Chapter 30 Allegra
ALLEGRA
Enzo drops off the bag the following day. I unpack the clothes. I don’t much care about those. At the bottom of the bag is a shoe box. I lift it out. It’s the one thing I want from that house. The only thing.
I’m realizing more and more how little a connection I have with the house I grew up in. Realizing more and more how I can breathe now that I’m no longer trapped there.
Those years before my mother’s murder were different.
For all her darkness, she was a light to me and to Michael.
She was warm and loved us differently than my father.
And I think he did love us in the only way he knew how, or maybe I’m being stupid.
Maybe he was incapable of love. Probably, actually.
I keep coming back to what Cassian said. I was a pawn to him. But so was Michael.
After mom was gone, my father removed every single photograph of her.
Nothing of hers was allowed in the house.
He burned her clothes, her shoes, destroyed her jewelry, her books, her music, anything that was hers.
Anything at all. It was like he was trying to erase her.
Like murdering her wasn’t enough for him.
That photo Cassian found on my nightstand I kept hidden, only framing it and putting it on my nightstand after my father’s death. But I have more. I rescued what I could when he went on his rampage.
I sit cross legged in the middle of the bed and open the box now.
I hadn’t looked at it since I snatched all the photos I could find.
I was too scared my father would find out and destroy them and punish me.
Even after his death, I never opened the box.
I looked at it many times and never understood why I didn’t simply take it down and open it.
I understand now as I lift out the first handful of photos.
I understand when I see my mother’s face and feel an overwhelming sadness.
A sense of having lost something I will never, no matter what, be able to replace.
Because whatever happens, even if Cassian and I, after all this, get our happy ending, this loss will always leave a hole in my heart I will never be able to fill.
A sound from the corner of the room distracts me. I look over to where I left my backpack leaning against the wall. It’s unzipped.
It buzzes again.
I get up, cross the room to retrieve my iPad.
Cassian never returned my phone to me, but with all that’s gone on, I didn’t notice.
I know Jet has Amal’s phone so although I’ve been texting her through the messaging app on my iPad, I know she isn’t getting those messages.
Malek is making sure she’s cut off from me which may be safer for her and Daniel, at least for now.
Apart from Amal, there’s no one who would be texting me. It was only her and Michael who had my number. Well, also Jared from school, but I’m pretty sure he got the message by now.
So, when I unlock the iPad and see a message from an unknown number, I hurry to read it even as the three dots undulate.
Amal: Allegra. It’s me, Amal. Tell me you’re seeing this. I don’t know if he gave you your phone. One of the soldiers finally got tired of Daniel whining to go outside and gave him an iPad to play on. They don’t realize I can get online with it. Are you there?
Me: I’m here! OMG. Are you and Daniel safe?
Amal: We’re fine. Cut off from the world but safe. We’re with my grandmother. You know he told us she was dead? What an asshole.
Me: You okay?
Amal: We’ll be fine. It’s nice getting to know her. She’s so different from him but he’s got guards everywhere.
Me: Have you seen him? Do you know where he is?
She knows I mean her father. Three dots undulate, disappear then begin again.
Amal: No. But I heard something. Is Michael
She stops typing.
Me: He was killed
I say it so she doesn’t have to.
Amal: I’m so sorry
Me:
Amal: Listen. There’s something else. I think I know what he’s planning for me. Governor. Moore. Do you remember him?
Me: Yes
Amal: I had to sign some contract bullshit. He thinks he’s going to make me marry him. He’s planning on killing Cassian and taking over his territory and your family’s and when I marry the governor, no one will be able to touch him.
Me: Moore agreed? There’s a contract?
Amal:
Me: Does he know you’re 17?
Amal: Do you think he cares? Shit. I have to go. I won’t do it. They can’t make me do it. Listen, there was talk about a lakeh—
She goes offline a moment later.
Me: Amal? What’s going on? I’m going to come get you. Cassian will come. Amal?
Nothing. I read back about Malek’s plans to marry her off to a man old enough to be her father and her easily brushing it off. I look at my hand. Thing is, even if she refuses, they can make her. They can very easily make her. She is unprepared if she thinks she can simply refuse.
I get to my feet and hurry out into the main part of the house.
“Where’s Cassian?” I ask Enzo. He’s the first guard I see.
“Office. Why?” I don’t answer, I just hurry to the study, Enzo on my heels.
“Cassian?” I knock, then open the door. He and Jet are talking. They look up at me, alarm having Cassian on his feet in an instant.
“What is it?” He steps around his desk, and I meet him half-way.
“It’s Amal.” I hand him the iPad. Jet is at his side a moment later. “Malek will force her to marry the governor. He’ll make her. I know he will.”
Cassian’s phone rings.
Jet takes the iPad from him. Cassian walks back to his desk and picks it up. When he looks at the display, his forehead furrows. He swipes his thumb to answer.
“This is Cassian.”
I can’t hear what the person on the other end is saying, but I know it’s a man.
“What? How is that possible?” He pushes a hand into his hair. That hand soon becomes a fist. “I’m on my way.” He disconnects, shoves the phone into his pocket and turns to us.
“What is it?” I ask seeing the panic.
“Seth.” He looks from me to Jet and back. “He had a fall.”
“A fall?” Jet asks. From his tone, he doesn’t believe it.
“I don’t know. I need to get there. I need to see him.”
“How bad?” Jet asks.
Cassian looks at Jet and I see how bad in his eyes, but a moment later, there’s something else there. Something darker. Angrier. “Could Malek know that Seth is alive?”
“At this point, I don’t know,” Jet says.
“I need to go. I need to get to him.” He grabs his holster, puts it on, then pulls on his jacket. He looks at me and walks back to his desk. He unlocks a drawer and takes out my phone. “I kept it charged,” he says, handing it to me.
I take it. Face ID unlocks it, and I see the messages I just read on the iPad populate.
“I put my number in there. In case.” He turns to Jet. "Jet, question Angelo. Find out if he told Malek about my brother. Make sure he’s alive when I get back,” he says through gritted teeth. He walks to the door. “Enzo you stay here. I want eyes on Moore. Handle it.”
“Done.”
“And do not let Allegra out of your sight.”
“Wait, Cassian,” I rush to him. “Let me go with you at least.”
He takes my arms. “No. It’s too dangerous. This is the safest place for you. Jet will be here and Enzo.” He turns to Enzo. “You do not let her out of your sight, understand?”
“I won’t.”
I follow Cassian as he gives the order for eight soldiers to get ready. The house is a roar of noise as heavy-booted men walk here and there, readying as if to go to battle and maybe that is where they’re going. Maybe the time to battle has come.
Twenty minutes later, they’re ready to go. As they file out, I take Cassian’s hands. I look up into his eyes and realize this could be the last time we see each other. Realize this is my life. Each time he leaves, it may be the last time.
“Come back to me,” I tell him.
He pulls me to him, one hand at the small of my back, the other cupping my skull and I swear I think I hear him mutter some prayer, strike a bargain with the Almighty. He presses his lips to my forehead.
“I will always come back to you,” he says quietly. “Always.”
And then, he’s gone and somehow, watching that space where he just stood, hearing the car engines start and gravel crunch under tires, I think he won’t. I think maybe he won’t.
My throat closes up. My eyes fill.
I think maybe he won’t come back. Because how many lives has he used up? How many does he have left for me?