Chapter 28
ELIZA
By the time we got back to the townhouse, a quiet had settled between us that felt wrong. Stretched too thin.
I’d had fun with his brother and Kate, but Jesse had spent most of the night talking to Nate in low tones or not saying anything at all. Kate had filled his silences effortlessly, but as I closed the front door behind us, I’d had enough.
Jesse shrugged out of his jacket so slowly, it was like he was trying to give himself something to do that wasn’t looking at me or even acknowledging my existence. Meanwhile, I was standing only a few feet away, feeling like I was either unraveling or losing my ever-loving mind.
“Okay,” I said before I could lose my nerve. “I need to ask you something.”
He stilled for half a second, the lack of movement so subtle that most people wouldn’t have noticed, but I did. When he turned to face me, his features were also just a touch too smooth. “That sounds ominous.”
“It’s not,” I said, then shook my head. “Actually, it is. A bit. Or it might be.”
I thought he might crack a smile, but his lips didn’t even twitch. “Okay. I’m listening. Go on.”
“You’ve been off all day. Longer than that, actually.
” He didn’t interrupt, just watching me and obviously waiting for the question.
“You’ve been doing that thing people do when they answer questions without actually answering them.
You’ve been disappearing into your own head in the middle of conversations. It’s odd.”
“Thank you,” he said dryly.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
“Jesse—” As soon as I said his name, there it was again, that flicker that was gone almost as quickly as it had come. I inhaled a long, slow breath as nerves knotted in my stomach. “Are you having second thoughts about this? About us?”
He didn’t answer immediately, looking at me like I’d asked a far more complicated question than I actually had. “This was never going to be simple, Eliza.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“No, it’s not, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”
Frustration flared from deep within my being, hot, sharp, and sudden, clashing with the worry, vulnerability, and uncertainty that had been roiling around in my bloodstream all day. “Then give me one, Jesse. Give me a bloody answer.”
He exhaled through his nose, his gaze shifting briefly past me before coming back, more focused this time. A lot more intense too. “It’s not about second thoughts.”
“Then what is it about?”
His jaw tightened, like the words were fighting him on the way out. “It’s about me.”
“You?”
“Yes, me.”
I let out a small, disbelieving laugh. “Just last night, you said that you wanted me.”
“This has nothing to do with that either.”
“Right,” I said, nodding even though I didn’t understand. “Of course. You said that you wanted me, so that should be enough. Is that it? You think you can behave however you want and I just have to know that you’re going through with this? That we’re actually building something here?”
“It’s not that I—”
“Is it me?” I cut in, the question slipping out before I could stop it. “Is that what it is? Because if you’ve realized I’m not what you want after all, that’s fine. I’d just prefer you say it instead of doing whatever it is you’ve been doing since we got back.”
His head snapped slightly, like I’d said something offensive. A knot suddenly formed at the back of his jaw. “Yeah. No. That’s not it.”
“Then what?” My voice wavered despite my best efforts to keep it steady. “I can’t keep guessing, Jesse. You’re being so cryptic and I won’t beg you to—”
“You are the problem, Eliza.”
The words landed like a physical blow to my heart. I felt like a knight of old that had taken a lance directly to his chest.
As I felt the color draining from my cheeks, Jesse suddenly spoke again. “Just not in the way you think.”
He took a step closer, then another. Meanwhile, I was reeling, so confused now that I could barely think straight. Underneath it all, the familiar sting of hurt was spreading through my veins.
“You’re under my skin,” he said, quieter now. “You’re constantly in my head. Everything I do, everything I think, it all seems to circle back to you.”
My breath caught and I blinked hard. “I thought you just said—”
“It’s not supposed to happen. Not like this.
Not this fast.” He took another step closer, the expression in those clear blue eyes one of complete, devastating agony as he held my gaze.
“I know I’m not supposed to feel the way I do, so I’m not having second thoughts, Eliza.
I’m just struggling with the fact that the biggest problem I’ve got right now is living under my roof. ”
Something fragile and hopeful unfurled in my chest like a brand new banner, beautiful but too delicate for the storm it was about to face.
Because I could see it in his eyes that he wasn’t going to make this easy for us.
For whatever reason, he believed that developing feelings for me was wrong and he wasn’t just going to change his mind.
“I didn’t plan for it either,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “I had no intention of falling for you. It wasn’t part of our arrangement and yet I feel like I’ve known you all my life. I feel like we were always meant to be. We could be happy, Jesse.”
“You don’t know me,” he said suddenly, his voice laced with a strange, dark kind of poison I didn’t understand. “You have no idea who I am. You might think you do, but you don’t.”
The abrupt shift in him caught me off guard, but it was clear that he believed that fervently. It seemed this man had invisible buttons and I kept inadvertently pushing them.
I lifted my chin, stepping closer to him until my chest was brushing against his on every agitated inhale. “Fine. I can see that I’m not going to get through to you this way, so then show me.”
“Show you what?”
“Show me who you are,” I said, reaching for his face and cupping it between my hands.
I searched his gaze. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, but I don’t want to be the problem living under your roof.
So if you think that I couldn’t possibly return your feelings because I don’t know who you are, then let’s get it out of the way. ”
For a second, neither of us moved, but I could feel the tension in his jaw. Sense his hesitation. So I leaned into him, my eyes still locked firmly on his. “Show me, Mr. Westwood. What kind of man are you? Do you fight for what you want or do you get in your own way?”
I pushed up on my tiptoes then, stroking my fingers through his hair and pressing my mouth to his. Perhaps I had grown up in the quiet countryside, but I was no pushover. I wasn’t afraid of working hard for what I wanted, and once I had it, I fought tooth and nail to keep it.
Dear Jesse was about to learn that. No matter what, I was about to have my answer.
When he didn’t move or kiss me back at first, I thought that was it.
That whatever was rattling around that mysterious brain of his would prevent him from acting on his desires.
I was almost disappointed until his arms suddenly locked around me and he lifted me against him, parting his lips to kiss me back. He carried me down the hall.
There was a wild edge to his kisses tonight, however, a slightly frantic energy that sent my pulse skittering.
He dropped me on his bed once more. It wasn’t gentle tonight, though.
He pulled his shirt off over his head without going through the torturously slow rigmarole of unbuttoning tonight.
His hands seemed a bit unsteady, shaking a little as he dropped his shirt and got to work on his trousers.
It took him less than ten seconds to shed everything he’d had on, standing naked before me only moments later. My lips parted, my gaze dropping without permission to his throbbing manhood.
Oh, sod it. The contemporary phrasing is so much better anyhow.
Jesse’s cock was fully erect, larger than I’d anticipated with a drop of wetness beading at the tip. He groaned when my eyes lingered for a second. Then he was on the bed with me, his mouth crashing back into mine for a kiss that left me soaked and panting.
“You want to know what kind of man I am?” he ground out as he sat back on his heels to lift my dress over my head.
I glanced into his eyes, my fingers in his hair desperately trying to pull him back to me. “Yes.”
“I’m going to make you scream tonight, Lady Elizabeth,” he rasped as he dropped the dress carelessly beside the bed. “I’m going to conveniently forget all about how proper and polite you are and show you exactly what I’ve been dreaming about for so fucking long.”
My heart lurched. “Please.”
His hands circled around my back and unsnapped my bra. Then his fingers hooked into my panties and dragged them off. I was still wearing my heels, but he glanced at them before a slow smirk spread on his lips.
“Those can stay on.” With that, he advanced on me, making me lie back on the bed as he crawled over me. Then his lips were back on mine and it occurred to me that he might’ve been right. Perhaps I didn’t know who he was, but asking him to show me had been a fantastic idea.
He didn’t seem to have any qualms tonight, his hands confident as they explored every inch of my bare skin, one of them finally sliding between my legs. A low moan came out of him when he felt how wet I was. His fingers spread me apart and glided lower, to my entrance.
“God, you’re a dream come true,” he murmured between fiery kisses. “Get on your knees for me, baby.”
“My, my,” I teased breathlessly, so very turned on but also just happy that he finally seemed to be unraveling a little bit too. “You’re a wild one tonight, aren’t you?”
“Do I need get a gag, or are you going to be a good girl and get on your knees for me?”
My eyes flew open, my clit lighting up like a homing beacon. Well, that’s unexpected, but alright.
“Oh, you like that,” he groaned, finally pulling his hand back to help me when he seemed to realize that I wasn’t obeying his command not because I didn’t want to, but because I was stunned.
“I should’ve known you were going to be into all the naughty stuff.
I looked up some of those books you read. ”
Surprise smacked into me as he rolled me onto my front and hooked his arm under my belly, helping me lift my bum. “You did?”
“Of course. It was part of my research about who you are.”
My heart started racing once he had me in position. I felt him leave the bed, then heard a drawer open, but it was all happening behind me. “What did this research reveal?”
“That we’re going to have a lot of fucking fun together.” The soft sound of foil tearing reached my ears, his breathing shaky. I felt him step back toward the bed.
Out of nowhere, his hands landed on my hips in a firm grip, tugging me closer to the edge of the mattress before his hand was on my back. “Are you ready?”
God, am I. “Yes,” I hissed, surprised that I could even make sounds like that. “Show me what you’ve got.”
“Happy to oblige.”
I closed my eyes, lowering my head as I felt his fingers slide through my soaked folds again. A second later, his broad tip was at my entrance. “I don’t want to hurt you, so you’re going to have to talk to me.”
Not a question but a statement. Telling, not asking. Interesting.
“You won’t hurt me.” I actually wasn’t convinced that was true at all, but I wanted him too much to care.
Sliding his palm to the small of my back, he pushed slowly forward, then brought his other hand to my hip, holding me where he wanted me. I arched into him, my eyes still shut as he fed himself into me inch by inch.
My heart was pounding, my clit aching, and my body accepting him, but slowly. Not quite welcoming his size after so long.
“Fuck, Eliza. You’re so tight.” Suddenly, a rush of cool air met the patch of skin on my back where his hand had been. Then I felt his fingers between my legs. “Relax for me, baby. I’m not going to hurt you, remember?”
“I know.” I moaned when a fingertip found my clit and started drawing slow circles. His chest came down to fold himself over me. “Oh, that’s good. So good.”
“There we go.” He eased further in and the girth of him sent pleasure streaking through me. Meanwhile, that fingertip was still threatening to be my undoing, my inner muscles contracting on pulses of pleasure. “Shit. If you keep doing that, this isn’t going to last long.”
“Don’t care,” I managed as I pushed back against him, finally finding the presence of mind to move. I had never been this bold before nor this wanton but no man had ever tried anything like this with me before either. I’d also never trusted any of them enough to let them. “Show. Me.”
A low, actual growl came out of him. He thrust the rest of the way into me in one powerful movement. So full of him that I wondered if I might taste it when he found his release, I paused for a moment to adjust. A sheen of sweat broke out across my brow.
Jesse’s grip on my hip tightened, his hand between my legs speeding up to match his pace as he withdrew and pushed in again. I felt him everywhere all at once, my nerve endings tingling and every sensitive part inside me fully stimulated with every move he made.
As he found his rhythm, I thought I might’ve fallen and tripped into an alternate universe in which I was living in one of my books. My muscles tensed, but my body matched him seamlessly, so in tune with his that it was like I knew what he was going to do before he’d even done it.
But somehow the first orgasm took me by surprise, smacking into me so hard and so fast that it stole my breath and my vision. I nearly collapsed with the force of it, but Jesse was there, holding me, easing me onto the bed and then sliding down the length of my body to kiss between my legs.
It was entirely too much and yet I also didn’t want it to end. I lost track of what he was doing to me after that, adrift in a sea of sensation that only ended when he was finally inside me again, his eyes on mine this time when I felt him swell deep inside me.
He came on a low murmur of my name, his features beautifully contorted for a moment before he was kissing me again, pulling me to him and holding me like he’d never let me go.