Chapter 2 - Izabel
My favorite thing to do after gym is grab a breakfast burger.
It doesn’t matter that the snow fell for most of last night or that I can’t feel my butt cheeks as I sit on this practically frozen bench watching the ocean.
In fact, it adds to all the little things that make me feel alive.
The bite of the cold. The groan of my hard-worked muscles. The flavor of the food.
I found Tim Tim’s Takeaway by accident when I was driving past one morning, and I was so damn hungry I had to stop. He’s so friendly and the food is so good that it instantly became part of my little routine.
Whenever I finish a gym session, I turn into a bit of a demon with hunger. There have been mornings when I’ve gone back and had Tim make two more of these for me. All he does is laugh and ask me where the hell I hide all the food, being as small as I am.
I am small, but I insist on being strong, too.
Besides, I’d go a little crazy without the gym.
Some girls party. Some girls shop. I love going to the gym to relax and feel good.
Exercise—and art. Drawing is another one of my escapes.
I'm obsessed with digital art, and I carry my iPad almost everywhere I go in case inspiration strikes and I need to sketch an idea down.
Usually, I sit here and just enjoy watching the world go by. But this morning, I have a lot of stuff on my mind.
I decided last night that today is the day I tell Kayla about me.
About…well, about everything. I’ve been dreading it, actually.
I have no idea how she'll react. She might be furious with me. I’ve been lying to her and keeping secrets for years.
She’s supposed to be my best friend. She is my best friend!
But she might not see it that way anymore when she hears what I've been hiding.
I sigh, taking a deep breath of icy cold air as I crumple my caramel tart's wrapper up into a tight little ball.
From the bench, I toss it towards the trash can.
I already got the bag in on the first try, and the empty coffee cup.
But I miss the wrapper. It bounces off the edge and falls to the ground.
“Two out of three,” I say happily. “I’d say those are good odds.”
Climbing off the bench, I dust my hoodie sleeves over my butt, which is damp, and I stretch my legs a little, rolling my hips and savoring the aftermath of my workout.
On my way past, I bend down, scooping up the missed trash to toss it into the can. Then I head back to my car. My stomach rolls with tension. Even if I was hungry enough for another burger, my nerves wouldn’t allow it. It’s time to go and see Kayla.
Tim waves at me and I wave back.
“See you tomorrow!” I shout over my shoulder.
***
On the way to Kayla's, I have my music blaring, I’m singing along to Teddy Swims. Imagine finding someone in life that you could love so hard that they make you lose control. What an incredible feeling it must be, to be so in love, to be so free.
Bleh. Love isn’t for everyone, though.
I can’t help wanting it, but I’m starting to think it isn’t real, and people sort of make it up to feel better about things.
Although when I look at Kayla and Josiah, I see love between them. It seems real.
As I pull into the gates of their estate, waving at the security guards, I turn my music down.
My stomach is knotted tighter than before, and I’m beginning to second-guess my decision.
No, there’s no backing out of this now. I’ve always wanted to be honest with Kayla; I only hid the truth from her to keep her and her two beautiful little twins safe.
Kira and Kelsey are the sweetest little mischief makers, and I adore them as if they were my own.
I couldn’t drag them into the Bratva world or put them at risk by telling them about it.
I made the right choice, keeping it a secret.
And I’m making the right choice now by telling her.
Besides, she made the choice herself when she decided to stay with Josiah. Her husband is Bratva. I’m hoping that factor will help her understand things from my side a little better. The secret. The risk. The need to keep her safe.
“Izzy!” a little voice squeals my name from the kitchen as I call out good morning into the mansion.
“No, wait, you have to finish your breakfast,” I hear Kayla grumble at Kira. It has to be Kira. She’s the most mischievous one.
She loses the battle, and Kira comes running around the corner to crash into me with a hug. I scoop her into my arms and spin her around.
“Ew!” she complains, pulling a face that has her scrunching her nose so much it makes me laugh.
“What?” I ask, confused.
“The sleeves are dirty,” she says, trying to wiggle from my arms.
I set her down and glance at my hoodie sleeves. There are damp streaks on them from dusting my butt off after sitting on the wet bench.
“It’s just a little bit of dirt, it’s not going to kill you,” I tease her, holding the sleeves up and chasing her.
She squeals and runs back to the kitchen.
I follow her through, and Kayla is there, sipping coffee and looking sleepy.
“How in the world do you get up so early for gym?” she asks.
“Exercise gives me the energy to get up that early,” I remark, flicking the coffee machine back on.
“Come on, girls, upstairs to get your things together. You’ve got fifteen minutes before Stella takes you to school.”
There is a yelp as either Kelsey or Kira gets up to more trouble upstairs. Kayla rolls her eyes and mumbles, “Be right back.”
I grin and reply, “Take your time.”
Alone in the kitchen, I sip my second cup of coffee, wondering if it’s a good idea when my nerves are already a little twisted and hyped up.
I think about my brother. Illyin can be so freaking difficult and stubborn at times.
He’s another reason I haven’t rushed to tell Kayla, even recently.
He’s very protective of me, which I understand, considering the world we grew up in, and he hasn’t made up his mind how he feels about the Belovs yet.
Except the Belovs are practically my second family now, so I need him to trust me that they are good people. But he doesn’t like to take other people’s word for it. He likes to decide for himself.
Unfortunately, he’s taking too long.
He might be uncomfortable with how close I have grown to them, but I’m not. And besides, it’s about time I started making choices for myself instead of waiting for my brother to make them for me.
I’m done with his control over me. Even if it comes from a good place, I want to be the one holding the reins on my own life.
“Okay, Stella has them, and my morning duties are fulfilled,” Kayla says, walking back into the kitchen.
“Why aren’t you dressed for work?” I ask, noting her jeans and casual sweater.
“Working from home today. I’ve got so much to do that I figured it would be less distracting.”
“Nice. Um….” My heart jumps into my throat.
She looks up at me, tilting her head to the side. “You, okay?”
I nod, grinning nervously. “I was wondering if we could talk.”
“Of course, sweetie, what’s going on? Is something wrong?” She is immediately filled with tender concern for me, and I quickly shake my head.
“No, no, everything is great. But there’s some stuff I want to tell you. Important stuff.”
“Okay,” she says curiously. “Well, let’s take our coffee to the living room?”
I nod, gesturing for her to lead the way.
In the living room, I find myself sitting right on the edge of the sofa, unable to settle down because my nerves are getting worse. I really don’t want to lose her friendship.
She reaches out and touches my leg, which is bouncing in agitation.
“Hey, Izzy, you know you can tell me anything, right?”
I giggle nervously again. “Yes, but this is, it’s….”
I shake my head and take a deep breath. Just go for it. Just get it out. “We’ve been friends for a long time now, and there’s something that I have been keeping from you. Not because I wanted to…but because I needed to. I only kept it from you to keep you and the girls safe.”
She nods; her brows are furrowed. She sits patiently, waiting for me to go on.
“Kayla, my brother’s name is Illyin Toloff. He is the Bratva leader of Milwaukee. I grew up in a Bratva family. I grew up in the mafia.”
Her mouth drops open in surprise. Her eyes are wide, not in anger, but in shock.
“Your family is mafia?” she stammers.
“You need to understand that I kept it from you because just knowing these things can put people at risk. I’ve spent my whole life keeping that part of myself a secret.
My brother is incredibly protective and…
he knows who the Belovs are. He knows I am friends with you, but he didn’t want me to say anything in case it caused issues. ”
“What issues, though? We're friends. And Josiah is my husband, and he views you like family,” she says.
“Well, that’s the reason why I didn’t want to hide it from you anymore. I’m tired of hiding it, and I felt it was time to tell you the truth. I was just scared…I was scared you would be angry that I lied to you this whole time.”
My heart sits high in my chest, banging loudly as anxiety floods me.
But Kayla smiles and shakes her head. “Of course I’m not angry. You did the right thing in protecting my twins. You didn’t exactly lie to me. I would rather say you protected us,” she says, changing the narrative.
I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Really?” I ask, touching my hand to my chest. “You aren’t mad at me?”
She shakes her head and laughs. “Not at all. I'm happy you felt comfortable enough to finally tell me, though.”
I let out another breath and smile. “Shit, well, I hope Illyin is as understanding when I tell him that I told you,” I grin.
“If you'd like, I can talk to Josiah, and he can contact Illyin. If we pre-smooth things over between the guys, then there won’t be any reason for him to be upset about it,” she suggests.