31. Paige
Eight Years Ago
I’m packing goody bags for a bridal party when Fiona walks into my boss’s party planning business. Lindsey greets her immediately while I hide in the back room, trying to remember if I’d put the hand lotion in one of the bridesmaid’s bags or not. Not that I’m actively trying to avoid Max’s stepmother, but she wasn’t exactly the type I sought out either. When I finally come to the conclusion that I hadn’t added the lotion yet, Fiona steps into the back room with two coffee cups in her hand and a sad smile across her lips.
“Hi.” She says, stepping across the room towards the table I’m slowly and methodically working across as I add each item into the bags. Sunglasses, then hand lotion, then the little “emergency kit” that I made up yesterday with pain meds, a sewing kit, and bandages in them, some quick snacks, and so on. All the things a twenty-something bridesmaid might need on the morning of the wedding.
“Hi Mrs. Grant.” I say and I can’t even hide the slight confusion that enters my voice. “Is there something I can help you with?”
She holds out a coffee to me and I hesitate, eyeing the extended cup. “Well, first off, you should take this. You look positively exhausted.”
I let out an uncertain laugh, taking the to-go cup from her and nodding gratefully. “Thank you. It’s been busy getting ready for the trip.” I say, setting the cup down and stuffing another bag.
She hums as if in answer. “Yes, I’m sure it has been. You must be really excited though.”
I nod quickly with a wide smile. “Oh yeah, it’ll be great to see all the history over there. And I really want to show Max some spots in Scotland that I’ve gone to since I was little.”
She settles into a chair alongside the table, watching as I work. “That’s your first stop then? Scotland?”
I nod. “Yeah, we’re going to stay with my gram for a couple of weeks and make day trips while we have some free lodging.” I let out another laugh.
Fiona is quiet for a moment, silently nodding her head in understanding and an uneasiness gnaws at the pit of my stomach until she finally speaks. “I’m really glad Maxon has someone like you in his life Paige.” She finally says and a part of me brightens. Max has always painted her as this insufferable and irrational woman that he went to great lengths to avoid, but that didn’t seem to be the woman sitting in front of me at this moment.
“Thanks, I feel like I’m the lucky one, Max is great.” I say, heat rising to my cheeks and I have to hide the blush by focusing back on my task.
“Oh, I’m sure. But certainly you see how the relationship is a different dynamic for each of you, well, with your status and everything.”
I knit my brow at her. “My status?”
She nods, taking a disinterested sip from her coffee. “Well, obviously. You and Maxon are so different, I mean, surely you must even see that with the Bennetts as well.”
I square my tense shoulders, growing defensive of the people that had adopted me and my mother into their family. “See what exactly?”
Her expression softens. “Oh sweetie, surely you do see it, don’t you? How they perceive you. How they pity you.”
I frown at her. “They don’t pity me.”
“Oh dear. I’m afraid I’ve upset you now.” She starts to rise, but that look is still in her eyes, like now she’s the one that’s pitying me. Like my blatant refusal of what she’s saying disappoints her, like I should be smarter.
“They don’t pity me.” I say again, but this time there’s uncertainty in my voice and even I can hear it.
Fiona glances back to me, her expression softening. “And when they offer to pay for things for you? When they invite you on their family vacations?”
“That’s because they are my family.”
“But they’re not your blood my dear. They’ve invited Maxon before but they’ve never paid for his tickets. Can you say the same?”
“That’s different.” I say, although I don’t know how…
“Because we can afford it.” She steps around the table and sets a soothing hand on my arm as I stare down at the items in front of me, my mind racing. “They feel responsible for you. Like they have to take care of you. Just like how you’d feel for a stray pet you took in.” She says and a prickly feeling picks at the inside of my chest, like I can’t decide if I want to hit something, throw things, or start crying.
Fiona lets out a disappointed sigh. “And, I’m afraid Maxon has fallen into the same feeling.”
My attention snaps back to her, heart racing against my ribcage. “Max pities me?”
She stares at me in return for a moment, like a deer caught in headlights, then heaves a heavy sigh as if deciding on telling something difficult. “You’re a burden my dear. The Bennetts, Maxon, they all feel responsible for you. I mean, would you even be going on this trip if it weren’t for Maxon?”
“I…” I hesitate. I’d wanted to go, I’d talked to my ma about it, but it was still undecided at that point because of safety concerns, not because of anyone else. Not because I needed someone to be responsible for me.
She pats my arm. “I know my dear, I know you’d never intentionally take advantage of anyone. You’re such a resourceful and independent girl.”
I nod. “I am.”
A smile slips across her lips. “I know. And I know you care deeply about Maxon.”
Another nod. “I do.”
She meets my eyes and within the icy blue of hers, I see a fierceness I hadn’t noticed before. “Which is why I need you to tell him not to come with you.”
Present
I’m fairly certain that I’ve been rereading the same paragraph of my book for the last half hour. Either that or this character does a lot of repetitive thinking and staring into the abyss. I think I’m going to go with option B because that makes me sound a little less crazy.
I have a right to act a little crazy though, right? I mean, it’s not everyday that you have to sit and wait while the man you’re fairly certain you’re in love with goes and confronts the person that broke both of your hearts almost a decade ago. I reread the paragraph of my book again and then force myself to go to the next line, pulling my racing thoughts from Maxon and what he’s doing. It’d been hours now since he’d walked out of the dance lesson to tell off his stepmother, and now we are fast approaching midnight as I sit curled up on the couch in my usual spot, trying desperately to distract myself.
Dang it, I read the same paragraph again.
I throw down my book and toss the blanket off my lap, deciding that trying to read was a fruitless effort. Tea would help. Tea fixes everything, right? Tea and coffee. But I don’t really think coffee would be good for me in my heightened anxiety state. I may be a caffeine addict, but I am also well aware of its effects on people, and my thought process is all too jumpy at the moment as it is.
I’m watching the kettle as it heats on the stovetop when the front door opens and my attention immediately snaps to Maxon, standing in the doorway and looking at me like I’m the one out of place.
Something inside me relaxes at the sight of him and I realize that some part of me was terrified he’d decided to just go back to LA and not have to deal with the drama that talking with his stepmom entails.
“Hi.” I say, trying desperately to keep my voice even, but in doing that, my voice comes out as a whisper.
A hint of a smile picks up at the corner of his lips. “What are you doing still up? I thought you’d be asleep by now.”
“Wasn’t tired.” I shrug, then motion toward the tea kettle. “Decided to make tea. Where have you been?”
He tucks his hands into his pockets. “Needed to cool off, wrap my head around some stuff.”
I nod slowly, trying to tame my racing heart into a steady beat. I motion to the tea. “Do you want some?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t like tea.”
I knit my brow at him, then glance to the kettle and back at him. “Then why do you have that?”
His eyes dart to the kettle and then back to me and a sheepishness brightens his face. Wait…
Is he blushing?
“Because I knew you liked tea.” He shrugs as he steps into the space of the kitchen, trying to play it off as nothing, but here I am again, left in wonder about the lengths he went to in order to make me feel comfortable.
I shake my head slightly, watching him and his easy smile falters for a moment as he swallows hard, causing his Adam’s apple to bob slightly. “How long have you known?”
“Since right before the Bennett’s reunion two years ago.” He says, his deep-set eyes tracking me as he moves nearer, as if watching for any movement that indicates that I’m going to make a run for it. Truthfully, my flight instinct is kicking in and I hate that he can see it. Deep inside me a voice is screaming for me to step back, to recreate that distance that he’s closing in on. Instead of yielding to that feeling though, I dig my heels in. This is the moment I want. A moment I need. We’ve spent years dancing around that day and what happened leading up to it and now was the time that it was finally out in the open, it’s finally being discussed.
Weneed this.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” He repeats, and soon the only distance between us is a sliver of air and I have to tilt my head up to actually meet his intense gaze. “Back when all this happened, when you decided to listen to the things she said instead of me begging you to listen to me?”
I pull my gaze from his, staring down at the space between us. “I thought she was right. You had so much ahead of you and you were putting all of that off so you could take care of me. I didn’t need you taking care of me. Didn’t want to hold you back.”
“I didn’t want to take care of you Paige, I just wanted to be with you.” He swears, running a hand through his tussled hair and the movement draws my attention back up to his face. “I mean, yeah, I wanted to take care of you. I loved you, of course I wanted to take care of you. But I knew you didn’t need me to take care of you. I was never under the delusion that you needed me, I was always the one that needed you.”
My breath catches in my throat, and I have to fight to swallow it down. “But you were leaving behind so much and I was afraid that you’d regret it and that-” I start rambling but stop when suddenly he places his hands on my hips and lifts me onto the countertop behind me.
He rests his hands on either side of me, boxing me in slightly as he meets my eyes. Now eye level with each other and I take a shaky breath when I see the fire within his irises. “I regret a lot of things in my life, Paige, a lot of mistakes that I have made. But you are not one of those mistakes. I will always pick you.” He says and it’s as if the heat from his gaze has lit a fire within my soul, a fire that screams for him. “Every time. No matter who you’re up against or what is at stake, it’s always been you. I fell in love with you when I was ten years old and I have been in love with you everyday since and I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove how absolutely obsessed I am with you.” He lowers his forehead slightly so that it’s resting against mine and I breathe him in, relishing in his closeness, in the warmth coming off his body that I want to curl up into.
“Max…” I whisper and he opens his eyes to look at me, moving away slightly but I catch his shirt to keep him close. A spark of surprise flashes in his eyes for a second before his body grows tense and they dart down to my lips before meeting mine.
It’s when we lock eyes again that something inside me snaps and I yank on his shirt, pulling him closer. When our lips collide it’s like I’ve plugged myself into an outlet and electricity is zipping through my body. Max’s hands fly from the countertop to instead wrap around my waist, pulling me even closer against him and pinning my hands against his chest. Beneath my fingers I can feel his racing heart as it matches pace with mine and I desperately pour everything I’m feeling into this kiss. Into this moment, because whatever had been tethering me to my reservations and apprehension about Maxon has shattered. The same thing that kept me from running to him, not because I needed his help, but because I needed him.
Because I do need him.
I need him the same way he needs me, and it is absolutely thrilling.
Goosebumps rise along my back wherever his hands travel, and I ball his shirt into my fist as the kiss deepens, hardly leaving us air to breathe as each kiss ends and rolls straight into the next. My body ripples with delight as he palms the back of my neck, while his other runs loosely through my hair, tugging it slightly and causing a delirious kind of pleasure to wash over me. I grin into his lips and as if that was some kind of invitation, he devours mine once again, only this time it leaves me completely breathless.
With every fiber of my being, I don’t know why I ever left this man, why I thought that he’d be better off without me or that I’d be better off without him. Oh, who was I kidding? I never thought I’d be better off without him. But it didn’t matter what kind of stupid mistakes I’d made when I was younger, what mattered was that I wasn’t going to make those same mistakes now.
It’s only when the tea kettle starts screeching at us that Maxon finally breaks the kiss, turning sharply towards the stove and shutting the thing off before removing the kettle. When he glances back to me, I can see the mischief that’s alight within his dark eyes. A smile picks at the corner of his lips as he pours the steaming water into the cup I’d prepared before our little make-out dalliance.
“As much as I’d love to continue that…” He says, and although I know he’s trying to make light of it, even I can hear the breathlessness in his voice. “There is something I have to tell you.”
I arch a brow at him, staying seated on the countertop as he readies my tea. “What is it?”
“We have to move.” He says, then pulls his phone from his back pocket. “But I’ve got a couple places all lined up for you, ready to be moved in to tomorrow.” He shows them to me, and I frown at the list of apartments that I know for a fact didn’t have any kind of listings an hour ago.
“Max…” I start but he shushes me with a wave of his hand.
“We can’t stay here anymore… I’m a Grant in name only at this point so we need to get off their property. I had these… reserved so to speak… in case I ever needed them. They’re in your price range, I’m not trying to step on your toes or anything. I know you’re picky about what you want…” He’s rambling now, scrolling through the list and I see a couple of addresses that I’d actually gone and seen and when I called about them the next day they’d told me the place was already taken.
As if something (or someone) had stopped them from renting to me until this exact moment.
I arch an accusatory brow at Maxon as he continues talking through the pros and cons of different places. Finally, I place my hand over the top of his phone screen, pushing it down and his eyes dart to me.
“I want to be wherever is closest to you.” I say.
The smile that breaks out across Max’s face then isn’t the mischievous or sly one that I’m used to around him, but instead is one so pure and bright that I would almost consider it beaming. Something else crosses his expression then as he sets his jaw and a determined glint comes to light within his eyes. “I’m not doing this in secret this time, Paige. I’m going to tell Aspen. Everything.”
Fear claws its way into my throat, but I swallow it back. I wasn’t going to let it ruin everything this time.
“Okay,” I say. “I like that idea.”
I really shouldn’t be surprised when he kisses me again, and just like before I sink into his lips, completely lost to the world as I focus on this. Because this is all that I want.
When he finally pulls away it feels like my heart goes with him, and I have a feeling I’m never getting it back.