Chapter 3
BELENUS
I laid my lips down on the back of her hand to kiss it once more and patted it tenderly, trying to bring her out of shock. I knew that as agreeable as Hekla was being right now, she was struggling to stay present. I could practically taste her fear; it was bitter, and I hated it. I could only hope she’d recover and allow me to make it up to her.
Had there been a right way to go about this? Probably. In all likelihood, I’d taken the coward’s route. A part of me had thought it would have been easier to break the news in a prepared location, but now I felt like I’d tricked her.
Just another stereotypical, untrustworthy fae, I thought bitterly.
I released her hand, but before returning to my seat, I grabbed my glass of water and offered it to her. “Have some water, Miss Hekla. Maybe you can get a sip in before you drop this one?” I asked, relaxing enough to grin again.
Her eyes widened, and she carefully accepted the glass. “I’m so sorry about that! I’m not normally so… so…”
“Not normally whisked off into another realm and proposed to? Funny, happens to me all the time,” I said as I sat, stroking my chin. She blushed and laughed before taking a long drink of cool water. After getting her fill, she handed it back to me with a small smile.
“Best you hold on to that then,” she said, chuckling lightly. Ah, it was good to see her smile. Hekla was radiant... sublime. I took a moment to appreciate my fated mate now that my secret had been revealed and that my terrifying question had been asked.
“You are incredibly beautiful,” I said as I studied her. “The most beautiful woman in history, I’d say.”
“You... I... That’s so... Um. Th-thank you,” she stammered, unusually flustered. It was hard to believe this was the same woman who’d tried seducing me by eating sausages at Ragna’s coronation. I had a lot of work to do. Her confidence needed to be rebuilt before she went under the brutal scrutiny of the court. Fortunately, we had all the time in the world for that. We just needed to complete our courtship and get married. I couldn’t wait. I especially couldn’t wait to bed her. I cracked my knuckles anxiously under the table at the thought.
Hekla was a perfect, ethereal beauty. The sight of her in the weeping autumn woods earlier had been enough to tie my tongue into absurd, impossible knots. There was something about her wild, lush nature that put fae women to shame—something so pure and honest. It seemed to run in wolves, but she wore it like a radiant gown.
Though it dismayed me to see her struggle with it today, I knew she had a great deal of confidence. Somewhere deep inside, I believed I could rely upon her as much as she could rely upon me, which was completely. I sensed that she was a natural-born leader and a true fit. I’d never known such deep, instinct-driven knowledge before, not even when Ragna had been everyone’s fated mate, but I trusted it. I would follow it with dedication.
She was also a spirited little minx! Coupled with her beauty, she’d tempted me more than a dozen times, but I’d managed to stay in control. If she went back to her seductive ways, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to restrain myself much longer. I just needed to get through this damnable courtship.
Great Sun God, her loveliness... Like other she-wolves, she needed not a drop of makeup to look like a goddess of the wild. She made me think of our royal flower garden in more ways than one. Her velvety smooth skin—that I desperately wished I could explore—was like our night embers daylilies, and her eyes—playful like a sprite’s—reminded me of blackberry petunias. As umbral as they were, they still sparkled and caught the light like stars in the night sky. I also longed to run my fingers through her long, jet-black hair. The strands were vibrant, healthy, and reflected the sky’s blues like an onyx odyssey hellebore.
Her flushed lips were my undoing, though—so soft and so full. I couldn’t even think of a flower to describe them because all my mind could focus on was my desire to kiss them. I had to clench my teeth to prevent that much. I had to do things the right way. I had to treat her with the respect she deserved. She wasn’t just another lover to be discarded. She was my fated mate, future wife, future queen, and the future mother of my children.
“H-how long is this courtship… anyway?” Hekla asked, the question releasing me from her thrall.
I raised my brows and said, “About a month.” I nearly laughed when I heard the smallest lupine whine escape her throat, and she looked away in frustration.
“I assume the mating and marking is on hold until the wedding then?” she asked, trying to hide her disappointment.
I nodded, studying the range of expressions on her face. She wasn’t happy, that was certain.
“This is not… how we do things, but we are in your land, and… I will do my best to abide by your customs.” She sighed and brushed something off her skirts.
“Tell me how you do things,” I said, resting my chin on a fist. She tilted her head, and I saw an ounce more of respect in her gaze. I made a mental note to research wolf customs. It seemed I had neglected to do that in my rush.
“We discover our mate. Unless we reject the other, we complete the mating. We mate and mark. There is usually no waiting, no marriage. The longer it is put off, the more difficult it gets,” she said, almost growling the last part. “Sometimes it doesn’t matter where. We could be in the woods,” she added with a small shrug. “Many she-wolves enjoy a good chase.”
Well, that made my pulse quicken. Shit. We definitely did things differently. Her way sounded a lot more fun. As unusual as it was, the thought of rolling around in the woods with Hekla was incredibly arousing. Something about it got my blood pumping—a deep sensation that reminded me of primal magic. Either way, I wasn’t getting up from this table anytime soon. I sighed in aggravation.
“I regret that our cultures seem to be clashing, Miss Hekla,” I said, taking a steadying sip of wine. “Perhaps if I were not the crown prince… but many eyes will be on us.”
She looked confused by that. “It isn’t anyone’s business what we do to each other.”
I immediately took another sip of wine, thinking briefly about what I’d like to do to her. “Court relationships are… tricky. Sometimes it seems as though no one has any privacy.” I regretted saying that much when I saw Hekla’s frightened face. Shit, I should have kept my cursed mouth shut! She didn’t need to be more afraid than she already was. I was making this worse.
“To have others force restrictions on a mating… this is hard for me to accept,” she murmured to herself. “What other restrictions should I expect? Am I not allowed to shift?” She looked up at me, speaking at a normal volume again. Her jaw was set, and her eyes glittered with either anger or tears. “If I am not allowed to let my wolf out, Eventide and I will do very poorly here, Belenus. It is akin to holding our breath after a long while. We will su ffocate.”
“I will personally make certain that Eventide will have the space to run,” I said firmly, already making a mental note to expand the garden and get more trees growing. She looked comforted by my words, and I relaxed somewhat. This luncheon was having us sway between so many emotions and sensations, it was nearly enough to make a man seasick.
Remember her sacrifices.
She looked unwell now, listless and wan, and I knew this was the moment I needed to step up and care for her. “I know you haven’t been here long, but would you like to rest, Miss Hekla? I can wake you in several hours, or by dinner if you need it.”
She met my eyes and nodded. “Yes, please.”
I hurried from my seat and held out a hand. She took it, and when she stood, I tucked her hand into my elbow. The walk back was quiet, and once we entered the castle, I stole a look at her, hoping to get a glimpse of her wonder. I wanted to take pride in showing her our grand architecture, but she seemed lost in thought, completely disinterested in my family’s opulence. My heart sank. Hekla was not to be won by gold. I would have to try harder.
I led her to one of our most exquisite suites. It was reserved for princesses, especially ones in line for the throne, but I was no longer confident in showing it. Even though I tried to have it tailored to a wolf’s tastes… perhaps I’d messed that up too. I opened the door and said, “Welcome to your room, Miss Hekla.” I smiled, hoping she’d like the space, but when she wandered in, she didn’t seem to see any of it.
She turned abruptly and asked, “We don’t even share a room?” The tears in her eyes shocked me. “We can’t share a bed? I promise I won’t try anything, Belenus!”
“We don’t room unmated together,” I said with an apologetic look. I fidgeted with my hands, understanding now because of our luncheon why this must be upsetting. I was already forcing her to wait a month, and now she had to be alone every night. This must have been far from what she’d expected .
She swallowed heavily and took in the room for the first time. As large as it was, she looked upon it like it was a cell. “Thank you. It’s a lovely room. I appreciate your effort,” she said politely, gesturing weakly to the amenities I’d provided for her. “I like it.”
She took her bag from me and gave me a serious look. “One thing, though, in how you address me. Please, call me Hekla and not Miss Hekla. It makes me feel miles away from you,” she requested, and I nodded.
“Done. I will do so, my dear Hekla,” I said softly, bowing a little.
“And we wolves do not use the term ‘woman.’ That term is used to refer to pure humans... and fae, apparently. Shifters rarely use terms like ‘man’ and ‘woman’ for each other in our culture. Please show me respect by either calling me your female or your mate. I will also accept she-wolf if said in a positive manner.”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Those at court may find that a bit crude,” I said before I knew what I was saying.
Shit! Why did I say that? Just say ‘yes!’ Shit, shit, shit!
Hekla stared at me from beneath furrowed brows, her deep disappointment cutting. It hit me right in the gut and twisted hard, like an assassin’s dagger. “Then I suppose you should sort out who you care about insulting more,” she replied quietly. “Thank you for everything, Belenus. I recognize your efforts. I will take my rest now.” My fated mate then stepped forward and closed the door in my face.
In that moment, I wished I didn’t have the fae’s excellent hearing. I leaned my forehead against the door, mentally flaying myself. She was sobbing into her pillow. Shit.
HEKLA
I sniffled into my pillow after a bout of crying, pulled away, and wrinkled my nose, dismayed I’d made a soggy, snotty mess of it. Fortunately, Belenus had supplied me with countless luxurious cushions, so I threw it across the room with a growl.
Do you feel better now? I kind of do. That cry was what you needed, Eventide said. Maybe you could let me out later?
I looked around my sizeable suite, noting the various doors and hallways. I hadn’t quite explored it yet. Perhaps she could do that for us.
Looks like there may be some space for you to do some laps… it could be worse, I remarked, trying to find some silver lining in our situation. I dragged my bag over and opened it to unpack the small things I’d brought from home. Belenus had given me an extensive list of items I wouldn’t need, so I hadn’t packed much.
The very first thing I noticed was two packages and a card that I hadn’t put in there. There was no containing the broad smile that stretched across my face. I knew who the culprits were! I rubbed my nose and opened the card first.
“To our very favorite she-wolf, wisest of the wise and vessel to the poor Sky Gods who have to put up with your bossy bottom,” I read aloud, finding comfort in my own voice. I laughed and hiccupped while rubbing away a fresh tear. I was not bossy! I was assertive… “It’s our greatest, most wolfish hope that you are currently riding the general of the Summer Court, but if you are not, it is not your fault! We have all agreed that you are the prettiest of us, and he is just being a scared summer dandelion. Don’t forget what we do to those!”
I furrowed my brows, not sure what was meant by that.
We pick them? Eventide suggested. Blow th— Oh.
“That had to have been either Trail or Soley!” I realized, letting out a very unflattering cackle. I rubbed away another tear, but this one was from mirth.
To be fair, Belenus does kind of look like a dandelion flower. No, dandylion. With a ‘y.’ Because he’s fancy .Eventide snickered.
I grinned and continued reading. “To commemorate your brand-new adventure, we’ve put little sacrificial offerings to our beloved vessel of the skies! We hope to see you soon so you can tell us all about what snobs the fae are! Howl at midnight with us! All our love, Ragna, Rakel, and Soley! P.S. We wanted to sign with our paws, but there wasn’t enough space, so we did our thumbprints. It looks kind of stupid, but there you go.” I laughed again, seeing three inky thumbprints under their names.
There was an arrow, and I turned the card to read one last message. “Soley here! My gift to you is a potion! The witches said this will make Belenus… affectionate. It sounds disgusting, though. Good thing only he needs it! Pack always!” I smiled and looked at the list of items. It just seemed like a bunch of aphrodisiacs that were definitely not intended to be mixed together.
Oh, Soley… I’m not about to give my fated mate food poisoning.
I eagerly pulled out the two wrapped gifts, wondering which was from Ragna and which was from Rakel. I opened the bigger one first, which turned out to be a dagger sheathed in a beautiful but sensible leather scabbard. There was incredible, skillful tooling of four wolves on the leather, and I had no doubt who’d given this to me. I unwrapped the note from the hilt.
“Rude helped me get this made for you. I’m worried if you can’t shift, you’ll be vulnerable. Please be safe and keep this near. Give it an honorable name. I love you, sister she-wolf. Pack always. Rakel,” I read. She was succinct as always, but her words made me shudder. I was getting the idea that maybe my new home wasn’t as safe as I’d hoped.
Finally, I opened the small package, which must have been from Ragna. A shard of a stone fell into my hand, and I read the note that had been wrapped around it. “To my very first friend. I broke off a piece of the lunaite, and I’m gifting it to you. I don’t know if you recall the night you came to me as the Sky Gods’ vessel for the first time. They used Eventide to save me, then brought this rock down from the Moon Goddess. It was with me through my ordeals, and I hope that it will see you through yours. I truly cannot wait to see you again. As I write this, you haven’t left yet, and I already miss you. Pack always. All my love. Ragna.”
I held up the dark brown shard and stared at it. Sometimes the Sky Gods blocked memories, but most of the time They didn’t. That night was painful to recall, and I didn’t want to think about what would have happened had the Sky Gods not interfered.
I eyed the dagger and spoke to it. “What should your name be? Rakel said something honorable…”
What about a combination of everyone’s names? Eventide suggested.
“What, like Heraraso?” I burst into laughter. “That sounds so stupid. No…”
Hmm… Fourpaw?
“That would be a faux pas, I think.” I laughed again. Thank the gods I had a wolf with me. I couldn’t imagine going through this ordeal as a human woman. I disrobed and shifted, allowing Eventide to do the exploring for us.
She hopped off the bed and sniffed around, particularly intrigued by the furs that decorated the floors. Some seemed to be bears, but we didn’t recognize the others. She studied the unlit fireplace briefly, then placed her paws on the edge of a small dining table, smelling food. As soon as her silvery eyes fell upon an entire row of spiced, sliced beef, she snagged it.
Delicious, she murmured and continued to explore. We found a large bookshelf that had several rows of novels in our language, but the rest all seemed to be in a different one. It was probably fae. She nosed through a couple and tried to figure out if any were for language learning.
Not sure, Eventide, I mumbled. I hope Belenus gives us a tutor. We’ll probably have to learn to speak it too. Oh gods.
Stay in the present, Eventide ordered and wandered into what we thought might be the bathroom.
That’s a… big bath, she said, staring at the large pool and the shelves of soaps on the side. Rocks decorated the water’s edge, and massive, lush ferns flirted with a small waterfall. The trickling created a delightful sound, and the candles about the space promised an exquisite, soothing atmosphere once lit. This wasn’t quite like home, but I saw the obvious effort Belenus had put into it. I felt a moment of regret, wishing that maybe I hadn’t closed the door in his face. He was trying…
I mean you can call this trying, but I’m pretty happy about it. I’d say he succeeded in this one thing! Eventide said, and I felt her urge to jump into it. She knew better, though. She’d get water everywhere with drenched fur.
You can jump in tomorrow before I bathe. Sound good? I asked.
Yes!
She turned and found what looked like a normal bathroom. This one had a large shower, a toilet, and a sink. It was certainly a relief that indoor plumbing was readily available, but it had me pausing a moment, thinking of my friend’s trials.
Poor Ragna hadn’t had anything like this through her ordeal. Maybe I needed to toughen up and snap out of my self-pity. Ragna said it was ok to be scared, though. I was torn. Was it ok to be sad? Was this maybe like grief? Can you grieve a realm like you would a loved one? How long would I feel this way?
You’re rushing yourself. Remember what Father said. Stay in the present. Eventide sighed and trotted into another room. It was an office, a nice one. I supposed I could use it to write my letters to everyone when that process got sorted, hopefully in a couple days. I wasn’t sure what else I’d do with it—maybe studying.
Eventide found glass doors behind some light green curtains and tried to open them, but since it was a doorknob, she couldn’t get a proper grip. I shifted back into my body and opened the doors. Once I adjusted to the swathing summer heat against my skin, I was pleasantly surprised to find a large balcony. A stylish wooden table and two chairs sat by the balusters, a very nice setting for tea, I had to admit. There were some other objects I wanted to inspect, but I realized I was naked. I longed to feel the fresh air on my skin, but what if someone saw me? What if my nudity offended them, and they complained to Belenus? I doubted the fae accepted nakedness like shifters did. Humans were just as squeamish.
I withered in misery and retreated to the privacy of my room. Instead of returning to my dress, I looked for the closet that should have the clothes Belenus promised. Sniffing, I followed the scent of fresh laundry to another door, and upon opening it, I discovered a colossal walk-in closet that had more clothing than what all of my friends and family had—combined. I blankly took in the excessive collection, and after a moment of processing, I searched for some pajamas. Unfortunately, there were none… just nightgowns. I sighed and slipped one of those on, knowing I’d get tangled up in the middle of the night.
I don’t think I’m up for dinner with Belenus. I… I’m tired. Maybe I’ll just stay and sleep until tomorrow, I said to Eventide. It was more than that, though. I knew it was depression.
I’m tired too. I’m trying to be strong for us, but I’m feeling it. Thanks for letting me out, even if it was short.
I’ll let you out whenever you want, whenever it’s possible, I promised her.
My gaze settled miserably on the huge bed. I’d never seen such a large bed in my life, and I didn’t want anything to do with it. It was too big to have to myself. Belenus should be in it with me…
I set my jaw, grabbed a bunch of pillows, a bedsheet, and all the furs, then went about making myself comfortable. He may have given me a bed, but I didn’t have to use it. If this suite was mine, I’d make it mine.
BELENUS
It’d been hours since I’d left Hekla to her rest, and I constantly checked the time to see if it was appropriate to fetch her for dinner. I desperately wanted to see her again and apologize. I felt stretched thin between trying to make her feel safe and keeping in mind the risks of court life. It would be harder to compromise on some of her desires, but perhaps that was a sacrifice I’d have to make. I wasn’t a king yet, but I could try to influence where I could. I could handle a little trouble.
Deep inside, all this strife had me wishing that I’d moved to her realm instead. It sounded so simple, so honest. Her people said what they thought and meant what they said. Aside from the binding magic of a promise, the upper-class fae were a far cry from that.
I couldn’t, though. I had to stay here. My people needed a reasonable king for when my mother’s reign ended. She’d made too many selfish decisions after my father died, and the people had suffered for it. Hekla could help me piece the kingdom back together. She had it in her to be fair, compassionate, and firm.
I decided that it was late enough in the day for dinner and strode down to her suite. My heart thrummed excitedly to see her again, and I knocked on her door. I heard no footsteps, no call to wait, so I lingered a minute more before knocking again, a little louder. There was no response.
What would she want me to do? I thought, scrunching my brows. My hand went to the keys in my pocket as I considered my options.The appropriate thing would be to leave and have dinner sent up to her later, but I had a feeling she’d take that as a rejection. It certainly was not appropriate to enter and check on her, but I suspected she’d want me to do that. She made it clear that I had little to no boundaries with her.
I braced myself and tested the handle, which gave. She’d left it unlocked… that wasn’t safe. That was something else I needed to warn her about without scaring her. Shit. If I posted guards by her door would that scare her too?
When I entered, she still wasn’t in sight. I expected her to be passed out on the bed, but perhaps she was in the study? I wandered over to check, but no, she wasn’t there either. Then I heard the trickling of the pool I had installed for her and noticed a note pinned to the expensive gold molding of the doorframe. I smiled at her casual destruction of the fine decoration and suddenly realized I quite liked that about her. She clearly didn’t give a shit about finery. That in itself would make for a prudent queen.
When I read the message, however, my heart sank. It said she wasn’t feeling up to dinner. Deep disappointment and guilt weighed upon me, but I understood. I had to be patient. I hazarded a quick look into the bathing room to see if that was where she’d hidden, hoping she wasn’t naked in there. Oh, who was I kidding?
Instead, my heart broke just a bit more. I knew wolves were social creatures, but… was she that lonely? Already?
Behind the large ferns, she slept, buried in a nest of blankets. All around her were the rare pelts I’d ordered for her room, and she’d wrapped every single one around a pillow. She’d even cuddled up to one. Hekla, my fated mate, had made herself a little fake pack to keep her company, and I wanted to cry.