28
THEA
We’ve been walking for over an hour. The warm summer air makes my skin sticky, even under the shade of the trees. It’s been weeks since my last hike, the night the crazed man opened my truck door, and it feels good to get my body moving in this way again.
The trail Wesley chose isn’t far from the house. We walked to the entrance instead of driving.
Greenery takes up nearly every inch of my vision, only interrupted by the muted brown of the tree trunks and the dirt path we’re walking on. I have yet to see any flowers or a flicker of color that I might capture with my camera.
Not that I think Wesley will be too fond of me stopping to take pictures every time something catches my eye. The energy rolling off of him reeks of annoyance. It’s why I was reluctant to approach him when I got to the house after work.
Earlier, I found him in the gym, playing his screaming music while working out. I tried gathering my nerve to interrupt, but having all day to think about my actions in the kitchen left me hesitant.
After my little show, I was riding a wave of adrenaline. That soon came crashing down around me. Embarrassment replaced the rush of power. Shame boiled over at my out of character behavior as well as how much I enjoyed being close to Wesley—a man who wants nothing to do with me.
Those familiar feelings of rejection mixed with the humiliation plagued me, yet there I stood admiring Wesley as he worked out.
All I could think about was the feel of his muscular arm under my hand and the warmth of his cheek against my lips. His faint comforting scent of outdoors, pine and leather, clung to me all day.
I gave myself a minute to work up the courage to approach him. He was shirtless and using the pullup bar. His tan back was slicked with sweat, making his muscles glisten as they contracted with each pull upwards. I counted five—he wasn’t showing any signs of stopping.
My eyes traveled lower, landing on his ass. Fuck, Thea. Tearing my gaze away, I admired the tattoo on his back instead. A pack of wolves with a forest in the background and the sun rising over mountains. Beautiful. My first thought was that the wolves signify him and his brothers, although I counted five, not four. It must mean something else.
While that’s the first time seeing his back tattoo, I’ve noticed the others covering his arms. On one, there’s a dark forest scape with trees, misty mountains, and a river flowing over rocks, ending at his wrist. It reminds me of the Toccoa River that flows through their backyard.
The other arm is lighter, filled with delicate lines that create the illusion of an old style map. Continents take up his forearm, from his wrist to just above his elbow. Over his bicep and shoulder, there are two faces conjoined at the back of their heads, facing away from each other. A large twisted serpent, a giraffe, and a cherub surround the faces.
Thud.
The sound pulled me from my fixation on his body. Wesley’s feet hit the floor. Oh shit. He turned to see me standing there like a creep, making my cheeks flush.
Pulling out his phone, he paused the music. “You ready?” He didn’t ask why I was standing there not saying anything—he didn’t care. Why would he?
“I-uh…yes. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
He didn’t reply. Instead, he pulled a shirt over his head and walked towards me. Wesley didn’t stop until he was in front of me and bending down. It took me off guard, but then I noticed he was grabbing a backpack laying against the wall. Slipping his arms through the straps, he straightened and looked at me expectantly.
His dark eyes staring intensely as I watched a bead of sweat drip down his neck, disappearing beneath his shirt.
“Are you going to move?”
Suddenly, I realized I was blocking the door. My eyes closed as I groaned internally. Yep, I’m a creep.
Fast forward, over an hour later, and aside from his occasional, “You good?” and my, “Yes” we haven’t talked much.
We come to a flat rock clearing and Wesley stops, admiring in the view overlooking the foothills and mountains beyond. “We’ll take a break here and then head back.”
He slings his bag to the ground, plops down and rustles around inside before pulling out some kind of snack bar. He hands it to me, noticing it’s gluten-free.
I smile, then quickly pull it back.
Unzipping the backpack I brought, I retrieve a container and hand it to him. “What’s this?” He opens the lid and gives me a look of confusion mixed with surprise.
“I hope you like what’s in there. I wasn’t sure how you take your salad, so I made my favorite. There’s grilled chicken, black beans, corn, cilantro, a little rice, and…” I dig for a smaller container and hand it to him. “Some salsa for dressing.” I pull an identical container out and give him a fork.
I don’t wait to see if he’ll eat it as I dig into mine and stare out at the view in front of me. After a couple of bites, I put my camera to work and take some phenomenal pictures. I’ll probably even hang one next to the mountain photo in my living room.
Glancing over, I see Wesley’s devoured his food and I fight back a grin. He slides his gaze to me. “Thank you. That was good.”
I simply nod. I thought that surprising him earlier would have made him open up a little. It didn’t seem to work. It may have pushed him away more. Maybe even made him upset. Thinking back to the conversation I overheard and what I know about Wesley, he’s guarded. That’s something I fully understand.
“I’m sorry if kissing your cheek earlier made you uncomfortable.” I’m unable to look at him when I say it, afraid of the glare I’ll get. “I was just…”
“Trying to make Damian jealous?” He says it plainly, not upset or irritated.
I push my salad around with my fork before meeting his eyes. “Yeah. I guess. I don’t know how to do this. To be everything each of you needs. Sutton and Cole are easier, but…” I pause, realizing that I’m spilling all of my inner thoughts out.
“It’s fine. You can say it.” He encourages, pulling his knees up to his chest. Somehow, it makes him appear small. Vulnerable even.
“You and Damian are harder to decipher. I don’t know where I stand with either of you. Some days it feels like I’m making headway and other days it feels like I’m back at square one. It’s tiring. Maybe this isn’t for me.” I look away from him, watching a bird circle in the sky. “Cassie was right…”
I hear him shift. “About what?”
I’m not sure why I say it. Wesley and I don’t have any sort of deep connection. Perhaps that’s what makes the words easier to admit. “Just something about how much it’d hurt to have my heart broken by four guys. It’s probably better to get it over with now, since it would only be by two of you.” Saying it out loud hurts. I don’t want to lose Cole or Sutton. It’s painful to even think about.
A tear betrays me and rolls down my cheek. I hate the weakness they’ve caused in me.
Closing my eyes, I try to force away the stinging. I flinch when I feel something brush against my skin. My lids open to find Wesley reaching across the distance, his thumb wiping away the trail of wetness. The gesture steals my breath.
“You really care, don’t you?” He asks, almost in disbelief.
I don’t want to admit it, feeling like it’ll make me even weaker. But I also know I can’t lie. “Looks that way.”
“It’s not you,” he says plainly after a few minutes. “A few years ago, we had a girlfriend, Victoria. She lived with us and we thought that was it for us. Everything was perfect.” It should hurt to hear about this, about their past with another woman, yet it doesn’t. I’m happy that Wesley is opening up. “When she left…” I see the pain on his face. His eyes close momentarily and his fists clench—the light catches the two red gems in his ring.
“It’s never easy losing someone you love.” I want to reach out to him, but hesitate.
Those bottomless brown eyes soften as he gives me the slightest smile. It’s almost nonexistent. “It’s been hard imagining having something like that again. I can’t go through that pain… it put me into a pretty bad depression. I wasn’t sure I’d come out of it.”
His admission makes my heart sting. Depression is the last thing I would have expected him to struggle with. I mean, sure, with me he’s moody. However, I’ve seen glimpses of him with other people. His bright smile and the way he throws his head back when he laughs. His presence takes up the entire room in the best way possible. And I’d venture to guess that the only people who know the truth about his struggles are his brothers. Everyone else sees the mask he wears.
I want to promise him it won’t be like that, although it might be a lie. I’d never want to hurt any of them, but I don’t know what the future holds, so I offer him the truth. “I understand.”
“For the last two years, I’ve been focusing on my mental health, going to therapy, building my business, throwing myself into fitness and nature. I’m in a good place and my meds are working great.” And in a moment of complete unguardedness, he confesses, “I feel like you might ruin that… if I let myself fall for you and you walked away, I don’t know if I’d survive it.” He runs his hand over the back of his neck. “I know it’s not fair for me to put that on you, but I need you to know why I’m holding back.”
This time, I don’t hesitate. I reach across and lay my hand on his arm. The warmth of his skin is soothing. “Wesley, I feel the same way. I’ve protected myself for a long time, terrified of letting anyone in again, knowing I could be right back where I started a year ago or worse. Thank you for opening up to me.” The next part I say because I need him to know that there’s no pressure and honestly, it’d be better if they ended things with me now. It might save me a lot of pain. “I know you feel pressured to pursue me, but I don’t want that. I don’t want you getting into this if you’re not ready. Your mental health is so much more important and you won’t have to worry about me being angry or anything like that if you want to cut this off. It’s okay, I’ll understand.”
The words are painful to say because it’s true. I won’t be angry and I will understand, although it will hurt like hell. But he doesn’t need that weighing him down.
“Thank you. It means a lot that you respect my boundaries.” With those words, I’m fully expecting Wesley to tell Damian it’s not going to work when we get to the house. Damn it, if I don’t want to cry the whole way back like a fucking baby, however, that would be too selfish.
I can at least wait until I make it to my room to wallow in private.
Our walk back is about as quiet as the hike there. Wesley does point out a few spots that might make for a good picture. He shows me a few blooms off in the distance that I missed before. He even spots a deer for me to capture.
I can tell he’s softened a bit after our conversation, although I think it’s more of him feeling bad about what’s to come.
WESLEY
My eyes stare at the back of Thea’s head almost the entire way back as I try to figure her out. I look at her ass, too. I’m still a man. But it’s her mind that’s throwing me.
Today was completely unexpected. She made me food when I only brought her a shitty snack bar. Thea took the time to nourish me. It might not mean much to someone else, but to me it was a thoughtful gesture I didn’t deserve—considering I’ve been kind of an asshole.
This is the first time we’ve been alone together. My brothers have been a welcome buffer between us until now. That made it easier to keep my walls up. However, today, in less than an hour, she made me feel so comfortable that my emotions came spilling out.
That’s never happened to me before.
I shared with her my fears of getting into a relationship and my depression. No one knows about that except my brothers. And she understood. Not only understood, she accepted me. Thea even said that she wouldn’t be angry if I couldn’t be with her, if I wasn’t ready. She’d let all of us go to keep my mental health intact.
It says a lot about her character. While I haven’t had anything against her in particular, today she earned my respect.
In the distance, I spot some flowers and point them out to Thea. I watch as she crouches down, focusing her camera in the direction I showed her. After a minute, she stands and continues walking. We’ve both been silent for the most part, so when she thanks me every time I show her something of interest, I’m hyper aware that her tone is soft, defeated. Fuck.
I was scared she was going to ruin me, but look at me ruining her.
An old pain creeps into my chest with that realization—one I haven’t felt in two years. I can’t do that to her. However, it’s not out of sympathy or pity, it’s because despite everything I’ve done to protect myself, she’s still gotten through. If I hurt her, I’ll be hurting myself.
Most people might get all giddy and shit at the thought of someone having feelings for them or the possibility of falling in love. It fills me with dread. Loving someone means they can leave you. Or in my case, they’ll leave you—it’s only a matter of time. I told Thea about Victoria. But I’ve held back a more significant loss.
I don’t remember her leaving, so it shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. And at least she had the decency to leave me with family. She could have tossed me in a dumpster. The pain of that abandonment is far worse than Victoria’s. I got over her eventually. However, my mom…that’s an ache that haunts me all the time.
When we hit the top of the driveway, Thea turns to me. Those big blue eyes under thick dark lashes penetrate me. I need some space to think through all of this.
“I’m going to head out for a bit, run some errands. Need anything?” Why is she still being so nice? I shake my head, wanting to get inside.
Thea gives me a weak smile and walks to her truck. I don’t stay to see her off. While she’s gone, I need to figure this shit out.
I hurry through the front door. Damian’s standing in the kitchen. His face scrunches as I stomp through the dining room to the stairs.
“Where’s Thea?” He asks, a hint of warning in his voice. When I don’t answer, he rushes toward me, grabbing me by the arm. “What happened?”
“Nothing, she’s running errands. She’ll be back in a bit. Everything is fine. I was on my best behavior. Ask her yourself.” I yank out of his grip and take the steps two at a time until I’m in my room, shutting out the world.
Unlocking my phone, I sync to my speakers and hit play. Putting the volume to max, I plop down on my bed and let my mind wander to Thea.
I’ve been fighting against her for a month, figuring she would’ve given up by now. Despite my moodiness, coldness, and distance, Thea didn’t back down—she rose to the challenge. She stayed. All the while, giving me space and repeatedly telling me I didn’t have to pursue her if I wasn’t interested.
She’s giving me a choice. That’s more than I can say about anyone else in my life.
For the first time, I don’t keep the thoughts of what a life with Thea would look like at bay. I’ve been fighting hard against it, but I give in.
I imagine Thea smiling at me in the morning when we first wake up. She smiled at me once, during game night, then I ruined the moment. I shake away the negativity.
Her blue eyes light up as I pull her close to me in bed. Thea’s feisty. She pushes her palm into my shoulder until I’m laying flat on my back. Then she pounces.
She straddles me and pins me down playfully. I laugh, knowing I could easily overpower her, yet I give her a few seconds to feel like she might win. Leaning down, she kisses me and I reach up to deepen it. But she pulls away.
Her lips trail over my chin and down my neck until she’s licking over the pulse in my throat. I groan, knowing what she’s going to do. Thea’s teeth clamp down on that tender spot.
My arms fly up and I grab her around the waist, flipping her onto her back so that I’m on top of her now. I nudge her thighs apart and press myself into her.
I snap out of the fantasy, not wanting to take it any further, although it’s too late. My cock is hard and throbbing with need. Rolling out of bed, I head to my bathroom to wash away the day and rub one out.
First, my meds. I meant to take them earlier, but got in my head about hiking with Thea. Popping the lid, I dump the last pill into my hand. That’s not right. I turn the bottle and look at the refill date—I should still have five days worth left.
Shit. Did I get mixed up and double dose myself? I’ve done it before—never this often. Although, I usually don’t have a beautiful woman creating this much chaos in my head. Now, I have to explain to Damian why I need more and see if he has any connections to get some. I can’t risk going without them.