Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kim
Kim remembers the first time she had sex with a woman. Cheri: older, wiser, an aerobics instructor—what a cliché that is—given to seducing baby lesbians feeling their way out into a queer world.
Cheri was a giver, and she made Kim’s first time incredible. Special. Of course Kim fell a little in love with her, but that wasn’t Cheri’s thing. She let Kim down in the kindest of ways.
Kim has never forgotten Cheri, and she swore that if she was lucky enough to be another woman’s first, she’d make it as incredible as it had been for her.
And now she has.
Danika lies beside her, sated after a long evening.
They kissed, caressed with the slowest of intentions, and Kim guided Danika’s fingers, and showed her what she liked with verbal cues and gasps, until she came sweetly under Danika’s touch.
Then there was more. Another orgasm for Danika as Kim went down on her, learning her taste, teasing then licking steadily until, in only a couple of minutes, Danika came, soaking Kim’s mouth and chin with her moisture.
Danika brought Kim to another climax with her fingers before the need to pee, for water, for sleep claimed them both.
It’s the morning that Kim worries about. True, there was alcohol. Kim checked in often that this was what Danika wanted. And yes, Danika had been loud in her pleasure. Even so, Kim worries.
Will Danika say it was all a mistake? A wonderful time that can never happen again? Will she be embarrassed, concerned about Cami should they continue what they started? Or will the whole weirdness of her husband’s other wife swamp her in its complexity?
Kim turns on her side, wraps an arm around Danika’s waist.
Danika sighs in her sleep and shifts closer, her hair tickling Kim’s face.
She can deal with most of Danika’s concerns, she hopes, except the last one. If after all Chris comes between them, well that’s an unknown.
Kim has wondered if her attraction to Danika is in some way getting back at Chris.
Stupid, as he is now ashes dissolving into the forest floor in the Dandenong Ranges and there is no getting back to be done.
But in some twisted way, is she proving that she could have what Chris had?
That she is better than him not only morally, but sexually too?
How fucked up is that?
She doesn’t think that’s the reason, though. Under what sun does that even make sense? There is no getting back at a dead person. And even if there was, surely being alive, enjoying her life regardless of the wrong he did to her, is the best revenge?
She presses a kiss to Danika’s shoulder and tries to calm her mind enough to sleep.
Kim wakes first in the morning. The autumn light filters through the curtains, and the muted rumble of traffic reaches her. She turns her head to look at the bedside clock. Nearly seven.
Quietly, so as not to disturb Danika, she gets out of bed and collects her clothes to dress in the bathroom. If this morning is going to be awkward, it would be better to be civilised and awkward while fully dressed with a coffee in hand.
It’s nearly an hour later before Danika appears. Kim has made a batch of veggie muffins, and pulling them out of the oven gives her something to do with her hands, and somewhere to look that isn’t at Danika.
“Hi.”
Kim turns from the oven and sees Danika framed in the doorway.
Her hair and clothes are mussed, but she looks rested.
She scans Danika’s face for signs of wariness, discomfort, upset.
But Danika looks relaxed. A pink flush stains her cheeks, and she meets Kim’s eyes before glancing at the bench. “Is that coffee?”
“It is.” Kim flicks the switch on the coffee machine and pulls down another mug. She busies herself making Danika the perfect latte, frothing the milk for too long because it’s impossible to talk above the noise.
When she slides the mug across to Danika, she finally meets her eyes. “How are you this morning?”
Danika’s lips quirk up. “Fine. I’m fine. I haven’t sunk into an OMG-what-have-I-done funk.” She stares down at her mug. “Not yet, anyhow.”
The bands around Kim’s chest loosen a little. So far, so good, one small step for Danika. Or was it a giant step? “It was an amazing night for me, Danika. By any standards.”
“Me too.” Danika directs her soft admission at her coffee. She looks up, leans forward, and cradles her mug. “It was…” She shakes her head. “I’m not coherent enough yet to have the words for it. The superlatives for how good it was.”
“If you’re saying ‘superlative’ before you’ve had coffee, then you’re plenty coherent to me.” She comes around the bench, strokes Danika’s hair back from her face, leans in for a kiss.
Danika pecks, pulls away. “I haven’t brushed my teeth. I woke, saw you were already up and came to find you. If you are the one with doubts, then I want to know sooner rather than later.” One shoulder lifts. “Before teeth, before a shower.”
“But not before coffee.”
“Before coffee, too.” Danika lifts the mug to her lips. “First sip.”
“I’m flattered.” Kim waits until the mug is back on the counter before she wraps her arms around Danika’s waist, and leans in. “Now kiss me properly.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” But Danika kisses her back, lips moving softly on Kim’s own.
“What would you normally do on a Sunday morning?” Kim asks. It’s more to make conversation, to stop this turning awkward, because she already knows. For a normal Sunday, anyway.
Is this normal?
“You mean on a normal Sunday when I haven’t just slept with a friend?
Cami and I have a big breakfast. She gets to choose what, so there’s usually hash browns, baked beans, and bacon.
Then we do chores—Cami gets her school things organised, makes sure there are no shocks about no clean clothes on Monday morning—”
“So you do laundry then.” Kim nods. “Our house too. Bella is incapable of putting her school uniform in the laundry bag on a Friday. She always needs that Sunday morning reminder.”
“Yes, always that. Then, once the house is tidy-ish, we go out and do something fun for the afternoon. Or play board games, or watch a soccer match on TV. Mum-and-Cami time.”
“Sounds like what we do here,” Kim says. “We don’t have to pick up the girls until after lunch. What shall we do?”
Danika’s eyes darken, her pupils wide and dark. “I know what I want to do. But I’m also starving. So I’m thinking breakfast.”
“And then?”
“A shower. Together. And then maybe you can think of something we can do together. Naked.” She holds Kim’s eyes. “I keep thinking of how you went down on me, and you knew…everything. Gave me everything. I want to do that for you.”
A smoky thrill shafts through Kim’s belly, and she imagines Danika’s face between her thighs, her eyes flicking up to meet Kim’s as she lowers her head again, puts her mouth to Kim. “Only if you’re comfortable with that.”
“Guess I’ll find out.” Danika raises the coffee mug to her mouth, and her eyes flick up impishly to meet Kim’s, exactly as she’d just imagined.
She takes a deep breath as her body leaps to life again. Last night should have doused it for a while—orgasms, tenderness, closeness, all with someone she’s so comfortable with, already cares deeply for. But with Danika’s words, Kim’s instantly aroused, instantly consumed with the visual.
“Are you sure you want breakfast first?”
Danika nods. “I do. Can’t let our blood sugar drop too much, or we’ll run out of energy. We can’t live on coffee and…love alone.” She smiles.
Kim pretends not to notice the hesitation. It’s an expression, she tells herself. Danika doesn’t mean anything in particular by it.
She pulls the frying pan from the overhead rack. “I can do hash browns and beans. How about poached eggs instead of the bacon?”
“That sounds just about perfect.”
And it is.
Breakfast feeds Kim’s stomach, and the sex that follows feeds her soul. There are slow caresses, kisses that linger, turning from languorous and sensual to hot and heavy. Kim learns more about what Danika likes. She loves her nipples being played with, and when Kim uses her teeth, lightly scraping.
And Danika makes good on her promise to go down on Kim. She expected her to be tentative, but there is no hesitation as she parts Kim’s thighs, explores with fingers, then puts her mouth there and retraces her explorations with her tongue.
Kim’s clit has never been so hard, so engorged, and her release, when it comes, lifts her hips from the bed, sends a pounding pulse into her head. She forgets to breathe through her shuddering orgasm, only taking a sharp breath when Danika pinches the inside of her thigh.
Afterwards, they lie together again, already sweaty despite their earlier shower. The sun now shines fully into the room.
Kim is enjoying the feel, enjoying the relaxation. Will it last?
With a jolt, she remembers her mother’s words.
She and Danika need to talk, clear the air…
or will it push yet more complications into their world?
The latter more like. Last night, when Danika said she wanted to kiss her, Kim had hesitated.
Oh, she’d wanted that more than she wanted her next breath, but everything that should be said first had swirled between them in a haze of potential misunderstanding.
Had it been wrong of her to push that aside, suppress it so that they could become closer? It probably was, she acknowledges, but they are now lovers, and maybe the conversation will be easier with this extra layer between them.
She snorts. Who is she kidding? Danika might think Kim has taken advantage of her, waiting to raise it until now. She goes still and cold. Is that what she did? Maybe. Well, yes. But not deliberately. She’d wanted Danika last night, and Danika had wanted her. Is that so wrong?
And now, they’ve compounded it by falling back into bed again. Into complicating their situation still further.
Kim takes deep breaths, trying not to spiral into a frenzy of what-ifs, and the mess she’s made for herself. They don’t have a future path mapped in stone. They both care for each other; that is obvious. Hopefully, that caring, those feelings, will get them through this.
She turns her head and looks at Danika. She’s lying there, eyes on the ceiling. Is she, too, wondering? She, too, said there are things to talk about, but right now, those things are still unsaid. Kim pinches the bridge of her nose.
And suddenly, she’s overwhelmed. Everything cloudy between them becomes a wall they either have to demolish or let stand.
And if it stands, well, things will never be right.
Secrets always come out. Resentment always festers.
If Kim ignores her mother’s advice, if too much time passes to act, then what will Bella say in the future? Will she feel cheated by her mum?
Kim wouldn’t blame her.
She turns her head and sees Danika’s trembling lip. Her arms are at her sides, fists clenched.
Danika, too, is spiralling.
“Are you okay?” She pushes aside her own worry and turns to Danika. “Talk to me. Please.”
Danika won’t meet her eyes, and she draws a shuddering breath.
With a sense of finality, Kim waits for her words.
“I can’t do this right now.” Danika sits up.
“I can’t lie here, having loved you, after such a perfect night, and pretend that everything is right between us, much as I want it to be.
Last night was for talking, not for lovemaking.
We had one job to do, and we didn’t do it.
” She swings her legs out of bed, sits on the edge, and puts her head in her hands, raking through her hair.
Kim sits up as well, next to her on the edge. Tentatively, she puts a hand around Danika’s shoulders. “Talk to me now. We’ll both talk.” She bites her lip.
Danika raises her head and stares at her. Her eyes swim with tears. “I’m trying. I know we need to—I need to—but I don’t know how to start. I thought after last night maybe it would be easier. Ha!”
Her mirthless laugh chills Kim, and her limbs feel stiff, frozen. It sounds like a breakup speech, one postponed until another day, but a breakup all the same. “Are you dumping me?”
Danika’s gaze flicks away. “I’m not, no. But after we’ve talked, there’s every chance you’ll distance yourself.”
Kim stares, confused. “Why?”
“That’s what I’m trying…to tell you.” Danika’s voice trembles.
“We can work through this together.” The hammering in her mind intensifies.
Danika is silent, but her shoulders are rigid under Kim’s arm.
“Suze isn’t expecting us to collect the girls until lunchtime,” Kim finally says. “We have at least three hours.”
Danika ducks out from under Kim’s arm and stands. “You’re right.” Her glance collides with Kim’s then slides away. “I need a shower. Again. But then, we’ll talk.”