Chapter 58
Then
amy
Amy knew as soon as she saw the fists hammering on the porthole.
She realised the truth even as Nicky sloshed towards the door as fast as he could, even as Iris whirled around and saw Ashley Lincoln’s face pressed against the glass.
If they opened that watertight door, they were all doomed.
She felt oddly detached, as if she was outside her own body, watching from a distance. Her mind was crystal clear, unclouded by emotion or panic.
She knew the facts, and the facts were these:
The water on the other side of the door was already halfway up the porthole, less than two feet from what was now the ceiling. In another few minutes, it would fill the corridor completely.
If they opened the door, that lake water would rush in and overwhelm them.
They’d all drown.
Nicky was struggling with the top bolt. The pressure of the water behind the door was pushing it against the bolt, preventing it from moving.
‘Mom, help me!’ he cried.
Amy pulled her son’s hand from the bolt.
‘We can’t,’ she said.
‘What d’you mean, we can’t?’
Raylan Adams was beating on the glass now, shouting for help. A week ago, she’d risked her life and climbed out onto a roof a hundred feet above the ground to save him.
And now she was going to let him die.
She felt oddly, preternaturally calm. She didn’t know if it was shock, or the inevitability of her decision.
She’d spent her life pathologically playing the hero, stepping in to raise Finn when Iris couldn’t, putting a roof over her mother’s head, setting aside her own needs not just for her family, but for any one of the children in her care.
If sacrificing herself now would save Raylan and Conrad and Bobbie – even Ashley – she wouldn’t hesitate.
But she couldn’t save them. It didn’t matter what she did. The children on the other side of that door were doomed anyway.
‘Mom!’ Nicky cried. ‘Help me open the door!’
‘We can’t,’ she said again.
‘There’s plenty of air! There’s enough for all of us!’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Amy said, her heart breaking into a thousand pieces, but her resolution ruthlessly intact. ‘If we open the door, the water will fill this space in seconds. It won’t save them. We’ll just drown with them.’
‘You don’t know that,’ Iris said. ‘Maybe we’ll have time to—’
‘We won’t,’ Amy said.
‘But you said Finn had found a way out. We can all—’
‘If we open the door, we won’t be able to get to the stairwell he used,’ Amy said. ‘The water will come in too quickly. It’ll sweep us down the corridor before we have a chance to save anyone. We won’t be able to follow Finn. We’ll drown.’
There was a chance she was wrong, of course. A small chance. But even if the odds had been fifty-fifty, she’d have made the same decision. She wasn’t going to risk her son’s life for the chance to save the teenagers on the other side of that door, no matter how much she cared about them.
‘Mom! How can you just stand there?’ Nicky shouted.
On the other side of the door, the water level had now risen above the porthole. Nicky was sobbing as he yanked on the bolt again, but it still didn’t shift.
‘We can’t just let them die,’ Iris said.
‘Your son is safe,’ Amy said. ‘If you open that door, you’ll kill mine.’
The screams next door intensified. Their children were drowning, one by one.
Raylan Adams.
Bella Weiss.
Conrad Heath.
Children she’d known all their lives. Children she’d welcomed to nursery school, given ribbons on Sports Day, hugged when they’d won prizes and competitions and races, hugged harder when they’d lost.
She’d hear their terrified screams echoing in her head for every single waking minute that was left to her.
‘Mom,’ Nicky begged. ‘Please.’
Amy looked beseechingly at Iris. She couldn’t do this alone. Iris had to agree. Otherwise the weight on her soul would crush her.
‘She’s right,’ Iris said harshly. ‘Your mom’s right. We can’t help them, Nicky.’
Amy had done the right thing all her life.
Predictable, safe, reliable Amy. She’d taken responsibility for Iris since the day she was born.
She’d made the difficult decisions for both of them, caged by her own sense of duty and obligation.
She’d nearly killed a man when she’d realised Sean was going to destroy Iris’s life, and she’d had to carry that guilt with her for nearly twenty years.
She’d never had the luxury of feeling, not the way Iris did.
Her sister would never be able to cope with the brutal truth of their decision.
Amy would take responsibility for this, too.
She’d live with it, so Iris didn’t have to.
Through the darkened porthole, Amy caught a nightmarish glimpse of bodies tangled together in the water, limbs stiffening into a Hieronymus Bosch portrait of hell.
Cassie Polatchek’s body bumped against the door, suspended in the watery gloom.
Her lovely blue eyes had widened into a blank stare.
Her long blonde hair swirled around her head as she drifted past the porthole.
Amy turned her back on the door, and on the person she’d been before.
‘We have to go,’ she said again.
‘I’m not fucking going anywhere!’ Nicky screamed.
Amy put her arms around him. He tried to fight her off, thrashing against her. She’d lost him; she knew that already.
It didn’t matter. He might hate her for the rest of his life, but at least he’d have one.
‘We’ve got to go, Nicky,’ Iris said. ‘There’s nothing we can do for them now.’
‘I wish I was with them,’ Nicky said, his voice raw and hoarse. ‘I’ll never forgive you for this, Mom! You should’ve opened the door. I’d rather be dead than this.’
‘You may get your wish,’ the new Amy – cold, hard – said.
The lake was forcing its way through gaps and seams in the boat. Already the standing water that had been over their ankles was up to their knees.
Amy picked up the flashlight and shone it over the small entry hall between the corridors. The stairs to the galley kitchen were no longer visible, but she knew they were there. Finn had gone out that way, which meant they could, too.
‘Take this,’ she said, holding out the flashlight to her son. ‘Remember, when you get out of the boat, you have to exhale on the way up. Like you’re blowing out birthday candles. Don’t forget. Exhale all the way up.’
Nicky smacked the flashlight away. ‘I’m not going anywhere with you!’
‘Come with me, then,’ Iris said, reaching out her hand. ‘You know how much I hate going underwater. Nicky, I need you. I can’t do it without you.’
For a moment, Amy thought he’d refuse Iris too, but finally he nodded, wiping away the tears and snot on his face with the back of his hand. Amy had saved her sister’s son; now Iris was saving Amy’s.
She watched Nicky plunge into the water, taking the light with him. Iris sucked in a deep breath, and then followed.
Only then did Amy go back.
It was pitch-black without the flashlight. She couldn’t see anything as she groped her way along the corridor towards the bolted door. She knew it was too late for the children on the other side. But now she knew Nicky was safe, she had to give them a chance, no matter how small—
She found the bolt. With water filling the boat on both sides of the door, the pressure had equalised enough for her to be able to slide it open.
She felt below the surface for the second bolt, running her fingertips along the seam of the door until she located it.
She knew that once she opened it, the lake water would rush into the corridor, sweeping her away. She wouldn’t be able to find the stairwell Iris and Nicky had used.
She hoped her son would forgive her.
The bolt slid free.