Chapter 11
Enzo
“Is that all you have to say? Just ‘Why not?’” she asked. “Earlier you said it would be us against the world. Was that obligation or what you really felt?”
I could see that she was rattled. Between her father getting shot and this bombing, we were all paying a heavy price for leading this life.
Which explained why she’d brought up kids out of the blue.
That topic had been off limits since the first time I’d ever raised it.
Valentina had shut me down so thoroughly that I made a point of avoiding the subject of kids.
I figured we’d eventually sort that out after we got married.
But earlier she had briefly talked about wanting three or four kids.
And now she was talking about going legit to keep them safe.
Both times had been right after the attempt on her father’s life.
Add today’s fucking bombing and she was probably way over the edge emotionally.
It made sense for her to go through a crisis of mortality after shit like that. She likely had kids on the brain due to all this danger hanging over us. The threats I’d gotten on my phone couldn’t have helped either.
All clear signs that fear was getting to her.
Which was normal. We were both acting in ways we normally wouldn’t.
For fuck’s sake, I was currently happy to play house with a woman, and ordinarily I didn’t like that.
Yet worse than the fact that I liked being under the same roof with her, now that I was here, I didn’t want to fucking leave.
Obviously stress from the shooting and the bombing had me thinking crazy shit.
Valentina was more than likely going nuts too. That explained why she had randomly brought up kids again. Neither of us was at our best. Pressure was creating an emotionally volatile situation.
Another reason I couldn’t have a serious conversation with her right now.
If she was losing it, I’d have to get my shit together for the both of us.
This was the worst moment to make major life decisions about our marriage and future kids.
Choosing food for the wedding was one thing, but choosing our kids’ future was going to take a hell of a lot more than a single conversation.
Besides, going legit could be just as dangerous as staying in the mafia. There were no easy options when it came to criminals like us.
“Listen, what I feel isn’t part of the equation.
Right now, my priority is keeping you safe,” I reminded her.
That was the whole point of me being here at her house.
Keeping her safe and away from one of the prime suspects.
As long as I doubted my valet McClain, I wasn’t going to let Valentina anywhere near him.
“You and I will have time to make major decisions when we don’t have a hitman breathing down our necks. ”
There was another reason why I was shutting down all conversation about future kids right now.
It wasn’t just because Valentina was clearly traumatized.
Wasn’t because I needed to keep it together for the both of us.
It was because everything about this marriage was based on a lie.
I was going to let Valentina fall in love with me, trust me, and genuinely want me as a husband.
All while on my end, I’d feel nothing for her.
Any kids we had would be part of that lie. While it was one thing to settle on the number of kids to have, anything beyond that was so fucking unethical that even I didn’t want to touch it.
I’d thought that Valentina’s concerns about kids would have been about whether to have them at all, maybe even how many she wanted.
I sure as fuck hadn’t thought she’d start talking about getting them out of this life entirely.
Just thinking about legitimacy was dangerous.
Many people before us had tried going legit only to wind up jailed for life, or worse.
Just like I was no use to her dead, Valentina would be no use to our future kids if she wound up in prison.
Trying to go legit often caught the attention of the authorities including the FBI, the IRS, the cops.
And there was the risk of rival criminals trying to violently take over your territory.
Going legit was a change in the status quo, which meant that a lot of people stood to lose whatever money they got for keeping their mouths shut or looking the other way.
Valentina’s family had a whole army of people the Romanos paid off.
Hell, she’d explained that they even had the media on their side, and if that disappeared, there was no telling which journalist would make investigating the Romanos their ticket to a bigger, better career.
Still, there were benefits to going legit if a gangster managed to pull it off.
No chance of the cops putting them away.
No more looking over shoulders in case of hitmen.
Zero turf wars. A successful bid at going legit would make a person untouchable.
Just the idea of having wealth and power without the threat of getting killed or life in prison was enough to push people into trying.
Dangerous as it was, an attempt at becoming legitimate was probably safer than attempting to get out entirely.
Walking away from this life without a plan was often times a death sentence.
And thinking about death all day had pushed me into telling Valentina that I didn’t care about my own life. She really had been wasting her tears earlier. I wasn’t worthy her sympathy. The closer we got to the wedding, the less I cared about my own life.
Guilt was making me believe I didn’t deserve anything.
Not love. Not forgiveness. Not even life.
Because I was lying to Valentina. Binding her to me forever.
If her father ever discovered the truth, he would have every right to end my life for using his precious daughter.
If my lies caught up to me, my life would no longer fucking matter anyway. Valentina’s life was all I cared about.
“Let me work out a security plan for your apartment,” I said finally. “That’s why I’m here.”
Valentina said nothing further. All she could manage was a slow nod. Her mind was more than likely somewhere else. Wouldn’t surprise me if she was worrying about her father. Or still in shock over the bombing earlier.
Satisfied that she at least understood what I’d said to her, I got off my ass to start working on the security situation in Valentina’s townhouse.
For the next couple of days, I stayed focused on improving her home security and hunting leads on our would-be killer.
I multitasked working on a security upgrade while also working to sort through the evidence we had on whoever was coming after us.
On one hand, there was the mole giving away intel on the Romanos, then there was Don Romano’s attempted assassin.
On the other was whoever was set on antagonizing my family by setting our cars on fire and the threats after the bombing.
Our best bet was tracing the phone that had sent the threatening text messages so I focused on that.
As I worked, I was relieved to have an excuse not to talk about anything too personal, including not having to answer her questions about whether I was helping her out of duty or because I gave a damn.
Neither of us would like whatever answer I came up with.
And fuck, the truth was, I didn’t want to know the answer.
Rule three served as a reminder to shove my feelings too far down to reach.
But that relief was short-lived because suddenly it was the day of the cake tasting. Wedding plans weren’t going to wait, not even for Don Romano to fully recover. So, Valentina and I settled on meeting at the caterer’s office before lunch.
I got out of the car and found her in the reception area.
“You’re right on time,” she said, standing up to wrap her slender arms around my shoulders.
I was surprised that she was in the mood to greet me so intimately, but I wasn’t going to question my good luck.
As she clung to me, I held my bride close, enjoying the sensation of her soft curves pressed up against me.
She was all heat, the warmth of her body combining with that exotic floral scent of her perfume.
I let my hands fall to her waist, the flimsy material of her dress the only thing keeping me from touching her bare skin.
Valentina shivered against me. My cock stirred to life.
We’d missed our chance the night of her father’s shooting, and with him still recovering, I could easily see us having to wait for our wedding night.
Patient as I was, waiting for our wedding night to finally have sex with her was already slowly killing me.
And from the way she was holding onto me, her body sliding against mine, I sensed that it was killing her too.
One of us was going to have to figure out a way to remedy this before we went insane, but the catering office wasn’t the ideal location.
I felt her reluctantly pull away from me.
“Still up to it?” I asked, checking in on her.
She nodded and resumed her seat. “This is important.”
“I get that, but there’s no pressure here. I’m good going with one of your father’s restaurants.” I grabbed a seat next to her, still wishing I was holding her close.
“One of Papa’s restaurants will be our best bet for the actual meals, but they’re good at savory dishes and tiramisu. We need more variety with the dessert, plus we need experts working on the wedding cake. The cake is the centerpiece, and it has to be perfect.”