11. Mistakes
Olivia walked up to the little ramen shop and pushed her way in, hearing the tinkle of the bell on top of the door. She paused and took in the smell of broth, spices, and the sounds of the people seated around little tables eating hot bowls of ramen. Most were Asian locals, however there were a couple tourists who’d recently found the spot and loved it. It was almost closing time as she walked into the little ramen shop that was only a fifteen-minute walk from her bungalow, ready to learn how to make a ramen dish from the little lady named Ying who ran the place.
The older woman took a liking to her as Olivia started coming in every night for a hot bowl of soup. Shortly, the two of them started talking, and Olivia mustered up the courage to ask for her to teach her to make the dish for herself. Eventually they struck up a friendship and she rather enjoyed the woman imparting her wisdom to her. She’d been there almost every night, learning to cook from Ying.
She gave the man at the front register a wave before making her way to the back kitchens where Ying was currently placing ingredients on the long table next to a steaming hot pot of soup. Olivia had been there the night before, putting in the various cuts of meat and aromatics for the broth to simmer overnight. She was back tonight to finish it up.
“Here, let me,” Ying motioned with her heavy-set arms for Olivia to turn around and bend down.
Ying took her hair and twisted it up into a high bun before shoving a chopstick into it, holding the heavy mass there. Olivia fought back familiar tears of sadness as the woman manipulated her hair. However, thanks to Colin, she didn’t have a knee jerk reaction like she used to at someone doing her hair.
Thinking of Colin, a tear fell out and her breath hitched on a sob. She pressed her hands into her thighs over the purple pleated skirt she was wearing and stood up as Ying tossed an apron over her head and tied it at her back before giving her a heavy pat on her shoulder.
Olivia turned and began adding ingredients to the flour.
“What is it, beauty?” Ying asked, ever observant. She was sitting back in a small chair at the table and watching Olivia manipulate the flour. She’d gotten good at making dough over the last couple weeks and Olivia attributed it to Mary’s teaching her how to make focaccia bread. At the thought of the older Spanish lady, Olivia cried anew, leaning back so as to not get tears in the dough.
“We can talk while we make the bao, beauty. What are you running from?” Ying asked softly.
Olivia sniffed. “Who said I was running?”
The elderly lady tsked.
“Cooking has a way of bringing emotion to the surface. You come in here every night and cry. Also, I can tell you don’t cook, so maybe you couldn’t have known that. You can’t come back here and not be emotional, beauty. The food won’t turn out right. It’s done, now we can roll out the dough and add the ingredients,” the woman’s kind voice caressed her and made her feel safe. The smell of the broth reminded her of her mother.
Olivia and Ying took time to pinch off small pieces of dough before taking a thin wooden roller and rolling the dough out into small circles. She added a small scoop of pork filling before pinching the dough closed.
“No, like this. See?” Ying said, taking her own dumpling and showing her how to twist and pinch the dough correctly.
Olivia nodded and opened her dumpling back up, mirroring the woman’s movements. She had about four dumplings set aside before she began to speak.
“Ying, you’re right. I am running,” Olivia said softly, glancing at the kind woman’s round face. She barely had any wrinkles. Ying’s kind brown eyes settled on hers softly and Olivia was again grateful to find there was no judgment there. However, the woman quickly let her know in these last few weeks that she was not above doling out gentle chastisement..
“Are you going to stop any time soon?” she asked as she rolled another piece of dough out.
“I don’t know,” Olivia whispered, her head tilting to the side as she contemplated her question. “I don’t know if I can,”
“You know what happens when you don’t stop running?” Ying asked, gesturing for Olivia to start putting the dumplings in a small pot of broth. Olivia dropped them in carefully, seeing the dark broth swallow the dumplings, the little tip of the dough sticking out of the surface before being swallowed, taken under.
Olivia turned back to Ying, her eyebrow arched. Ying leaned forward.
“You die, from exhaustion. Stop running. Whatever you did, it can be undone. So stop being scared. The fear is ALL over you, and it makes you a target!” Ying said rather loudly, pointing a weathered crooked finger at Olivia’s chest. “Learn to face your fears head on, only then you will have peace.”
Olivia’s eyes smarted.
I did the wrong thing. I shouldn’t have left him like that, she thought to herself. Feeling her cheeks burn.
They sat there in comfortable silence and ate. After a short while, Ying spoke to her about her younger adventures and how her children were doing, who were consequently in America.
An hour later, they were sharing a cup of tea when a man’s voice interrupted them.
“Hey Ying, how are you Auntie? Olivia, sorry I’m a couple minutes late. You ready to go? Did you save me a couple?” her bodyguard Erick came into the space with them and bent down, snagging a dumpling and biting into it.
“Hmmm,” he said appreciatively. “Olivia, did you make these? They’re getting so much better!”
Olivia smiled, glancing up at the man’s chocolate eyes briefly before looking away, wishing those chocolate eyes were someone else’s. Her heart swelled painfully.
“Yes, Ying is a wonderful teacher,” Olivia replied, leaning forward in her wooden chair to give the older lady a hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ying. Ramen this time?” she smiled, giving her a little kiss on her cheek.
“Yes, I’ll be here,” Ying said softly, walking them to the door and seeing them out.
Olivia and Erick walked back to her bungalow, talking about their day and sharing their adventures. Gypsy had graciously paid for Erick to look after Olivia while she was there and could get back on her feet.
They reached her bungalow and Olivia paused before opening the door, feeling herself sway into this tall man who reminded her of Colin. Except he wasn’t. Her eyes watered.
“Thanks,” she bit out tightly, giving him a small smile as she went into her home and closed the door behind her, locking it.
She slid down the door, wrapping her arms around her knees and let the tears fall where she sobbed for two hours straight before wearily crawling in the bed. She had to prepare for another day of vetting potential adoptees of children that she’d saved from being stolen, killed, or sold off by Asian black-market dealers. She was paid quite a pretty penny for snubbing the black market. No one messed with her here, her reputation somehow preceded her, thanks to her client’s whispers. Folks knew about the hard-hearted dominatrix who beat and did sick things to men… all the way in China.
Olivia couldn’t bring herself to submit to providing beatings any longer. Colin said she was done with that.
So, she would be.
***
Olivia twitched in her sleep, restless, dreaming about her husband.
”I love you, Amor,” Colin said as he stroked his knuckles down her cheek softly.
They were in bed, and he was lying on top of her in between her spread legs. Every now and then he would give her a deep slow thrust, but then he’d just stay there, looking deep into her eyes.
”I love you too Colin…” Olivia whispered.
”You couldn”t have…why did you leave me like this?” Colin said, reaching a hand up to place it over her chest. ”Our glow is gone, baby. I can”t feel it anymore. Can you?”
Olivia woke with a gasp, sweating, holding her hand to her racing heart. She pushed her hair out of her face and looked at the bedside clock.
8:00 AM.
She fell back to the bed and shuddered before letting out a body wracking sob that carried out of her bedroom. For a long time she cried, eventually hauling herself into her shower where she continued to cry. She placed both of her hands over her chest, trying to feel that glow.
He was right; it was gone.
She let out a pained whimper as she got out of the shower and slammed her brush into her head with every pass through her hair. Tying her hair into a shrewd bun at the back of her head, she roughly pulled her clothes on and made her way to the front of the house where she grabbed her purse and her phone and headed out the front door to the black unmarked car waiting for her.
***
Olivia walked into the small dilapidated house off a dank alleyway and looked behind her, making sure her bodyguard Erick and their driver were still behind her. Hauling her tote higher on her arm, she resisted the urge to press her nail deep into the spot where she used to be injured. She took a deep breath, keeping her expression somber, yet open. She winced as a worn out looking middle-aged woman opened the door cautiously.
”Who are you?” The lady asked in Cantonese. Olivia tilted her head as Erick translated for her.
”My name is Olivia, and I got a tip that your little girl was about to be sold on the black market. We would like to purchase her at a premium price and take her to a reputable organization to be put up for adoption.” Olivia waited as Erick translated for her, and she saw the woman”s eyes widen before nodding hard at the two of them, opening the door and gesturing them in.
Twenty minutes later, Olivia walked out of the house with a basket. She put it into the trunk and climbed into the unmarked vehicle and she waited until they were on the main road before opening the middle seat and reaching into the trunk, pulling the basket through and opening the top.
She stroked the baby”s black hair tenderly, feeling a tug in her heart. Missing Allison.
”Don”t worry, precious, we”re going to make sure you go to a beautiful home where you can have your own fairytale.”
Olivia pulled the sleeping baby out of the basket and cradled her tightly to her chest, giving her love and letting her feel her heartbeat for comfort. Though at this point, she was unsure if her heart was even working properly. Its glow was gone; extinguished, overshadowed by pain and hurt.
Somehow, she was able to finish the drive without crying, having depleted her tears earlier in the day.