Chapter Twenty-Four
El
January was an absolute whirlwind.
If I thought first semester was a struggle, I was in for absolute chaos this semester.
Every single one of my professors gave a devious smile on our first day, practically telling us that since we were “settled in” now, that we should’ve been prepared for what was coming next.
I definitely wasn’t prepared. The workload was insane.
We were three weeks into the semester, and I was close to losing my mind.
I hadn’t seen Matt much during the week, and he had away games the last few weekends, so I’d hardly seen him at all lately.
It sucked, but often, we’d text throughout the day. Most days, he would ask to see me, and if I wasn’t engulfed in legal text and analysis, I’d see him for an hour or two.
He asked again earlier today. It was becoming harder to say no to him, and I didn’t want him to think my refusal was anything more than my dedication to my degree.
So, I agreed to let him come over and spend the night on one condition— he had to help me study.
Matt took up most of my bed just by sitting on it, and I tucked myself away on the corner that met the wall.
One by one, Matt held up flashcards, each color coated with vocabulary, laws, or court rulings.
His mouth was hidden behind a notecard that read “Derivative Action”, but a smile reached his eyes, causing a light crease in the corners.
“You’re doing great,” he said.
“Thanks,” I beamed before giving the definition.
Given the Snapchat story that Cody posted an hour ago of the boys having a Nerf gun war in the house, I was a bit surprised Matt didn’t want to head home.
It seemed like he’d been missing out on a lot with the boys ever since my arrival, and I was flattered that he enjoyed our time together enough to choose studying with me over having fun with his friends.
The flashcards got increasingly more difficult as we made it further into the deck. Each time I got one wrong, a zap of stress struck me, reminding me that I still had a lot of work to do.
Last semester, I managed to keep my grades where I wanted them, earning a 4.
0 for my first semester of law school. I wanted to maintain that.
I had high expectations for myself, and I didn’t want to let myself down.
Or my family. Specifically my dad, who prided himself on the academic achievements of his daughters.
He bragged to his friends all the time about how smart his girls were, and I didn’t want to give him a reason to stop that.
Once we made it through all one hundred cards, I groaned, curling up in a ball. My brain felt like a dumpster fire after that, having worked overtime to retain so much intricate information. I could feel a migraine coming on. “I need a break.”
“You deserve a break.”
“Maybe it’s bedtime.”
Matt chuckled. “It’s only eight.”
“Ugh,” I groaned again.
Matt laid beside me, confining me between himself and the wall. My full-sized bed was hardly big enough to fit just him, let alone the both of us. Even with his feet hanging off the end, he didn’t seem to mind, turned on his side to stare at me with a subtle grin. This one too met his eyes.
Silence encompassed us for a moment before it was broken up by my sigh. “What are you staring at?”
“You.”
Obviously. I smiled. “Do I have something on my face?”
“Just beauty,” he said.
I burst out laughing. “That was so cheesy!”
“I know,” Matt laughed. “I know. I couldn’t think of anything more clever.”
Our laughter filled every crevice of the room, broken up by Matt’s phone buzzing between us.
A photo of Matt and Cody from their championship win lit the screen, and I grinned as Matt answered the FaceTime, holding the phone above us.
We were greeted with a scowl, Cody’s hand covering one of his eyes.
“What’s up, man?” Matt asked. “Why’re you holding your eye like that?”
The scowl managed to deepen, a lengthy and unsteady huff leaking through the speaker. “TJ shot me in the fucking eye.”
A voice shouted, “It was an accident!”
“Fucking idiot!” Cody yelled over his shoulder.
“Why is everyone always calling me an idiot?”
“Because you are one!”
Matt’s eyes gleamed with entertainment. I wanted to run my thumb along his amused grin, or maybe even kiss the corner of it. I probably would’ve done so if Cody weren’t on the phone.
Matt rested his free arm behind his head, looking like a living fantasy. My living fantasy.
Choking back laughter, he teased, “You gonna have to wear an eyepatch or something?”
“Fuck, I hope not.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I also couldn’t help imagining Cody with a damn eyepatch.
Honestly, he was probably one of the only people who could pull it off.
Girls would flock to him regardless; he was just that much of a prettyboy.
They’d probably go from calling him a sexy cowboy-wannabe to a sexy pirate.
Because I was no better than Matt, I jumped right on the teasing train. “Maybe you should’ve been wearing safety glasses.”
A light burning sensation hit my face from the glare I received, noxious enough to project through the phone.
“Oh, I’m sorry. You’re right. I should’ve pulled some out of my ass before I agreed to play with a children’s toy.”
It was impossible to remain composed. My smile broke free. “Don’t be giving me attitude.”
“Yeah, yeah. My bad,” he huffed, rolling his eyes. “What are you guys up to?”
“I’ve been helping El study,” Matt replied.
“Ah,” Cody nodded through a mischievous grin, “studying, eh?”
“Actually studying, asshole. Not everything has to be sexual.”
“Riiighhht,” Cody said. “Hmm...”
“What?” Matt hurled.
“Not sure if it’s only because I have one good eye right now or not, but your big head and stubble at this angle makes you look like Bigfoot.”
“Fuck off!” Matt spewed. “Thought you didn’t believe in Bigfoot?”
Oh no. Not this goddamn debate again.
They’d been going at it for well over a year, arguing Bigfoot versus the Loch Ness Monster. They each believed in one and not the other, fighting over which legendary myth must’ve been real. At this rate, the debate seemed immortal.
I didn’t really believe in either of them.
But I refused to speak that thought aloud ever again.
Last time I had, I got my ass handed to me about “having no imagination” and “ignoring facts”.
When I argued that there was nothing factual about the debate, they completely just kicked me out of it, claiming that I was “ruining the vibe”.
“Well, I do now,” Cody said. “I’m looking right at him.”
“Dick,” Matt’s eyes narrowed. “At least I’m not a fucking pirate.”
“Fuuuuuck yooouuuuu!”
The boys quarreled like best friends, like brothers. It was just as much annoying as it was endearing. I didn’t bother interrupting. I was far too entertained by all this.
Cody and Matt were a great duo. They evened each other out, and their dynamic was equal parts banter and bromance.
At this point, I considered Cody to be a close friend.
I’d known him for years now. I knew he had Matt’s back and I knew he had mine.
He was someone who may have been an occasional douchebag to women, but if you weren’t trying to cross the line of friendship with him, then he was great to have in your life.
Cody’s one eye squinted, grimacing. “Ya know what, Matt? Don’t come home tonight.”
“Wasn’t planning on it anyway.”
It felt like I was listening to a sitcom.
I appreciated all the times Matt came over here to make my life a little easier when I had a lot to do, but the truth was, I never minded going to his place.
It was raucous and messy, but it was also filled with six guys who loved each other more than anything yet pretended like they didn’t. They sure as hell were rowdy, but there was never a dull moment in that house. It was sometimes a refreshing twist from living alone.
“Whatever, Matt,” Cody whined. “Go fuck yourself. Bye.” Awkward silence cloaked us for a brief moment before his mouth was right up to the speaker. “Love you,” he whispered before hanging up.
A gruff string of laughter rolled off Matt’s chest, and I was immediately enthralled by the sound, tempted to record it just for the ability to play it back later.
“I usually only hear you guys say ‘I love you’ when you’re drunk,” I giggled.
Warm arms snatched me, feeling like a heated blanket. Head resting against Matt’s chest, I was overwhelmed by the sense of safety he brought.
“I know,” he laughed again, causing my head to bob up and down with his chest. The sound only soothed me further.
It was always hard for me to turn my brain off, but when I was with Matt, things were easier.
I didn’t have to think so much about trying not to think.
“Who knows, maybe he’s been drinking a bit. ”
“Maybe.”
Matt sighed beneath me. “I do love him. You’re my best friend, of course. You always will be. But he’s like my brother. He’s my guy, ya know?”
“I know,” I smiled against his chest.
“I’d do anything for that kid.”
Raising a brow even though he couldn’t see it, I challenged, “Would you do karaoke for him?”
Matt belted out another laugh. God, I couldn’t ever get enough of the sound. “Hell no!”
“Good. I would’ve gotten jealous.”
As our laughter subsided, silence bled back into the room, but this time, it was welcomed.
I knew it was still early, but I wouldn’t have been opposed to going to bed. My days had been getting longer, filled with more events, more obligations, more expectations.
“Are you done studying for the night?” Matt suddenly asked.
“Yeah, I think so,” I answered. The thought of moving from this very spot right now seemed like hell.
My eyes fluttered to a close, and I sucked in Matt’s scent, getting a small high from it as his hand found its way to my hair, twirling it through his fingers.
“Can I ask you something?” Matt let out.
“Of course, Mattie.”
“What happened at Christmas?”
My mood did a complete one-eighty. The giggles had dissipated, and the butterflies swirling through my body all died from the shift. I was suddenly wide awake.
I immediately knew what he was referring to. I’d been trying not to think about it, honestly, but I should’ve known that he would ask at some point.
It was crazy how well Matt knew me, seemingly better than my own family. He had been the only one who caught my aura switch that day, the only one who came to check on me.
He may have been destructive to some, but he was everything light and safe in my life.
Matt gave me a quick squeeze, a gentle reminder of his protection, encouraging me that it was okay to speak my mind.
“Lo’s announcement just made me realize how we aren’t close anymore.”
“What do you mean, Princess?”
I sighed. “I mean, she’s already twelve weeks pregnant and didn’t tell me earlier.
Not that she necessarily had to, I just..
. thought we were a lot closer than that, I guess.
I’d already been feeling like she had chosen me to be her maid of honor because she felt like she had to, not because she wanted to.
I wanted to tell her about you and me during Christmas, but when she made her announcement, I realized how we aren’t that close now, and I changed my mind. ”
Matt took a minute to speak, as if he was carefully crafting a response in his head.
I wasn’t always great at talking about my feelings or relaying my thoughts aloud. A ball of anxiety was forming in my gut, and the only thing holding it off was Matt’s peaceful breathing beneath me, his heartbeat calm and lyrical in my ear.
“Maybe you should text her. Reach out. I’m sure she’d love to have you around to plan baby stuff,” Matt said.
“Yeah, maybe...”
“Why do you think you guys have drifted apart?” he asked. “You were always so close growing up.”
“I—I don’t know,” I admitted, suddenly finding myself sitting up, hand rubbing over my forehead. “Can we... talk about something else? I’m starting to get a headache again.”
Matt’s voice softened as he reached for me, guiding me back to him. “Hey,” he murmured, “why don’t you just lay down and rest a bit, okay?”
“Okay,” I quietly agreed. “Mattie?”
“Yes, El?”
“I love you.”
His hands were back in my hair, lips brushing against the top of my head. “I love you too. Now get some rest.”