Chapter 1
FOUR MONTHS LATER
It’s not every day I find myself strapping my almost five-year-old into her car seat so we can head to goat yoga, but here we are.
After another nanny bailed on us today, I’m already ten minutes late to this ridiculous team bonding activity that the coaches have made attendance mandatory.
Sophia refused to leave the house wearing anything but her Elsa dress.
Oh, and the matching shoes. I’m not entirely sure how, or why, I found one in the cheese drawer of the refrigerator, but that’s a question for later.
After securing the dress, shoes, and, of course, her chosen stuffie of the day, we’re finally on our way.
Why the fuck can’t I find reliable childcare?
I don’t think I’m asking too much. I’m offering someone a six-figure salary to care for my daughter while living in my five-thousand square-foot home.
My schedule as the captain of a NHL team isn’t typical, but you’d think I’d have qualified candidates lining up for this position. Well, you’d be sorely mistaken.
Before this last nanny bailed on us, I had to fire two other nannies for inappropriate conduct. One woman left a pair of underwear on my pillow, and I found the other guy snooping in my closet one night after I got home from a game. What the hell is wrong with people?
And yes, I run a thorough background check and contact all previous families they’ve worked for. Not a red flag in the bunch. I’m not sure if it’s something in the water, but I’m terrified to leave Sophia with anyone but my parents at this point.
Sophia’s voice cuts off my mental spiral. “Daaaaaaddddyyyyy! I want Selena Gomez!”
God forbid we listen to more than one song in the car.
“Sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t realize it was over already.” I push replay on the touchscreen of my Yukon XL, then glance at my daughter in the rearview mirror. Her eyes almost get lost in the back of her head with how dramatic of an eye roll she gives me. She must’ve learned that from her mother.
“It finished like an hour ago! You gotta pay more attention, Daddy.” Sophia shakes her head at me, as if I’m the most disappointing person on the planet. She sure is dramatic, but she’s so fucking cute I can’t even handle it sometimes.
Once we’re a few minutes away from our destination, I let Sophia finish the chorus of her favorite song then press pause on the touch screen.
“Daddy! I was listening to that!”
“I know. But I wanted to talk to you before we got to the yoga studio.” Glancing again in the mirror to see if she’s listening, I see her arms crossed over her chest and a less than pleased look on her face.
“I need you to be a good listener when we get there. This is an important activity that my coaches planned for the team today. You have your backpack full of your Frozen toys and coloring books to play with. It shouldn’t take too long.
Afterward we can head to the bookstore to pick out a new book. How does that sound?”
She huffs out an exasperated sigh before responding. “I know! You already told me all this at home. Why can’t I go to Mummo and Pappa’s house? I’m going to be so bored!”
Ah, yes. The infamous “I’m bored” stage of toddlerhood. We’ve been suffering through this stage for a solid week now. No matter if she owns more toys than one child should ever acquire in a lifetime, everything is boring.
I’ve kept the secret that there will be goats at this activity to myself. It’s not often I get to surprise my daughter with her favorite animal. As tempting as it is to tell her right now so she can lose her little attitude, I want to see the look on her face when she sees them today.
I level her with a look in the mirror. “Sophia, Mummo and Pappa deserve some alone time too. You’ll be okay playing alone for an hour.”
Honestly, I’m saying that out loud more to reassure myself than to reassure her. She has no problem playing alone when she’s with one of her nannies, but the second I walk through the door, her independence flies out the window.
I know she’s just craving one-on-one time with me, and I do my best to give her as much of my time as I can every day, but right now, we’re a month away from the playoffs and our team is struggling.
I’m putting extra time in at the rink with the rookies to go over our special teams and anything they may be struggling with.
My captainly duties are in full force these days, and our travel schedule has been brutal the past month.
Losing makes everything ten times worse.
I’ve been overly exhausted and running a million miles a minute.
Maybe this goat yoga will be the miracle we need to learn how to win again.
Ha. Wishful thinking.
“Fine, Daddy! I’ll be good. I promise. Now, can you turn my music back on, please?”
Pressing play, I glance at the map to see we’re only a minute away. Thankfully, the song ends just as I pull into a parking spot. If we were mid-song we’d have to sit here until it ends, and I’m already running late enough as it is.
As quickly as I can, I grab Sophia, her backpack, and lion stuffie and jog my way into the building.
We take the elevator to the roof like the email instructed and as soon as I step off, I’m pleasantly surprised. It’s actually a pretty cool space.
Just across from the elevators is a separate room full of my teammates. The room is covered with glass window panes, encasing the sides and roof. It has a greenhouse type feel to it, and for the first time today I’m feeling something other than stressed. I think I’m actually excited to be here.
With Sophia in my arms, I rush to the door.
Just inside, my three coaches are standing close together.
One of my assistant coaches, Hunter Clearwater, has a giant ball of fur in his arms, and I can’t quite tell if it’s a dog or a small bear.
Lincoln is whispering to Ellie, who also happens to be his girlfriend now, completely ignoring Hunter and his mystery animal.
After news of those two being together got out before they intended, they faced a bit of criticism from the press and internet trolls. Ellie took everything in stride like the badass she is, and Lincoln was overly protective of her, like the lovesick fool he is.
Our team was supportive and defended them every step of the way.
Ellie and Lincoln are two of the best coaches I’ve ever had.
They care about us as more than just hockey players.
They treat us as humans and put our needs and well-being above the need to win.
Which, as it turns out, results in winning.
Usually. We have their backs just like they have ours—day in and day out. That’s what you do for family.
All three sets of eyes meet mine just as I step through the doors. Ellie’s eyes are kind, as always, as she takes in my disheveled look, which is accentuated by the small child in my arms.
“Sorry, I’m late, guys. I had another nanny quit on me. I hope it’s okay I brought Sophia.”
The minute I say her name, her head pops off my shoulder. She takes a look around, eyes bulging as soon as she notices the tiny four-legged animals weaving their way between my teammates. “Daddy, look! Goats!”
Sophia’s eyes light up for the first time in too long. Exactly the reaction I was hoping for. Running my hand over her hair, I can’t help but match her smile with one of my own.
Her tiny little hands come up to cup my cheeks. “Can I go say hi to the goats, Daddy?”
I turn to my coaches in question. All three of them are wearing smiles, the Sophia effect in full force. She’s too cute for her own good.
Ellie nods and reaches her hand out to Sophia as I slowly lower her to the floor.
The two of them take off toward a tiny black goat that is crawling all over our defenseman, Connor Smith, which is hilarious, because Connor is quiet and reserved, but protects our team at all costs.
He’s not a dirty player, not a goon like some of the other teams have.
He’s more of a “if you come near my goalie, it’ll be the last thing you ever do” type of player.
He also happens to be my best friend, so seeing this tiny goat climbing into his lap is bringing me far too much joy.
As I watch Sophia play with the goat, I let Lincoln and Hunter know what’s going on with my nanny situation.
When the team was over for Thanksgiving, I let Lincoln in on what’s been happening with Sophia’s mom.
He’s my head coach so he deserves to know those types of things, but he has also become someone I trust and respect.
I feel comfortable letting him in on my life and knew he’d be a great person to confide in.
Turns out, Lincoln’s mom took off when he was a kid.
He had a lot more advice than I anticipated.
“I really hate having to rely on my parents. They’re retired. They should be enjoying their time together, not taking care of a five-year-old.”
Hunter shifts the furry animal to his other arm, which I’ve learned is his new dog, and looks at me accusingly. “Did Sophia turn five already and you didn’t tell us? What the hell, Cap?”
“No, no. Sorry. I meant almost five-year-old. She turns five in a couple months but she acts twelve so in my mind she’s already five. They grow up too damn fast.”
“Good grief. You scared me for a second. I thought I missed her birthday.” Hunter’s dog licks him in the face, cutting him off at the same time a high-pitched whistle pierces through the air.
The entire room turns their attention toward the source of the sound.
The moment I find the culprit I think I forget how to breathe.
Standing in the middle of the room is a gorgeous woman decked out in purple yoga attire.
She’s a tiny little thing, standing barely over five feet, if I had to guess.
Her dark brown hair is braided, hanging over her shoulder, purple streaks popping throughout.
But it’s her eyes that are my undoing. They’re the color of melted chocolate, and if I’m not careful, I swear I could get lost in them forever.
Lincoln nudges my shoulder, causing me to break eye contact with the woman who just rewired my entire nervous system. Looking over at him, I see his eyebrow raised at me. “Sorry, what?”
“Is it okay if Sophia helps Sadie today?”
Sadie.
The woman who will undoubtedly be visiting me in my dreams tonight.
Looking back to the center of the room, I force myself to look away from Sadie and down to my little girl she’s holding hands with.
I nod, clearing my throat, afraid my heart may still be caught in it, and talk loud enough so they can hear. “Yeah, yeah. Of course she can help. As long as it’s okay with you.”
My eyes slowly work their way back up to Sadie’s face, where a devastating smile is waiting for me.
Good god. This woman is breathtaking.
“Of course she can help.” She releases Sophia’s hand and claps two times, telling us all to get to our mats.
I’m still staring after her as I reach out to grab Lincoln’s arm.
“Is that the same Sadie from Thanksgiving?”
Lincoln nods and peels my hand off his arm. “Yeah. She’s Ellie’s best friend and roommate. You didn’t recognize her?”
There was so much going on that day with Sophia’s mom.
From her missing her first holiday, to Sophia crying on and off all day, begging for me to call her mom.
I walked through that entire day in a fog, wishing there was something I could do to take my daughter’s pain away.
But how in the hell do I not remember Sadie being that stunning? I’ve never seen anyone like her.
My eyes are still transfixed on Sadie as she demonstrates our first position. My feet stay cemented in place, acting as if I move I’ll miss something important. Hell, I don’t want to miss a damn thing if Sadie is involved.
Lincoln’s laugh fades away into the background as I track every movement Sadie makes. Somehow I manage to find myself a mat, positioning my body so I can keep an eye on Sadie, and Sophia, the entire time.
I hang on to every word Sadie says, fully immersing my mind and body into the yoga session. The other guys are laughing, distracted by the furry animals running amuck around us.
But not me.
No, I am lost in all things Sadie.