Chapter 34
Grief and regret are a flood, pouring out of me as I confide in Noah. “I knew what he was like. The producer.” I take the box of tissues Noah offers. “I met him a few years ago, at a party.”
Memories flash—the empty bedroom, the locked door, the sound of his breathing.
“He tried with me, thought that he could get away with it like he probably has a hundred other times. But I was raised in Hollywood, and I knew what to do. Mention a few other names, heavy hitters, people I claimed were close family friends.”
I look at Noah and shrug. “Most of it was a lie, but I know how these men operate and what will scare them. And that’s anyone who wields more power.”
“You stood up for yourself,” Noah says.
“I protected myself, but after I got out of that party, after I was out of harm’s way, I never said anything. Not a word to anyone.”
If you want to get ahead, you have to get along.
I shut my eyes and shake off the sound of my mother’s voice.
“But keeping my mouth shut was the wrong thing to do. It made me complicit.”
“No, it—”
“Yes.” I cut Noah off. “I should have warned other women. They call it the whisper network, letting people know who to watch out for. At the very least, I should have warned Mackenzie. I grew up in that world, but she didn’t.
She thought she was safe. With the Me Too movement and so many people speaking out, she thought things were different from before. But they’re not.”
My words flow in a stream, quick and emergent. As if I’m purging toxins and have to get them out as fast as possible. “Things haven’t changed. Not really. The monsters are still there.” I grind my teeth. “They just got smarter.”
Noah tries again. “None of what happened to your friend is your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I stare at the wall, unable to look at him or accept his absolution.
“But I did.” A tear rolls down my face. “All I had to do was tell her to be careful, to watch out for him. But I was afraid. I was worried she’d tell someone else and word would get around.
I bluffed the producer once, at that party, but if he found out I’d bad-mouthed him, he would destroy my career. ”
A scornful laugh bubbles out of me. “My career. I put my own self-interests over Mackenzie’s safety. Now she’s the one who might be ruined. She’s the one who was hurt. Because of me.”
“Because of him,” Noah insists. “You kept quiet because of fear. He did what he did, because he’s evil.” For the first time, Noah touches me, his fingers grazing my hand. “There is no comparison.”
“She’s not talking to me now.” Sniffing, I dab my face and continue the purge. Sharing my truth with Noah is cathartic, and now I can’t stop. I want to tell him the rest.
I want to tell him everything.
“She confided in me, and I told her I wasn’t surprised.
That made her furious. She wanted to know how I could have let her go away for the weekend, to an island, with all of the cast and crew.
When I knew what he was like. That he might try to coerce her into bed.
Find her alone and tell her she’d be smart to keep him happy. ”
Nausea licks at my stomach and I cringe. “Just like he did me.”
“You told her what he did to you?”
“No.” My voice is soft, full of shame. “I never got the chance. She left the set that day, then all hell broke loose.” I release a long sigh. “Two days later, I was standing at the gates of Maison Marteau.”
Feeling wrung out and empty, I lean my head on the soft couch. “I’ve been a ticking time bomb ever since. Getting the audition helped for a while. It was a nice distraction, but with Alice and Ric, the talk of murder and vampires—”
“Wait.” Noah doesn’t try to hide his shock. “You know about the vampire thing?”
“I never believed it, and now that I know about your ancestor, that he had Renfield’s Syndrome, it makes a lot more sense.”
“Okay.” He nods. “Sounds like you’ve heard a lot.”
“I heard some things. Others I found out for myself,” I admit. “And I’ve snooped around the apartment looking for a journal that I’m not sure even exists.”
When he looks confused, I say, “Alice told me Rose had found a journal when she was here. Supposedly, she’d read some awful things in it and was really scared.
I told Alice I would look for it, but over time, I started to question whether or not she was telling me the truth.
I think Rose might have left on her own and just didn’t tell her sister. ”
I don’t mention a possible love interest, and I won’t bring up Luci.
That’s not my secret to tell.
“Did you find it?” Noah asks.
“What?” I yawn as the night’s drama takes its physical toll. “Oh, the journal? No.” I give him a half-hearted smile. “Have you seen the state of that storage room?”
“Right,” he says, but his voice is distant, his tone troubled.
The sound of the front door opening carries through the apartment right before André calls, “Noah? You here?”
Aware of my red and swollen eyes, I rise from the couch. “I should go to my place.” But the chill of the catacombs still prickles my skin, and Ric’s wicked leer still haunts my mind.
Noah sees my hesitation and takes the decision out of my hands. “I have a guest room. The sheets are clean, and the bed is made.” He hands me the water and pills I still haven’t touched. “André can sleep in another room. He’ll be fine,” he says quickly, heading off my argument.
With a reluctant nod, I let him show me the way upstairs. After making sure I have all I need, Noah wishes me a good night’s sleep and leaves me alone.
My eyes are already closing as I crawl into bed. Still a little drunk and emotionally spent, I curl onto my side in the fetal position. Feeling safer than I have in days, I finally give in to exhaustion.
And sleep pulls me down like a cool, black lake.