Chapter 39
WILL
Afew days after I’d gone to talk to Eliza, the wedding was uncomfortably close and I still hadn’t heard anything from her again. I also wasn’t taking Jesse’s calls, so I didn’t know if they’d had their one-on-one yet.
While I knew what had happened wasn’t his fault, I just couldn’t talk to him right now. I was too jealous and, frankly, not in the mood to coach him on having a successful marriage to the woman I loved.
It was driving me nuts, all of it, but I was still too resentful to ask anyone what was going on. Stubborn as a fucking mule and proud of it.
Golden, late afternoon light filtered in through my kitchen window, illuminating the takeout menus spread across the island like a natural spotlight, reminding me that I was back to fast food because she wasn’t here anymore.
I hadn’t needed the reminder, but still. It looked like even nature was intent on making me feel guilty.
God, I wonder how long the pity party phase of a breakup lasts.
Two firm, loud knocks on my door interrupted my miserable musings and I blew out a heavy breath. No one knocked like that if they were just selling cookies. When two more bangs rang out, it was official.
I wasn’t going to like this conversation, but I also already knew there would be no getting out of it. Whoever was out there was a Westwood, for sure. My family tended to demand entry to one another’s houses like pillagers or tax collectors coming through town in medieval times.
My suspicions were confirmed when the door opened two seconds later and Jesse came inside like he still lived here. Technically though, I supposed he did. We’d never actually talked about him staying someplace else while he was in town.
After shutting the door behind him, he turned to face me, and for a second, we just looked at each other.
I didn’t think I’d ever seen Jesse hesitant before, but as he slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans, just staying in the foyer with his head tilting as he watched me, I realized he was waiting for permission to come in.
“What are you doing?” I asked, picking up my whiskey and hoping he wouldn’t be staying long enough to expect one of his own. “You’re being weird.”
The corners of his mouth twitched. “I’m not. I’m just meeting with Eliza tonight, which means I don’t actually know if I’m welcome here right now.”
My heart thumped. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” He finally moved a few more steps forward. “We need to talk, Will.”
“No, we don’t.” I took a sip of my drink, then straightened up and turned to face him fully. “You know what? You’re actually right. We do need to talk.”
He nodded slowly and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet. Instead of pouring himself a drink from the bottle on the counter like I’d expected, he filled the glass with water from the faucet before coming to sit across from me at the island.
“I’m sorry, Will,” he said, and for once, it sounded like he actually meant it. “Eliza asked to talk to me, so I’m going to meet up with her later, but if you don’t want me to—”
“Are you going through with the wedding?” I asked, cutting to the chase because I was all out of patience waiting for him to come around.
Thankfully, he didn’t try to beat around the bush. “Yeah, I am.”
“So you finally came to your senses,” I muttered, tightening my grip on my glass and tossing back what had remained in it. “Good. I’m happy for you.”
“No, you’re not.” He let out a sound that could’ve been a laugh, but it was way too humorless. “I don’t know if I’d call it coming to my senses or finally going off the deep end, but here I am.”
“I think what you mean to say is ‘completely derailing both of our lives and then circling back at the last minute.’”
“Will—”
“I’m kidding,” I cut in. “Mostly. I know this wasn’t your fault. Fuck, it wasn’t even Alex’s. I agreed to something I never should’ve agreed to. Then I followed through when I knew it was going to come back to bite me in the ass.”
“It was never fair to you,” he said. “No one should’ve expected you to take this on for me. They shouldn’t have asked, and as soon as I found out about it, I shouldn’t have let it carry on.”
My eyebrows shot up and I finally looked at him properly, head on, carefully searching for any hint of deflection, but I didn’t find anything to suggest he wasn’t being completely genuine.
“Have you finally outgrown your allergy to responsibility, or do we have a triplet I never knew about and you’re him? ”
He chuckled, the sound still tight, but it had some humor in it this time. “Even Peter Pan grew up eventually, right?”
“Okay, Peter,” I said without even really thinking about it. “So what now? You’re going to meet with Eliza tonight and then you’re marrying her despite how this meeting goes?”
“That’s the plan,” he said, inhaling a deep breath and slowly blowing it out again as he fixed his gaze on mine. “I’m sorry it’s come to this, Will.”
My eyes narrowed slightly. “You actually mean that, don’t you?”
He nodded. “Let’s just say that watching you these last few days and seeing what you put yourself through for me has really opened my eyes.”
I frowned at him. Jesse didn’t apologize lightly. He didn’t throw words around to smooth things over. Especially not with me.
Some of the tension I hadn’t even realized he’d caused when he walked in eased just slightly. “I appreciate that, man. It’s too late for a clean exit, but at least you can start your life with her on a clean slate instead of just, I don’t know, switching places with me in the middle of the night.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure how that was ever supposed to work, but look, I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. I’m here now and I’m ready to step up. For real.”
“Alright.” It killed me to say it, but there was nothing else I could tell him. I’d already lost her and this had never been about me to begin with. “I just really hope you mean that, Jess.”
“I do, but…” He blinked a few times before arching an eyebrow at me. “Alright? Seriously, that’s it?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Alright. You need to take care of her, though.”
“I will.” Jesse frowned at me like he was confused all of a sudden. “I know I haven’t been invested in this until now, but I’m not a total idiot. Of course, I’ll take of her.”
I shook my head. “I’m not asking you to take care of her in a general, vague, morally responsible way. I mean actually take care of her.”
“I think I’ve lost you.”
“Just listen,” I said after refilling my glass. “She won’t ask for what she needs. She’ll just deal with whatever comes her way, even if it means making herself smaller so everyone else is comfortable.”
He finally seemed to realize that this was important. His expression turned thoughtful as he focused on what I was saying. Yet it remains to be seen how much of it he’ll actually take in.
“She loves her home,” I said. “I know you hate the countryside and rural England, but you need to let her be there more often than not. Don’t even wait for her to ask.
Just keep the jet fueled up and make her understand that it’s at her disposal, then have the pilot call her at least once a month to ask when she’ll be ready. ”
“If knows the jet is at her disposal—”
“She won’t be comfortable taking you up on it,” I said. “Don’t make her feel like she has to give up the estate to make your marriage work.”
“I mean, I would never expect anyone to give up their home, but do I have to go with her?”
“No, not every time, but I know she’d appreciate if you would spend some time there.”
He sighed but nodded slowly. “Okay. Yeah. I guess I can do that.”
I held his gaze for a second longer, then exhaled and shoved a hand through my hair. “It’s an awesome place, Jess. Just give it a chance, okay? I think you could learn to like it there.”
He shrugged. “I doubt it. As far as I remember, the closest village was basically only a few shops and one pub.”
“At least it’s got a pub, right?”
“Sure.” He didn’t seem excited about it, but he nodded again anyway. “What else?”
“A lot, but understanding how much she loves the estate and how often you need to let her go there was probably the most important. Oh, and I added something to the contract before she signed it.”
He leaned back and crossed his arms, suspicion already creeping onto his features. “What kind of something?”
“Fifty million dollars,” I said. “It’s independent of everything else. All the regular clauses are there, but this will be transferred to her name on your wedding day. Into a separate trust I’ve had set up. It’s in addition to what you’re contractually obliged to give her for saying I do.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Fifty million more? Of whose money? Mine?”
I gave him a look. “Mine.”
“Right,” he muttered. “Yours. Of course. Why? What’s it for?”
“It’s just for her. That castle needs a lot of maintenance and there are repairs they haven’t been able to get done. If she ever needs more, tell me and I’ll make sure she gets it.”
Jesse looked at me in a way that said he’d really figured it out now, just how much she meant to me. He dropped his head forward and slowly raked his fingers through his hair, then lifted his gaze back up. “Yeah. Okay.”
“You take care of her,” I repeated. “No matter what, Jess. You need to promise me that.”
He kept peeking at me through the hair that was now hanging across his forehead, holding my gaze before he swiped his tongue across his lips and nodded. “I promise.”
It cracked my heart—or whatever was left of it—into pieces when I realized that I believed him. It was a good thing, obviously. It meant she would be okay, she’d be safe, and hell, she might even be loved eventually.
Just not by me, but it looked like that was something I was going to have to learn to live with.
“I’ll do my best to be as good of a husband to her as I can be,” he said finally. “I really am sorry this happened. I was a jackass. I didn’t think you’d wind up getting hurt, and if I could take it back, I would.”
Funny, I’m not sure I would. But I didn’t say it, just nodding instead. “Thanks, but I don’t believe you.”
Jesse blinked, clearly caught off guard. “What?”
“I don’t think you’d take it back, Jess. I’m not saying you meant for this to happen, but I don’t think you even considered that it could. I don’t think you considered me or even Eliza much at all.”
He kept looking at me, but again, he didn’t argue, rolling his lips into his mouth and inhaling a deep breath instead. “You might be right about that.”
I scoffed. “I know I’m right. I’ve taken the fall for you my whole life and I’m not blaming you for it. It was what it was. I just don’t think I can do it anymore.”
“I never asked you to.” The way he said it wasn’t defensive or dismissive. He was simply stating the truth. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I did and I know it might be too little, too late, but I’m going to be better from now on.”
I held his gaze. “That’d be good, Jess. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”
It didn’t feel like enough, but it was all I had. We couldn’t undo this or go back to before any of it had happened, but maybe we could both do better in the future.
After swigging down the rest of his water, he pushed to his feet.
“Okay, well, I’m glad we got to talk, but I should go.
I don’t want to be late.” He hesitated for a second, like he wanted to say something else, but instead, he just stepped forward and pulled me into a quick, firm hug. “I love you, bro.”
“Love you too, Jess.” I sighed but hugged him back before pulling away. “Don’t screw this up.”
“I won’t.” He shot me a half-smile before he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door, not looking back as he opened it and disappeared, off for his very first date with the woman he was marrying.
Meanwhile, I was still sitting in front of a stack of takeout menus, resigned to being heartbroken for the rest of my life. For just a second, I considered calling him and telling him to stop, not to go, to walk away from this entire thing and to let her go.
But I couldn’t do that to her. Eliza meant too much to me to be that selfish. She needed this marriage and I wasn’t about to take that away from her just because I couldn’t get my head on straight.
I genuinely didn’t know how I was going to get through this, but I’d made my bed. Now it was time to sleep in it. Alone. Forever, if I had anything to say about it.