Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
This was ridiculous. He was ridiculous.
Why did she have to care so much?
Tisha sniffed, then dragged the back of her hand under her nose.
“Wouldn’t that be sooo super fun?” Sadie bunny-hopped from the car toward Tom and Melinda’s porch. “Then we could go sledding again, and Brody could do his skateboarding, and you and I could—Mama?” Sadie stopped hopping and swung one backpack strap onto her shoulder. “Are you crying?”
“I’m fine.” Tisha shoved her hands into her coat pockets. “Everything’s fine. Let’s go inside.”
“You don’t look very fine,” Sadie said.
Blinking back more tears, Tisha clicked the key fob to lock the car. Sadie trudged up the steps. Tisha followed, her insides twisted in knots.
Pull. It. Together.
She swallowed hard and mentally ran through a list of ingredients she’d need to make her next pie. Because she couldn’t fall apart. Not now. And certainly not in front of Tom and Melinda.
“We’re here,” Sadie called out, pushing the front door open. “Grandma? Grandpa?”
The smell of tomato sauce and garlic wafted toward her. Melinda came into the hallway to greet them.
“Oh good, you’re just in time. We’re about to have lasagna and salad and French bread—oh dear.” Melinda’s eyes widened. “What’s wrong?”
“Lasagna,” Tisha sobbed. “It was Chase’s favorite, and I could never make it taste as good as yours.”
“Oh dear. Hey, Tom.” Melinda turned back toward the family room. “Hon, could you take Sadie out into the garage, show her that new project you’re working on?”
The recliner creaked as Tom put down the footrest and stood, shoved his feet into his slippers, and came closer. “Um, sure. Isn’t it almost time for dinner though?”
“We’ll call you guys when it’s ready.”
“Come on, sugar, keep your coat on.” Tom patted Sadie on the head. “Wait until you see what I’m up to out here.”
“Aw man, I’m hungry,” Sadie said.
“I know. Me too. This will only take a couple of minutes.” Concern etched his features, and he squeezed Tisha’s arm. “You’re going to get through this.”
Tisha sniffed and tried to smile. “Thank you, that’s sweet of you.”
“Mama, what’s the matter?” Sadie tugged on Tisha’s coat sleeve. “Why are you crying about lasagna?”
“I’ll be all right, sweat pea. I just need a few minutes with Grandma, okay?”
She swiped her fingertips across her cheeks. Sadie hesitated, her blue eyes swimming with concern.
“Come on. This way, Sadie.”
She took her grandfather’s hand, and they went out toward the door leading to the garage.
As soon as they were out of sight and the door clicked shut, Tisha fell into Melinda’s arms, sobbing.
“Oh, sweet girl.” Melinda stroked her hair. “This is a lot of tears over a lasagna recipe. I’m sure yours was delicious.”
“It’s not really about the lasagna,” Tisha said, her whole body shaking.
“Then tell me what else is going on. Come in here and have a seat.” Melinda guided her into the living room and sank down on the cozy sofa. The news played on television, and Melinda reached over and grabbed the remote, turning it off.
She pulled a box of tissues off the end table and set them beside Tisha.
Pulling her knees up under her chin and hugging them to her chest, Tisha took the Kleenex and blew her nose.
“I do wish I could replicate your lasagna recipe, but the real reason I’m crying is because Ethan McGuire came into the café today and he’s been tasting my pie. I served him some, and he loved it, and then we were supposed to have this meeting after school for Sadie and Brody, right?”
“Right. You told me about that.” Melinda nodded. “Sounded like those meetings were going well so far.”
“They were, until he didn’t show up.”
“Uh-oh.”
“But evidently he was off doing his job rescuing some people.”
“A rescue?”
“Not really a rescue.” Tisha wound the Kleenex around her fingertips and drew a shuddering breath. “They were on a routine trip, but they needed to come back down, and this weather is atrocious.”
Melinda glanced toward the windows. “Well, there’s a lot of snow and some wind, but we’ve had more severe conditions.”
“So you’d call this a normal storm?”
“Yeah, pretty ordinary.”
Sighing, Tisha shook her head. “Super.”
“Why? What’s the matter?”
“I was worried about him flying.” More tears welled up.
“And then I told him I was worried. And then he didn’t come to the meeting, and we all freaked out.
Even his mom was concerned. So I took the kids over to the resort to wait, and we had way too much sugar, which is why Sadie will not stop talking a mile a minute. ”
Melinda’s mouth twitched, and she pressed her lips together.
“What? What’s so funny? There’s nothing funny about this.”
“You were worried about Ethan McGuire flying a helicopter in a snowstorm?”
“Yes.” Tisha threw up her hands, dropping the crumpled tissue in her lap. “Why is that so surprising?”
“Can you say more about that?”
“It scares me how much I cared, okay?” There. She said it. “I-I don’t like caring about him. He’s hardheaded and handsome and hardly ever likes the pie.”
This time, Melinda couldn’t stop her laugh, and she pressed her fingers over her mouth.
“Why is that funny?”
“Listen.” Melinda’s expression grew serious, and she covered Tisha’s hand with hers. “Chase loved you. A thousand percent. You were the one for him. And he loved Sadie so very much, and I hate that he’s gone. What I wouldn’t give to hear him crack a lame joke or to make him lasagna one more time.”
Another lump formed in Tisha’s throat. She squeezed Melinda’s hand.
“I know you miss him,” Tisha whispered.
“But here’s the thing. I don’t think that he would want you to stuff all these feelings.”
Tisha squirmed. “But I’m not ready.”
“You’re not ready to do what? Think about moving on? Go on a first date? Or be friends with a man? I need you to name what it is you think you’re not ready for.”
Tisha waved her hand in the air. “All of it.”
“Well, it seems like maybe part of your heart is turning toward moving on. Why don’t you take some baby steps?”
“I’m already serving him pie, and our kids are fighting but then acting like they’re best friends the next minute. I don’t know.” She tipped her head back on the couch. “Ugh, this is exasperating.”
“Can I make a suggestion?”
“Sure.”
“Why don’t you start by taking off your wedding rings?”
Tisha sat straight up. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” She looked down at the band and diamond combination that she had worn for almost a decade.
“Why don’t you try taking them off and just getting used to not wearing rings while you’re at work? You can always put them both right back on when you come home.”
“I take my rings off sometimes.”
“You do? When?”
“Like right now, when I’m helping you get ready for dinner.”
She stood and crossed to the kitchen. Melinda had a gorgeous crystal ring holder beside her sink. She took off the band and the diamond solitaire and set them on the post, then squirted soap onto her hands and rubbed them together.
“See?”
Melinda stood and joined her in the kitchen. She donned her oven mitts, then pulled the oven door open and peeked inside. “Taking your rings off is the first step, honey. But it’s the first of many.”
“Oh no.” Tisha crossed to the refrigerator and pulled out the salad. “What else do I need to brace myself for?”
Melinda teared up, then tipped her head toward the urn of Chase’s ashes sitting on the table nearby.
“Oh. Well, I moved his ashes from the cabin to here the other day while you were both at the café, thinking maybe it was a small step in the right direction.” Tisha blinked back more tears. “But I’m definitely not ready to spread them yet.”
“I know,” Melinda whispered, then drew a ragged breath.
“But someday you will be. Like I’ve already told you, God called you here for a reason.
And I know grief is hard. Believe me, I know.
But He will equip you. And if you’re meant to have a second chance at love, by all means, grab it with both hands. ”
Tisha turned away from Chase’s urn. She reached for the salad tongs as Melinda’s words spooled through her head.
She tossed the salad and avoided looking at her ring sparkling from its parking space on the counter.
Outside, the snow kept falling, soft and relentless.
A second chance. A new beginning. A fresh start.
Whatever. It didn’t matter how she labeled her next chapter.
The question was, could she really let herself believe any of that was possible?
Ethan pulled the metal rolling cart out of the closet that the custodian had just unlocked for him. The wheels squeaked as he pulled it closer to the side of the court.
“Here you go.” He handed the basketball to Brody.
“Thanks.” Brody dribbled it around a little bit.
They were the only two in the elementary-school gym, and the sound echoed off the walls.
Ethan draped his whistle on a lanyard around his neck and grabbed a ball, bouncing it a few times.
The bright lights and the shine on the parquet floor made the gym feel alive.
His shoes squeaked as he crossed to the bench, setting his whiteboard and dry-erase marker on the last chair.
He pulled a couple of towels and a water bottle for himself and Brody out of his string bag.
Brody stood under the backboard, staring up.
“You want to take a shot, bud?”
“All right.” Brody tossed the ball up toward the backboard, but it bounced off and rolled away.
“Oops. Missed that one.” Brody chased after the ball.
Ethan opened his mouth to correct his form but thought better of it. It was game day—their first together. “Nice try though. You’ll make the next one, right?”
“Maybe. Dad, did you tell Miss Tisha you were sorry for missing our meeting?”
Ethan paused, wedging the ball on his hip under his arm. “I did. Yes. Why?”
“Just wondered.” Brody squeezed the ball between both hands. “She’s super nice. I just wanted to make sure you said you were sorry.”