Chapter 11 #3
“The best. Prior to losing him, every single childhood memory included MJ. Skiing, sledding, snowshoeing, baseball, basketball…We did everything together. And the worst part was, when I got home from the trip, I had this really cool piece of jade sitting on my dresser. He had found it when we’d been messing around outside, but he’d let me have it.
So I took it to his house to give to his mom. ”
“Aww, that’s so sweet,” Tisha said.
“Now, keep in mind, this woman had lost her husband and one of her two sons in this terrible boating accident, and I thought I would make it better by giving her a rock.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Tisha said. “It sounds like it wasn’t just any rock.”
“Well, it was a bad move on my part because she turned me away. She was upset, and it was obvious that I’d completely misread the situation.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. She was probably in shock and had no idea what to do. I’m sure it wasn’t personal.”
“I took it personally, and I’ve never forgotten how she rejected my effort. And that stuck with me, obviously, because here I am still talking about it twenty-five years later.”
Sheesh. He shook his head. How embarrassing. “I don’t think I’ve ever told anybody that story before. So much for coming out here to eat some good snacks and look at a pretty night sky.”
Her expression grew serious, and her gaze held his. She squeezed his hand tighter. “Stories can set us free. Did you know that?”
“Is that right?” His eyes dipped to her lips. “And what story do you need to tell so you can be free?”
“Oh boy.” Her smooth brow furrowed under the cuff of her knit hat. The adorable pom-pom bobbed on top as she tipped her head back and looked at the sky again. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear any more about my adventures as a beauty-pageant contestant.”
“Now, see, that’s where you’re mistaken.” He reached over, selected two chocolate heart-shaped truffles from the box, then offered her one. “I want to know everything about you.”
She took the candy with a nervous laugh. “I’m definitely going to need some chocolate to delve into this one.”
Ethan tapped his truffle against hers. “Go on. I’m all ears.”
“My mom signed me up for my first pageant when I was very young. They called it a tap-dance competition, but it was more of a training ground for future pageant queens. At first I was super excited because my friends were going to be there. But…”
She trailed off, then took a tiny bite of her chocolate. “Oh wow. That’s good.”
He popped his into his mouth and chewed slowly. The rich texture was a bit much, although the chocolate–peanut-butter combo was nice. He swallowed it down, then took a quick sip of his coffee. “I’m more of a pie guy than a truffle fella, I think.”
Tisha’s laughter enveloped him. “Stop. You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. It’s true. Your pie is better than these chocolates. But we’re getting offtrack. What happened at your not-tap-dance pageant?”
“So I started to panic as soon as I got on stage. We were all about seven or eight years old. The lights were bright, our shoes were uncomfortable, they’d put a bunch of makeup on our faces.
It was a whole scene. Anyway, I started looking around for my mom and waving and saying, ‘Hi, Mom.’ I just wanted to know that she was there and that she was for me. ”
Ethan reached for her hand again. “Let me guess—that didn’t go like you expected.”
Tisha shook her head. “She was not having it. I could see right away she was angry with me. Afterward, backstage, she gave me this lecture about how I had to perform and do my best and she’d set me up for success but she couldn’t come onstage and dance for me.”
Oh wow. Anger simmered low in his gut toward this woman whom he’d never even met.
“Was that your last pageant?”
“Ha.” She gave him the side-eye. “As if. One key fact that I failed to mention is that everything about my mother’s life is a performance—even where she sits and how she looks in church on a Sunday morning matter to her.
But not for the right reasons. She doesn’t want to talk about anything difficult or messy.
Instead, she micromanages and controls the messaging so everything makes her look good.
It’s gross, to be honest. But I didn’t know how to not play her games.
So I competed in tons of pageants. You may not have heard it yet, but people around here used to jokingly call me Miss North Carolina. ”
“Were you Miss North Carolina?”
She sipped her tea. “Of course I was. I ended up making a lot of friends on the pageant circuit. Most of the time it was fun, and I was voted Miss Congeniality. I could never win enough or do enough to please Mama though. The part of the funny-cake story that I didn’t tell you is that she came unglued and told me that McDowells didn’t do what I’d done. ”
“What did you do other than have fun with your friends?”
“Exactly,” Tisha said. “I told her I’d do my best to not be a McDowell for much longer then, which was a low blow.
I loved my father very much, and his side of the family was well-respected and so kind.
Eventually the tension between us nearly ruined our relationship, and that’s one of the big reasons I don’t want to live close to her anymore. ”
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough time with your mother. Please know that you don’t have to perform. I like you exactly as you are. You’re smart, beautiful, and an amazing person. Sadie’s blessed to have you as her mother.”
The words hung there between them, packed with meaning and emotion that he hadn’t meant to share.
But as he looked into her eyes, he saw a quiet strength.
And more of that vulnerability she rarely let show.
And for once, there was no one to interrupt.
No reason to hold back. His pulse sped, and before he could talk himself out of such a bold move, he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers as the sky overhead snapped and crackled.