15. Taran
The next morning, my brain is complete mush. I”m still drunk on Lyra’s kisses, and it”s the very best kind of drunk. We hung out, and watched a little TV cuddled on the couch before we both had to call it a night because of work. Since I didn”t get to see my mom yesterday, I am up early and heading over there before I need to clock in at work. As I”m on my way, I get a call from Val. I answer on my bluetooth, a little worried about why she”d be calling first thing.
“Hey, Val, everything ok?”
“Taran, it’s Evelyn. I just got to the house, and she is sweating profusely while at rest. Her left arm also hurts. She”s very likely having a heart attack. I gave her an aspirin right away and am taking her to Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital.” Her voice is brusque, she’s in full nurse mode.
I almost swerve off the road in my panic, but manage to barely keep control. My heart starts pounding so violently that I’m feeling light headed. The furiously pumping blood is roaring through my ears, as if it’s trying to cancel out hearing what Val said. Not Ma. Nothing can happen to her. She”s already been through so much, she needs to catch a fucking break.
“I’ll meet you there, I can be there in less than 20,” I choke out.
“Has anything been wrong the last few days that you can think of? Evelyn says she”s been fine.”
I think back and try to remember if she exhibited anything out of the ordinary when I last saw her on Sunday.
“She had indigestion on Sunday when we were at our friends’ house for dinner, but she brushed it off as eating the pupusas too quickly.”
“Yesterday she asked for an antacid too, because she was lamenting she ate too much of the bacon I made for breakfast,” she says, her normally placid, soothing voice filled with worry. “I should have known something was wrong then. That”s one of the lesser signs of a heart attack, especially for women. How could I have missed it?”
“Val, this is NOT your fault. I”m just so grateful you were there early and got her an aspirin already. Thank you for the millionth time for all that you do.”
My mom”s voice comes through then. “Taran, baby, I”ll be just fine. Val has this under control.” Her breathing is labored though, and her voice is so strained. “You need to get to work. Val will keep you posted on everything.”
I cannot get impatient with my mom while she”s having a heart attack. I cannot yell at her to not be a fucking martyr while she”s going to the hospital. I have to count to 10 to rein in my indignation. In the calmest voice I can manage, I tell her, “Ma, I have personal days I can take. It”s fine, of course I”m going to be there with you.” Then I hear Val again.
“Evelyn, first, just concentrate on breathing and calming yourself. Second, you know that Taran won’t be stopped from coming, and it will be comforting for you to have him there.”
“Listen to Val, Ma. She”s always right, you know this,” I tell her. I hear her sigh. “Alright, I”ll see you both in about 15. I need to call into work and let them know what”s going on. Someone should hopefully be able to cover my route today.”
“Ok, see you soon, Taran,” Val says, and my mom murmurs her agreement before we end the call. Right away I get back on the phone to my hub, letting my supervisor know what”s going on. He”s understanding, thank goodness, and there is another driver they can send out on my route today. I hightail it to the hospital. Since my mom is closer by about 10 minutes, I know they”re going to beat me there by about that much. I barely let my car shift into park before I am turning it off, jumping out, and running into the hospital. When I get into to the ER, Val is sitting with a clipboard of paperwork in the waiting room. I run over to her as she looks up and sees me.
“They”ve taken her back already to make sure she gets stabilized, and then figure out what they”ll need to do,” she says, getting right to the point.
“How was she when they took her back? Did she stay lucid?”
“Yes, she did. If you talk to the front desk you should be able to go back with her and see her. They wouldn”t let me go back since I”m not immediate family, and the paperwork had to be done. I just need your help with some of this paperwork first, please. I”ve answered what I can.”
I help her get all of the paperwork filled out, and then go to the front desk to give it back and ask to see her. When they let me know where to go, I tell Val she should head out and that I”ll keep her updated. She seems reluctant, but I insist. The woman deserves a day off after discovering my mom like that. Once we say goodbye, they direct me to one of the little curtained off spaces behind the desk and through the big doors, where a nurse is examining my mom.
“Ma.” I can barely choke out the syllable, because the adrenaline coursing through me has my throat in a vice. She looks up at me and my steps toward her falter. Her eyes are dull, her skin is visibly clammy, and her breathing is still labored. She is breathing and coherent enough to tell me, once again, that she”ll be alright. The nurse is inserting one of those little oxygen tubes into her nostrils before he turns to me to fill me in.
“Hi, I”m David. Are you Mrs. Malloy”s son?”
“Taran, and yes. Will she be ok?”
“We”re still assessing. Aside from wanting to get her oxygen levels much higher, her vitals are fairly stable, which is good news. Her blood pressure is high too, but not at an alarming level all things considered.”
I take a little breath to calm myself down, and look at my mom. She”s stable, and with the oxygen she seems to be perking up a little more.
“What are the next steps?” I ask David.
“The doctor will be coming by to do her exam and assessment as soon as she can now that Mrs. Malloy is stable. She will determine whether your mother needs to get a cardiac catheterization with a stent or undergo surgery for a bypass.”
“Is everyone just going to keep talking around me like I”m not here?” my mom says indignantly.
“Sorry, Mrs. Malloy, I just wanted to get your son filled in,” David says sheepishly.
“Sorry, Ma. Are you feeling any better? Is the oxygen helping?” I ask as I take her hand and give it a squeeze.
“Better than I was, that”s for sure,” she says a little weakly.
“The doctor will be here soon, Mrs. Malloy. You two hang tight here,” David says as he leaves, closing the curtain back around us after he does. My mom looks so scared and defeated, like having yet another health scare is the last straw for her. I squeeze her hand and she looks at me.
“Son, I”m going to drill this into your head. Don”t waste time on this earth. You never know how much you might have left. I thought that was it for me this morning. No saying goodbye to you, Seth, Sienna, or my grand-babies. No traveling, or seeing you maybe find love. 68 is not that old, and yet I have wasted so much time.”
My throat is hardly able to work, and my eyes are stinging. “You got another chance, Ma. You”re like a resilient cat with nine lives. Both of us will stop wasting time. Speaking of Seth, it”s not even 5 am there but we need to call him. He”ll be upset if we don”t let him know right away now that you”re situated.” I pick up the phone to call him, and he sleepily answers after three rings.
“Tar? Everything ok?”
“Hey, Seth. It”s been a morning. I”m at the hospital with mom. She”s stable now, but she”s had a heart attack.” I can actually hear him sit bolt upright in bed, and Sienna murmur next to him asking what”s wrong. They”re usually not up for at least another hour.
“A heart attack? What happened? She”s stable now, you said?”
“Yeah, she”s doing ok. The doctor will be here soon to figure out if she needs a bypass or a stent. Val found her having obvious symptoms of a heart attack this morning right as I was on my way there.”
“Aren”t you usually there before Val? What about last night, was she having any symptoms when you stopped by after work?”
“I didn”t get a chance to go by, but she seemed fine when we texted.”
“Why didn”t you get a chance to go by last night, what were you doing?” he asks in a tone that is way too accusatory. I give my mom”s hand a squeeze and motion that I”ll be back. I don”t want her to hear us start fighting, and I can feel it coming.
“I was hanging out having dinner with my friend. I don”t always go every single night, brother.”
“Well, if you had gone by like you should have, maybe it would have been caught earlier,” he says tightly, as if he is trying to restrain himself from yelling at me. What the fuck did I do to get him so angry?
“Seth, are you serious with this? I go by almost every day, cook for her, work with Val to make sure she has everything she needs. What more do you want from me? Why are you mad?”
“Because you ditched Ma last night when she needed you,” he says more coldly that I have heard him in a very long time.
“Soooo, what? I”m not allowed to have a life besides caring for Ma? Is that what you”re telling me? If so, that is incredibly shitty considering you are NEVER here. Don”t be a fucking hypocrite, Seth,” I tell him, my voice ringing with disbelief that he”s being like this.
“I can”t be there, so I rely on you and the lovely woman I pay handsomely to be there to make sure nothing.fucking.happens.to.her.” he says, enunciating every word through clenched teeth.
“We can”t monitor her 24/7, and you know she would absolutely despise it if we could. You”re being an absolute asshat right now. We got her here in time and she”s stable. That lovely woman you pay handsomely saved her, and you better show her enough appreciation for it. What more do you want?” I seethe.
“I NEED HER TO BE OK,” he almost roars, and then his voice breaks on the last syllable. In the background I hear Sienna hissing at him that he”s going to wake the kids, murmuring things I can”t make out, and then she”s on the phone.
“Hey, Tar. Your big brother is having big feelings right now, so I think we”ll let you get back to mom and talk more later, ok? I”m sorry he”s being like this, we”ll talk it out. He”s terrified, and that”s taken over his normally good sense.”
“Maybe I should have at least waited until he was caffeinated, huh?” I grumble.
“Nothing would have made this easier for him. If you had waited to tell him, he would have been mad that you had. It was a lose lose situation. Don”t worry, I”ll talk to him,” she says gently.
“Thanks, Sienna. I better get back to mom.”
“I’m just so glad she”s stable. Please keep us posted, ok?”
“Will do, talk to you later.”
I go back to my mom, and she’s looking at me so sadly. “He”s having a rough time dealing with all of this from across the country, isn”t he?” she asks, her hands twisting in her lap. I let out a breath and rake my hands through my hair, trying to calm down after our fight.
“I’d say so. We”ll talk it out, please do not worry about anything but yourself right now, ok?”
“It”s impossible not to worry about my boys.”
“We”re adults, we”ll be ok. More than anything he and I just need you to get better. So do that for us, please,” I tell her pleadingly.
“What my body decides to do is a little out of my hands, son, but I”ll try my best and do everything the doctors tell me,” she tells me dryly.
The doctor comes in at that point and starts talking to my mom and me about everything in the chart, her vitals, and how the testing will go to determine whether she needs a stent or surgery. It”s not exactly a shock that this happened, she tells us, since she already also had a stroke. Soon after, a tech is there with a wheelchair to take my mom to the cardiac catheterization lab. All I can do is pace, and wait. I update Carlo on what”s going on so he can tell his family. Almost instantly, there is a barrage of texts from his parents and sisters wishing her a speedy recovery in the group chat Lucia had set up a long time ago. My brain completely did not compute texting the group chat, but it should have. I fill them all in at the same time on everything. In true Alejandra fashion, the first thing she says is she”ll stock my mom”s fridge so neither of us have to worry once we”re home from the hospital. I have no idea how long we”ll be here or if she”ll be admitted for surgery, and the not knowing is killing me.
Since my brain is obviously not working, and my mom will be a while in the lab, I go in search of caffeine and food. The cafeteria is just as cold and stark as the rest of the hospital, and I hate it. Unbidden memories of watching my dad fade away in this very hospital assault me as I walk around, and breathing starts to become difficult. He had been such a broad, vital man with a huge personality. By the end, he looked like the most heart wrenching empty shell. It all happened so quickly too, as it usually does with pancreatic cancer. Watching a parent whither away, both physically and mentally, is not something I”d wish on even my worst enemy. It”s the smell of the hospital that gets me the most. That overpowering antiseptic smell, combined with that undefinable smell of sickness, makes my nose burn.
Feeling a little better after some sorely needed caffeine and a bagel, I make my way back to the waiting area. My texts are still pinging from Carlo”s family, and Val asking for an update. The Hernandez clan does not mess around when one of their own needs them, and my chest constricts that they include me and my mom in that. Alejandra wants to deliver food to the house late this afternoon, so I coordinate with Val to let her in. I thank Val profusely for it, and for saving her.
It gets me thinking of Seth and our fight again, because I”ll be damned if he calls her “that lovely woman I pay handsomely.” I have nothing else to do but get lost in my thoughts while I wait. He and I don”t fight much anymore. We had the normal brotherly tussles when we were young, but him being out of the house since I was 8 means there wasn”t much opportunity for us to piss each other off. The more I think about it, the more I understand why he lost it. It doesn”t excuse it, but I understand that both of us may be carrying resentment. He has his happy life on the other coast, while I”m happy living here with the memories and doing my thing. Both of us made those choices. I think sometimes we wish we could be in the other”s shoes, though. There are times he gets homesick and wishes he could control things here, while sometimes I wish I could live somewhere else, where I don”t have the day to day load of taking care of our only parent. Hopefully he and I will work this all out soon, and I can persuade him to fly out even for just a couple of days to see Ma after this scare.
After four or so hours of waiting, doom scrolling, thinking, and starting a new book on my app, I see a text come through from Lyra.
LYRA
Hey, you. I just wanted to see if everything was ok. The man I saw go by in the UPS truck when I went out to get the mail just now was definitely not as cute as you
I swear, the way this woman puts a small smile on my face even when I”m having the worst day.
Hey there, Firecracker. Not going to sugarcoat it, it”s been a day, but everything should hopefully be ok. My mom had a heart attack, I”ve been at the hospital since early this morning. She”s stable now, I”m hoping the Doctor will have more news on what the next steps are soon
Holy shit, I”m so sorry. That poor woman can”t catch a break. I”m glad she”s stable. Do you need anything?
Carlo”s mom is dropping food off at her house, with enough for me too. I”ve got a book and will get lunch as soon as I have some news. I appreciate you asking
Ok, well if anything changes or you need anything let me know. I”m sorry again, Taran
Thanks, Lyra, I really appreciate it. I”ll text you later when I have more info, ok?
Yes, please
About 15 minutes later, the doctor comes out and lets me know that my mom has had a stent put in, and is in recovery. She should recover fully and hopefully be ok with a medicine regimen and taking care of herself. The doctor wants to admit her and have her stay overnight for observation, so I quickly go to see her in recovery. She seems ok, to my immense relief. I let her know I”m just going to run home to grab an overnight bag. I”ll find her room when I get back.
When I return to the hospital an hour and a half later, she”s been admitted and I head over to her room to sit with her. I grabbed a few toiletries and a change of clothes for her too from her house while I was out. She”s lying slightly propped up watching TV when I walk in, and she looks at me gratefully when I give her the bag I packed for her. After an hour of hanging out with my mom in her room, focusing on making sure she”s ok and has everything she needs, I shoot off updates to the Hernandez group chat, Sienna, and Lyra.
I think I nod off for a bit in the chair while she drifts off in her bed, the TV droning in the background. It”s 5:05 in the evening according to my phone when I wake up to a soft knock on the door. I look over to where my mom is still passed out from her long, arduous day, making sure her breaths are deep and even. Then I look toward the source of the knocking.
Lyra is standing there in the open doorway, looking so shy and uncertain. She has a visitor badge stuck to her peacoat, and a bag from the best Italian place in the area in her hands. Her curls are gorgeously wild and windswept, eyes a dazzling deep emerald today, full lips pressed together in a bashful smile that I immediately want to kiss. I take a second to fully drink her in, from that wonderful face down to the tight jeans and ankle boots she”s wearing. Her cheeks are gorgeously pink, either from the nip in the air or her nervousness showing up here, or maybe both. I”m moving in the next instant, so happy to see her that I crush her to me.
“What are you doing here?” I murmur softly into her hair, breathing her in like I didn”t just see her last night.
“I...,” she starts hesitantly. “I hated the idea of you being alone dealing with this. I figured I”d come by and see if you wanted company, or at least drop off some Italian food.” She says it in a whisper, clearly clocking my mom sleeping over my shoulder and not wanting to disturb her.
Something completely shifts in my chest with her saying that. Having an attraction and shared values is one thing. Showing up for one another like this in a time of need is another level that I have never experienced before. The concept of having a partner to help shoulder things is so foreign that I can feel my entire chest crack, because there isn”t enough room for how much this feeling is filling it up and making my heart expand. When I take another deep breath of her rose scent, I feel lighter than I have in 10 years, even in spite of the day I”ve had.