Chapter 28
It’s been a little over a week since I moved into the apartment at Niko and Sophia’s.
I’ll admit, I was a little nervous about the whole nanny arrangement after Niko and I kissed.
I could feel the press of his lips against mine for a solid twenty-four hours after that moment.
My entire body ached the moment I pulled away from him that night.
As much as I may crave Niko’s touch and presence, I can’t push away thoughts in my mind telling me it’s a terrible idea.
He’ll get sick of you. He’ll end up pushing you away like everyone else. It will destroy you and Sophia.
That last thought was the determining factor.
Niko has shown that he understands me and has embraced some of my quirkiness, but the fear of eventually letting him down is strong.
And the fear of letting Sophia down in the process?
She doesn’t deserve that. As I sit here, staring at her while we make matching friendship bracelets, that fear is only amplified when I see what she’s spelling out with the letter beads.
“I’m almost done, Miss Sadie. Look!”
Sophia holds out the bracelet to me, and I fight the emotion rising in me as I read the words I LOVE U.
“Wow, Sophia. That’s for me?”
She nods. “Yep. You’re my best friend. Of course I love you.” Sophia gets back to work on alternating green and black beads to match the rest of the bracelet and I have to look down at my own piece of jewelry I’m working on so she doesn’t see the tears in my eyes.
I already finished the bracelet I made for Sophia and am currently working on one for myself.
Sophia’s bracelet is an ombré of shades of purple and says SUNSHINE.
Over the last week that’s exactly what she’s become to me.
She lights up my world and brightens every day.
I’ve even begun calling her Sunshine when putting her to bed or when she wakes up in the morning. She’s my little ray of sunshine.
The bracelet I’m making for myself matches the one Sophia makes for me—Bobcats green, black, and white.
When I get to the center of the bracelet where I’d put a word or saying, my fingers hover over the symbol and number beads.
Without thinking, I grab two beads and finish with the alternating colors.
Once I’ve tied my bracelet, I help Sophia with hers.
As I’m tying the one she made for me, I can feel Niko before I even hear or see him.
“What do we have here?” Niko’s voice sends a thrill through me, and I shove the excitement down. I will not go there.
Sophia hops off the ground where we’ve been working at the coffee table and lifts her arm for her dad to get a closer look.
“Look, Daddy! Miss Sadie made me a bracelet. It says ‘sunshine’ because I light up Miss Sadie’s world.”
When I glance up, Niko’s eyes are already on me, steady and unblinking.
There’s gratitude plain in his expression but that’s not all I see.
Something unspoken passes between us, and the look makes my chest ache.
It’s gone in a blink but I felt it. I shove that feeling down too, reminding myself why I can’t go there and busy myself with cleaning up the beads in front of me.
“I love it, Rakas.” Niko’s own nickname for his daughter makes me smile. It’s in his native language but I know less about Finnish than I do about the stock market. And that’s saying a lot, because I know next to nothing about stocks.
“What does Rakas mean?” I ask curiously.
“It means ‘love.’ Right, Daddy?”
Niko smiles down at his daughter. “That’s right.”
Sophia rushes over to me and yanks on my arm. “Miss Sadie! Show my dad the one I made for you.” She continues to pull on me until I stand and then she drags me over to where Niko is standing. She pulls my hand up to Niko before I even realize what he’s about to see.
Niko’s eyes land on the bracelets I’m wearing. Particularly the one I made for myself. The #8 beads are front and center on my wrist, basically screaming out for him to see.
When I attempt to free my arm from Sophia’s grip, Niko’s hand replaces his daughters.
His fingers close around my wrist before I can pull away, heat searing straight through my skin from his touch.
The warmth of his hand roots me to the spot and for a split second I forget why I was pulling away.
Instead, my traitorous heart stumbles and my body leans closer.
“You made her a bracelet with my hockey number on it?”
Sophia giggles from somewhere beside us. My eyes are glued to Niko’s, both of us not daring to look away. “No, Daddy. Miss Sadie made that one. I made the one that says ‘I LOVE U.’”
Damn it.
I can hardly breathe as I wait for Niko’s reaction. His brows lift, surprise flickering first. His eyes narrow slightly, the corners softening in a way that makes my stomach drop. It’s not pride I see in his eyes, like you’d expect from a hockey player seeing his number on a woman. It’s longing.
Neither of us move at first, his hand heavy around my wrist. I’m sure he can feel my pulse hammering beneath it.
Then, with a small exhale, Niko lets go.
The brush of his thumb lingers a fraction longer than it should.
I retreat fast, yanking my hand back and cradling it in my chest, as if the distance will dull the ache in my chest.
Niko scoops Sophia up into his arms, resting her at his side. It’s so nice to see him without his crutch. “You did an amazing job, sweetheart. I love how it matches the one you made me.” He holds up the bracelet he wears every day. “It’s my good luck charm.”
“I know, Daddy. You never ever take it off. And I’m never taking this one off either.” Sophia kisses the bracelet I made her and falls into a fit of giggles when Niko starts tickling her side.
I’ll never tire of watching the two of them together. The way Niko loves his daughter so effortlessly is like watching a language I never learned. It’s tender and unshakable—and painfully foreign to me.
I watch as the two laugh together, and I’m left with a hollow ache inside of me.
I’ve never known a love like that. My parents never looked at me the way Niko looks at Sophia.
They never tilted their heads while listening to me, like Niko does when he’s fully enraptured in one of Sophia’s stories.
Part of me wants to lean into them, to touch the warmth there, even knowing I shouldn’t.
“Sophia, why don’t you go get cleaned up for lunch? We can eat together but then I need to head to the rink early today.”
Sophia scurries off to the bathroom to wash up, leaving me alone with Niko. I busy myself by cleaning up the mess of beads on the table. It’s not long before Niko joins me at the coffee table.
It hasn’t been awkward at all since I moved in, even after our heated kiss. I may catch myself staring at him from time to time but we have yet to have a stolen moment like we just had over my bracelet. The silence that stretches between us is charged, so I do my best to focus on his game tonight.
“How are you feeling about the game?”
The Bobcats are preparing for game seven of the first round of playoffs against the Chicago Hawks. But more importantly, Niko is preparing for his first game back since his injury in the opening game.
“Pretty good. I have to meet with the team doctor to get my final clearance. That’s why I’m leaving early today. After that we have film, some meetings, and then it’s game time.”
“Are you worried at all they won’t clear you?”
Niko shakes his head. “Nah. They almost cleared me for game six but decided to err on the side of caution. I’m feeling good. Ready to be back. You’re heading to the rink early too, right?”
I have a few group sessions planned with the guys ahead of the game this evening.
Most of them are more focused than I’ve ever seen them, but they don’t want anything getting in the way of a win tonight.
I’ve planned for a light yoga and meditation session for each group.
You can never be too prepared for a do-or-die game.
“Yeah, but not for a few hours. I’m hoping I tire Sophia out enough that she takes a quick nap before we have to head to the rink. We’re going to be up late tonight. No way are we missing game seven.”
Niko smirks and we fall into a comfortable silence cleaning up the rest of the beads.
After a quick lunch of leftover chicken parmesan, the perfect pregame meal, Sophia kisses her dad goodbye.
“Good luck tonight, Daddy!”
He gives her one last squeeze before letting go. “You be good for Miss Sadie.”
“Duh!” Sophia rolls her eyes and then takes off to the living room to play with her magnetic tiles.
“Good luck with the doc. Text me and let me know how it goes?”
Through all the conflicting feelings I’ve had toward Niko, I still care about his and Sophia’s well-being above anything else. Blame the maternal instincts in me, but I find joy in taking care of people that mean something to me.
“I will.” He gives me a small wave and then heads toward the door.
“Niko, wait!” I rush into the living room where I left my bag. Reaching in, I pull out the chain I got for him. “Here.”
He grabs the necklace from my hand, inspecting the smooth, golden-brown stone that’s attached. “What’s this?”
“That’s a tiger’s eye stone.” My voice is higher and louder than usual, my excitement over the stone is impossible to hide.
“It’s said to bring courage, focus, and confidence.
I use it to attract good luck. I know you have Sophia’s bracelet, but I figured a little extra luck couldn’t hurt.
” I shrug my shoulders, suddenly feeling a tad self-conscious about how giddy I am over chakras and stones.
My past boyfriends would always call me “ridiculous” or even “crazy” if I ever so much as suggested using a chakra stone.
But Niko doesn’t bat an eye, he simply slips the chain around his neck.
He looks up to find me watching him. “I love it. It looks like the stone on your necklace.”