Chapter 5
[Kali]
I just needed a second. Despite the wide-open spaces and distracting stream of people hiking toward the lookout point, I needed a moment away from Booster.
Just what the hell happened to me on that boulder?
One minute I wasn’t even going to ask him to take my picture, and the next I’m up there screaming into the silence, disturbing the peace of this beautiful area.
I’m such an idiot. And he must think I’m an off-her-rocker, menopausal woman.
I’d say I’m hormonal, but I’ve had a hysterectomy. Then again, I still have my ovaries, and the monthly bill still happens in some manner.
The bloating. The sleeplessness. The food cravings.
Like peanut butter.
And chocolate. Thank the heavens, an extra-large chocolate, oatmeal, something-something cookie is available in the gift shop, and I purchase one as a means of apology to Booster.
When I find him outside the gift shop, I notice a few women, and men, looking at him, like he’s someone famous. I suppose he is, or was, once upon a time. I don’t know much about Craven Boost, other than he once played professional baseball.
Was he married? Does he have children? I don’t recall Connor ever mentioning either situation.
“I bought reinforcements.” I hold up the cookie like a peace offering when the man doesn’t look he’s ever eaten a cookie.
Still, he lazily smiles, causing that mustache to hitch. “Cool. I have somewhere I want to show you. It’s just a short drive, and we can eat lunch there.”
“Perfect.”
As we slowly make our way to his truck, the awkwardness of my moment on the boulder hits hard. With the distraction of the remainder of our hike, we didn’t have to talk about what happened, but knowing I’m about to be confined in the close quarters of his truck with him, I feel the need to speak.
“About what happened on that rock . . .”
We’ve reached the passenger side of his truck, and he stops. With his hand on the handle of the door, he faces me. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I just don’t want you to think I’m mentally unstable or unhinged or something.”
I mean, I am menopausal, which means on a good day, I’m only slightly unhinged. And I’m trying not to care. Trying not to be fazed by the changes in my body and the fog in my brain and the overall unclarity of what’s next for me in this life.
“Kali,” Booster sighs, running his gaze up and down my body. “I think you’re perfect.”
The comment is sweet, even if I don’t believe him. Instead of arguing or downplaying it, though, I simply say, “Thank you.”
Without moving, his hand still on the door handle, he turns his head, gazing to the side a second before aiming those dark, soulful eyes at me.
“Connor is a fucking idiot. If he didn’t see that you’re beautiful on the inside, and the out . . .” He roves his gaze over my form one more time. “Then he’s a blind fool. And it’s his loss, not yours.”
Again, his comment is kind, especially considering he doesn’t know anything about me.
He also doesn’t understand that I feel the loss of years devoted to someone not devoted to me.
Years spent trying to run a household and work a career while he did whatever he pleased, when he pleased, how he pleased.
You’re so beautiful. The words, spoken to someone else in my ex’s voice, will play on repeat in my head for the rest of eternity.
But my anger at one man is not the issue for this man. “Still, I’m sorry I kind of lost it up there.”
He chuckles softly as he finally pops open the passenger door and steps back for me to enter his truck.
I’m instantly hit with how I can’t remember the last time someone opened a door for me. A true show of being a gentleman.
“We all lose it once in a while,” Booster says. “The important thing is finding what we lost.” He pauses. “Or sometimes what we’ve lost isn’t worth regaining. It might even be a sign to start something new.”
“You’re right.” He’s absolutely right, but I’ll process what I hear him saying at a later time. For now, I just want to restore us to some semblance of comfortable companionship.
“Cookie?” I hold up the absurdly large treat, and he laughs a little harder, tipping his head, signaling for me to step into his truck.
Once settled, we drive to a viewpoint of Wild Goose Island on St. Mary Lake, which is a quintessential spot in Glacier National Park. Here, a small island sits amid blue waters and several peaks of perfection, marred only by evidence of a past forest fire.
After I take numerous photos, Booster leads me to a large boulder where he unpacks our lunch. I gave him the peanut butter sandwiches I made this morning, and he added them to a larger sack, filled with chips, sliced apples, and bottles of water.
“Why do I feel like I’m eating a school lunch?” I tease.
“The Booster special.” He waves over our collection.
We don’t talk much while we eat. Each of us sits with our own thoughts again as we take in the view, marveling at it, allowing the peacefulness to swirl around us.
I feel better having let out that scream, but even better from Booster’s patience. His kindness. There’s a quiet calm about his presence, and while I warn myself not to read further into it, I’m grateful he’s here with me, experiencing this moment.
Trying not to overthink anything, I just sit with myself.
While still aware of Booster beside me.
It was a long day, and I intended to nap in the late afternoon, but I couldn’t pass up the sunshine and clear lake.
Taking my computer outside, I drew inspiration from my surroundings and tried to work.
Unfortunately, my gaze was often pulled toward the large house off to my right, wondering what the man inside was doing.
He never made an appearance on his deck.
By evening, I made myself a salad and poured a generous glass of wine, finding myself back on the small patio outside the guest cabin.
When night finally fell, I just stared at the sky. The heavens arched, and the stars were limitless. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it. The pitch-black backdrop filled with constellations and combinations I knew nothing about, and yet still marveled at.
“Kali?”
The call of my name scared the shit out of me. I hadn’t noticed Booster coming out on his balcony. Then again, I hadn’t been paying attention to the larger house. Finally.
I’d gotten into my head and got some work done earlier. Now, I was just enjoying the quiet evening.
His booming voice from above causes me to jostle my wine glass and spill the contents over the rim.
“Come up,” he calls out next. “Wait! I’ll come down and get you.”
Before I can respond, I hear heavy feet thunder down the planks of his steps leading toward the beach. He quickly appears on the stone patio.
“I still want you to come up, but it’s better if I walk you. Protect you from bears.”
“Bears?” I glance nervously around me. Had I been so caught up in thought I hadn’t noticed a bear? It’s so dark I wouldn’t be able to see one approach even if I had heard a noise.
“Don’t worry. I’m here for you.”
There is nothing in his voice that suggests he means anything other than escorting me up to his balcony, but still, my lower belly somersaults.
What would it be like to have a man like him there for me? Taking care of me? Having sex with me?
Jesus, Kali. Relax. I can take care of myself later, like I always do. And sadly, for this poor man, he might play out in my fantasy, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
Mr. Tall, Dark, and Fill-My-Fantasy holds out his hand to help me stand from my seat on the thick stone edge of the patio.
“Can I bring my wine?” I ask, like I need his permission to drink, but I’ve opened a Malbec I’m rather enjoying.
“Only if you share, like you shared your cookie earlier.”
Again, the sexual innuendo isn’t really there, but my brain is turning his rugged voice into something smoother, something sensual.
Oh God, maybe the wine is going to my head.
Still, Booster holds my hand, picks up the bottle that sat beside me, and leads me to his balcony deck.
Once there, he points to a lounge chair. “Be right back,” he says, setting my wine bottle down. When he returns, he has another wine glass in hand, a second bottle of wine, and a blanket over his shoulder.
“Cold?” He holds up the blanket, but I shake my head.
The evening has remained surprisingly warm.
Pleasant. That’s the best way to describe the temperature and the atmosphere.
My stargazing partner turns up the thermostat, though, because he’s looking hot in a pair of loose-fitting, outdoorsman shorts and a shirt with the long sleeves pushed up to his elbows.
He pours himself a glass of wine from my bottle and takes a seat on the lounger beside mine.
“It’s so beautiful,” I whisper, staring up at the sky once again.
While thick trees surround this house, the lakeside is clear, allowing for a spectacular view of the water. Which makes the stargazing incredible.
“It almost doesn’t look real.”
“A natural planetarium.” His voice is equally quiet.
I roll my head on the back of the lounger to give him a quick glance.
His finer features are impossible to make out, as the outside lights are off and the inside ones are dimmed, allowing us maximum darkness and optimal viewing.
Still . . . those eyes of his are burned into my memory, their depth matching the sky above us.
The solidness of his face is outlined, and his scruff filled in with heavier growth as the day progressed. And, of course, the mustache.
Returning my attention to the sky, I sip my wine and set it on the floorboards of the deck. “I wish I knew the constellations better,” I admit. “Being a city girl, all I recognize is the Big Dipper, and I don’t understand at all how it looks like a bear.”
Booster chuckles. “Let me show you. See that combination of three stars?”
He pauses as I observe endless combinations of three.
“If you follow those three to the lower left of the sky, you’ll find Sirius, the brightest star in the night sky. It’s a sun like our own.”
I hum, acknowledging what he’s said.
“You’re not seeing it, are you?”
Laughing, I roll my head toward him again. “Not really. Sorry.”
“Here.” He shifts off his lounger and stands beside mine. “Scoot forward.”
“What?” I chuckle while doing as he asks, sitting upright and putting space between me and the back of the lounger.
Booster wedges himself into the tight space, and while I try to move even further away, he wraps his arm around my midsection, forcing me to lean back against his chest as he lies against the raised back of the lounger.
With his other arm, he points up toward the sky. “Just follow my finger.”
Once again, I do as he asks, but the hammering in my ears is all I can concentrate on. The thumping matches the racing of my pulse . . . because Booster has his arm around my waist and I’m lying on him.
I blink, trying to focus on the tip of his finger, but all the stars blend together. The brightest star is suddenly behind me, heating my back and doing strange things to my lower belly.
“Kali?”
“Uh-huh,” I whisper.
“Do you see it?”
I do my best to follow the direction of his finger as he paints across the sky, but just as he points at one spot, a star shoots across the sky.
“Did you see that?” My voice remains low, like I’ll disturb the quiet around us.
“Make a wish.” His voice just above my ear is almost as low as mine, only the ruggedness sends a shiver down my spine. My skin pebbles and I tremble.
“You are cold,” he says, as I try to come up with a wish.
Stretching for the blanket at the foot of his previous lounger, he tugs it toward us and then shakes it out to cover us. Falling back against the lounger, he wraps his arm around me again, pinning me against his solid chest. He lifts his other arm to tuck behind his head.
And all the while, I keep my eyes focused on the sky while my heart gallops as fast as the shooting star I didn’t wish upon.
“It’s been a good day,” he says, his voice drowsy and aloof, like he’s speaking to the sky more than me.
Seeming to settle into the warmth of the blanket over me and the heat of his body against my back, the most I can offer is another hum of appreciation.
It has been a good day.
And now, it’s been a good night.
Suddenly, my wish becomes clear.
I’d like every day to be like this one. And I’d like to share them with Booster.