CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I caught a glimpse of his wicked grin, as if he were imagining exactly what he was going to do next. My heart leaped in excitement at what his plans might be. His phone started ringing in his pocket, but he didn’t seem to hear it.
“Your phone’s ringing,” I told him, disappointed that our moment was over before it had even begun.
He took it out of his pocket and threw it over his shoulder, where it landed with a thud on the ground.
I understood that gesture and had a burning need to know what he’d do next, now that he had his go-ahead.
Given what I already knew about him, would he tease me? Ghost his lips near mine without actually touching? Or would he brush his mouth gently against mine over and over again until he had me begging for more?
Would he softly explore my lips as we learned each other’s rhythms and how we liked to be kissed?
Or did he expect me to make the first move?
Camden slipped his hand up to my neck, holding me in place. Out of utter frustration I was about to ask him about his intentions when he pressed his lips against mine, making a sound that was a mixture of relief, gratitude, and desire.
We were like two asteroids colliding into each other. Slamming with full force, debris flying everywhere, cores melding into one another. There was intense velocity and a shock wave as his mouth devoured mine, and I feared that in the aftermath there wouldn’t be any part of me left. I’d just be tiny pieces of rubble all over the floor because his kiss was utterly destroying me.
Every move of his lips against mine set off a wave of pure starlight, filling me with a silvery, glowing warmth that made my whole body light up. Like I’d been living in darkness for my whole life and someone had just figured out how to flip the on switch.
That light quickly turned to a smoldering fire that made me feel raw with want and need, burning its way through me. I wondered if he was on fire, too.
His mouth was wild on mine, and he was making sounds in his throat that collapsed my spine, making it hard to stay upright. The explosion of nerve endings along the surface of my lips spiraled out, spreading that fire through every part of my body.
I marveled at how well we fit together, like a key fitting perfectly into a lock. Like we belonged together. Had been made for each other.
His kisses were so hard, so hungry, and full of a sureness that surprised me. No hesitation, no curiosity or wondering. Like he knew where we both belonged and it was here, with each other.
Krista had been right. There was no questioning the scorching chemistry between us.
I was desperate for him, and the way he shuddered against me made me think he felt exactly the same. I was a freaking saint for not kissing him before this. Somebody should have canonized me.
His mouth moved away, like my lips weren’t enough to satiate him. He started pressing kisses along my jaw until he reached the spot where it met my neck and ran his lips along the edge. I didn’t know it was possible to burn and shiver at the same time. My heart was beating so hard it was like it had turned my entire body into one giant drum.
I clung to his shoulders, loving the way he felt under my hands. There was so much strength there.
He kissed his way down my throat, his breath hot against my skin, and my eyeballs rolled so far back in my head I was afraid I might not ever be able to see again. He made the fire inside me so intense I could feel beads of sweat forming along my hairline, along my back. At this rate my legs were going to melt clean off my body.
“Do you know how long I’ve imagined this?” He asked the words against my skin and I couldn’t respond. All I could do was hold to him tightly, like I was caught in a storm. Or a solar flare that was going to burst and consume me.
“You,” he said, punctuating each word with a kiss, “are sexy and smart and amazing and I want to see you again.”
“What?” My question came out breathy and confused since I wasn’t sure what he meant.
“When we get back to New York.”
There was no pretense on his part. He was being serious and honest with me. No more spy stuff, no more going along with what Sadie wanted. “This isn’t part of the game,” I told him, needing to know that he understood what he was offering.
“No, it’s not.” He stopped kissing me and I wanted to whimper in protest. He rested his forehead against mine. “This isn’t about this game, or any other kind.”
“Okay.” Why was he talking when there were other far more interesting and amazing things we could be doing?
He started pressing kisses against my face, on the delicate skin of my eyelids, my temple, the bridge of my nose. “This is real. You and me. I want this. I want you.”
I wanted him, too. But there were other things to consider. Things he didn’t know.
Things I was having a hard time remembering at the moment, given how he was stroking my back.
I finally settled on, “I can’t ... I can’t ...” I couldn’t promise him anything. Especially not when my brain was hyperventilating and reason was impossible. “Just kiss me.”
“That I can do.”
It was what I could offer—to be in this moment, here with him. His smoldering kiss engulfed me again, but the desperate ravishing of a few seconds ago was gone. Now he was gentle and sweet in a way that brought tears to my eyes.
He had feelings for me, and he was showing me. With his tenderness, his softness.
I was never going to forget this moment. The way his lips felt on mine, how every part of my body that he touched felt indelibly marked—as if I would have those marks forever.
“Rachel.” He said my name reverently, almost like a prayer.
It felt like too much. I couldn’t think of emotions right now. I pulled on the back of his head, deepening the kiss. He responded immediately and that hungry, intense kiss was back. The stubble of his chin rubbed against my face, sensitizing my skin, heightening every pass he made. I found myself reaching for the bottom button on his shirt, not caring where we were or what else happened. I had to touch him, to feel more of his heated skin on mine. Fire raced up and down my veins as he pushed me into the shelving unit behind us.
And I knew that fire could consume. It could ravage and devastate. I remembered that all of this would be destroyed when he found out the truth.
That cold reality—along with the sound of a bottle crashing to the floor—was what brought me back to myself. The shattering glass broke us away from one another. He stepped back and it was like someone had wrenched me away from him, and I hated the distance between us.
We were both panting, and the sound of his harsh breathing was doing funny things to my stomach. The only thing I wanted in that moment was to throw myself back into his embrace. I felt so stupid that I’d missed out on the opportunity to be doing this the entire time.
I had to clear my throat so that I could speak. “We should go. We did what they wanted.”
“We did what we wanted,” he corrected me. “What I want to keep doing.”
A wave of guilt and regret enveloped me. He was going to be furious with me. There was a reason I was holding back from him. Maybe if he’d just said this was a hookup it might have been okay. But with him saying he wanted things to continue? There was no future here.
Now I had tears in my eyes for an entirely different reason. My chest hurt. I wanted so badly to just tell him the truth. I couldn’t. I reached for the door handle, pushing it open.
No matter what I told myself earlier, I’d wanted this. The door wasn’t locked, nobody was standing guard outside it. I could have left at any time. I’d willfully gone into this situation knowing what the end result would be.
I walked back to where the group was sitting and felt Camden on my heels. I had no explanation to offer him about why I couldn’t let things continue.
The bridal party let out a loud cheer when they saw us.
“Was it everything you ever dreamed?” Krista asked as Sadie ran over to hug me.
“Are you so in love?” the now slightly drunk bride asked me. “You’re going to invite me to the wedding, right?”
Hank was packing up the camera equipment. “You guys should probably call it a night. It’s after midnight and you don’t want everybody sick tomorrow at the ceremony.” Given how the level of inebriation had increased among several people at the party, it seemed like that was a good recommendation.
“I’ll help get Sadie back to her villa,” I said, but Dan stopped me.
“She’s my almost wife. I think I can handle this.”
I felt bad—I hadn’t been trying to imply that he couldn’t. I was just looking for an easy excuse to leave and focus on something that wasn’t Camden and his magic lips.
“I love you so much,” Sadie cooed at him. “You’re my hero.”
They left together and I said to no one in particular, “But it’s bad luck.”
Camden was still standing right behind me. “What is?”
“Technically it’s their wedding day. They’re not supposed to see each other.” Camden wasn’t doing anything in particular, but standing this close to him made me feel awkward and stupid.
“I guess if Dan keeps his eyes closed, it’ll be okay.”
I didn’t have a response to his joke so I just announced, “I’m headed to bed. Good night, everyone.”
That was meant to be a hint to Krista, one that she either didn’t get or was ignoring. “See you tomorrow morning!” she called back.
“Okay, then.” So much for that plan.
“It’s getting late for me, too. I’ll walk with you,” Camden said and there wasn’t a way for me to decline since we were going to the exact same place.
We spent the whole time in total silence, not touching. I could feel his confusion, and I didn’t blame him. I was definitely giving off some very mixed signals.
When we reached our rooms he asked, “Is everything okay? Did I scare you off down there?”
This was a switch. Usually I was the one panicking about saying or doing too much and freaking out my date. “No. It’s just ... I don’t see a way for things to continue.”
Was that vague but final enough?
“Tonight or ever?”
“Both?” I asked it like a question, clearly indicating how conflicted I felt. Because when I looked at his lips all I wanted was to have them pressed against me. I wasn’t picky where.
“Are you sure about that?”
“No,” I confessed. “Everything is so confusing. I’m not sure what to think.”
He took me by the hand, and my nerve endings were very happy at this development and tingled in response. He tugged at me, wanting to pull me closer but letting me make the call.
I walked into his embrace and I could feel how happy my actions made him.
“So let’s not think,” he said and then his mouth was on mine. Desire roared to life inside me, twisting low and hard in my gut. How was he so good at this? How did it take him just fractions of a second to render me totally senseless? Make me go fluid and pliant against him, desperate for more?
He had me floating dizzily in a world of heat and darkness, where nothing but the next wave of pleasure or sensation mattered when he stopped the kiss.
“Rachel, it’s late. We’ve got an early morning.”
“But ...” I reached out for a reason for him to stay put. “The coin flip. Aren’t we supposed to spend time together after the party?”
He grinned and said, “It landed on tails. Which is why I’m off to bed.”
“You are?” Did I sound as pathetic as I felt?
“Yep. Do you want to join me?”
His words plunged me into a want so thick and desperate that my whole body was shaking with the need to say yes.
There was no way. “I can’t.”
I’d expected him to show the same sort of disappointment I was feeling, but he seemed perfectly fine. Almost as if he’d expected my answer. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I felt compelled to explain. “I have to draw this line in the sand.” I might not have been able to tell him why, but it had to be done. I’d already drawn a line before, saying I wouldn’t kiss him, and now I’d done that a whole bunch.
But this line ... this one had to stay firm. I couldn’t be with him like that when I was lying to him. Not to mention that it was way too soon, even if my body heartily disagreed with me.
Camden took a step back, his hand still around my wrist. “Do you know what happens whenever I draw a line in the sand? The tide always washes it away.”
Then I’d have to make that line in concrete. Or steel. In whatever substance Captain America’s shield was made out of.
He lifted my arm and pressed his lips to the inside of my wrist and my knees buckled underneath me.
“I may have mentioned this before,” he said, “but in case I didn’t, I’m a very patient man. And I’m very good at waiting. I’m happy to wait for as long as you need me to.”
Then he pressed one soft, perfect kiss against my lips. “Good night, Rachel. And if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He disappeared into his room.
I stood in the hallway for a moment, trying to collect myself enough so that I could find my keycard and let myself into my own room. I will admit that I considered knocking on Camden’s door more than once and it was only through sheer force of will that I didn’t.
Grabbing my keycard, I let myself into my room and slumped against the wall, going down until I sat on the floor.
Obviously, I was willing to ignore my own rule about not dating anyone from a wedding. I’d moved past that line a long time ago, even if I’d kept denying it. And even though I usually felt like men were untrustworthy, that wasn’t at all true when it came to Camden. I knew I could trust him.
But it wasn’t just about trust. It was about me literally not being able to tell him the entire truth. I racked my brain, trying to remember the details of Sadie’s non-disclosure agreement. If it hadn’t been so early in New York, I would have called my attorney.
Camden said he was willing to wait. Would he wait ten years? Because that might be how long the NDA was going to last.
It was so frustrating because this was entirely my fault. I had insisted on those non-disclosure agreements for so long, wanting to keep things totally aboveboard and professional, and now it had come back to bite me in the butt. Maybe if I could have been more relaxed, more open, I wouldn’t be in this situation now.
I was leaving in twenty-four hours. Maybe I should be focusing on that instead of trying to come up with a way to have everything I wanted without breaking anybody’s rules—either mine or the legal system’s.
There had to be something. A way around this.
All I had to do was come up with it.