing black marble pillars. Crimson tapestries formed a backdrop to the raised dais, where an enormous stone throne loomed over the gathered courtiers. Though the throne was clearly intended to be intimidating, it was nothing compared to its occupant.
Emperor Kalias, ruler of the Ravalian Empire.
And my mother’s murderer.
‘You go alone from here,’ Cassius told me with disconcerting casualness. ‘I don’t have much patience for these sorts of things.’ His striking eyes slid to mine. ‘I daresay the feeling is mutual.’
I turned to face him. I didn’t trust Cassius, but suddenly I didn’t want him to leave.
‘What’s going to happen when I go in there?’
Cassius considered me for a moment. ‘It won’t be needlessly dramatic,’ he replied. ‘The emperor can hardly execute you now. He’ll meet you and introduce you to the posturing fools inside.’
I stared at him in surprise. ‘That’s . . .’
‘Treasonous?’ Cassius flashed me a smile. His teeth were very white against his black clothes. ‘Feel free to report me.’
‘And who, exactly, would I be reporting?’
‘You’ll find out soon enough,’ he said, walking away. His smooth voice carried over his shoulder: ‘I do hope you survive, Kasmira Volaris.’
I opened my mouth to respond, but I was already being announced. Every face turned towards the entrance in unison, like puppets connected to the same string.
Almost automatically, I took a step forward. Each step was slow and deliberate, in time with the beat of my heart. Blood roared in my ears, drowning out everything else. Everything but him.
Emperor Kalias watched me as I approached, walking between the row of giant gold candelabras. The closer I came, the more imposing he was. He had handsome features, but they were outweighed by the cruel twist to his lips, the apathy in his sculptured face. There was no humanity about him.
This was the emperor I’d spent so long wanting to serve? This was the ruler I’d learnt about in school, who was revered across the Ravalian Empire?
His hard grey eyes bored into mine – as if he was daring me to look away.
I didn’t. As I moved closer, I didn’t back down an inch.
I remembered the callous dip of his head in the arena, the gesture that had cost my mother her life. This man didn’t deserve my respect. And I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me cowed.
‘Princess,’ he said. It sounded less like a title and more like an insult. This man wanted me gone. And Emperor Kalias was used to getting his way.
I don’t care what you want, I thought back at him. You can try to kill me all you like, but I’ll find a way to survive. And one day – in a month, a year, even a decade from now – I will make you pay for what you did.
I will make you bleed, like you made her bleed.
I smiled. ‘Your Majesty.’
Emperor Kalias leant back on his throne, his expression calculating. ‘I chose to spare you,’ he said, ‘but that doesn’t make you one of us. Which country are you loyal to, Princess? Ravalia or Kalure? Because you can’t be loyal to both.’
Silence fell over the gathering. Everyone was watching me, waiting eagerly for my answer.
An answer I didn’t have.
I couldn’t have felt more removed from the girl I had been. As for the girl I was supposed to be – the hidden identity that had nearly gotten me killed – she was a stranger.
Kasmira Volaris . It was entirely alien to me. And so was Kalure.
How was I supposed to feel a sense of loyalty towards a people I’d never met? To love a place that I’d never seen?
As my pause grew longer, so did the emperor’s satisfaction. I realised that he had asked me this question deliberately, to weaken me in the eyes of his court. To allow my hesitation to damn me.
I forced myself to meet the emperor’s stare. In a carefully neutral tone I said, ‘I’ve lived my whole life in the Ravalian Empire. It’s my home.’
Emperor Kalias searched my face for a lie. He wouldn’t find one.
‘Yes.’ The emperor was smiling. ‘I suppose it is.’ He watched me for a moment longer before clapping his hands together and addressing the crowd. ‘Either way, we’ll find out soon enough what you are. For the final stage of the Choosing is already underway.’
He sounded far too pleased by this, and I was filled with trepidation. What did he mean? I’d already been accepted into the Trials.
The emperor must have noticed my confusion, because his smile widened. ‘You may think you have an automatic right to compete for a place in my Orders,’ he told me, ‘but you don’t. The heads of my Orders will decide if they want you .’
And with a callous wave of his hand, I was dismissed.