Chapter Thirty-Two
Matt
The conference championship was next weekend, which meant Hell Week officially started tomorrow.
St. Cloud State, our indefinite rivals, had fought all season for a chance at a conference rematch. It would be the fourth consecutive year we played them for the title. After last year, we knew they wanted our fucking heads.
I had no doubt this Hell Week may be the worst one yet.
At this exact point each year, Coach was even more of a certified asshole, which was how the week got its name.
Endless drills with little breaks, longer practices, rough scrimmages, and a more vicious, screaming Coach, were in store for us this week. We had the freezer filled with ice packs ready-to-go.
Jett seemed to be prepared too, having restocked his medicine cabinet to aid the wounded.
It was a team tradition to grab food and drinks altogether before the start of the week. Because what better way to bond than food, beer, and an upcoming lineup of barbarous torture?
With my phone on seven percent, I trudged into Cody’s room to find it empty. In the living room, TJ had a sports management textbook opened in front of him, but I wasn’t sure if he was actually reading it or if he was just looking at the pictures.
“Do you know where Cody’s at? He borrowed my charger, and I don’t know where he put it,” I asked.
“I think he’s showering. It’s probably somewhere in his room,” TJ answered.
Cursing under my breath, I went back to Cody’s room. Every outlet was empty. I even checked under his bed to see if it had fallen anywhere, and all I found was dirty laundry and junk.
Tugging on the wonky drawer of his dinosaur-aged nightstand, I dug around, finding more junk, along with a pack of condoms and a travel-sized bottle of lube.
Not fucking surprised.
At first glance, I snorted at the small polaroid photo of a dark-haired girl in pink lingerie.
A closer look garnered a visceral reaction, and the twisted screech I let out had TJ booking it down the hall. My skin burned where I’d touched the picture, and I threw it. “Jesus Christ!” I shouted.
“What the hell’s going on?!” TJ yelled from the doorway.
Shouldering past him, I could feel that volcano that I knew all too well, heating up inside me, threatening to break the surface.
I’d done such a great job at silencing my anger over the last few weeks, but all of that was completely out the window now. There was no taming the monster that was about to be unleashed.
“Cody!” I screamed so loud that my throat stung. “Get your ass out here now!”
Appearing with sopping wet hair and a towel around his waist, Cody stood unbothered, completely unaware that I’d uncovered his little secret.
“Sup?” he muttered.
It was deeper than anger, deeper than rage. It was betrayal in its worst form, tearing me open from the inside out.
Heart pounding like rainfall, the words were heavy, gruff. “Do you want to explain to me why you have a fucking naked polaroid of my sister in your fucking room?”
“Oh shit,” TJ muttered behind me.
As if finding the evidence wasn’t enough, Cody’s reaction was just an extra stab in the back. Growing pale, he faltered. Guilt hung above him in a cloud, and it was that panicked gaze that twisted the knife.
“Uh,” he swallowed, “I’d rather not, actually.”
The match was already lit; there was no going back.
I charged at him, chasing him all the way to his room just for the door to be slammed in my face. All the knob did was jiggle in my hand.
He locked me out.
My fist banged against the wood, jaw so tight it could’ve shattered. “Cody! Open the fucking door!”
I could hear screaming coming from around me, but I drowned it all out, seeing nothing but red and betrayal and violence.
To my disgust, the photo bled into my mind again, replaying, torturing me. When that hickey she had on her neck just days ago came to mind, I connected the dots.
I could vomit.
“I swear to God, Cody! If you don’t open the fucking door, I’ll tear it down!”
My name was being called, shrieked from numerous different voices. I didn’t care.
The bulk of my shoulder rammed against the door. Once. Twice. By the third time, the wood had already dented. The hinges began creaking, unable to withstand the vigor as I became more aggressive with each hit.
It only took a few more before the house shook, the door crashing onto the floor.
By now, Cody was on the far side of his room, completely dressed. Guess he didn’t want to get his ass beat naked.
Cody’s eyes illuminated shame, but he stood tall, facing me like he was prepared for whatever punishment came next.
A small hand planted against my chest. “Matt!” The voice nearly knocked me off my feet. Just her presence alone was enough to bring an ounce of humanity back into me. “Stop!” El shrieked.
She looked afraid, for herself or for Cody, I wasn’t sure. The sight tore me open further; I didn’t ever want her to be afraid of me.
The defeat made me want to drop to my knees, but I settled for taking a deep breath instead, eyes locked in on hers like she was my only source of sanity.
“Calm down,” she pleaded in a small voice.
I nodded at her, teeth digging into the inside of my cheek.
I could feel eyes on the back of my head. Everyone was likely piled into the doorway, watching this mess unfold. When Cody spoke, my blood pressure spiked again.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”
“You’re sorry I had to find out this way? Find out what? That you’ve been fucking my little sister behind my back?” I screeched.
His voice grew stern. “Matt, I actually care about her.”
“Don’t fucking lie. Fuck you! She’s too young for you!”
“It’s only a few years.”
Displeasure skated down my spine. “You’re almost four years older than her!”
“She’s an adult,” he argued. “She’s old enough to make her own decisions.”
Barely.
“Either way,” I simmered, “you’ve been sneaking behind my back with my fucking sister!”
Cody’s shoulders shot up to his ears. “Better than it being El, right?”
He was lucky that El stood between us or he would’ve woken up in blood.
El’s hand was still promptly placed on my chest like she was Cody’s new bodyguard. She could most definitely feel my heart slamming against her palm, threatening to leap out of my chest and right into her hands.
This was a fucking nightmare. We were about to go full force into Hell Week; I didn’t need any of this fucking shit today.
How did this even happen? It was probably from Cody being the fucking sexual predator he was, and I hated that Jade fell for it.
I wished I could scrub my brain, wash away that photo and pretend it never existed. Pretend like none of this ever happened.
“Matt,” El softly said, drawing my attention to her, “Jade cares about him too. Let’s just all calm down and—”
“Wait,” I shook my head, stumbling back. “You knew?”
“I...”
Cody shot me in the back. Jade shot me in the gut. And now, I just got shot in the heart. “Has everyone been lying to me?” Circling around, the boys were exactly how I’d assumed. Heaped into the doorway, peering around each other to see inside.
But every single one of them looked clueless.
I hadn’t necessarily expected anyone to admit the extent of their knowledge, or that they were an accomplice to this fucked-up crime, but I felt like I’d at least have an idea of who looked guilty or not.
But none of them did.
Great. So, Cody had been lying to everyone else too.
Scoffing, I pushed through the group, swinging my bedroom door shut so hard that I was surprised it didn’t fly off the hinges.
“Mattie!” El’s voice cracked, her tiny fists banging on the door. “Matt, open up please.”
“I need space, El,” I answered.
“Mattie, please let me explain,” she begged through a whimper.
My eyes clenched shut. “El, I need space.”
She gave the faintest “Okay” before her footsteps quieted down the hall, and I felt like I’d been shot in the heart all over again.
I never wanted her to be upset, ever. And I especially never wanted to be the cause of it.
But I needed a minute to be alone.
I was overcome by a million emotions. Drowning me. Threatening me. Fueling me into being a beast.
The betrayal was bone deep, along with stupidity and failure and just plain hurt.
I felt dumb as hell; why didn’t I notice anything?
Of course, I hadn’t been hearing about Jade getting into heaps of trouble around campus, because the trouble she’d managed to break into this time lived across the hall from me.
If only I’d questioned Cody on all those nights he got up and disappeared, wandering off for a late-night hookup. With my sister.
Stomach turning, I held back the bile that was on the brink of coming up.
Cody was a jackass when it came to women, and I knew I shouldn’t blame myself, but I felt like I hadn’t done enough to protect Jade. He was going to hurt her, and she was too na?ve to believe it.
I had so many questions, but I wasn’t sure if I currently had the strength to hear all the answers. How long had this been going on? Had I really been so lost in El’s orbit that I hadn’t noticed a single thing?
Two of the people that I loved most in the world just lied to me for God knew how long, and that fucking hurt. And then I remembered El was thrown into the mix. That stung even more.
I wasn’t sure how long I was sitting there, pondering this fucking mess when there was another knock on the door, this one much firmer than El’s.
“What?” I bellowed.
“It’s me,” Jade’s voice echoed.
Great. The other traitor came to make an appearance.
Without offering a response, I unlocked the door and sat back on my bed.
She didn’t enter more than a few steps, leaning against the wall the same way I often did. “Hey.”
The defeat in my voice was palpable. “Hey.”
“I brought you a cookie,” she held up a single chocolate chip cookie in a plastic sandwich baggie.
“I don’t want your cookie,” I muttered.
“O-kay,” Jade dropped her arm. “Well, I came to say I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“For not telling you sooner. For you finding out the way you did.” Pink blossoms formed on her cheeks, and I looked away.
Hands shielding my face, I shook my head. “Cody? Really?”
Seriousness rang through her tone, and she straightened. “Matt... I—I think I love him.”
“Jesus Christ. Jade, no you don’t.”
“I do,” she argued.
“Oh my God,” I murmured under my breath. “I knew you weren’t responsible enough to make your own decisions.”
She scoffed, brows touching. “What the hell are you talking about!”
“Cody?! You think Cody is a good decision? I’m promising you he’s probably slept with fifteen other girls since he’s slept with you.”
If I had to guess, the pained expression that slashed across her face was the same expression that probably slashed across mine when this reality hit me like a semi.
Immediately, I regretted what I said, but knowing Cody, it was probably true.
Her mouth formed a hard line, chin dipping towards the floor. “That’s not true.”
“Why don’t you go ask him yourself then?” I challenged.
Confidence dripped from her. She genuinely believed that Cody had feelings for her. “Why don’t you?”
“Are you kidding?” I scoffed. “I don’t want to fucking see him. I’d probably kill him if I saw his face right now.”
When she crossed her arms, I could see part of the cookie crumble in its bag, and I never thought I’d have so much in common with a goddamn cookie.
That brazen side of her was coming out. “Do you want me to go?”
I sat silent for a moment, even though no coherent thoughts were streaming through my brain. Just emptiness. Just hurt.
“Yeah.”
Jade smacked her lips together, disappointed. Then, she sighed. “Okay. You let me know when you wanna talk then.” Stopping in the doorway, she turned. “And don’t be mad at El. She didn’t know until a few days ago. I asked her to keep quiet until I could tell you myself. So, don’t be mad at her.”
Once Jade left, I locked the door behind her, shutting out the world.
I couldn’t separate my own thoughts, couldn’t even begin to. There was so much all at once, so many feelings, yet somehow, none of them were clear.
I was lost in a fog of emotion, and once the initial anger subsided, hurt set back in.
A pang in my chest weighed me down even further. Shoulders sagging, I suddenly ached for El. I knew I sent her away earlier, but now, nothing sounded greater than having her presence beside me.
Quick flashes of all the times I’d found her alone, sad in her room, carried through my head, and this time, the roles would be reversed.
The need for El prevailed above any lingering resentment at her. I lunged for the door, praying not to see Cody’s face anywhere.
But all I saw was El, sitting on the floor with her knees tucked against her chest.
Shoulders falling again, my stomach knotted. My throat burned, and it became hard to swallow.
“El.” It came out raspy, weak. Somber eyes shooting up at me, my stomach knotted tighter, forcing me to grab it. I hated this sight— her, sad and trembling, on the floor of all places, outside my bedroom door like she’d been waiting here with a broken heart.
I nearly dropped to my knees just to hold her. Suddenly in my mind, it became all about her again. I wasn’t really concerned about myself anymore. The first thing I wanted was to get her off the cold floor.
“El, come in.”
Her bottom lip gave a light tremble. “You’re not mad at me anymore?”
Fuck, I hated this.
Any time I saw her capsized was an immediate bullet to the heart, but right now? Feeling as though it was my fault was shattering me in places I didn’t know could break.
Heart constricting in my chest, the pain was becoming unbearable, burning across my body so badly that I wondered if I was having a heart attack.
“No, Princess,” I replied softly. “I’m not mad.”
“Okay,” El sniffled quietly, pushing herself up.
I hardly had time to shut the door before her arms were squeezing my mid-section.
“I’m sorry, Mattie.”
In my mind, she was immediately forgiven. I couldn’t stay mad at El. My best friend. My princess. My world.
She’d been my weak spot all my life, breaking down every wall I ever put up, but right now? She was my strength.
Wrapping my arms carefully around her small frame, I felt like I could breathe again.
“It’s okay,” I swallowed.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No,” I shook my head. “This is all I need right now.”