35. Finn
Finn told himself that after Lucie fell asleep, he would leave and go to the couch. He would be the perfect gentleman. But when he tried to leave, she snuggled closer and smiled in her sleep. Nobody could have paid him to get up and leave. Not for all the jackpots in the world.
Finn woke to the soft chirps of morning birds, their calls breaking the quiet of the room.
The early light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow, but something felt .
. . off. He blinked, slowly coming to his senses, but the weight in his arms was missing.
His hand reached out instinctively to the other side of the bed, only to find it empty.
Cold.
Panic gripped him for a second. The sheets were smooth where Lucie had been. Had she really been here? Or had it all been a dream?
He rubbed his eyes, sat up, and ran a hand through his messy hair, his heart thudding in his chest. The night was too good, too perfect. Maybe he had just imagined it all—her warmth, her smile, her whispers as she drifted off to sleep in his arms.
His chest tightened as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, standing up too fast, almost stumbling.
Where could she have gone? The hallway light was still on, but the house was eerily quiet.
He grabbed a shirt from a nearby chair, slipping it on as he hurried out of the bedroom, trying not to let his thoughts spiral.
Relief washed over him as he stepped into the living room.
There she was.
Lucie was sitting on the couch, her legs tucked under her, her hair down and shining in the morning light. She had changed into fresh clothes and was focused on writing something in a small notebook. An empty plate of food sat next to her on the coffee table. A half-drunk cup of coffee.
Finn stopped in the doorway, resting a hand over his heart, exhaling deeply.
Lucie looked up, her face brightening with a warm smile just for him, a smile that made his heart skip a beat. He wanted to kiss the smile off her face.
“Morning,” she said softly, her voice still laced with sleep.
She looked different, lighter, happier. The heavy bags under her eyes had softened, and a peacefulness about her made his chest swell with something tender and protective.
Without thinking, Finn crossed the room and kissed the top of her head gently. He breathed in the scent of her hair, feeling grounded by her presence.
“How’d you sleep?” he murmured, still half in disbelief that she was here, real and safe.
“Better than I have in a long time,” Lucie said, looking up at him, her smile making the room feel warmer.
He couldn’t remember the last time someone had taken care of him. Hell, he wasn’t sure if anyone ever had. The idea of someone taking care of him, even in the simplest way, was foreign.
For most of his life, he had been the one doing the protecting.
He had built walls towering around him that he never expected anyone to get through on account of how intimidating the titanium-tripled-locked walls were.
But here she was, this beautiful woman, who slept in his bed without demanding anything in return, and smiled at him like he mattered.
To someone, it might not seem like much, but it was everything to him.
The alarm went off on his watch. He tapped it off, knowing exactly what it was for. He took a sip of her coffee, the familiar pull of responsibility tugging at him.
How did Sabrina and Charlie do this? He didn’t even want to leave the house with Lucie here.
The caveman in him wanted to wrap her up in his arms and not come out of their house until spring.
No, his house. He told the caveman in him to back off and slink away to his cave.
Yet, the thought of leaving Lucie alone tugged at him differently.
“I, uh, have to head over to the training center,” he said, watching her new ease with a small smile. “Training the Conductors in new formations. It won’t take long. Or . . . you could come with me if you want. It’s not that exciting, but?—”
Lucie looked up from her coffee, her smile still warm—just for him.
Wow.
He now knew why Charlie always kept his camera with him; there were moments like this he wanted to capture, savor, and look back on whenever he wanted.
Finn remembered a time when he used to make fun of Charlie for the endless photos of Sabrina framed around his house, but he could have filled a museum full of pictures dedicated to Lucie.
Lucie shook her head, cutting his thoughts off gently. “I’ll stay. There’s something I want to finish up.”
Finn raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. “Whatcha workin’ on?”
Lucie bit her lip, Finn’s eyes darting down to follow the action.
“It’s um . . . a list,” she said cryptically, placing a hand on top of the page.
Finn leaned down on the couch, hovering beside her, on his forearms. “A list? To do what?”
“Anything. Everything,” she mirrored back what he had said to her. He almost got choked up.
“So, kind of like a bucket list,” he said, his interest deepening.
He loved the way her eyes lit up when she talked about it, and how this was clearly something important to her.
If she said she wanted to hike Mount Everest, they would be there tomorrow in matching pink parkas.
“Can I see it?” he asked, nodding to the notebook she was covering with her hand.
Lucie hesitated for a moment, then handed it over to him. Finn gently took it, his eyes scanning over the words, taking in each item.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get to do all of them, but . . . it feels good to write them.”
“You will,” Finn said, his voice firm and gentle. “I promise.” He was going to do Every. Single. One with her.
He came and sat next to her on the couch, the cushion sinking in with his weight. “But what does this one mean, though?” He pointed at the first one on the list. The one that scared him the most.
“Tell Finn the truth,” he read out loud.
That phrase.
Shit.
It made him feel like all his insides shriveled up. He shook his head. It didn’t matter. He could handle anything she gave him, but he was about to bust a Finn-shaped hole in his wall.
Lucie didn’t meet his eyes right away. Her fingers fidgeted slightly against the hem of his sweater.
Something shifted in the room. He waited, watching her, as if watching her getting ready to jump off a cliff.
“It means . . . oof. I did not think I would do this today,” Lucie said, her eyes shifting around the room.
“You don’t have to,” he said, his hands shaking.
“No. I want to.” She took a deep breath. Finn did not. He held his breath, hoping it would stop the obviously horrible bombshell from dropping. She was breaking up with him. “It means I need to be honest with myself. And with you, more importantly,” she continued.
The hairs on the back of Finn’s neck stood up. His heart thudded a little faster than before.
“What do you mean?” he asked. Was he sweating?
She gave him the sweetest smile, which calmed him down a fraction, and held his hand.
“The truth is.” She took a deep breath. “I love you, Finn.”
Her words hit him like a soft punch. He froze, eyes wide, and his heart flipped in his chest. He stared at her, letting the words sink into his soul. Warmth spread until it reached every part of him.
Shock stilled him.
“You don’t have to say it back,” she rushed, touching his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I should have waited. It’s just, I wanted to—oh, say something.”
A slow, disbelieving smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “You love me?”
She nodded, her own smile beginning to form, cautious but hopeful. “I do.”
I do.
Those words punched another hole in his heart, making him feel invincible. Maybe he would hear her say those words to him again, but somewhere on a beach surrounded by their friends. And he could say it back.
Finn could hardly believe the words that came out of her mouth. She loved him? He knew he was rough around the edges, broken in places no one ever looked at, except for her, but she loved him back.
He reached out and cupped her face, his thumb brushing lightly against her cheek. She closed her eyes at the motion.
“Not fair, I wanted to be the first one to say it,” he said. Technically, he had weeks ago, but . . . she had said it back.
Pure relief and joy filled her bright eyes. Lucie took charge without hesitation, kneeling on either side of his hips, and wrapped her arms around his neck, laughing.
Pulling back slightly, he held his world between his hands and looked her in the eyes so she would see there was no hesitation or regret when he said those three simple, perfect words he had been dying to tell her since he’d met her.
Everything he had been through and survived had brought him to this moment.
“I’ve never been good with words—or the ones that matter, at least. But .
. . you matter. I keep thinking about how my life was going before I met you.
” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “Honestly, I don’t want to go back to that.
To the silence. The loneliness.” He rubbed the back of his neck, eyes flicking away for a second before he willingly drowned in her blue eyes.
“I’ve spent so much time shutting people out.
But with you . . . I feel like I’ve finally found my place.
“You’ve given me more than I ever thought I could have,” Finn continued. “A home. I promise I will guard it until my last breath. Lucie, I love you. I have for a long time. I want you here with me. You’re it for me, Lu. You always have been.”
It was the truest thing he’d ever said.
Lucie ran her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck, soaking in all his words like a sunflower following sunshine.
He leaned in, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that was slow and gentle, but filled with everything he couldn’t put into words. Lucie melted into him, her hands sliding through his hair as she kissed him back with equal fervor, like the two of them were learning how to breathe all over again.
He knew, without a doubt, he would spend the rest of his life trying to deserve her. He’d guard her heart, protect her, kill for her, and give her everything he had.
She pulled at the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling her closer to him.
He broke the kiss, just enough to breathe, but he couldn’t stop.
His lips trailed down, brushing over her jawline, then lower, finding the curve of her neck.
He kissed her there, slow and deliberate, feeling the way her pulse fluttered beneath his lips.
It sent a shiver down his spine, knowing that he could make her feel that way, that she trusted him with this, with her.
“I love you,” he whispered against her skin.
He wanted to memorize her—every sound, every sigh she made, every way her body responded to his touch.
He had never felt anything like this before. The way she fit perfectly in his arms, the way her breath hitched softly when his lips found the sensitive spots.
“I love you, Finn.”
“I guess you can cross that one off the list now.”
“Yeah, I guess I can.” She checked off the box next to “Tell Finn the truth.”
I guess the truth really did set you free.
Finn rested his forehead against hers, still holding her close. He glanced at his watch and cursed under his breath. He was supposed to be at the training center soon, but the thought of leaving her right now didn’t sit right with him. Not when they had just started something this important.
Lucie noticed him checking the time, and before she could ask, he hastily typed a message to Charlie.
He hit send. There was no way he was leaving. Not today. Not after this.
Charlie’s response came back straight away. The dumb nickname Charlie had changed in Finn’s communicator. Not even under penalty of death would he admit that it made him laugh. He’d lied to Charlie that he’d just never bothered to change it back.
Nosy little shit.
He looked back at Lucie, who was watching him with a curious smile, her eyebrows slightly raised.
“What?” she asked, a soft laugh in her voice.
Finn grinned, setting his phone down and pulling her closer, his arms wrapping around her waist. “I’m spendin’ the day with you.”
Her eyes widened slightly. “But what about your training?” she asked.
“I messaged Charlie. He’s takin’ care of it.” Finn’s grin softened as he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to be anywhere else today.”
She looked surprised for a moment as if she couldn’t quite believe he was choosing her over his responsibilities, but then that happiness spread across her face again. She leaned into him, resting her head against his chest.
“So,” he said, playing with her hair, “what’s next on that list of yours?”
Lucie looked at him, her eyes soft but full of excitement, and her smile turned a little shy. “Maybe . . . spend the day at the lake.”
Finn’s heart swelled at her words. How did he get so lucky? He kissed her forehead again, whispering against her skin. “You have to write it down to make it official.”
Lucie laughed and scribbled it down, but before she could say more, Finn turned back to her with a glint of mischief in his eyes. He slid his hands around her waist, lifting her effortlessly from his lap and standing up with her still in his arms.
“Finn!” she yelped, laughing as she wrapped her arms around his neck for support. “What are you doing?”
“I want to show you something,” he said, his voice low and playful. He carried her effortlessly, her laughter filling the room, and walked toward his bedroom.
“And what exactly are you going to show me?” she asked, throwing her head back.
His hands rested on her waist, and he leaned down until their faces were inches apart. “I’m going to show you how happy you make me,” he said, basking in her infectious smile. “I love you, Lu.” He relished being able to say it as many times as he wanted.
The best part was that she loved him back.
And he was going to tell her every day.