Chapter 7
You know how some people will suggest keeping your kid up later if you want them to sleep in?
Never listen to them.
We’re doing great.
My mom walks into the kitchen at the same time I hear Sophia slam her bedroom door upstairs. The loud bang echoes throughout the house and I flinch, my shoulders jumping up to my ears.
“What’s going on, sweetheart?” My mom’s voice is soft and nonjudgmental as she places her things on the island.
She stayed over last night to watch Sophia during my game and I’m sure she was up early with all the screaming. God, I really need to find a nanny so my mom doesn’t have to keep sleeping over and losing sleep when doing so.
I’m on my hands and knees cleaning up the spilled milk when I feel her hand on my shoulder.
“Niko.”
Letting out an exasperated breath, I lean back onto my heels.
“Nothing’s going on, ?iti. She was just awake before the sun today. She’s exhausted. Her feelings are extra big because of how tired she is. She chose to take a break in her room.”
My mother has never pitied me a day in her life. Bless her heart. And I’m thankful I don’t see pity in her eyes as she stares down at me now.
Slowly, she walks over to the paper towel roll next to the sink and grabs the entire roll before crouching down next to me.
Without saying a word, we work together to clean up the mess. I’m grateful for the silence. There hasn’t been much of it this morning.
We both walk over to the garbage can and toss the saturated paper towels in.
Before I can head toward the stairs to check on Sophia, my mom wraps her arms around my waist. She’s shorter than my six-foot-two frame, standing at five foot six, but she’s the perfect height to sneak under my arm for a good hug.
I wrap my arms around her, hugging her back, and rest my chin on top of her head. She leans back to look up at me, without loosening her hold on my waist.
“Better?” she asks with a gentle smile on her face.
Finally, I let her go and nod. “Much.”
“Why don’t we give my angel baby a few more minutes to calm down and you can tell me about your search for a new nanny.”
She walks over and takes a seat at one of the stools next to the island. Reluctantly, I take a seat and join her.
“There’s not much to tell. Only a few people have applied, and after a deep social media dive, I don’t trust any of them. I don’t know what to do at this point.” I rub at my temples. I am utterly exhausted with this search for childcare.
My mom places her hand on my shoulder. “Your dad and I are happy to—”
“Mother.”
Her eyebrow raises at my interruption and the use of the word “mother.”
“I already told you. You and dad should be relaxing, enjoying retirement. Especially after everything you’ve been through. Not taking care of an overly emotional four-year-old.”
My mom shakes her head at me but seems to back down. “Give Sophia some grace. Emotions are hard enough to handle at that age. When you add in a disappearing parent, I’m sure it makes it almost impossible to control those big feelings.”
“I know, I know. I’m doing the best I can. But some days I feel like I’m failing her just as much as Claire is.” I rest my elbows on the countertop and hang my head.
I am so fucking tired.
Sophia’s roller coaster of emotions takes me on a wild ride of my own.
There is nothing worse than seeing your child’s heart break right in front of you.
If I could wrap her up and steal away her pain, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
But some days, no matter what I do, she’s just so sad. It fucking kills me.
I feel my mom’s hand on my shoulder again and turn my head to look at her.
“You’re an amazing father, Niko. The fact that you’re worrying yourself sick is proof of that.
Anyone who knows you can feel your love for Sophia as soon as they step into the same room as you two.
” She pauses to let her words sink in before continuing.
“I think we need to create some stability in her life. Her nannies coming and going is probably reminding her of her mom. I want to help with this. If you won’t allow your father and me to watch her, at least let me help you find someone. Let me help you.”
I’ve never been good at accepting help. I’m pretty sure that’s why this nanny search has been so difficult for me. No one will ever be good enough. And on top of that, I don’t trust anyone.
But my mom’s right. My hectic work schedule, traveling for days at a time, just adds to the chaos of Sophia’s life. I need to find someone who will stick around and be a constant in her life when my job won’t allow me to be.
“Okay, Mom. You can help.”
She smiles at me. Tiny footsteps on the hardwood floor have us both looking over my shoulder to see Sophia making her way into the kitchen.
“Mummo!” Sophia runs over to my mom and climbs into her lap. She snuggles into my mom’s shoulder, appearing to be completely fine after her meltdown and a little break in her room.
Such a fucking roller coaster.
It would be so easy to allow my parents to care for Sophia. But my parents have been through enough.
My dad got sick a couple years back and it rocked our world.
Thankfully, he’s healthy now but he’s never been quite the same.
After his prostatectomy, it took him a little over two months to make a full recovery, but he was able to return to work.
Both he and my mom owned their own businesses, my mother running an interior design business and my dad operating an architectural firm.
They’ve had the luxury of being their own bosses which has made it possible for them to help out with Sophia.
They both decided it was time to retire at the end of last year, and insist on helping out with Sophia.
I will never be able to thank them enough for their help, but the guilt of keeping them here in Green Bay instead of traveling like they always said they would after retirement is eating me alive.
They’ve done so much for me, and I don’t want to hold them back anymore.
My mom takes Sophia into the living room at the same time my phone buzzes on the island in front of me. Grabbing my phone, I see it’s a text from the group chat I have with some of the guys on the team.
Jefferson
Boys… I never thought I’d say this but…
Connor
You’re leaving the team to follow your dream of being on Broadway?
Mack Attack
You’d make a great Elphaba, I’m not gonna lie.
Snickering, I picture Jefferson as Elphaba from Wicked, and our goalie, Mack, isn’t wrong. Jefferson really could pull that off. My phone vibrates in my hand, and Jefferson’s message causes my eyes to go wide, rereading his text to make sure I read it right.
Jefferson
I really would make a fabulous Elphaba, but no. I never thought I’d be a yoga person, but I’m a changed man. Sadie has magical powers. I think I’m in love.
His message has me gritting my teeth and standing before I even know what I’m doing. Another text comes through as I’m grabbing my keys off the counter.
Mack Attack
Dude. Sadie could ask me to shave my head and I’d listen as long as she was standing in front of me in those yoga pants she wears. And did you guys see her last night in that crop top thing? That woman is a goddess.
Connor
Uh oh…
Mack Attack
What? You can’t tell me she’s not one of the most gorgeous women you’ve ever seen.
I highly suggest you stop talking about Sadie and her yoga pants. Have some respect.
Jefferson
Ohhhhhh. That’s why you said uh-oh. Cap is mad, Mack Attack. Better run and hide.
Mack Attack
I didn’t know she was off-limits. When did that happen?
Connor
I think just now, man.
Too aggravated to continue this conversation, I walk into the living room where my mom and Sophia are playing cards.
“I’m gonna head to the rink for a little treatment before practice. You guys okay if I leave a little early?”
Sophia doesn’t spare me a glance as she grabs a card from the pile laid out in front of her. “Of course we’re okay, Daddy. Mummo, do you have any threes?”
My mom laughs. “Sophia, remember we have to take turns. You just went fishing so it’s my turn to ask.” Mom’s eyes meet mine and she nods. “Go ahead, Niko. We’ll be just fine here.”
I walk over to both of my favorite ladies and give them a kiss on the head.
“You be good for Mummo, Sophia.”
Sophia groans, and my mom shoos me away with her hand. “Get out of here, son. We’re having a girls’ day.”
I rush into the garage and climb into my SUV. Without a second thought, I back out of my driveway and head to the rink hours before I’m needed to be there.
The thought of the guys ogling Sadie has me more annoyed than it probably should. I know they’d never do or say anything inappropriate to her, but for some reason, as soon as Mack mentioned her in her yoga pants, I saw red.
I have no right to stake a claim on her.
She’s not mine. Sadie is just doing her job.
She’s at the rink helping our team prepare for the playoffs.
Part of her job is doing yoga. It’s what she was hired to do.
Even if it means she’ll be wearing those goddamn yoga pants that have been haunting my dreams.
But after getting to know her last night and feeling that undeniable connection, there’s a growing need to protect her happening inside of me that I can’t quite explain. It’s the reason I can’t handle Mack saying anything about her.
It’s also the reason I’m pressing down my gas pedal, trying to get to the rink, and to her, faster.