Chapter 16
Ariana
It’s hard to tell if it’s the guilt or the way I tip toe into the apartment that makes me feel like a criminal. There’s no sign of my pack and Amy’s bedroom door is shut, letting me slip into mine uninterrupted.
I close the closet door softly behind me and head straight to the floor length mirror. Nico’s jacket is huge on me, hanging down to my thighs. It was still coated in his pistachio scent and warm from his body when he gave it to me.
I shouldn’t have taken it. An umbrella was enough to make Ian unhappy. A jacket might drive him outright feral. It was just cold, and they said themselves they wanted to be friends. Giving it to me was nothing more than friendly. Despite how pathetic it may be, I’m a bit desperate for friends.
No lines were crossed at the end of the day. I’ll delete their contacts. They were just nice. Maybe Ian will even be happy I buttered up their business partners a bit.
And secretly, I enjoyed the company. It’s nice to chat with someone besides my mom or alphas for once. The Coates pack seemed like they were listening too while I spoke, not just waiting for their turn to speak.
Lifting the collar of his jacket up, I press it over my nose and mouth, breathing it in deeply. Then I gently peel it off, folding it carefully. My fingers run over the smooth fabric once, taking in its appearance.
For just a moment, I let myself picture it. The jacket amongst the blankets and pillows in my nest, the pistachio mixing with my chamomile. I imagine curling up into it, in the scent of an alpha who doesn’t have the smell of caramel lingering on him.
Then I remember where I am, who I belong to. Shame rushes through me, and I’m shoving the jacket into the back of the closet.
I didn’t do anything wrong, I remind myself firmly. We talked. They seemed like they had a good time. I strengthened their relationship with our pack. That’s playing my part.
It’s a thin justification even to my own ears, but I cling to it anyway, desperate for the best time I’ve had in ages to be okay. It’s just nice to have someone to talk to without being lectured, even affectionately like Cole does. I don’t have to watch my words with them.
I grab my towel and head for the bathroom, hoping the stream of water might be able to wash away some of my guilt.
When I step out into the hallway, dressed in a new outfit with my hair and makeup done, there’s not a lot of time until my pack returns. My stomach is still full from the large lunch, but my nightstand’s secret stash is starting to dwindle.
I can’t have that. My collection of protein bars, the only snack Cole permits me to have, are what get me through the mornings I wake up early enough to run into people at breakfast. Or for the nights I go particularly light on dinner, desperate to book it back to my room.
Seeing Amy’s door open makes me grimace. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to avoid her on my stash run. Weirdly enough, I’m in higher spirits than usual. I don’t think I’ll mind seeing her as much as usual, so long as there’s not another misunderstanding.
No good day could have prepared me for the state I find her in, unfortunately. I hear her first, letting out a groan. Picking up speed, I round the corner to the living room. Not only am I worried she might be hurt, but I fear that hurt may be blamed on me.
“That’s my spot on the couch!” I shriek at the sight of the other omega. “Ew, what the fuck? No one even sounds like that!”
She’s not in pain, but that might have been preferable. Amy sprawls over the cushions, naked as the day she was born. One hand holds her phone up, the other moves between her open legs.
For a second, I think she might be embarrassed. She pulls her fingers out of herself, letting her phone drop to the side.
“Don’t be mad at me because no one’s making you sound like anything,” despite the venom of her words, her voice is sweet, chest heaving.
First of all, that’s not true. Second of all, even if it was, I’m in too good of a mood for her to ruin it right now. “Well, hopefully I don’t sound like a dying cat when someone does.”
Her sugary scent spikes with irritation, but I’m already walking into the kitchen. If she wants to turn that into another misunderstanding, she’ll have to explain it to the pack. Good luck to her if that’s the battle she chooses.
They’d probably still find a way to blame me, honestly. By the time I’ve ventured out of the kitchen back into the living room, she’s slithered off, leaving a wet spot on the couch in her place. Wrinkling my nose in disgust, an idea pops into my mind.
If I’m going to be punished either way, I might as well make it worth it. I make my way over to the corner of the couch she’s claimed as her favorite spot, unwrapping one of my protein bars.
It crumbles easily beneath my hands, pieces scattering over the seat. Satisfied with my small retribution, I return to my bedroom. My eyes catch on my closet door, like I’ll be able to see through it and spy the jacket.
I don’t take it out. I do my best not to think about it or let my eyes drift over again.
It pops into my mind as I pass the time until my pack returns and over dinner. Even at night, while Liam plants kisses down my neck, his tongue lapping at the mating mark.
Rather than letting my thoughts wander, I should be present, enjoying his company. We haven’t had a night with just the two of us in a while. He’s usually accompanied by one of the other two alphas, or he comes to my bedroom late at night, once I’ve already fallen asleep.
On my hands and knees though, staring at the bed sheets, the sound of Amy on the couch pops into my mind. I grimace, remembering her saying the alphas made her sound like that. She had to be talking about Liam. The video was probably for him. It’s the type of thing he would love.
Unaware of my wince, he continues to pump himself in and out of me from behind. I try to make myself comfortable, arching my back and gripping the bed sheets. His sage scent flourishes with his arousal as he thrusts into me.
He groans, hand tangling into my hair, pulling it painfully. “Fuck, Amy.”
Every muscle in my body goes rigid. He slows, realizing his mistake.
“Shit. Ari, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” The response comes out of me automatically. I screw my eyes shut, fruitlessly willing the bond in my chest to stop aching.
“I didn’t mean to.” His grip on my hair loosens, letting me dive my face into the pillows. “Amy and Ari, they just sound similar, babe. It was a mistake.”
“Stop saying her name!” I cry out, trying to erase the memory. Liam goes quiet, stilling.
They do sound similar. One of his hand’s still in those blonde locks he loves so much. The hair color Amy also happens to have. He wanted me on my hands and knees, not my back.
Despite our exchange in the living room, she hadn’t brought up any misunderstandings today. Turns out it was because she didn’t need to. Judging by where Liam’s head really is right now, she’s already won.
“Babe?” My eyelids flutter open at his voice. “I was close. You’re not going to leave me with blue balls, right?”
A sigh slips out of me, muffled by the pillow. “Okay. Keep going.”
He doesn’t ask twice, slamming into me once more. Instead of taking it slow, he gains fervor, reaching around to touch my clit for the first time since he walked in after dinner and stripped. The sound of his skin against mine fills the room, pounding against mine.
I close my eyes again, trying to focus on the sensation instead of what he called me.
There’s a trace of a hand against my neck, but it’s not Liam’s.
It’s the gentle touch of someone’s hand lingering after zipping up his jacket.
It travels down from my neck to my body, making its way between my legs.
The ghost of Nico’s touch transforms, shifting to the image of Evan, instead of Liam, lining himself up at my entrance. It morphs again, becoming Sebastian’s hands gently holding my hips, to Jason wearing his glasses as he settles between my thighs.
It feels like betrayal, thinking about them while Liam’s inside me. I’m not sure if it makes me whimper or moan. It’s just a fantasy, I tell myself. I’ve been so starved for connection that receiving basic kindness from someone has me seeing them inappropriately.
And besides, I silently justify to myself, Liam’s probably doing the same right now.
The thought renews my bond’s pangs of ache, and I don’t resist as the image of another alpha’s face takes its place.
In my mind, they’re focused on me. No one’s name spills from their mouths but mine, in deepened voices full of arousal.
The fantasy builds with my climax, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets and biting down on the pillow to prevent me from slipping out anything I shouldn’t say. Liam grunts and I feel him start to swell inside me.
He collapses heavily against my back, breathing hard. I’m trapped beneath him as his release locks us together. It’s hard work to keep my scent somewhat neutral externally, masking how I feel from Liam.
Internally, it rises slowly, creeping up my throat like bile. I wonder who this disgust is aimed at. Liam and my pack? The woman whose name he called me? Maybe even myself.
It’s a heavier presence than Liam’s body over mine is, crushing me under its weight.