Therapist N − 1
“You never feel in control?”
“Never.”
“And why do you want to be in control?”
“Doesn’t everyone want to be in control?”
“Not necessarily.”
“I don’t mean controlling everything. I don’t even mean controlling other people. I’d just like to have some measure of control over my own life. The way most people do.”
“The difference between you and most people is not that they have control over their lives, Tess.”
“Then what is the difference?”
“That they think they have control over their lives. They buy into the illusion; you’re smart enough to see it for what it is.”
“So, because I’m smart enough to see my lack of control for what it is, I have to be miserable all the time? There are plenty of people smarter than me who are perfectly happy.”
“Just because someone is smart doesn’t mean they realize the deeper truths of existence. And just because they realize those truths doesn’t mean they can’t be in denial.”
“Is that your solution? That I should be in denial?”
“No, Tess, you know I don’t mean that.”
“Then what’s your solution?”
“It’s not as simple as me offering you a solution, but if you’re that bothered about your lack of control, try concentrating on things you can control.”
“Like what?”
“Sleeping, eating…”
“Three years in college, and I still suck at controlling either one of those things.”
“Okay, even simpler. When you leave my office, you can go back to your dorm, or you can go to the library. You control the destination. And you control the route. You can walk directly to your dorm, across the quad, or you can take the long way around and enjoy more of the fall air.”
“Those are pretty meaningless things to control.”
“But it’s a start, Tess. It’s a way to prove to yourself that, even if the totality of the path of your life is ultimately not in your control, the next step is.”
“Cold comfort.”
“Perhaps, but it’s something.”
“And something is all you ever promised me.”
“Correct.”
“Fine. I’ll take the long way around.”
“Good.”
“But someday I want to be in a situation where I know more than everyone else, where I can see one step ahead, and I have total control of and confidence in the outcome.”
“We’d all like that, Tess.”