Chapter 15
Enzo
It was when Valentina started teaching me all the Italian words of endearment and every Italian way to express love that I knew I was done for. I was a goner and there was nothing I could do about it.
I held her close as she spoke, her body soft and warm in my arms on that mound of blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace. She kept on talking, mostly about her love for all things Italian. The soft huskiness of her voice did things to my heart that I couldn’t explain.
As I tightened my protective hold around her, I found that I hated myself. I was lying to her with every breath I took. What were the Italian words for betrayal? Whatever they were, they were the only words Valentina would ever fucking need to describe me.
I had sworn to her father that I would keep her safe. If only he had specified that I’d need her to protect his daughter from me. Because any act of violence perpetrated by her enemies paled in comparison to what I had been doing the entire time I’d known her.
All the times I’d wondered if this wedding was a ruse on the part of the Romanos, when I had been secretly playing Valentina through it all.
Every moment I’d let her think that I might care about her.
Every moment I had pretended that this was about ending the war between our families.
Every waking hour had been spent trying to win her complete trust.
She started talking about wedding ideas, her voice beautiful and melodic as a song. There was an excitement to her tone that I’d never heard before. As if she was finally, truly looking forward to the wedding.
Hell, I could listen to her talk forever. Problem was, the guilt was weighing too heavily for me to pay enough attention.
What I was doing was unforgiveable. If someone did this to my daughter, I would fucking kill them. I would not hesitate to make them pay.
I thought back to all the times Valentina had confided in me.
Told me things she obviously hadn’t told anyone else.
Like her hopes for her future children. Like the pressure of being a woman in the mafia.
Valentina had shared her fears with me. We had grown closer despite how rocky the road had been.
Though we were enemies, we had gotten past that.
We were something approaching friends. Truth be told, the care that was expanding my heart only made it feel like we were far more than friends.
What I was starting to feel for her was something I had never experienced before.
I couldn’t name it. But I knew what I was feeling only happened once or twice in a lifetime.
For the first time, I had found a woman I wanted to wake up next to. Every single day.
It scared the hell out of me, this bond between us.
I hadn’t ever gotten this close to a woman and there was a risk of destroying this fragile connection.
Because I had built our relationship on lies.
What we shared could easily break, and the thought of losing her made my blood run cold.
Valentina discovering what I had done and choosing to walk away from me was like a death.
And yet, it would have been the right decision.
A decision I was denying her with my family’s treachery.
Where the fuck did I go from here? If I kept on lying to her, kept on playing the game, the guilt would kill me.
This guilt that was slowly poisoning me and everyone around me was supposed to last years.
Maybe even a lifetime if I did my part. Based on my father’s plans, I would never be free of it.
But the guilt wasn’t what I hated most. What I hated most was hurting Valentina.
I hated that I was using this incredible, intelligent, strong-willed woman with a vulnerable heart deep down.
She was everything I never knew I wanted.
Icy on the outside, a passionate flame on the inside.
I was never bored with her. Every second was a thrill.
She tested me, challenged me. My life had been stagnant before her.
I’d been going through the motions. Doing my duty for my family.
But then she had come along and she had made me question everything.
A blade needed sharpening and that was what happened when I was with her.
I could keep up this pretense and continue lying. I could go on pretending. The same way I was now.
Guilt aside, every second with Valentina made life worth living. The alternative was losing her. Losing the only woman who truly understood me.
So, I could continue to lie and find some joy, some solace with her, or I could tell her everything.
If I confessed the truth, what were the odds of her ever forgiving me?
At least with the lie I’d be able to keep her by my side.
She trusted me, and after our first time together, her feelings for me were clearly getting serious.
I could see it in the way she looked at me.
In the way she touched me. There was a deepening trust now.
Valentina was already well on her way to falling in love with me.
But as I gently kissed her forehead while she talked excitedly about the wedding, I understood why maintaining this lie was so wrong. Even if I managed to keep her by my side, it wouldn’t have been real. She would be in love with an illusion.
Arranged marriages forced people with very little in common together, but they were also supposed to be based on truth. I had made a mockery of that deal. I was making a mockery of marriage and a mockery of her.
What this woman made me feel, dammit, I cared about her.
Not just out of obligation. Not because I had a role to play as her future husband.
But because I genuinely gave a damn about her.
Hell, I cared so fucking much that I was willing to lay down my hatred for her family just to make her life easier.
I was beginning to care not just for her, but for her family.
After getting to know them, I respected Don Romano and admired Mrs. Romano’s inner strength.
The loyalty that Don Romano’s wife and daughter showed him left me in awe.
I had never seen such loyalty. I respected it, and deep down, it was what I wanted to inspire in the people around me.
Trouble was, Don Romano wasn’t playing pretend with his wife or setting up his daughter with cons.
He inspired loyalty that was real. The only type of loyalty worth having.
The only type of loyalty that I wanted in my life.
That last thought brought me to a decision.
Strengthened my resolve. I was going to do the right thing.
Even if it meant that Valentina would hate me from here on out.
Even if it meant that she would never fucking forgive me.
Her father could send all of his goons after me.
Don Romano himself could strike the killing blow.
No matter what the consequences were, I cared about her too much to continue down this road.
Valentina deserved to have a real life. She deserved a real relationship that didn’t involve scams and lies.
She had considered going legitimate for our future kids, for fuck’s sake.
I had no right to deny her a real marriage.
I’d been helping my family tie this woman to me for life.
This con was so fucked up that I was taking her active choices from her.
I was determining her whole life without letting her have a say.
That was fucked up beyond reason and I had to set this right.
Soon, we fell asleep in each other’s arms in front of the fireplace.
––––––––
I WOKE IN THE MIDDLE of the night, the fireplace the only light in the room.
Outside, the rain had slowed to a drizzle.
The need to put things right was becoming an overwhelming urge.
My instinct to protect Valentina extended to even this.
I’d keep her safe from all her enemies. Including my family. Including myself.
As stealthily as I could, I got up, grabbed my burner phone from a nearby table, and went all the way to the living room to dial my father.
The call went to voicemail. I thought about hanging up and trying again later.
But my pang of conscience was turning into rage.
Rage at him for orchestrating this. For coming to me with this bullshit scheme to take down the Romanos.
Mostly though, I felt rage at myself. I should never have let it get this far.
It had been my father’s idea to marry the Romano girl.
The plan was for me to seduce Valentina and manipulate her into falling in love with me so that I could weaken the family from within.
There would be no alliance. Bit by bit, I would use her love against her so that she would help me crush every bit of power and wealth.
Until she and the rest of the Romanos had nothing.
Until Valentina was totally dependent on me and my family.
All without her realizing. She’d been too in love and too trusting.
Completely at the mercy of her blind loyalty to me.
The exact same loyalty she had showed to her father.
A loyalty that would get her to do anything, even destroy herself if she was ordered to.
That had been the plan. I’d been uneasy about it, but my hatred for the Romanos, and the necessity of keeping a check on my father’s rather volatile rule, had forced me to act.
The war was spinning out of control. And once the Romanos showed they were cold-blooded enough to take my uncle’s right hand, they had given us no choice. It was them or us.
Only one side was going to win and a loss for the other side meant certain death for many of the family’s members. I refused to allow Dom Romano or his daughter to pick us off one by one like we were clay pigeons.
With all that rage and remorse swirling in my head, I decided to leave a voicemail message for my father.
“Look, I’m not calling with an update. I’m calling because I refuse to do this,” I said, keeping my voice low. “I can’t lie to her. As soon as I get the chance, I’ll tell her everything. I’m fucking done.”
I hung up, shutting the burner phone. The weight of the guilt hadn’t lifted, but it was the first step in doing what needed to be done.
For the first time in my life of crime, I was going to do the right thing.
Not for any reward or a payoff. Simply because I cared about Valentina.
I cared enough to know that she had always deserved better than a brute like me.
Valentina had plans for her life and I could no longer get in the way.
I’d step aside. Risk her wrath. And the wrath of the entire Romano family.
We would have to call off the wedding. Scrap all the plans for the sham ceremony. Canceling the wedding like this could bring Romano violence down on all our heads, so I made a plan to tell one last lie.
I would let Valentina believe that this had been my idea from the start.
The Romanos would only come after me. They’d spare my family.
I wouldn’t be spared, however. Whatever Valentina and her father decided to do to me would make removing my uncle’s hand look like child’s play.
But there was no going back now. What I felt for Valentina was too unshakeable to be brought down by fear.
I’d tell her that too. The truth about what I actually felt for her.
I was lying, though. I wasn’t going to hide my true feelings anymore.