Therapist N − 2
“What would you like to say to her?”
“To whom?”
“To your mother.”
“You mean Marie?”
“Don’t dodge my question with semantics, Tess. What would you like to say to Marie? If you knew she couldn’t hurt you or say anything back. If you knew she’d listen, what would you say?”
“She never listens.”
“It’s a hypothetical question. An exercise.”
“I guess I’d ask why.”
“Pretend I’m your mother. I’m Marie. Look at me and talk to me, just the way you wish you could talk to her.”
“Fine. What the hell is your problem? You think you’re the only one destroyed by Harry’s death?
You can blame me all you want for that, but you can’t make me feel any more guilty than I already do.
And is this the solution? Does it really make you feel better to shut your daughter out of your life?
Wasn’t losing Harry enough? Couldn’t we have each other?
Couldn’t we cry together, mourn together, get furious at Harry together?
Do you think this is what Harry would want?
For you to ignore me? For you to…to stop loving me?
Why don’t you love me, Marie? Why don’t you love me? ”
“Would you like a tissue?”
“Several.”
“That was good, Tess. How did it feel?”
“Horrible. And great.”
“Can you imagine a time when you could say those things to her face?”
“Not in a million years.”
“Why not?”
“Because it wouldn’t make any difference. At best she’d tell me to stop being dramatic but more likely she’d ignore me and close the door in my face.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do. Aren’t I supposed to be here to talk about my OCD and my auditory hallucinations?”
“There are a lot of things you need to talk about, and your relationship with Marie is one of them.”
“I wouldn’t call it a relationship.”
“You said you would ask your mother why. Do you think it would change the way you feel about her if you knew the answer?”
“I don’t know.”
“Put it this way—can you imagine any answer to that question that would allow you to forgive Marie?”
“No.”
“If knowing why isn’t going to lead to forgiveness, you need to find another path.”
“Who says I need to find any path at all? Why should I forgive Marie? She doesn’t deserve it.”
“But maybe you do.”