Chapter 4 #2
He grinned and I realized too late I’d broken my own rule in calling him by his first name. I also realized he’d stepped all the way into my personal space now. If I exhaled deeply, my back would rub against his chest. How odd—and not at all unpleasant. Which was very odd.
“You might’ve noticed I’ve tried talking to you. Rather frequently. Constantly, some might say.”
“Yes. I did. I thought you were just returning to the scene of the crime you committed against my career. That you were being smug and obnoxious and rubbing my face in it.”
I felt his breath on the back of my neck as he said, “I never meant to hurt you.”
“Yeah, well, you did.”
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth. And I’m sorry you’ve been carrying this pain for so long. I-I wish I’d known.”
I held out my glass to him, forcing his hand away from my neck.
I didn’t want to be holding the glass anymore and I didn’t think I wanted him touching me right now.
“This story of yours is very convenient. Very flattering to you and very shitty for the man who mentored me. Is there a single reason I should believe your side of things? Especially since you have no reason for wanting to marry me.”
He strolled toward the kitchen and set the glasses on the countertop.
“We could call Sowelby. He’d confirm every word but I’d rather take you into the bedroom and spend the next hour on my knees, apologizing for this misunderstanding.
I’ll prove a thing or two about wanting to marry you while I’m at it. ”
My lips parted. My heart galloped. Goose bumps rippled down my arms. My nipples…well, there was no reason to mention anything about that.
“You don’t even know me,” I said. “And I’m engaged.”
I was engaged. Was.
“You never belonged to that man-child,” he said as he returned to my side.“But I don’t have to tell you that, Elizabeth.”
“Do you really think insulting me is the move here?”
He shook his head as he looped an arm around my waist and steered me toward the sofa. “I’m insulting the man-child,” he said. “You were kind enough to give him as many chances as you did. Even if it frustrated the fuck out of me.”
He settled me on the sofa, adjusting the pillows and cushions behind me. “You don’t know the first thing about me.”
“Hmm.” He sat beside me and brought my legs to rest on his thighs. He gently removed my shoes. “You scrubbed in with me forty-three times during your fellowship and you think I don’t know you?”
He started at my ankle and massaged his way up to my knee, his thumbs digging into my muscles. I wanted to kick out of his grip, to twist and flail away. And I also wanted to lean back and let my knees fall open.
“You love pistachio gelato and eat a handful of almonds every afternoon,” he went on. “I’ve stocked almonds in the hospital lounge for years. I never figured out how to nail down the gelato but I have a list of gelato shops that serve pistachio saved on my phone.”
“Those almonds are there for everyone,” I argued.
“They’re for you, Elizabeth.” He shifted to the other leg.
“You came to my house for a holiday party and told me you loved the Christmas cactus in my kitchen. I have one in every room now. Two in the kitchen. I gave you a tour and made up ninety percent of the details on the spot just so I could talk to you a little longer.”
I remembered bits of that but mostly, I remembered the relief of not having to socialize. It was back in my fellowship days and I hadn’t slept a full night in weeks. I had a good time with my peers and usually loved a good holiday party, but all I’d wanted that night was a nap—without my pager.
“The tiles in your shower weren’t handcrafted in Madagascar?” I asked.
“I have no idea where they came from,” he said, his knuckle driving into the ball of my foot. “You told me about your father’s lymphoma at Sowelby’s summer barbeque and I made a few calls to make sure the right people were looking after him. I wish I could’ve done more.”
“He had a few good years,” I said softly.
“I know.” He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
A long moment passed while he focused on the tendons around my ankles. “I waited until the end of your fellowship. I knew you wouldn’t want me putting my thumb on the scale like that.”
He was right. If we’d started dating while I was a fellow and I accepted a position at his practice, it would’ve made for some warm tea. Not piping hot. No one would burn their tongue on that news. But it would’ve lingered around me and we both knew that.
But if we’d started dating a few months later? Not a drop of tea. Not even lukewarm water. Everyone was in everyone else’s beds. It only mattered if there was cheating or an obvious power differential.
Though I still couldn’t believe I was thinking about dating him at all.
“I needed Sowelby to know,” Jay went on. “I couldn’t have him melting down later if it was going to be a problem. He has his antiquated moments.”
“I’ll remind you that I like Sowelby,” I said. “Pointing out his flaws is not helping your case.”
He shrugged and took his time teasing the back of my knee.
“It might not seem like much, the pistachios and the cactus and a few conversations at gatherings over the years. But I’ve watched you in the OR and I’ve read your papers and I’ve arranged my schedule to favor morning procedures since that’s what you prefer.
And I’ve been waiting quite impatiently for you to send that boyfriend down to the minor leagues where he belongs. ”
“So you can marry me?” I asked, back to my snippy, snappish responses. A real achievement considering the way his thumbs pulled the stopper on all the tension I’d stored in my body.
He held my gaze as he lifted my leg off his lap and kissed his way across my ankle. “It would open the door to other things but yes, Elizabeth, chief among them, is marrying you as soon as you’ll have me.”
“You might know about my almonds and my publications but I don’t know you,” I said. “Aside from believing you’re the reason I’m stuck in dead end practice.”
“We’ll fix that when we get home, my darling,” he said, the words a low purr as he settled my leg on his lap again.
He stroked a hand up that leg but he didn’t stop at my knee this time. He dipped right under my dress, his thumb skating high between my thighs before trailing back down to my ankle.
I almost caught his wrist as he retreated. Almost tugged him back between my thighs, pushed his hand to my panties just to feel some pressure where I needed it most. Some friction.
But I watched while he swirled a finger around the jut of my ankle and told myself it was my clit, my nipples. That his finger was inside me, pressing right where I needed it while I clenched around him.
Except— No. No, that couldn’t happen.
I knew better than to trust a word of this.
I didn’t care if the vast majority of his story was true.
I didn’t care if I’d missed the operative part of his conversation with Sowelby.
Years had passed while he’d—what, exactly?
Stocked the lounge with almonds? Instead of presenting me with a competitive job offer or—gasp—asking me on a date?
“I have no reason to believe any of this,” I said, yanking my foot from his grasp.
“Sowelby will confirm every word.” Acosta slid off the sofa and knelt in front of me. “And I’ll get him on the phone right now if you’d like. But I know you’re protective of your professional relationships and I suspect there’s little you want less than to hear Paul Sowelby tell that story.”
I stared at him, not sure what to say. Not sure why he wasn’t touching me anymore. “What if I don’t want this?” I said, flicking a hand at the dress that’d shifted to mid-thigh. “What happens to the job then?”
“The job offer stands. We’ll leave this conversation and my many confessions here. I have no desire to fuck around with your career. Not when you’re so damn talented.” He shrugged. “I’ll be very sad but I’ll probably keep stocking your almonds.”
“Why?”
“Because they make you happy.”
I dropped my gaze to the erection tenting his trousers. There was no faking that. I was probably going to regret this, but… “And if I do? If I want this?”
He pushed the dress to my waist and leaned in, pressing his face between my legs. He nipped at my mound through my panties while he propped my leg against the sofa cushions. Holding me open, he kissed his way along the edge of my panties, humming and growling against me the whole time.
I bit my lip to keep from moaning. If I worked any harder at holding myself steady, I was certain I’d strain several muscles. It felt like I was vibrating—and just waiting to explode.
“I’d like your permission to take all your clothes off.
” He spoke the words straight to my panties.
I didn’t know why I liked that so much. “And then I’d like your permission to lick your cunt until you’ve lost your voice from screaming, your sweet honey is dripping down my chin, and I have to carry you to bed. ”
“Oh—ohmygod.” I clamped a hand over my mouth. If I said another word, I knew it would be Yes and Now and Please, Jay, please don’t make me wait any longer.
“Come home with me and we’ll do that every night.”
A needy, squeaky noise sounded in my throat and my hips rolled toward his mouth without my permission and—and why was I holding back? What was I trying to gain by telling myself that didn’t sound exquisite? That even if I never spoke to him again after tonight, what would I lose?
Aside from basic self-respect, which had already been sloughed off in med school, there wasn’t much.
But again, I asked, “Why?”
“Because I’d very much like your permission to love you.” That hand still over my mouth, I nodded. He grinned, so bright and boyish that I almost laughed. “Come here, my darling girl.”
I shifted to help him strip off my panties, my bare feet coming to rest on the rug on either side of his knees. He eased my legs open and the perfume of my arousal soaked the air between us.
I would’ve cringed a little at that but he bowed his head and closed his eyes, saying, “You’re going to destroy me, Elizabeth.”
Before I could ask what that meant, he dragged his tongue through my folds, from my entrance all the way up to my clit.
I cried out as I bucked against him, and he pushed a finger inside me, and then another.
He sucked at my clit with long, steady drags that had me fisting my fingers in his hair and perching my feet on the edge of the sofa to give him more room to work.
I came before I was ready but I didn’t care because he didn’t stop. He went right on kissing and licking while his fingers stroked inside me. I heard him talking but the static in my head drowned it out. But I knew he was happy, that he’d enjoyed this. That he wanted more.
“—which is something I’ve been thinking about for longer than I’d care to admit,” he said.
I released his hair. “What was that?”
He kissed my inner thigh before glancing up at me. “I was saying I’d like for you to sit on my face.”
A laugh skittered out of me, a blend of orgasmic delirium and the complete inconceivability of this night. “Right now?”
“And you come again?” He dragged his tongue around my clit and I almost came again from that. “So soon?”
I nodded as I slipped one foot off the sofa and up his leg. I dragged my toes over the cock trapped behind his trousers. He pitched forward, his mouth open on my thigh as he thrust against my foot. He felt…enormous. A thick, solid bar that had my inner muscles clenching with want.
“Is that what you want?” I asked as he worked himself against my foot. “That’s all you want?”
“Elizabeth, love, the only thing in the world I want is what you want,” he said, panting. “Feed me your gorgeous cunt, darling, and I’ll devour it however you wish.”
I pressed my heel into the root of his cock. “With this?”
He pressed his teeth into the soft of my thigh and it sent a million new goose bumps rippling down my skin. “Tell me where you want it, darling.”
I wouldn’t say I was adventurous with sex but not because I didn’t want to be. My past relationships hadn’t made room for that or I hadn’t felt comfortable exploring it. But I knew, right now, I could do whatever I wanted and Jay would tell me I was glorious and amazing for it.
And I was still dressed. The only thing he’d taken off me was my panties yet I was completely vulnerable here—and completely safe. He was the last man in the world I should’ve trusted yet I knew I could.
It was terrifyingly freeing. I wanted to jump off the edge just to see what it felt like to know I could fly.
I ran a hand between my legs, down my slit. “Will you fuck me here?”
He shuddered a little, his shaft harder than ever against the ball of my foot. “Would you like to ride me, love? Or would you have me take you from behind?”
“What about here?” I pulled my cheeks apart, forcing his attention to my asshole. “Will you fuck me here?”
He stroked a knuckle over my back channel, nodding. “I’d want you on your back so I could bite your nipples and rub your clit.”
“What about here?” I opened my mouth, held out my tongue.
He went on teasing my asshole as he murmured, “Would you like to choke on me, love? Would it make you happy?”
“Not tonight,” I said.
He grinned. “Tomorrow, then?”
I pushed up from the cushions. I was still splayed wide open, my arousal everywhere and his finger doing nice things to my ass and my body pounding with need, and now I was even closer to him. I grabbed the front of his shirt and dragged him to me for a kiss.
When his tongue slipped between my lips, I pulled away and yanked the dress over my head. The bra followed and I pushed my breasts together, asking, “Do you want to fuck me here?”
I watched his throat bob as he swallowed. My breasts weren’t impressive but you’d never know from the ravenous look on his face. “And what would I do for you?”
“What if you don’t do anything for me? What if I just watch while you make a mess?”
He sucked in a ragged breath. “Anything, Elizabeth. Anything you want. Please.”
I dipped a finger into the unbelievable wet at my entrance and dragged it up to my clit while he played with my ass. The most I’d ever done in front of a partner was pinch my nipples yet I thought nothing of this.
“Do you have any condoms?” I asked.
He blinked and then glanced down, away. “I—maybe? I’d have to look.”
“Then let’s go look.”