Chapter 42 Kari
FORTY-TWO
KARI
I sat in the same parking spot I was in the day my world changed. The day my perspective on all things began to shift.
The day Max Quinn walked into my life.
The sun was bright, the air crisp, as I sat in the parking lot of Pinnacle Peak. There were few hikers out this time of day and I was glad for that.
Max and I had gone to the courthouse and secured our marriage license that morning.
Maybe it was the fact that we were filing for a certificate to get married or maybe it was that I was just in a state of bliss I’d never felt before, but Max was more beautiful than I’d ever seen him.
Before him, I’d never have used the term “beautiful” to describe a man.
Max was rugged and hard and dark and a little dangerous looking, but knowing his heart, he was simply beautiful.
There was no other word to describe him.
He had smiled like a loon as we applied at the courthouse, holding my hand and tracing the lines on my palm.
We had discussed what tattoo I was going to get, where we’d go on our honeymoon, and if we’d wait for Jada to have the baby before we left.
She was getting close to her due date and hadn’t been feeling great, even by her standards, not Cane’s.
I wanted to make sure we were there for the event, so I had asked that we wait until after.
With the evening sunshine pouring into the cab of my car, I pulled out my phone and called my father.
“Hello?” he asked. I could tell he was working on something because he sounded distracted.
“Daddy? It’s Kari.”
“Hey, baby girl,” he said and I could hear him set down his pen. “How are you? Everything alright?”
“Yeah,” I said, watching the clouds float by. “I just...” For some reason, I felt like crying. A knot was lodged in my throat and the more I tried to will it away, the tighter it became. “I don’t know, Daddy. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Wanna come by and see me? Maybe we can go to dinner, just you and me?”
I smiled. “I’d like that, but I’m going for a hike. I’m sitting at Pinnacle Peak now. Max is working late because we went and got our marriage license this morning, so I think I’m going to run by a florist on my way home.”
“I know I don’t tell you this enough, but I’m so proud of you. And your mother...” His voice cracked and it made my resolve not to cry crack as well. Tears trickled down my face. “She’d be so proud of you, Kari. When she passed away, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to raise you girls.”
“You did good, Dad. Look at us—we are happy and healthy. I don’t think either of us would change a thing about where we are right now.”
“I have those boys of yours to thank for that. When Max asked me to marry you—”
“What?”
He chuckled into the phone. “He didn’t tell you that?”
“He really did?”
“He did,” he said. “I told him I appreciated him asking me, unlike Cane who basically called and said, ‘I’m marrying your daughter’.” Dad laughed into the phone. “Those two are a godsend for me. They’re both good guys and they take care of my girls. They’d take a bullet for you and I respect that.”
I couldn’t respond without sounding like a complete fool. I knew I’d start sobbing and I didn’t want that. Dad never knew how to react when we got all gooey and emotional, so I tried not to put him in that position.
I bit back my tears. “They would. But we knew how to pick them. We had you.”
“Ah, baby,” he sighed. “If you want to go to dinner, just come by. I’ll be here for a while. If not, I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Alright. Talk to you soon.”
I tossed my phone in my bag, grabbed my keys, and closed the car door behind me. I walked through the gravel, tugging my sweatshirt against my skin and started the trek up the mountain.
It was such a peaceful day and it really reflected my mood. I felt so at peace with everything. There was just one thing I wanted to do and I wanted to do it at the top.
I walked up and up, relishing every beautiful thing I passed. I felt calm, unhurried, like my soul was smiling. I laughed out loud at the thought, breaking through the quiet.
I reached the top and sat on the crushed granite, wincing a little as the hard rocks bit into my behind.
I took a deep breath and fingered the orchid necklace around my neck.
I’d never worn it before, never could bring myself to wear it.
But that morning we had climbed into Max’s truck to go to the courthouse and I asked him to wait, just as he was turning the truck on.
I jogged back in the house, dug out the box, and placed the necklace around my neck.
It just felt right. She always wore it as a reminder of me and I wanted a reminder of her as I started the next stage of my life.
“Hey, Mom,” I said into the air, wondering if she could hear me.
I always felt like she could up there. She was a hiker, like me, and Pinnacle Peak was her favorite trail, too.
Something about being on the same paths she hiked, seeing the same sights, yet different, made me feel close to her.
“It’s been awhile since I talked to you, right? ”
I watched a cloud billow by, thinking it looked like a giant marshmallow.
“Remember when you used to make us hot chocolate and fill half the cup with marshmallows?” I smiled, pointing to the sky. “That cloud looks like one.”
I laughed at my own actions and blew out a breath. “I just need to feel you today, Mom.” I choked up, fighting back tears, my voice breaking. “I got a marriage license today.” The tears overflowed my lids, stinging my cool cheeks with hot tears. “His name is Max and he’s so great, Mom.”
My chest bounced with the force of my sobs. “He’s kind and loyal and gorgeous. Dad says you’d like him. I’d give anything for you to meet him.”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands, sniffling. “I told Max’s mom to just plan the wedding. She’s really nice and she’s having a lot of fun with it. I know I should want to do that,” I said, the tears building up again, “but how can I do that without you?”
I buried my head in my hands and bawled. I cried for every memory I couldn’t remember anymore. I cried that I could barely remember the sound of her voice. I sobbed because I felt cheated in life by not having her to give me advice and tell me what to do.
“I’m getting married and all I want is for you to be there! I want to go pick out dresses with you. I want to fight over the number of my bridesmaids like in Steel Magnolias!” I said, referencing her favorite movie. “I just need you right now....”
The clouds broke open and the sun peered through, allowing a beautiful stream of sunlight to land on the base of the mountain. I gazed up and smiled, feeling the warmth on my face and allowed it to dry my tears.
“I’ve mastered your spaghetti sauce,” I said, rubbing the charm dangling from my neck. “And Max got an orchid tattoo because I have one and he knows what it means to me...”
I took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ll try not to wait as long next time to get up here to talk to you.
I just...I needed you today. Just watch over me, please, and try to keep me from messing up my life.
I know you watch me, I can feel you. And I know that my baby is up there with you and you’re taking care of him or her. ”
My heart clenched at the thought that I didn’t even know if it was a boy or a girl.
“Sing it that song you used to sing for me, about a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, okay? And let him or her know that I love them so much. I love you both.”
I struggled to stand, my vision blurry with tears. I blew two kisses towards the sky and started the descent to my car.