31. Nona
NONA
Ican’t believe him. I can’t believe after everything, all we’ve been through, he really thinks that this is the right solution?
I just had to drag this bag down the stairs. I’ve got two more in the closet in that bedroom, but I’ll have to go back for them in the morning once he’s gone for work or whatever he’s planning on doing tomorrow.
And I shouldn’t care. I certainly should not care. He is right that this was originally my idea… I guess. And for that reason, I shouldn’t give a shit or maybe I should have seen this coming or…
I push open the door to the spare room next to where Yeva’s sleeping. This room is almost completely bare. No sheets on the bed, generic wooden furniture that’s not even painted, plain beige carpet…
It’s just like my room when I came home from college. It’s not identical of course, but… but…
Sobs catch in my chest and suddenly, this whole thing of being strong and brave cracks completely. My knees buckle and I fall to the floor and start weeping into the carpet.
I don’t want to leave. I fought for the right to be at his side, to be his wife, and now he tells me that I have to go? Was everything pointless? Did it all mean nothing in the end?
I hear the doorknob turn slightly and I sit up, feeling terribly foolish. As the doors open, I get to my feet, wiping my face with my sleeve. Standing in the doorway is Yeva. She gives me a once-over with bloodshot, sleep deprived eyes and says under her breath, “Jesus.”
“I’m sorry,” I say to her. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m having…” I have to pause to swallow a sob. “I’m having a bad night. I’ll try and keep it down.”
She rolls her eyes and walks into the room. “Well, I’m up now,” she says as she sits on the edge of the bed. “What did he say?”
I blink. “What?”
“My brother. What did he say to you?”
She’s looking at me expectantly and with a little fire behind her eyes. It kind of makes me think that once I tell her, she’s going to march up there and tell him off.
I shake my head and say, “It’s nothing. Really.”
“You’re standing here in this room with your bags instead of in my brother’s bed where you belong.” She speaks in a measured tone as if she’s explaining the simplest concept. “And you’re crying. Something is clearly wrong.”
I guess I might as well tell her. It’s not like she won’t notice that I’m not hanging around here anymore.
“I have to leave,” I tell her. “We… we talked and Alex thinks that it would be safer for me to not be here anymore. What with his enemies and all that.”
I feel like a child trying to explain this to her, but every word that comes out of my mouth feels like a sin. Being articulate about it just makes it feel all the worse. She raises an eyebrow and leans into me.
“And what did you tell him that you wanted?”
“What?”
She snickers. “Nona… Remember that whole conversation we had about you growing a pair? This is one of those moments where you kind of need to do that with Alex. I told you. Bratva men are bloodthirsty. I don’t believe any of them know how to move unless it’s through conflict.”
“I don’t want to fight with him about every little thing,” I say. “I mean…”
“I’m not saying you’ve got to fight with him all the time.
I’m saying you can’t just sit back and take whatever nonsense comes out of his mouth.
” She stands up and walks over to me, putting her hands on my shoulders.
“Nona, you are a queen in our world. In the brotherhood, there are only two people who can walk into a room full of these muscle heads and tell them what’s what and one of them is my brother.
The other is you. You’ve got more power than you think you do. ”
“That’s a nice sentiment,” I say. “But your brother doesn’t want me to be his queen anymore. He thinks that it will be safer if I were out of this life.”
“And you agree with him?”
I pull away from her. The tears are starting up again.
I wipe my face with the heel of my hand.
“Of course not. Tonight… tonight, he risked the lives of his brothers and himself just to rescue me from my father. He killed for me. More than just killed. I thought that meant…” I pause.
I don’t really want to say it aloud. It sounds naive. Yeva crosses her arms.
“Did he tell you that he didn’t love you anymore?” she asks me directly.
“No, but—”
“Did he say anything about being done with you and this marriage? Like he can’t bear to be around you?”
“No.”
“Then what are we really talking about, here? Nona, the way I see it, he didn’t give you a command. I mean, he might think that’s what he’s done, but if he truly wanted you to leave for any reason, all he’d have to do is pick you up and toss you out on the street.”
I scoff. “He wouldn’t be that cruel.”
“Yes, he would,” Yeva says. “They all would. If you meant nothing to him, you’d know it.”
“Okay,” I say, throwing up my arms. “So, he cares about me. That just means this asking me to leave is really his idea of a noble act—”
“You’re not hearing me.” She sighs exasperatedly. “Look. Do you still want to be his wife?”
“More than anything.”
“All right. Then go back up there and claim your place at his side. You tell him that you’re not going anywhere. He just went through fire for you tonight. For you. You need to go up there and remind him of exactly what he risked his life for.”
She pauses, locking eyes with me. “You are worthy of him and of this life. You just have to remind him who the fuck you are every now and then.”
She smiles and pats me on the shoulder, then she says, “Now, I am going back to bed. And just in case, I’m putting in earplugs.” She winks and walks away.
I stand there in the middle of this nearly empty room. My tears have dried and Yeva’s words are ringing in my ears. Remind him who the fuck you are…
She’s right. She’s been right this whole time. We didn’t just go through hell just for him to push me away.
I leave the guest room and walk back up to the bedroom.
To my surprise, he isn’t in the bedroom when I get there. The shower is still steamy and his bloodied clothes are still on the floor by the bed. But he’s nowhere to be found.
I’m standing in the hallway outside the bedroom, debating whether or not I’m going to look for him. I’m full of fire now, ready to tell him off… and he has the nerve to not be around.
Typical. I should take a shower myself and just go to bed. Make my case in the morning.
Or… or I can look for him. This house is pretty big, but he’s still got to be here somewhere.
I walk around, checking all the rooms I come across, save the guest bedrooms. Yeva is asleep, so I don’t want to disturb her, and Rikki isn’t here tonight. Usually at this hour, he’s up and I can sometimes hear him pacing the floor in his room. I honestly don’t think that man sleeps at all.
I find myself in the furthermost wing of the house where there’s been some recent renovation. I walk through the double doors blocking off this area and I find myself in a gym area. Wood floors and weight benches, a couple of treadmills…
How did I not know this place was here? I wander around it for a few seconds and pick up the faint scent of sweat. It’s then that I come across a wooden door with a small window in it. I peer in.
The room has a long wooden bench against a stone veneer wall that goes all the way around all three sides.
There’s a metal container filled with black rocks with glowing red corners.
As I look, I see a figure lean forward and pour a ladle full of water onto the rocks.
A plume of steam rises from the center and settles in a cloud.
I follow the figure as he sits back down.
It’s Alex, as naked as the day he was born, sitting on the bench and leaning his head back against the wall.
Through the fog of steam, his body shines with sweat, highlighting his abs and the muscles of his thighs.
His large cock lies across one thigh at half mast, looking just as relaxed as he does.
I shouldn’t disturb him.
No, Yeva is right. We didn’t come this far to break up. I’m not about to let him do it. I grab the handle and open the door.
A waft of steam floats out around my head, and the mix of heat and cool makes my skin tingle. He looks up at me, then rolls his eyes and leans back. “Nona—”
“Don’t,” I say. “I see you’re… busy, so I’m going to make this short. I’m not leaving.”
He lifts his head and stares at me. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” I lift my chin. “I was kidnapped today. My father threatened to cut this baby out of me and tried to kill me. You just gathered your forces and escalated this war on the Irkutsks so that you could rescue me. You must be out of your mind if you think I’m about to walk away from you just because you told me to. ”
He sighs. “You shouldn’t be in here, Nona. You’re pregnant—”
“Let me finish.” I set my jaw. He’s going to hear me out, dammit. “You don’t get to make every decision in this marriage. I get to have a say. I’m going to have my say. I am your queen, Alex. And I am not leaving.”
A little smile turns up in the corner of his mouth, then he looks away from me, wiping it away. “This is a dangerous life. Too dangerous to raise a child in.”
“You think I don’t know that? We were both born into this.
I’m not a fool. And I will not be taken for one.
You will be my husband and you will be this baby’s father.
You want to be noble? Fine. Step up your game and protect us properly, then.
Because if you want me to leave, you’re going to have to throw me out. ”
He stares, and I notice his cock moves a little, the sound of my voice seemingly waking it up. He stands up and walks over to me. “You do not tell me what to do, Rabbit,” he says in that sensual growl of his that drives me crazy. “I am your husband, your Pakhan, and I make the rules.”
His sweat ignites something feral inside me and suddenly, it’s getting hard to concentrate. I clear my throat and say, “I’m telling you what’s what, Alexandr. I’m your wife and I love you. I’m not leaving you.”