Chapter Forty-Three
I’m on autopilot as I go through security and visa inspection. I’ve bought a bag from one of the airport shops and packed the contents of my black bin liner into it.
I’m checked in and my bag is on its way to the plane.
I go into the departures lounge and look up at the screen.
My plane’s delayed. I sigh, and then see a computer offering internet access.
I decide to have one last peek at the festival website, just to kill the time.
The live feed should be up and running now, organised by Dan’s TV company.
I type in the oyster festival and a message flashes across the screen: ‘Venue flooded. Festival postponed until further notice.’
I’m in shock. All that work, all that effort and the oysters won’t even get their moment of glory.
I log out and head for a seat. I wonder if they’ve noticed I’ve gone.
Was anyone trying to contact me? Of course they’ve noticed.
Gerald will be wondering where his brownies are, Patsy will be wondering why I’m not there to help set up the bar, Chef will be shouting for his oysters, Margaret will be running round like a headless chicken now the venue’s been ruined. I suddenly feel very weepy.
I go to pull out some loo roll from my pocket and find Brian’s letter.
I’m holding the letter and before I know it I’m ripping apart the thick cream envelope.
I pull it out and can see the creases where it’s been handled, traces that show it’s been read by Nancy.
There’s even a faint trace of her perfume.
It makes me feel sick. Nancy knows what she wants and she goes out there to get it.
Maybe now I finally know what I want, but it’s too late.
Dear Fiona,
I hope this letter finds you and finds you well.
If you’re wondering how I knew where to send it I’ve been trying to track you down for ages but had no luck, and then by chance I came across an article online about a new oyster festival in Galway.
It was in a newsletter I subscribed to when I was researching the honeymoon.
And there you were. It took me a while to recognise you, your name didn’t fit, but it was definitely you, celebrating the launch of the festival.
Shit! It must’ve been taken on the night Dan got the prize money for the shuck-off. I should’ve been more careful.
You looked so different, you looked happy.
And I hope you are. I hope you can be as happy as I am with Adrian.
Who’d’ve thought you’d be part of the oyster-farming community, what with your fear of water?
But then you were always able to take on whatever life threw at you.
It was one of the things I admired about you.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry some more. Brian admired something about me. I never knew. I suppose that’s why we were able to live side by side for so long, hiding behind each other.
I’m so sorry I didn’t have the guts to end things sooner and that I let things go as far as they did.
Believe me, I never meant to hurt you. It must have looked like a really cowardly thing to do, but it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I could’ve carried on being your husband but neither of us would ever have really been happy.
One of us had to be brave, for us both to find happiness. I want you to be happy, Fi.
We were just kidding ourselves because we were too scared to go out and start living. You only get one life, go out and live it.
I’ve enclosed the marriage annulment. This gives you a fresh start, one where you can be yourself and not just be there for me to hide behind.
You have so much to offer the world, but you need to be you.
Just like in Dirty Dancing, ‘No one puts Baby in the corner’, well, no one should put Fiona in the corner; go and dance your own tune.
My love, gratitude, and friendship, always, Brian. xx
Tears are rolling down my face, but I don’t feel distraught.
My husband finally tells me our life together is over and I’m elated.
I mean, his timing was crap. Shame he couldn’t have actually realised this before we got to the altar, but then Brian never was one for being impetuous.
And as a first attempt, it was better late than never. He did it for both of us.
I smile. I feel I can do anything I want to. Sean may have decided to stay with Nancy, choosing his head over his heart, but this isn’t just about Sean. This is about me and the people and the place I’ve come to love.
I pull out the paperwork Brian has sent me and sign my name where he’s marked with a cross. Fiona Clutterbuck, I write with a flourish. Not Fiona Goodchild, not Fiona English, but Fiona Clutterbuck. It feels good to be me at last.
Nothing to forgive. Thank you, x, I write at the bottom and push the paperwork into the pre-paid envelope and seal it.
Brian’s right. I have to be my own person; not one that runs every time the going gets tough. I can’t be scared any more. I have to find my own place in the world and right now … that’s back in Dooleybridge, with or without Sean.
Now all I have to do is find a post box on my way out of here. I march up to the desk just as they’re announcing that my flight has been cancelled due to bad weather. I’m Fiona Clutterbuck, I can do what the hell I want, and right now, I have a festival to rescue.