4. Necessary Evils
Afew days later, after dinner, Colin and Olivia were sitting at the kitchen island cutting vegetables as she attempted to make her first focaccia bread without Mary present. And so far, Colin was pleased to see she was doing a good job. His gold wedding band shined brightly in the light of the kitchen, and he was happy to know that her wedding ring, which he had designed and special ordered, would be here a little after school started. As of right now she’d been wearing a simple band on her finger, at his insistence.
He was quiet, not wanting to break her concentration. Her hair was up in an adorable sloppy ponytail, and she was sticking the tip of her tongue out the side of her mouth, her face almost in the focaccia as she concentrated on making the design perfect. He’d set a moody instrumental playlist over the speakers, and he was reveling in the perfect feeling of just being with her. Her phone rang, making her jump slightly.
He put the knife down and took a sip of his scotch, his eyes roaming over the flour stuck to her messy, scantily clad body, wondering if she’d let him lick it off.
“Hi Aliyah!” Olivia turned the phone and propped it up against a bag of flour facing Colin before coming around with her own drink. He raised his drink in hello before leaning forward to press his lips to her hair. He pulled back as he smiled, amused at the dough stuck in her hair.
“Babe, you are not going to believe this!” Aliyah screeched through the phone, causing Olivia to slightly jump in surprise. Colin moved on his stool, pulling her slightly in between his legs and began to start trying to rub the doughy goo out of her hair.
He wondered briefly if he’d find any of the strands in the baked dough, smiling at his secret thought. His baby was trying so hard to create something in the kitchen and he found it sweet, even if it was costing him a small fortune to get constant take-out and pay Mary extra to make freezer meals and lunches. The woman just couldn’t cook to save her life.
“Whhaaaatt, Beau’?” she sang back to Aliyah, now trying to swat him away as he was trying to stick his hand down her pants outside of the camera view. He arched an eyebrow at her as she removed his hand and placed the knife back in it with an admonishing look.
“Our friend Sarah got ahold of me and informed me that Studio Banks has a huge influx of new students signing up for a dance class with you. Girl, EVERYONE saw you on the internet from when you were at that millionaire’s party. Can you teach a class this Saturday night?” Aliyah said, her screen going dark as she went into a tunnel.
Olivia gaped at her friend, barely hearing Colin chopping the last of the vegetables. The glass clinked as he finished his drink off. She reached over absent mindedly and poured slightly too much to refill it. He grasped her hand quickly with a slight frown, upturning the bottle and putting it down.
The scotch was not meant to be wasted, but savored.
She leaned into the phone closer. “Aliyah!” she snapped, irritated. Colin’s eyes narrowed. “What did you tell her?” she hissed into the phone, her face upset.
As Colin observed the conversation, he too, was becoming upset, as Aliyah seemed to be ruining their good time, and possibly ruining the kinky night he’d had planned for them. He was trying to get it all in before she went back to school, not relishing the thought of her having lingering pain while she was supposed to be focusing on class. He cleared his throat rather abruptly; irritated.
“Uhm I told her yeah, that the GOAT would be in attendance. There’s one hundred people signed up for that class because of you what the hell did you think I said?” Aliyah snapped back.
Olivia groaned. “Fine,” she said, turning the phone to face her as she resumed the bread design, turning to make sure the oven was turned on first.
Colin snorted. That’s an improvement at least, he thought, his eyes turning away from hers as he quickly took another drink.
Olivia didn’t see the look on his face as his mind turned to planning their honeymoon. She only had a few free days before school started, so they weren’t able to take one. So, he was trying to figure out when their breaks could align so he could plan something amazing, and he’d wanted her all to himself for at least a solid week if not more.
“Can I bring Colin?” she asked, throwing him a look. He raised his eyebrow and shrugged. He didn’t care.
“Hell ya, everyone would love him, he’s hunky,” Aliyah said, the woman being a lesbian just threw that out there as an afterthought.
“Alright, I’ll be there. As long as you’re there,” she said sternly. Her voice making Colin want to choke her to kill that authoritative clip, he didn’t like it in their home. His fingers tightened on his glass as he took another sip.
“Be there at six. We can catch up. Love ya,” Aliyah said before disconnecting the call.
Half an hour later, Colin had to remind her about the bread, as he was busy experimenting, thrusting a big cucumber in between her legs while she was laid out on the island as they waited for her bread to be done. Thankfully it didn’t burn.
They carried her design upstairs so they could eat it while fucking in the bedroom’s lounge.
She spent the next few days going to rehearsal, while he was at the office. She’d join him for lunch, sweaty and desperate for a break. She taught the class and then afterwards he drove her home, turned on by the private lap dance she’d treated him to after everyone left the studio.
***
“Colin!” Olivia’s cries fell on deaf ears as she screamed through another hard orgasm, she was pushing against him, but he held her tighter, giving her those perfect thrusts that stimulated the sensitive spots in her body and drove her wild.
Colin had driven them home with his hand on her bare pussy, gripping her possessively. He’d instructed her to take her pants and panties off in the car. When they got to the house he parked haphazardly in the front and ripped her out of her seat, shoving her down on his dick in the driver’s side.
He made her ride him mercilessly until his truck was rocking with their movements.
Olivia cried out as he stepped out of the truck with her still wrapped around him, twitching in orgasm before he turned and walked them into the house, lowering them and fucking her on the foyer floor with the front door still open, he hadn’t even bothered to turn on the lights. Colin flipped her to her knees and was pounding into her so hard she couldn’t even think straight.
He placed his hand on her mouth so her screams couldn’t carry outside the house.
Caught up in the throes of their passion, and his pleasure heightened by Olivia yelling at him to spank her, Colin took his belt off and whipped her across her ass while he was giving her perfectly measured drives into her beautiful body.
Her heart quickened at his feral smile, and she tried to reach for the leg of the foyer table to steady herself, but he turned and dragged her away, slamming the front door closed. Dragging her by her foot into the elevator, he gave her a bone rattling jerk to pull her the rest of the way in, where he had her straddling his hips again.
She orgasmed so hard she reached out and slapped him in the throes of passion, and in retaliation he’d tied her elbows to her knees and then strapped her ankles down via her head once he got her to the bedroom, the strap tucked under her neck to keep her legs in place.
“Ohhhhh okay, you’re fucking hitting me now, huh?” he asked softly. Moving to wedge two pillows under her hips, the position opening her up and spreading her wide for him at the perfect angle.
“I’m sorry sir, I’m just a little overwhelmed, please don’t punish me I didn’t mean it,” Olivia whispered, her whole body trembling in ecstasy at the thought of Colin unleashing himself on her. She got two of her favorite things in one night, dancing and Colin’s wild side.
She refused to think about why she was so adamant he hurt her.
Her emotions had been all over the place and she needed a release badly. His words temporarily ripped her mind from her feelings.
“I just know that you can’t possibly think that we’ve even gotten started,” he said as he stared into her bewildered face. He’d never tied her up like this before, mindful of her shoulder. But tonight, she’d proven that was a moot point, her shoulder was no longer a problem.
“Colin-” she tried again, her body shiny with sweat, she was struggling through her breaths, he’d already given her several toe-curling orgasms. But he’d already left her and went to their drink cart, mixing them up something. He took his phone and began to scroll through it.
He walked over and sat, letting her drink in peace, tilting the glass to her lips. He put the glass on her nightstand as the music began to play softly through the surround in the room.
He’d put on Lose Control by Teddy Swims. The lyrics raw, rubbing at the synapses in her brain simultaneously weakening and strengthening her at the same time. He leaned down, licking into her mouth deeply, rumbling deep in his throat. He was wrapping his dominance around her like a cloak, pulling it tight against her.
His big hand cupped her pussy and she clenched, feeling that delicious burn she often got down there.
Colin pulled back from her moaning form and his eyes caught her gaze, he raised his hand before roughly slapping it down on her mound and cupping her again, massaging her. She let out a cry at the first pop on her pussy. He slapped her in quick successions, the pops reverberating throughout the room. He cupped his hand around her and squeezed with a soft grunt.
“I want to take your ass,” he said, not giving her reprieve from her eyes or his hand. She was wriggling, moaning under his administration. She cried out as his big finger started manipulating her clit in small circles.
“But not tonight. I just want to leave the thought with you,” he said, leaning down once more, this time taking her nipple in his mouth in a hot suck. She struggled against the restraints, trying to arch but not able to move anywhere. The music abruptly changed into a softer transition.
Olivia caught her breath, her eyes misting up. He had put on A Gift of a Thistle from Braveheart, the melody tearing through her heart. He climbed back on top of her and thrust into her slowly, his gaze not leaving her eyes the whole time. Groaning contentedly, he thrusted slowly, the deepest he’d ever been inside of her. The music swelled around them as he struggled to contain the emotions he felt for her.
Olivia cried, opening her heart to him. “Let me go,” she whispered, needing to touch him.
“Ask me a different way. I don’t want you to ever ask me to let you go,” he said softly, his brown eyes staring into hers softly as he waited.
“Please undo my legs and arms, sir,” Olivia repeated, hissing as he ground against her just a little deeper.
Colin paused, removing her ties and bent down, feeling her fingers sinking into his hair. He resumed taking her mouth in a loving kiss as they rocked intimately to the beat of the music in their own dance, finally having found each other amid all their chaos.
Afterwards, she locked herself into the toilet room in the bathroom, sobbing as she sat curled on the floor, confused by the depth of her feelings. This became a habit, one she became good at hiding from him.
She didn’t want him to know that despite their lifestyle, she was still hurting. All the repressed emotions she hadn’t wanted to deal with were violently ripped to the surface and she didn’t know how to handle them.
***
Colin surprised her by taking her on a five-day honeymoon to Belize and then to Italy. The two destinations wildly different, but each serving a purpose.
They lounged lazily in Belize, the tempo there much slower, allowing them to relax without any pressure. They went snorkeling and he was even able to convince her to go parasailing. Italy saw them going to multiple museums. She refused any attempt to shop, only relenting to get them matching beaded bracelets that only cost twenty-five dollars each at a stand off the street. It was his most cherished possession aside from his wedding band.
She was thankful that she blushed frequently, because it helped hide the tears from her crying in secret.
Olivia didn’t know how to explain why her face was always pink. She looked forward to school, knowing that it would help distract her from this sudden bleakness she found that gaped like a black void inside her heart, right where her box of hurts was.
Too soon school started, she began to throw herself wholeheartedly into her studies, subsequently ending their little bubble of relaxation.
Colin felt that nagging feeling come back. They still had a couple of issues that they were both avoiding. They needed to figure out what to do with Allison, and he needed to tell her about the accident. He had a fresh outlook on the fear she felt at revealing how she’d made her extra money, feeling the same fear at telling her about the day that ended in him killing five individuals twenty-three years ago.
Olivia was currently sitting at the kitchen island, books spread out in front of her, and trying to type up something for a class while he was scooping chocolate chip cookie dough onto a baking sheet.
“Are you almost done, love?” he said, throwing her a glance as he placed the cookies in the oven and turned to lean against the counter, a fresh whiskey in his hand. He took off his glasses and placed them on the counter, finding he had to use them slightly more since the constant computer use was causing eye strain.
“Yes, I’m just finishing up a submission for my Architectural, Culture, and Society class,” she said, before she finished typing and closing her laptop on a heaving sigh, rolling her head back on her shoulders and moaning. She was having a hard time getting used to the long hours on the computer typing. So, he often sat near her when she had to do these assignments, working quietly on his own computer, catching up on the news or conducting his own business for his company.
She was in a way grateful for the distraction. Due to the complex nature of her studies, she was able to focus on that and not cry so much. Repressing those emotions was the one familiar thing she could latch onto.
Tonight, Colin was baking them cookies to celebrate the end of the week on Friday night. It was a rather brutal one for her with lots of assignments and she’d appreciated his support. Olivia put her elbows onto the island and let her face fall into her hands, just needing a minute. He walked around the island quietly and pulled her to him, resting her head on his chest.
“Colin, do you really think I can do this?” Olivia whispered softly, pulling back and gazing into his eyes, her own filled with tears. “Maybe I bit off more than I could chew?”
“Olivia, you’ve got this. Academia is just that necessary evil that we all must get through,” he smiled kindly at her. “I know it’s harder because you were out for a few years and now you’re back into it when it’s the toughest, but you did yourself a favor starting your studies months early,” Colin reached forward to push her hair behind her ear and run his knuckles across her cheeks.
“Come on, stop thinking about it and give yourself a break this weekend. You’ve been eating, sleeping, and drinking nothing but school for the last three weeks,” he leaned down and gave her a chaste kiss, turning to make her favorite drink. He didn’t let her drink when she was doing school work and she respected that decision.
A slow smile spread across her face, and he saw her gears switch rapidly.
“Can we talk about wedding planning?” Olivia asked excitedly, turning her wedding ring on her finger, it had arrived a couple of days before school started and it was a stunner. So much so he’d bought her an additional wedding ring for her to wear while she was out at school, as she didn’t feel comfortable wearing such a magnificent jewelry piece when she went out by herself.
“Sure,” he chuckled, hearing the phone chime softly that his cookies were done.
“Why don’t you ever use the timer on the oven?” she abruptly asked, making him stiffen slightly as he opened the oven, waving the surge of heat from his face. He hadn’t expected her to ask that question. He gave her the truth.
“I can’t handle certain noises like alarms, sirens, emergency lights,” he said gruffly, taking a spatula and beginning to lift the cookies off of the sheet and placing them onto a platter.
Olivia scrunched her eyebrows, taking a sip of her drink, her brain quickly contemplating and reviewing the last few months. She hadn’t had an alarm set since she’d been with him, not having a need for one. He always rose before her and woke her up if she needed to get up for anything. She’d realized how calming that was, but never thought to ask why.
“So, is that why you were so…out of sorts…the day I got lost? I’d noticed something was off, but I just wasn’t sure. I wasn’t comfortable asking,” her eyes met his briefly. “I guess we were both so out of sorts that night,” she trailed off, blushing as she remembered the night he’d taken her for the first time.
“Yes,” his eyes hid a small smile as he brushed over her face with an intense look, turning and placing the cookie sheet into the sink. He grabbed them a plate and loaded up on cookies, taking her hand and leading her down to the basement media room.
“So, what’s the reason why?” she’d asked, pressing gently.
He’d already disclosed he took anxiety medication and saw a therapist every Monday, but she still didn’t know the reason why. Whatever the reasoning was, she knew it ran slightly deeper than the fear she’d harbored over her own secret. The violence of his rare nightmares attested to that. However, she felt a smidgen of resentment that she’d laid all her secrets bare for him to still carry his own.
It didn’t seem right or fair to her, but trauma often didn’t make sense.
She curled herself up against him on the big sofa, having another moment of feeling small next to him. Sometimes their age gap was glaring, especially on nights like this when she was tired and vulnerable from being mentally pushed all day. In a nightgown that she knew he loved, his demeanor next to her was blaringly male.
He placed his arm around her shoulder, his t-shirt pulling tight across his muscles, he was relaxed in gray sweatpants and bare feet.
Olivia was anxiously biting the skin on her finger. Colin leaned down, placed his own teeth around it, tugged it out of her mouth and kissed her. He reached over to haul her leg over his to settle against his thigh. She slowly caressed his five-o clock shadow and stayed patient as he pulled up her leg the way he wanted it. Her shapely calf looked so little on top of his thighs.
“That’s something I think I’d prefer for you to go to my therapist with me to talk about,” Colin confessed, handing her a cookie.
“Babe…I don’t need to go to a therapist with you for you to tell me what’s bothering you,” she whispered, not understanding the magnitude of the situation. And Colin told her so, which made her feel irritated and rejected. Trying to pull her leg back, she stiffened as he placed his hand on her knee, curling his fingers around and gripping her tight to keep her from moving. His eyes flashed warningly at her.
“Olivia, I have PTSD around this issue, please just listen to me and don’t fight me on this,” he said. Her eyes widened slightly, flickering back and forth between his.
She looked away hurt.
“Would you like to talk about Allison?” Colin changed the subject smoothly. “I know yours and Vanessa”s therapy appointment is going to start soon. Have you had any thoughts about what you want to do?” he put the plate of cookies aside and leaned into her lightly, placing his elbow on the cushion and leaning his head into his hand. His other hand stroked up and down her calf. He raised his eyebrow at her when she looked at him with an incredulous look.
“Excuse me? You won’t share with me but you expect me-“
“Don’t do that,” he interrupted her sternly, cocking his head at her. His fingers tightened threateningly on her leg.Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, her emotions getting the better of her.
“You’re fucking rude,” she whispered, meeting his hard gaze with one of her own.
“You’re fucking stubborn,” he growled back in answer. Leaning in slightly, his rising irritation met her indignant energy and filled up the space between them.
Olivia tried to yank her leg away from him, but his grip was too tight. She hissed at him, pushing against his chest.
“You’ve got some nerve, demanding me to give you everything and you give me nothing,” her head jerked as she tried to recoil away from him. He took his other hand and easily placed it behind her neck to still her, his big hand encompassing it and squeezing slightly.
“I give you everything,” Colin whispered harshly. His hard eyes on her wild green ones as his other hand slowly trailed up her thigh to her hip. He squeezed that in his hand too. “You have all of me baby, make no mistake. You have so much of me that you have the power to absolutely destroy me and don’t even realize it. And I think it’s time for you to give me something in return,” he growled, leaning into her face.
Olivia’s breath hitched in excitement at his words, she began to struggle anew at the raw primal hunger that was suddenly in his eyes. Before she knew it, his hands were fisted in her underwear as they pressed painfully into her flesh before tearing and falling away. He pushed her back into the sofa, ignoring her small cry as he shoved up her nightgown and off her body.
She startled as she heard the plate of cookies crash against the floor when he suddenly reared over her.
“Colin!” She yelped, as he leaned down to her breasts.
Gasping, she slapped her arms over her chest, looking up at him. She felt oddly too exposed, their harsh breathing the only sound in the room. There was no music to help, the movie hadn’t even been turned on yet. It was just them, the muted lights in the room and she felt ripped open for him. That discrepancy between them widened, making her feel somehow smaller and more vulnerable than before.
Colin turned his hard gaze to her, his hands flexing in a warning against her skin.
“Take your arms away,” he said sternly, his hands grip suddenly crushing on her hip.
She shook her head at him, biting her lip as he leaned down further, pressing his body weight into her, the width of his hips making her spread her legs wide for him. She started trembling.
“Wife, do as I say,” his voice assaulted her senses, making her crazy.
When Olivia didn’t comply, he took his hand off her hip and held her wrists together, moving her hands above her head, pressing them into the cushions. His eyes flashed warningly at her before he leaned down. She wailed and jerked as he took a sensitive nipple between his lips and bit down gently, growling as he could smell her sharp arousal flare around them. He moved to her other nipple and gave it the same harsh attention, reveling in her cries.
Ignoring her wiggling, he reached back and lowered his sweatpants below his hips, freeing his erection.
He thrust into her in one smooth motion, circling deeply and agitating her clit. She orgasmed quickly with all the stimulation. He pulled away from her nipple and looked down at her flushed face.
“Look at me baby,” he said gently, moving one hand under her lower back and pressing her up to him with each stroke. The wet sounds where they met sounded sharp in his ears, egging him on. “I’m going to give you one more, then I’m going to fuck this sweet ass of yours,” he said, holding her stare, noticing her breath hitch in embarrassment.
She turned her face into her arm as he pistoned his hips in and out, giving her perfectly measured thrusts. When she was crazy with need, he let her orgasm and pulled out, feeling her muscles drag against his heavy cock.
“Colin,”Olivia begged, her face now looking up at him. She shivered as he began to drag her juices from her opening to the puckered hole in her ass. “Colin, I’m scared.”
He leaned down and kissed her, reveling in her plump lips.
“I’ve got you,” Colin said, and suddenly a peace fell over her as she realized he meant it. She hissed and arched as he suddenly pressed, her flesh not wanting to give.
“Let me in,” he whispered. “Let me in, Olivia, you’re tearing me apart.”
Olivia let out a soulful cry as he pressed harder and she opened for him jerking against his hold. He waited, shushing her gently, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead as he inched deeper. She leaned forward suddenly and bit his pec, causing him to groan and press even deeper.
He snarled as her teeth broke the skin through the material of his shirt.
Colin took the pain growling, listening to her squeal as he sank all the way into the hilt and stilled them. They were breathing harshly. He moved, sweeping his hand from her shoulder down her side to her knee and back up, soothing her. He gently moved her head back from her hard bite on his shoulder.
“This is as intimate as we can get,” he said, looking at her with pain in his eyes. Her own widened in response to his words. “I’m terrified that when I tell you what happened, you will leave me, Olivia. I need us to discuss this in a controlled environment because I am worried I won’t be able to control myself if you try and walk out on me baby. It would kill me. I don’t have anything more to offer you to make you stay. You have everything that means anything to me,” he leaned his forehead against hers, his own breath catching at his admission. His minty breath fluttered warmly across her face.
She leaned up, taking his mouth in hers deeply, her tongue sweeping, searching for his. She moaned as his dick twitched inside of her.
“Move,”Olivia whispered harshly, trying to press her hips up but it was difficult in her awkward position.“Colin, I’m not leaving you. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. If you can accept me and all my faults, don’t you have faith in me that I can accept you and yours?” she whispered, pulling at her wrists again.
Colin let her go and her arms came around his neck to press him to her.He began to move slowly, dragging his cock in and out of her on a harsh groan.
“You’re so tight…feels so fucking right,” he said gruffly, groaning as he pushed back in on a low slap of their flesh meeting. He moved his arm, squeezing his hand between them and sunk two thick fingers inside of her vagina as he moved his hips leisurely, placing his lips to the side of her neck as she arched on a low moan. She clenched hard around him, her muscles spasming along his finger and his cock.
His thumb pressed tight circles onto her clitoris, knowing she needed extra stimulation to make this feel good.
Olivia grabbed his free hand, pressing it against her neck. He looked at her for a few heart stopping moments and her hand fell away shyly, thinking that he wouldn’t give this to her. Her heart pounded painfully before he’d suddenly tightened his big hand on her neck, watching her eyes flutter closed as she caressed his arms loosely with her hands. After a bit, he eased up and let her suck in air before flexing again.
He felt her body tighten as she silently rode out her orgasm.
He let her throat go, pulling his fingers out of her pussy to lick her juices off before bending down to press his lips once more to hers. They stayed like that until they were both depleted emotionally and physically. He scooped her up and took her upstairs where he stepped them into a bath where they held each other the rest of the evening, only leaving when their skin started to prune.
They stayed in bed most of Saturday, and despite the relaxed day, she felt on edge and had been since they were in the media room. Colin surprised her by making tacos, not commenting on her short replies and lack of talking, thinking that she was just withdrawing after sharing something so intimate. He gave her extra care, cuddling with her in bed, taking a bath with her and settling them in for a movie in bed. They were still trying to feel out each other’s intricacies, and he was mindful to pay attention to anything that could be a trigger.
Sunday, they spent the whole day with Vanessa, Jonathan, and Allison, going to see an interactive play.
Colin again noticed how quiet she was, not being her usual animated self with Allison.
Monday came and went, and Olivia threw herself into her schoolwork again. She had such a rigorous afternoon studying that she fell into bed and was asleep before Colin came home from work a little later than usual, having had to move his therapy appointment with Dr. Tyson back due to an extensive work obligation. He confirmed with Mary that Olivia had eaten before going to bed, not wanting to wake her up unnecessarily.
Colin tamped down his feelings of desire, not having had sex with Olivia since Saturday morning and here it was Monday night, and she was already asleep. Tomorrow evening was their first therapy appointment, and they had already gotten the primary paperwork out of the way so they could spend the ninety-minute session talking. He went to his study and spent several hours working, trying to take his mind off his wife in the bed upstairs.
But it was no use because she was always on his mind and in his heart.