28. Lyra
My eyes and throat are bone dry and coarse feeling when I wake up in Taran”s arms. It was not a restful sleep at all. I”m trying to not let my anxiety get to me, and I also don”t want to make Taran more worried than he already is. I know his fears about losing me the way his mom lost his dad are weighing heavily on him. We quickly get ourselves washed up and dressed before he takes me to the hospital, holding my hand the entire way. The sun is just starting to peek over the horizon, painting the day in soft golds and oranges.
“Everything is going to go well, and you”re going to be just fine, my pretty Firecracker.”
He says it like a mantra, over and over again, to me, to himself, to anyone who may be listening. His thumb keeps brushing over my knuckles in a soothing gesture, and my chest aches. When I think about it, I have it the easiest today. I”ll be out cold for eleven hours. It”s Taran who is going to be waiting for that long, hoping for whatever news the doctors can give along the way. It”s the doctors and nurses who will be on their feet for so long. Dr. Oren has an assistant to help relieve him, Dr. Barnick, along with a team of three nurses. There will also be an anesthesiologist on hand at all times to make sure I don”t wake up. It helps me to have that visualization of everyone who will be in the operating room with me beforehand, so I”m glad Dr. Oren went over it with me.
We do our intake at the hospital, and I”m taken back with Taran to a prep room after not too long of a wait. I”m instructed to change into my hospital gown and put the hairnet on my head. My last minute vital signs are taken and they look fine. My heart rate is a little higher than usual, but not in the range where it”s a concern. It”s to be expected, the nurse says, considering what”s about to happen. It”s not too long before they say it”s time to get me wheeled to the OR. Taran squeezes my hand once, twice. The tiniest whimper escapes me as he sees me off. A pang of fear slices through me that I might not see him again. I want to take the image of his warm, loving face with me in case something happens, so I catalog his every feature.
“I’ll see you in eleven hours, ok? I love you so much, Lyra.” He kisses me on my forehead, then my lips.
“I love you, too. See you afterwards,” I tell him with a weak smile. Then I”m getting wheeled away, and I hear the nurse direct him to the proper waiting room. When I get to the OR, the first one to introduce herself is the anesthesiologist, Dr. Lyari. She starts her work getting me hooked up to the machine, and I start to shiver because the OR is so cold. Dr. Oren and Dr. Barnick come in then, trailed by a couple of nurses, and they all give quick greetings before they get right to business prepping.
“Ok, Lyra. I”m starting the anesthesia now. I need you to count backwards from ten for me, please.”
“10, 9, 8...” My voice scratches as I start to go hazy. “7, 6, 5, 4...” The four is garbled, and I don”t get to three before everything goes black.
MY EYES FLUTTER A LITTLE,but don’t seem to want to open. The first thing I feel is a warm hand holding mine. Then I register the concentrated pain when I try to swallow. It”s as if my throat is on fire, and a halfhearted moan makes its way through my mouth that can”t fully open for some reason. The hand holding mine squeezes.
“Shhhh, you”re ok, Lyra. Your surgery was a success. They took out your nasal intubation tube a little while ago once you were breathing ok on your own, but they told me your throat would still be sore. The rest of your jaw should still be completely numb, I hope.”
Taran”s deep voice soothes me, and as I slowly become more aware, I take stock of things. I smell disinfectant the most strongly, followed by hearing the gentle whooshing noises and beeps of medical machines. My eyes fight to fully open, and as they do, the light makes them squint again. His words begin to sink in. I”m in the hospital. The surgery is over and it was a success. I take a breath to try and start to slowly, fully wake up as I squeeze his hand back. Warm, worried, toffee colored eyes meet mine.
“Hi, my pretty Firecracker.” He whispers it, and lifts our joined hands to kiss my knuckles. “This is probably a silly question all things considered, but how are you feeling?”
I shrug, because the pain is only in my throat, and I just feel pressure in my face from the swelling. I motion for my phone so I can type to him. He hands it to me and takes out his own.
Do I look completely different?
“You”re very swollen, but you still look like you, sweetheart.”
I huff a breath. The nurse comes in then to check on me, and soon after Dr. Oren comes in.
“Lyra, you did great. Your man here hardly left the waiting room, worried he”d miss an update. There was one moment where you started to stir, but the anesthesiologist got you right back to sleep.”
“I nearly had a heart attack when I heard about that, though,” Taran mutters. “I felt so helpless just sitting and waiting.”
Dr. Oren gives him a sympathetic smile before he goes on. “Just like I figured, it took about eleven hours. You”re going to be very swollen for roughly a week before it starts to really go back down. Then you”ll be able to see how everything is now even and squared off.”
I nod in acknowledgement before he continues.
“The nerves in your face are so traumatized right now that you won”t feel anything except mild pressure until tomorrow. Then we”re going to start you on a pain medicine regimen. You”ve mentioned you don”t want the hard stuff. If you”re not comfortable with it, it doesn”t have to be a narcotic, but you will at the very least need an over the counter regimen to manage it. If it gets to be too much, we”ll prescribe you something stronger. Your comfort is necessary so you can rest and recover.”
I nod again. There is nothing wrong with needing narcotic level painkillers after a surgery, but I want to avoid them if I can. I”ve had them before and don”t like how they make me feel. He goes through the rest of his reminders and tells me he”ll be back to check on me in a couple of days. The next week passes in a daze, because the pain does get to the point where I need the hard stuff. There are vague impressions of my parents and younger brother briefly visiting, FaceTime with my sister”s family before she flies up here, my big brother, and Gina”s family so that they can see me and I can see Brody. Talking starts to get slightly easier after a few days, but I still just mostly motion, text, or write on a notepad. My work sends a big bouquet and get well card, likely coordinated by Savannah. Taran leaves a couple of times for a few hours, but is always back to say goodnight to me and either crash in my room or go back to the hotel. He”s a constant source of comfort.
After the week at the hospital I’m desperate to get home. I’ll be much more comfortable there, obviously, and it’ll be nice to ditch the hospital gown. Jeanie arrives soon after Taran and I get there. The first thing I want to do is shower, since I could barely get out of bed to walk a little and stretch my legs for the past week. I feel like a filthy wretch, and my curls are a mess. Taran goes out to pick up Brody from Gina’s, but my sister is just downstairs. I turn the water on and let it heat up before I step in and relish the feeling of getting truly clean. I wash my hair, condition it, shave, scrub my face, basically the deluxe everything shower. Probably 30 minutes pass as I enjoy it all. Feeling somewhat human again is amazing. As I am finishing up though, I start to feel lightheaded. The room is spinning, and I barely manage to quickly turn off the water, step out of the shower, wrap myself up in my towel, before I feel myself start to go down. “Oh fuck,” I whisper, as everything goes black.
“TARAN!!!”
I stir to the sound of my sister screaming for him, and then feet pounding up the stairs.
“What’s wrong??” His anxious voice is practically shouting. “Shit, LYRA, is she ok??”
“I don’t know,” my sister cries. “She was in here forever and I heard the water turn off. She didn’t come out, so I came to check on her and found her in a heap on the bath mat.”
“Oh my god, LYRA, wake up, sweetheart.” I feel his hand cup my cheek, and the panic in his voice sends a jolt through me. My eyes fully open.
“I’m awake. I’m ok,” I croak, the words coming out mumbled around my jaw wiring.
“What happened, Firecracker?”
“Stood for too long in the steam. I got lightheaded. Didn’t hit anything, the bath mat cushioned my fall.”
“Jeanie, would you mind getting her some water with a straw, please?”
I hear my sister jog out of the room, and Taran cups the other side of my face with his other hand.
“You’re sure nothing is hurt? You didn’t hit your jaw on the way down?”
I shake my head, and move my limbs to make sure I didn’t hurt myself anywhere else.
“My jaw feels the same, and nothing else hurts. Just a little spill. I was stupid to take such a long shower, but it felt so nice to wash off the hospital.” I’m not sure how clear I am, but Taran still nods as if he understands.
He gently scoops me up into his arms. “As soon as I walked in the door I heard Jeanie screaming for me. I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast,” he says. Speak of the devil, I hear her come up the stairs, and the unmistakable chuffing noises of Brody following her. Taran carries me into the bedroom while my sister and Brody follow. She puts my water on the bedside table and roots around for some clothes for me.
“I’ve never been so scared in my life, little sis. I thought for sure you rebroke your jaw or something. There was blood tinged drool coming out of your mouth that I wiped away,” Jeanie says in a strained voice as she hands Taran the shirt she found. Taran lies me down in bed and quickly pulls the oversized shirt over my head before taking the towel. Brody promptly jumps up and lies across my lap, his eyes full of concern as he looks up at me. His tail is thwacking the covers though, he’s happy to have me home.
“Dr. Oren says that’s to be expected until she has more control over the nerves as they wake up,” Taran tells her. Like clockwork, it seems I’m drooling again a little, because Taran grabs a tissue and tenderly wipes the corner of my mouth. Then Jeanie hands me the water and I take a grateful sip. I look at these faces I love so much. The ones that wipe drool off my face and don’t care that I look like a swollen mess. I may not have a whole lot of people I can depend on in my life, but the ones I do have make me feel like I’ve hit the lottery.
“Thank you both,” I tell them. Taran kisses my forehead in response and Jeanie grabs my hand to squeeze it.
Jeanie and I spend a lot of the rest of that week just relaxing together, with her helping to make my liquid meals during the day and taking care of Brody while Taran is at work. When he is home though, he could not be more attentive. After the first week, I”m able to function better and be fine on my own during the day, though I”m devastated to see Jeanie go. Gina comes by with the family a couple of times, too. Ava and Braden lift my spirits to no end, singing and dancing around to entertain me. The Hernandez clan all visit as well, and of course Alejandra brings enough soups and prepped frozen fruit for smoothies to feed an army. Taran and I navigate my liquid diet just fine, thank goodness for blenders and food processors. I”ve learned what protein shakes I like, and we both really get into smoothies like neither of us have ever been before. He even makes good on his promise of blending pasta and sauce together with some herbs. It ends up tasting like a slightly thicker, starchy tomato soup and it is delicious. I”m able to speak more clearly the more the swelling goes down, though it is still pretty difficult. I text Taran while he”s at work.
I tried speaking to our neighbor when I took Brody out and she had so much trouble understanding me. I don”t know how you are able to always know what I”m saying
Not to brag, but I speak fluent Lyra
He really does, in so many ways, and I tell him as much. Taran can read my every expression, my every tell, without me ever having to translate for him. Having someone who understands me so well, and who I understand in return, is so freaking priceless. We”re both old souls who have been through some very challenging times, and by the most incredible chance, came across our matching souls in each other. I’ve finally found someone who loves all of me, from my biggest strengths to my glaring imperfections. To think, it all started with him delivering a small parcel next door.