The Pain We Nurture

Rusty Red Stress

Olivia smiled brightly as she let herself into her elder sister Vanessa”s tiny two-bedroom house on the north side of town.

Vanessa was currently bending down into her daughter’s face, pleading with her to swallow her medicine. She had tears in her eyes as the little girl stubbornly shook her head no, her cheeks puffed around the medicine and water she was holding in her mouth.

“Ally, just tilt your head back and swallow,” her sister pleaded with her little niece.

At four and a half years old, the little girl was not as vibrant as a normal girl her age, however, her spirit was just as strong and stubborn. And she had no problem demonstrating her attitude with her mother today. Allison’s green eyes flashed at Vanessa defiantly as she sputtered, trying not to choke on the medicine.

“Hey sis, hey lil” bit!” Olivia said, closing the door behind her as she walked into the outdated yellow kitchen. She took a small carton of apple juice out of her bag, threading the straw through before bending down to plant a sloppy kiss on her niece’s cheek. The little girl quickly swallowed her medicine before squealing with happiness and throwing her arms around her aunt. She snatched the apple juice out of her hand and sucked it down, making happy slurping noises.

Allison jumped off the chair and happily ran to the living room, launching herself on the couch to watch her favorite cartoon.

Olivia turned her attention back to her sister, who was pushing wispy tendrils of her strawberry blond hair back out of her face and wiping the corner of her eye. Looking at her gratefully. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, and bags were beginning to form under them. Making Olivia sad for her sister.

Her eyes flicked upwards, seeing Vanessa”s normally bouncy hair was limp in its ponytail.

“Hard night?” Olivia asked Vanessa softly, before dropping her bag on the tiled counter and leaning forward to wrap her in a tight hug. She rubbed her hands empathetically against her sister’s cheap wool sweater, which was currently half hanging off her curvy form. She felt Vanessa’s soft body pressing into hers, so much like their late mothers, and fought back from crying.

“She was throwing up last night. I don’t know how much longer we can do this Ollie,” Vanessa said. Her freckled face contorting as she turned and leaned against Olivia’s shoulder, crying silently.

Olivia rubbed her back comfortingly, staring at the water-stained popcorn ceiling and blinking back tears of her own. She didn’t want to break down, too. Her sister and niece needed her to be strong, consistent. And as the person who had to deal with a sick child twenty-four seven, Olivia figured Vanessa deserved to cry over this situation before she did.

“Nessie, we’ll get through it,” she crooned back to her sister, hating that they were in this situation. Lamenting that life was so hard. Despising that little girls who had liver disease needed to suffer, and their families had to scrimp and scrounge to try to figure out how to afford the expensive drug to keep her alive until they found a liver match for her.

Olivia pulled back, grasping Vanessa’s shoulders firmly. Noting unhappily that her once vibrant twenty-seven-year-old sister was starting to lose her luster. She barely even sang anymore, her light beginning to dim from years of stress catching up to her.

Olivia stared in sympathy into her sisters’ cat-like gray eyes, so unlike her almond-shaped emerald ones.

“Hey, I put an extra five hundred in there so that you can take Ally to do something fun and have a little extra grocery money this month. Spend time with your daughter. Don’t pull any more doubles this month please,” she pleaded with a small smile, reaching over to grab the sealed bag of money from her tote.

Vanessa nodded, taking the money from her with a thankful smile in return.

“Run to the bank and deposit this and call her doctor’s office. I’ll finish making her breakfast and drop her off at school. I’ll lock up the house when I leave, okay? Don’t sweat anything,” Olivia pressed into the sore spot on her arm, the pain stealing her breath for a moment.

Vanessa nodded again before grabbing Olivia’s hand hard in thanks. Her eyes searched for hers again, always more astute and observant.

“Ollie,” Vanessa whispered softly, turning her reddened eyes to her and imploring. “Please tell me you’re not… -for the money... you’re not?” Vanessa’s voice broke as her eyes shifted back and forth between Olivia’s.

Olivia never shared with her sister how she managed to give her twelve grand a month to help with Allison’s treatments. She smiled and squeezed Vanessa’s hand back reassuringly, once again promising to take her secret to the grave.

“Never that Nessie,” Olivia whispered, leaning forward to kiss her cheek before turning to the gas four-burner stove and turning it on. “Go!” she shooed her sister towards her purse. Vanessa mouthed an ‘I love you’ to her, placing her hands in a heart symbol before disappearing through the door quickly, the door banging behind her.

“Ally! Want pancakes or French toast this morning?” she yelled towards her niece.

“Frense oat!” Allison garbled around the straw of her juice box, which was a crumpled mess in her hands.

Olivia nodded before reaching into the fridge to grab the milk and butter. Sighing as she again wearily rubbed her sore arm and blinked sleep away as she looked at the oven’s clock. She had just enough time to possibly get a two-hour nap before her ten-hour shift at the diner. Sighing again tiredly, she began making her niece breakfast, trying to calm her own hunger pains. She didn’t want to eat their food and deplete their already sparse resources.

Olivia finished up breakfast, cleaned quickly, and locked up the house. She put a Disney CD into her car and sang along with Allison as she drove her to preschool. She smiled and waved as she dropped her off, seeing all the little kids run to Allison when she walked her into the classroom.

Normal, for a little while anyway.

Smiling to herself, she got back in her car and started the route back to her apartment, praying for the nap she so desperately needed.

***

Thanks to a tragic accident on her way home from dropping off Allison, Olivia couldn’t make it home in time for a nap.

She put a five-minute rice cup in the microwave before rushing into her bedroom and hurriedly pulled on her yellow diner uniform. Her arm stung anew as she brushed her dark red hair into a tight bun.

Going back into the kitchen, she noticed irritably that there was no butter, no milk, no nothing except salt in her cupboards. Groaning to herself, she dashed a couple sprinkles of salt before shoving it in her mouth while she stood at the counter. Not having room in her small space for a table. She only owned a two-person used loveseat she detested sitting on.

“Shit, that’s gross,” she said softly, scrunching her nose up in disgust at the taste of the salty rice.

Vanessa offered to move her in with her and Allison, but Olivia declined. Not wanting her family to see the grueling schedule that kept her coming in and out of the house all hours of the night.

No, Allison deserved consistency in her already hectic world. So, Olivia worked harder. Taking on more clients than she was comfortable with to afford to stay close to them in the expensive area of Connecticut where Allison’s doctors were.

However, her monthly expenses were twenty-four hundred dollars a month. And she was barely scraping by enough every month to pay for her own apartment and utility bills. Much less her car, insurance, and food. Forget luxuries and clothing. And her cabinets were bare. She’d need to go grocery shopping soon.

***

Olivia groaned as she neared the end of her shift at ten thirty that night. For the first time she didn’t think she could make it through her shift, having to pause several times as she mopped to give her arm time to stop stinging.

The pain hindered her, and she was at the diner later than she normally was during the week.

Olivia winced with a little gasp as she hoisted the yellow mop bucket. Trying to ignore the sting in her arm as she drained the water in the back cleaning area before rinsing the bucket out and letting it drain upside down. She locked the register for the night, pulling out her phone as she walked to the front window and turned the OPEN sign to CLOSED, before locking the door.

Putting her head into her hands for a second, she raised her head and focused on her phone again.

Olivia anxiously flipped through her banking app, already knowing what she’d find, as she looked at her accounts multiple times a day.

Checking: -$44.02

Savings: $5.86

Emergency savings: $2.00

She bit her lip, unwilling to let herself feel bad for giving the money to her sister for Allison. She placed her phone down on the counter before walking back to the break room and grabbing her purse from the locker.

Turning the knob on the lock she flinched in fear as a horrible crack of thunder broke through the sky, sending her heartbeat sky rocketing. She turned off all the lights in the back before hearing a thumping noise from the front of the diner.

Olivia stopped breathing; ears cranked for more noise. After a couple more seconds she heard a banging. Her eyes widened in surprise; someone was knocking on the door in this storm? She bravely peeked her head out of the back and saw an enormous shadow through the door. There was a man peeking in through the window and banging rather incessantly.

“Can someone let me in, please? I need assistance!” the man yelled, banging some more.

Olivia shuddered as another crack of thunder lit the sky, and the torrential downpour thundered against the rooftop. Making it sound like the entire building would cave in under its pressure. She made a split-second decision to let him in, knowing she”d want someone to do the same for her.

Olivia spotted her phone on the counter and sprinted to it. Unlocking it and typing out a quick text to her boss and her sister.

Still at the diner, letting in someone who’s stranded out in this storm. I should be ok, I have a taser. Can’t leave him out there. Will give you an update in a bit. -Olivia

Olivia hurriedly shared her location with the two of them before walking to the door to unlock and open it. She gasped in shock as the storm blew the door further open and bringing with the man, and a ton of rainwater on the floor she’d just mopped.

Olivia gritted her teeth, extremely annoyed as the man helped her press against the door to shut it against the storm. Raising furious eyes to him, she paled as his face came into view.

Holy fucking shit! Olivia thought, her mind glitching as she stared into a pair of the most beautiful chocolate-colored eyes she’d ever seen. Her eyes flickered over his face unashamedly as he stared back down at her.

The man’s hair was brown, medium length, but still floppy and wet from the rain. His face was scruffy with a five-o”clock shadow, giving his sharp, defined features a dangerous ambiance. His skin had a beautiful olive tone, big body type, and he was tall-almost a foot taller than her.

He looked older, well into adulthood, and confident in it.

Feeling incredibly petite next to him, Olivia cowered slightly, biting her lip. She hurried back a couple of steps before she could take him in better. He had on a felt dark green jacket, dark washed jeans, and riding boots.

Olivia”s eyes roamed curiously over his broad chest and bulging biceps filled out the jacket and his arm was wrapped around a…. helmet?

She frowned, her irritation growing.

“What the hell are you doing, riding on a motorcycle in this weather?” Olivia admonished before she even realized her mouth had opened.

Embarrassed at her outburst, she hurriedly pressed her fingers to her lips to shut herself up. Her eyes widened slightly as she remembered she was still at her place of employment and shouldn’t be talking to him like that.

The man finished running his fingers through the dark strands before glancing down at her and flashing her a devastating smile with his full lips. He was almost eerily handsome. Like that guy off three hundred- and sixty-five-day movie handsome. Her brain suddenly and inexplicably went to mush. She couldn’t quite process his next words.

“Well, it wasn’t supposed to rain. And I wasn’t supposed to be on this side of town this late either,” the man’s voice was elegant with a slight spanish accent, smooth as sin, with a slight growl, and his teeth were so white and straight.

Olivia felt herself go weak in the knees at his smile before determinedly slapping a frown on her face. Nope, she wasn’t going there. She fussed with the hem of her yellow diner shirt, pulling at it nervously while she took a second to gather herself. Her irritation had quickly turned into something too close to desire and curiosity for her comfort.

She pointed to a chair close to the door.

“M”kay, well take a seat there,” Olivia ordered, her tone brisk. “I have to mop again now, because of the rainwater from the storm,” she turned to walk away before stopping herself and turning back. “You’re on a bike, do you need a ride somewhere?” she asked, cursing to herself as she remembered her gas tank was almost empty. She didn’t have the money to haul strangers around like an Uber.

The man dumped his helmet on the floor before lowering himself carefully into the seat, filling up the space. “No, I’ve already contacted someone to bring me my car, and to pick my bike up. But thank you, I appreciate the offer,” he replied, flashing her another smile as he stretched out a leg and pulled out his phone from his back pocket. “They’re about forty-five minutes away.”

Olivia watched warily as he beat out a quick text on his phone before glancing at her once more. For some reason she found herself focusing on his eyebrows. She”d never seen a man have such a sexy, mysterious aura about them. She again had that strange, unnerving feeling that left her rather disconcerted and unsure.

He cleared his throat, bringing her back to the present.

“I’m Colin, and you are?” he waited expectantly; his dark eyebrow arched rather haughtily at her.

She shivered slightly at the movement, then rolled her eyes at the weakness.

“Olivia,” she said, a little harsher than she intended to.

“Nice to meet you, Olivia,” Colin said again in that buttery voice. His eyes did his own slow perusal down her form. “I’m sorry that I’m keeping you. I hope you didn’t have anything important going on later?”

Olivia stared at him and slowly shook her head. Truly having been looking forward to going home and getting into her comfortable bed. She was exhausted and had to work a double tomorrow on top of meeting another client for an hour’s session later in the night. She’d needed the money badly if she wanted to eat.

She”d been unwilling to steal food from the diner like her coworker told her to.

Sighing, Olivia rubbed her eyes briefly before she walked to the back of the diner and grabbed the cleaning supplies she’d just put away.

Running the mop water, she heard the jukebox from the front of the diner start. Katy Perry was singing.

Colin must have put some money in the jukebox to play some songs, she thought. She smiled wistfully, thinking that it”d be too cool to experience riding Harleys in Hawaii.

Weary, she rolled the cleaning supplies back to the front of the diner, seeing that Colin was lounged back in his seat with his ankle over his knee, texting again.

Olivia began to silently mop the dark gray floor, shaking her head no when he offered to mop it for her. Her normally sweet boss would skin her alive if she let a patron help with diner duties in any capacity.

A hilarious giggle erupted from her throat as she imagined her boss’ face turning bright red as she watched Colin clean the floor through their security system feed. Envisioning the sight in her mind’s eye, it took her mind off her stinging arm, and she accomplished the job without a spasm.

“Something funny?” Colin said, glancing up at her from his phone. He was almost constantly texting on the device.

She huffed and looked up from wringing the last of the water out, her eyebrow arched.

“Nope,” she replied, keeping it short and to the point.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Colin asked, sitting deeper in the seat and thrumming his fingers on his thick muscular thigh.

Olivia’s eyes caught the movement, thinking he really did delicious things to a pair of pants. She wrapped her fingers hard around the handle of the mop, leaning against it momentarily.

“Would you like a piece of pie while we wait?” she said sweetly, trying to hide her annoyance.

In other words, shut up, please, she gave him her best smile. Seeing his eyes flicker to her mouth before back up to her eyes.

“No thank you. Another time,” he answered, flashing her a cheeky grin as if he’d heard her thoughts. Colin adjusted again in his seat, really spreading his legs and getting comfortable. Olivia found the stance sexy, and then mentally chastized herself. She didn’t want to find this stranger sexy and appealing.

Olivia gave him another polite smile. Hoping and praying he would take the hint and stop talking to her. She quickly rolled the bucket to the back and sorted it out before she whipped her wet diner shirt off, grateful to have a white tank underneath.

She ignored her tummy rumbling as she shoved her shirt in her bag and untied her hair from its tight bun, shaking the silky dark red strands loose. Moaning in relief as her hair fell in long waves down her back and her front, spilling over her breasts and down her sides before ending at her lower back.

Olivia gripped her neck hard with her hands and rolled her shoulders a little. The ache in her arm refused to let up. She gathered her things again and walked back to the front of the diner, dropping tiredly in a seat a few feet from Colin. She crossed her legs and unlocked her phone. Ignoring him rather rudely.

She twiddled with her hair absentmindedly as she scanned through the various messages from her sister and her boss. She found her foot swinging to the beat of the song, wishing she could dance to it like she wanted.

I’m alive, he’s waiting for his car. They should be here in like 15 minutes. Also, not happy, I had to mop the floor again. =(. -O

Her boss replied: I’ll give you an extra $25 for staying late. You’re an exemplary employee, Olivia =). Please take your time on the way home and be safe.

Olivia smiled genuinely as she sent her the thumbs up emoji. Thinking if her boss only knew about her extracurricular activities, she wouldn’t be saying she was so good. She startled slightly as the man’s voice pierced the air; he was so quiet she almost forgot he was in the same room as her. Her jerk made her chair squeak against the tile.

“You have a pretty smile. And your hair is gorgeous. Such a beautiful shade of red,” Colin said, his eyes warm as they gazed at her.

Olivia shifted so she faced him head on in the seat and uncrossed her legs, planting them with a firm thunk firmly in front of her. Twisting her smile into an impassive expression, she stared at him plainly. She didn’t want him getting the wrong idea.

She lifted a haughty eyebrow at him, noticing his fingers twitch slightly on his right hand. Her eyes narrowed slightly with the movement.

“If you try anything, I’ll have you know that I’m not a screamer. I will hurt you and won’t think twice about it,” she spoke confidently, her gaze dragging from his twitching hand to his eyes. Boring into his and silently conveying that he did not intimidate her. Even though she knew that was a lie.

Olivia was so used to faking it till she made it that it was not a hard, silent message to shoot across to him.

Colin graced her with a truly devilish smile in response. His head tilted and his dark eyes flashed as he continued to stare her down curiously, silently, boldly.

Olivia tightened her lips, picking up on how predatorial he looked. Bad boy wasn”t quite the phrase to describe this man.

She thought dangerous might be more appropriate.

“I believe only one of those statements are true,” Colin said, his tongue coming out to lick his bottom lip.

Olivia observed his broad chest expand slightly as she continued to hold his stare, uncaring that it was so uncomfortably intense.

“Hey, how much longer do you think?” Olivia asked, in an unbothered tone. She looked away dismissively and ignored him, preferring not to feed into his flirtation.

Turning her attention to her phone once again, she checked her credit card balance.

Maxed out.

Olivia grimaced as she placed her chin in her hand, trying to think. She absentmindedly tossed her head back and raised her left arm. Her fingers riffled through the strands of her hair repeatedly, and it soothed her hearing the thump of the heavy locks hitting the back of the blue diner chair repeatedly.

Her brain raced as she tried desperately to think of a way to get more money by the end of the weekend.

“Are you ok? You look… stressed,” Colin said, placing his elbows on his knees and leaning forward.

Olivia could feel his stare caress her whole body from her head to her feet and she didn’t like it. It felt judgemental. She ceased her movements, her hair falling back into place again.

“I’m always stressed,” Olivia bit out in an aggravated tone. She turned narrowed green eyes on him. “You don’t think I’d be working until almost eleven o”clock five nights a week at a diner in a not-so-great side of town if I were happy go lucky now do you?” she flashed him a sarcastic grin before her phone pinged.

She smoothly turned her attention away from the handsome meddler sitting just feet away from her.

Hey Rusty, I got a guy for you. Uber wealthy, some hotshot attorney, mid-forties. Wants one hour on Saturday night. Beating only, no need for costume, but asked if you could use a whip. Sounds like he just wants his shit rocked. He offered $2000. You down? -Gypsy

Olivia scoffed quietly, before her eyes flickered briefly to Colin. He was sitting there rubbing his thumb against his lips, still watching her. She mused curiously that he had some sexy interesting aura that she couldn’t decide if she liked or not. Then promptly dismissed the thought, because what did it really matter, anyway?

Jesus, what is with this guy?she thought to herself, before flickering her eyes back down to her phone and typing out her reply.

Did you tell him I don’t do sex, or get naked? -Rusty

Yes. He just wants to tumble. Sounded stressed. -Gypsy

Yeah well, ain’t we all? He can join the club. Send me his info tomorrow to my burner phone. Tell him he needs to reserve the hotel presidential suite on 3rd Avenue. I don’t meet new clients in their homes. Hey, I need pain pills. My arm is fucked. -Rusty

10-4 I got you. I’ll drop them off tomorrow. Xoxo Gypsy.

Feeling his gaze still on her, she turned her phone over in her hands while she met the man-Colin’s-stare boldly, not offering any more conversation. She really wasn’t trying to be rude, she was just too tired to talk. At this point in life, if it didn’t involve money, she wasn’t interested. She didn’t let herself have those feelings.

It was better that way.

Olivia”s right arm spasmed just then, and her lips parted as she attempted to hide the pain by pulling her hair over her arm and stroking it, pretending to play with her hair. Using that to press into the pain.

Colin stared unwaveringly at her and she decided they were playing a little game of who could blink first, apparently. Lucky for him she loved games.

She cheered silently in her head as Colin finally broke his eye contact with her. He stood smoothly from his seat just as a bright pair of headlights flashed by the window, stalling outside.

“My ride’s here. Thanks again, Red. I wish you well,” he expressed, walking forward and offering her his hand to shake. She raised her eyebrow at the nickname. Because how coincidental after her interaction with Gypsy calling her Rusty.

Standing hastily and grabbing her things, she nonchalantly placed her hand in his. Stiffening as an electrical shock flew up her arm and exploded in her chest. With a gasp, she wrenched her hand away, shaking it slightly. Her nose scrunched up as she glared up at him almost accusatory.

“I’m surprised you didn’t get electrocuted out there,” Olivia said, her brows furrowed as her already smarting arm tingled.

She watched as Colin flexed his hand slowly, looking down at her curiously. He smiled again at her before bending to grab his helmet and open the door to let her out first.

Olivia locked up the diner before turning to see him greet a middle eastern man who had climbed out of a big truck. Her eyes narrowed as she saw that parked behind the truck was an expensive looking dusky blue BMW iX. She rolled her eyes, irritated that someone who could afford such a car caused her to lose an hour of sleep tonight.

She didn”t care how attractive she found him.

Squinting her eyes against the downpour, Olivia marched her way to her beater as Colin and the man heaved his sports bike into the back of the man’s truck. She pointedly ignored him as Colin turned to look at her while he jumped out of the back of the truck.

Olivia shivered as she started her car, having no heat. She turned on her windshield wiper blades with stiff fingers and waited patiently for the truck to pull off.

She tensed when she heard a tap at the passenger window. Rolling it down slowly she turned.

“What can I help you with now?” she all but hissed, seriously pissed off, tired, and ready to go.

“You shouldn’t be out here in the dark. Would you like me to follow you home?” Colin asked, leaning his head slightly in her window. The words took a minute to register.

“NO, now get the hell out of the rain!” she all but shouted. Her eyebrows slammed together as he looked at her car dash before putting his fingers to the vent.

“Why don’t you have your heat on? It’s cold out here!” Colin turned his chocolate eyes to hers, seemingly not caring that he was getting absolutely drenched outside of the car. The rain was pounding against his back, the material visibly weighing down and plastering to his back heavily.

God what the entire fuck is with this guy?she groaned to herself. Not wanting to risk pnemonia more than she already was, she started rolling up the window on him.

Turning her face away from him, truly about to lose it.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Colin rumbled in his deep voice, trying to extract himself from the window.

Olivia yelped in alarm as the passenger door opened, fumbling with her cold wet hands to open her own door to flee. Scared, her hands slipped and grappled with the door handle. She”d just managed to push it open right as he inserted himself into her passenger seat smoothly, banging his knee on the dash as he kept one leg in and one leg out. He couldn’t fit his massive frame into into her small car.

Olivia shivered as he grabbed her hand once more, pressing something into it. She glanced down, folding her fingers around the object.

Forty bucks.

The rain pounded down hard on the roof of her car as she silently stared at him breathing hard in shock, just grateful he wasn’t forcing himself on her. His big, warm hand pressed into her skin firmly, that electrical current buzzing between their skin.

Overwhelmed with gratitude, Olivia pressed her lips together. Feeling the back of her eyes prickle.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have much cash on me at the moment. I just appreciate you waiting when you could have left me out there,” Colin stated, looking at her once more before running his free hand down his wet face. Her hand gripped the money hard as tears swelled in her eyes, and with much effort she kept them from falling.

He didn’t know that he had just paid for her food for the rest of the week.

“Thank you. I really appreciate this more than you know,” she whispered tearfully, pressing her lips together even tighter. Refusing to say anything else and making this already embarrassing situation even more so. There was no way she was going to spill her life story to him over forty bucks. No chance.

Colin’s fingers closed briefly on her wrist, and she had the reeling sensation that she’d just given him something. Something shared between the two of them that he didn’t make her privy to.

“See, you can be nice. You’re very welcome, Olivia,” Colin breathed into her space, and instantaneously her nipples hardened under her wet shirt. His eyes flickered down, seeing it before rising to her eyes again with a slight sparkle in his irises this time.

“Have a safe drive home. Be careful in this storm,” he said, letting himself out of her car and walking to his. They both sat there for a while before Olivia realized he was waiting for her to pull off first. She turned her signal light on and swiveled quickly into the road, watching him pull off in the opposite direction in her rearview mirror.

Olivia fell into bed in just her underwear without taking a shower. On the way home, she’d stopped at a gas station and paid six dollars for two slices of meat lover”s pizza and a three-dollar vodka shot putting ten dollars in her tank before going home.

She’d scarfed the food down, pocketing the rest of the money for the grocery store.

Flopping to her side and placing her phone on the charger, she sent a quick text to her sister and boss letting them know she was home and ok. Her boss told her she would cover her morning shift for a couple of hours so she could sleep in tomorrow.

Thankful for the brief reprieve, she reset her alarm to let herself get another hour of sleep, necking the vodka and closing her eyes. So grateful for a bed to sleep in.

***

Drenched, Colin went back into the two-story house on his property and made his way to the back room and typed the code in to let himself in.

He walked in, turning the lights on against the darkness.

Facing the wall of canvases he briefly perused it, this time focusing on his mother for longer than he had earlier. He closed the distance to her picture and put his fingers to her face, wishing he could just have twenty minutes to talk to her. Tell her about his life, let her know how much he missed her.

He stared at the image of her eyes, trying to remember her voice, the way she smelled. He fought against the sad feeling of grief.

“You know I’m not leaving you alone tonight.”

Colin turned his head, hearing his friend Johnathan come into the room behind him, and lean against the doorway.

“I don’t give a shit what you do,” Colin muttered. He turned away from the wall and walked to the computer behind him, seeing Johnathan staring at the wall of articles behind the desk.

The other half of the subject of his torment.

“Were you trying to kill yourself?” Johnathan asked softly as Colin typed the password into the computer. Colin stayed silent as he opened an electronic folder, dumping the picture he snuck of Olivia into it.

“Who is she?” Johnathan pressed, not leaving him alone.

Colin took a deep breath. “I don’t know yet. Will you stop fucking meddling. Jesus!” Colin put the bridge of his nose in his fingers and prayed for peace.

“Are you going to answer my question? Colin!” Johnathan walked further into the room.

“I was… thinking about it. Yes,” Colin admitted, unwilling to lie to his closest friend who was like a brother to him. He’d know if he was lying to him anyway, so he didn’t even bother.

“What triggered it?”

“I had an anxiety attack at the office. A redheaded man came in…” he trailed off. Not needing to explain himself anymore.

“She’s a redhead,” Johnathan said, leaning his hip against the desk, looking at him pointedly. “But you seem… ok. I’m still staying next to you though.”

“I don’t know Johnathan…she’s fascinating. I didn’t have the same reaction to her as I do everyone else,” Colin mused, shutting down his computer. “Let’s go to the main house. I hate it in here,” he followed his friend out.