23. Nona
NONA
Yeva finally went to bed after the next episode of her reality show. As I watched her stumble back to her room, all I could think was that I won’t be her. All the worst things come to mind when I think of this situation and my future with this baby.
I don’t know what kind of life I’m going to have outside of this world, but in the end, this is the best route for me. I keep thinking about how I grew up and how Yeva must have grown up and… and…
This baby deserves a better shot than this. That’s all I know.
I’ve been packing my bags since then, trying to consolidate down to one suitcase so it doesn’t look too conspicuous when I leave. I step back and look at the half-full suitcase on the bed. Oh, who am I kidding?
I might as well walk out in broad daylight with my head held high. I hear a soft knock at the door and I turn. Kostya’s standing there. He looks past me to the suitcase, then back at me.
“Hey,” he says. “What’s going on, Nona?”
I sigh. I don’t have it in me to explain it all. All I can say is, “I think it’s best if I leave. Now instead of later.”
“Why on earth would you think that would be best?”
“Lots of reasons,” I say, closing my suitcase. “Lots of big, big reasons.” I pull it off the bed and onto the floor and I turn to him. “I’m headed to the train station. You can try to stop me, but I’ll just sneak out later.”
He takes a step into the room and says in a very measured tone, “There are people looking to kill members of this family. You can’t go out there alone.”
I stiffen. “I know. But I have to go. So, step aside, please.”
He seems to be analyzing the situation. His eyes dart to my suitcase and back to me. Then he says, “Let me come with you.”
“No.”
“You’re going to need protection,” he says. “And someone to drive you. You’ll never make it dragging that suitcase around on the subway. Come on.”
I sigh and say, “Okay.” I don’t really have it in me to fight him too hard. I mean, he’s got a point. If someone’s accompanying me, then at least I’ll have a chance out there.
“But take me to the train station,” I say to him. “I’m serious. No funny business.”
He puts his hands up in surrender. “You have my word.”
Never let it be said that Kostya’s not a man of his word.
The only resistance he put up was suggesting Grand Central instead of Penn.
And I didn’t argue too hard. I guess it doesn’t make too much difference to me which station we go to, as long as we take the train that gets me to the subway that will get me closest to the airport and…
I don’t know. I suppose I’ll decide where I’m going when I get there. I’ve got money—Alex’s money, but it’s still money. Hope he doesn’t get pissed at me for using some of it.
The station itself is a kinetic nightmare.
People coming and going in droves everywhere around us, moving like molecules in a heated up dish.
I know that this station has some kind of history in New York.
I seem to recall learning about it in school, but now that I’m here, I realize that of all the places I have been, I’ve actually never set foot in this station.
It feels like any other train station in the city, full of people with displays showing either advertisements or lists of arriving and departing trains.
But in addition to the normal things, the ceilings are monstrously high and the brick walls are all shiny beige like they’ve been laminated to keep them preserved.
Kostya’s walking next to me, his eyes scanning the crowd with every move we make. The center island has a round, old-timey clock on top of it and inside the enclosed area are people sitting at little windows, talking to the tourists as they come up to them with their questions.
Now that I’m here, I have no idea why he would choose this station out of all the ones in the city. There have to be a thousand people here. Any one of them could be one of my father’s men. I don’t know how wise it is that we’re here instead of somewhere a little more low-key.
“Come on.” He nudges me toward the hallway arch marked “TICKET MACHINES” on one side and “TRACKS 31 TO 42” on the other. As we walk down the right side of the large hallway, the crowd around us seems to thicken, pushed in by all the people going to their destinations.
“So, what’s the plan once you manage to get out of New York?” he asks me. “I mean, you’ll have to take more than one train to get to JFK, you know.”
I go to answer, but I don’t have anything to say. He glances over at me.
“You know Slavik has people everywhere. At least a cell stationed in every coast. Do you really think you’ll be safe from him if you run?”
“I’m not thinking about him,” I confess. “I mean… I am, but he’s not the reason I have to leave.” I can feel his eyes on me, waiting for an explanation. I sigh and add, “Things have just become really complicated. Trust me when I tell you, it’s better if I leave.”
“Hmm,” he says. “Trust me when I tell you that whatever’s going through your mind, it’s probably not nearly as complicated as you think. Especially if you haven’t talked to your husband first.”
“Haven’t you heard? He’s only my husband on paper.” I hear my voice crack and I realize how much that hurts to say. “When he does find out I’ve left, he’ll probably be relieved.”
“I sincerely doubt that.”
We walk along in silence until we reach a small row of gift stores.
I slow my walk down as a window display catches my eye.
A collection of colorful stuffed animals next to several baby items. A basket full of diapers tied together and fashioned into a wheel, silver baby rattles, tiny little dresses and suits with ribbons and bowties.
It’s like some kind of subliminal message to me, talking to the life growing inside me. I’ve heard that mothers have baby showers where their friends bring gifts just like these.
“Nona?”
I look up at Kostya who’s giving me a questioning glance. I turn away from the window and keep walking.
We get to the ticket machines and there’s a line, but we step into it, waiting behind a young couple holding hands.
The line moves slowly and Kostya doesn’t say anything else to me, leaving me to my thoughts.
Alexandr… Alex… I keep wondering if he’ll be hurt once he finds out I’ve gone.
Will he care? Or will he understand that I’m safer if I’m away from him?
I won’t say this aloud. I’ll probably never admit this to anyone, but for a while, this strange relationship that I had with him was nice.
Alex was a better man to me than anyone ever has been just by virtue of treating me like a person rather than a possession or a pawn to be played in some game of strategy.
I have no idea what it will be like with anyone else. As far as my experience goes, I can’t seem to imagine being with a man who knew how to treat me. In and outside of the bedroom, he always made me feel like I had some autonomy. It’s a new feeling and I hope that I’ll be able to hold onto it.
I mean… I’ll just have to hold onto the good parts I got out of all this.
I feel Kostya touch my shoulder gently. He leans in and says, “We’re being watched.” I go to look and he quickly adds, “Don’t look. Just keep staring straight forward. We don’t want them to know that we know about them.”
My entire body chills down to the bone as fear seizes me. I thought I’d get further than this before someone thought to track me down.
“Where?” I ask him.
“Saw a couple of them pass us by in the hallway. I think they’re circling us.”
I stiffen. I didn’t see anyone out of the ordinary. How is Kostya so sure?
“So, here’s what’s going to happen,” he says softly. “We’re going to get out of line and we’re going to calmly walk to the exit.”
“Wait. Why don’t we just buy the tickets and get to the trains? I don’t want to go—”
“Do not argue with me,” he says, just as calmly. “Listen, before we left the house, I texted Alex.”
“What?” I hiss. “What the hell, Kostya?”
“I know. I gave you my word. You’ll just have to forgive me for that.”
I just stare soundlessly at his profile. He’s still glancing around, his mind more on defense than this conversation. “The bottom line,” he says, “is that Alex will be here at any time. We’re going to meet him outside, which is the preferred situation. Our chances are better outside than in here.”
“Th-There are police,” I hiss at him. “All over the place. We can alert one of them—”
“You know better than that,” he says. “They’ll shoot through them to get to us. Now, stop arguing and let’s go.”
A panic comes over me as he goes to take my hand and I pull away. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
He grabs my wrist and pulls me to him. “We don’t have time to argue, Nona,” he says through clenched teeth. “Do not cause a scene. We need to get out of here fast and quiet—”
“And then what?” I ask him. “You’ll take me back home and Alex will lock me up so I don’t try this again?”
“No one’s locking you up, dammit. Stop making this so hard— Hey!”
I push him away and start to run, leaving my suitcase and everything and running for the gates. My mind spins as to what I need to do. Scream, flag somebody down, tell a cop or something that I’m being chased. I only get a few steps before I’m grabbed around my waist and lifted up off the ground.
I scream. “Let me go! Let—”
A hand goes over my mouth. I scream through it, kicking and flailing as I’m carried backward. “Stop struggling,” he says in Russian. “I’ll break your fucking neck—”
I hear a pop and the smell of gunpowder. The hand around my mouth jerks away and the arm loosens around my waist as my attacker swears loudly in Russian. I look up to see Kostya with his gun trained on us.
Chaos breaks out around us. Someone shouts something like He’s got a gun! And suddenly, everyone’s running. The station is filled with panicking people all around us, people darting away from us and calling for the police. Everyone’s running for cover as quickly as they can.
Except us. The man holding me pulls out his own gun and aims it at Kostya.
I think fast and grab at his arm. He tries moving it away from me, lifting it up out of my reach.
I manage to grab it and lean in, biting him as hard as I can.
He yells and he doubles over, yanking his arm away from me and pushing me to the floor.
As I land on my ass, I see my attacker for just a split second. I know his face. He’s one of my father’s men. One of the ones that used to watch over me when I was younger. He’s still got that stupid mustache and scraggly beard.
Blood spurts from his chest as Kostya unloads two more shots into his chest. As he falls back, I’m being pulled to my feet.
“Let’s go,” he says. We start running back up the hallway toward the main entrance, but we only get a few steps before Kostya’s tackled to the ground.
Another of my father’s men. He slams him against the adjacent wall and punches him once.
He tries again, but Kostya blocks it with his arm and drives an elbow into his face, smashing his nose.
As they fight, someone grabs my arm and I look up to see it’s another of my father’s men. “Time to go, Nona—”
I turn and slap him over and over. The first one connects, but he puts his arm up to block the next one and grabs my arm, twisting it behind my back.
I hit him in the side of his head with my free arm and he grabs hold of it and traps me in a bear hug, shouting over my head at the guy who’s now got Kostya pinned to the ground.
“Wrap it up!” he shouts in Russian.
Kostya’s in trouble. The other guy is straddling him, his hands around his throat. He lifts his head up and slams it into the ground once… then again…
I’m trying to get free, but I’m bound by this guy’s massive arms. I manage to scratch his face and he loosens his grip. Before I can get away, he pulls me in and wraps his arms around my waist, getting a better grip on me. “Stop! You’re killing him!” I shout to the guy on top of Kostya.
Then out of nowhere his body jerks and blood shoots out of his shoulder in bursts of gunfire. The final shot hits him in the side of his head and he falls over.
I look over to see Rikki holding the gun. Next to him is Alex with his gun trained on the man holding me.
“I’m only saying this one time,” he says. “Let her go. Now.”
I feel his chest vibrate against my back as he laughs. “You wouldn’t risk hitting—”
A pop and I flinch, closing my eyes as the smell of gunpowder surrounds me. The arms loosen around me and suddenly, I’m free. I stumble forward, looking over my shoulder just in time to see him fall, a single gunshot to his head.
Alex walks up to me and takes me by the hand. “We’re leaving.”
I don’t object. Rikki helps Kostya to unsteady feet and the four of us leave the train station.