Chapter 18 #3
“Evan.” I say his name quietly and he stops mid sentence, looking at me painfully.
Normally, I would have stepped in earlier. Put a hand on his shoulder and talked him down. Remind him that pushing her too hard will only make her pull away. I’d be the oldest, the calmest, the reasonable one seeking peace.
I haven’t stopped him for the same reason Sebastian hasn’t. The rage I feel on Ariana’s behalf is consuming my reason. The image of her desperately scrubbing her own skin red plays through my mind on repeat.
If we hadn’t been here to stop her, would she have kept going until the skin was raw? Would she have turned to scratching it next, until she drew blood?
All while her alphas were sinking themselves into another woman, unaware or uncaring of what the omega with their teeth permanently marred into her neck was going through. It’s the casual cruelty of it all that sickens me.
I can’t bring myself to calm Evan down. Not when I’m fighting the urge to join him.
“You love them?” Jason interrupts the pause in conversation from Evan’s tirade. He asks in his classic short and concise manner, voice neutral even if I can see the cracks in his usual composure.
Ariana’s head snaps towards him. “What?”
“Your alphas. Do you love them?”
“They’re my matches.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
Ariana opens her mouth, then closes it again. The silence between us stretches out as we stare at her, waiting. I can see the struggle on her face as she searches for the right words. Pack dynamics are complicated. I don’t think Jason’s question was, though.
“Love is hard,” she finally says.
It’s weird. The blonde omega is sitting in front of me. She’s so close on the cramped blanket her knees are touching Jason and Sebastian’s. As she speaks, though, she seems faraway.
“It doesn’t have to be.” I point out solemnly.
“The love you’ve known has been hard.” Sebastian continues for me. “There’s more to love than matches and biology and obligation. You deserve love that doesn’t leave you alone.”
He doesn’t say alone on her birthday. He means walking through a park by herself, tears running down her face. Or sitting forgotten at a ball while your supposed lovers sort things out with another woman or work wise.
“But it’s the love I have.” She lets out a shaky exhale of breath. “The one I’m bonded to. I can’t walk away from it so easily.”
The words hang in the air between us heavily. The young omega looks off into the distance, sinking her hand into the grass. The sun’s begun to set, washing a soft orange light over her. I follow her gaze across the meadow we’re sitting on.
A couple sits shoulder to shoulder. The woman leans her head against the man, then lifts it. From this distance, I can’t read her lips to make out her words. Whatever she says, it makes the man smile.
They brush their lips together and I’m filled with an ugly, unbecoming jealousy I’m much too grown for.
Whether they’re alphas, betas, or omegas, I can’t tell.
But they can kiss each other publicly, show affection openly.
There’s no bond holding them back from saying how they feel. It’s uncomplicated, not unfair.
That’s the issue of the hour. Just how unfair this all is. It’s unfair Ariana’s been pushed to the side for someone else on her birthday. It’s unfair she’s linked to them and conditioned to accept their behavior. It’s unfair how long it’ll take to get her the help she deserves.
It’s unfair I am undeniably in love with her.
I think I have been for longer than I’ve realized.
It isn’t the normal alpha protectiveness that makes me think of her in every waking moment, but something more.
I want to take her into my arms and whisk her away from the monsters that call themselves her pack.
I want to yell the way Evan did. Curse her alphas, walk into their house and give them a piece of my mind. If pushing too hard for her wellbeing would make Ariana pull away, though, I can’t even imagine what violence towards her matches would do.
Slowly. We’ll deal with them slowly. Until then, we’ll meet Ariana where she’s at. It’s not a reassuring thought. I don’t voice it or my anger. Instead, I offer her a slice of cake.
“Chocolate makes everything better.” I smile and can only hope it meets my eyes.
“It’s my favorite.” She returns my smile and it makes me ache. We know. That’s why we chose it.
“I would choose you.” I blurt out. “We would, I mean. If it was between you and someone, anyone else. Even in another life.” It’s overly grand and maybe dramatic, but it spills out of me.
“I think,” she stops, looking down at her plate of cake, then back up at me, the corners of her mouth lifting gently.
With her blonde hair and amber eyes glowing in the light of the setting sun, she looks like she’s been carved out of gold. Gorgeous, precious. The chamomile scent carries in the light breeze, washing over me in its honeyed warmth.
“I think I would have liked being chosen by you.” Ariana, pretty, dear, sweet Ariana runs her eyes over the four of us. “Maybe in another life.”