Chapter 34
Sadie and I have been eating in silence for the past five minutes. Each scrape of her knife against the plate is amplified, making the awkward tension in here even worse.
Did I come on too strong, telling her she’ll always have a place with us? Maybe. But I just can’t find it in me to care anymore. It was my goal to make her stay, and if that means putting all of my cards on the table then so be it.
Sadie has infiltrated every fiber of my being.
My body and soul are both craving her in ways I’ve never quite experienced before.
It’s not just a physical want, although that’s definitely there too.
I crave her laughter, her insight, the way she’s always pushing me to take better care of myself.
Every single one of my instincts whispers toward her, a pull I’m beginning to realize I’m not going to be able to resist for much longer.
I look over at Sadie and notice she’s just poking around on her almost empty plate.
Unable to handle the quiet for a second longer, I wipe my mouth with my napkin and adjust my upper-body so I’m facing Sadie.
“Why don’t you go refill your glass and head out to the patio. I’ll take care of the dishes.”
She drops her fork and picks her napkin up off her lap. She places it onto her plate and stands. “I can help clean up.”
Before I can argue, Sadie grabs both her plate and the salad bowl. “I know, I know. You can handle it. But I want to help. Will you please just let me?”
She doesn’t even wait for my response before heading into the kitchen. I grab my own plate and our wineglasses, balancing them between my fingers. After she sets the dishes into the sink she rushes over to me to take the long-stemmed glasses before I drop them.
“You couldn’t leave anything on the table, could you?” Her voice is teasing, and I’m reminded of how much I love it when she gives me a hard time. Pun definitely intended. I turn toward the cupboards and adjust myself quickly before she catches sight of the effect she has on me.
“I had it handled.”
Sadie smirks at me and starts washing the dishes by hand instead of using the dishwasher.
I step in to help and my body is acutely aware of hers, as always.
The brush of her arm against mine as she hands me each dish sends a shock through me that’s impossible to ignore.
I even notice the small movements, like her dipping her fingers into the water to grab another utensil.
It’s a simple shared task, something that would feel ordinary with anyone else. But with Sadie it feels intimate. It feels comforting but also deliciously frustrating. I want to lean in, brush her hair from her face, but I know I shouldn’t. God, I want to.
We finish up the dishes and then head out onto the patio. The air is warmer than usual, but not warm enough to sit anywhere but near the fire.
Sadie sits on the couch in front of the fireplace and stares into the flames.
I wonder if she’s thinking about the last time we were here.
The way she climbed into my lap and crashed her mouth into mine.
The way my hands gripped her ass as she ground herself over my hard length.
Lord knows I’m thinking about it. My dick grows harder in my jeans, and in an attempt to keep myself under control, I try to focus on less exciting things.
Dirty hockey skates. Newton’s Law. The way Jefferson looks when lifting weights.
That last one seems to do the trick. I take a seat next to Sadie and lift the bottle toward her glass. “Want me to top you off?”
“You trying to get me drunk, Cap?” The gleam in her eyes tells me she’s not against it, but that’s not my intention at all.
I pull the bottle back, pretending I’m not going to pour more in her glass. “Actually, no. I’d prefer it if you kept your wits about you this evening.”
Sadie raises her brow at me. I’m sure she’s trying to figure out why I just said what I did.
The energy between us is buzzing at an all-time high and I may have my hopes up. But if something does happen tonight between us, I’d rather her not blame it on the alcohol tomorrow.
“I was just teasing you. I’m not even buzzed yet. You can top me off.”
Her words register as “you can take my top off,” and I have to pause for a moment before I realize that is definitely not what she just said. Maybe I shouldn’t have another glass.
I pour a little more wine into each of our glasses and set the bottle on the table next to us.
Sadie rests her elbow on the couch cushion and leans her head into her hand, a soft smile playing on her lips.
There’s something about seeing her like this, unabashedly at ease, that makes her more beautiful than ever.
As much as I don’t want to ruin this moment, the text she got earlier has been gnawing at me all evening. Instead of an abrupt interrogation, I choose curiosity.
“Tell me about your sister.”
Sadie’s smile drops, her lips pressing into a thin line.
I immediately regret bringing it up but not enough to backtrack my question.
She has helped me and Sophia process our trauma in more ways than one.
Whatever baggage or demons Sadie has with her family, I want to be the one to help her through them.
Her eyes drop to her lap and her finger slowly moves around the rim of her wineglass. After she takes a deep breath, she looks back up at me and begins to explain.
“Willow is my youngest sibling. Growing up, I took care of all my siblings but she’s the one I spent most of my time with.
She needed me the most.” Sadie shrugs one shoulder, a half-smile tugging at her lips, but her finger still fidgets with the top of her wineglass.
“I wouldn’t say we’re close, but she’s the only one of my siblings I still keep in touch with. ”
A million questions run through my mind at her brief explanation. Sadie is the oldest of six children and she only sometimes speaks to one of them? What does she mean she had to let go of the rest? Why would anyone want to separate themselves from such a remarkable woman?
My voice is gentle when I speak. “You mentioned her getting engaged was complicated. Is that because you aren’t in touch with the rest of your siblings?”
Sadie takes a sip of her wine and I do the same, not wanting to make her feel pressured at all to answer before she’s ready.
“That’s definitely part of it. Willow invited me to the engagement party but the thought of seeing everyone…
I’m not sure it would be worth it.” She pauses, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.
I wait patiently until she begins speaking again.
“I don’t really speak to my parents anymore either.
They call on holidays but they always take those opportunities to remind me how much of a disappointment I am to the family. ”
Anger blurs my vision. How the fuck can a parent say that to their child? It’s one thing to be absent, Sophia has to deal with the effects of that daily, but to be absent and spew that bullshit? I’d love to meet her parents and tell them to fuck right off.
“You’re not a disappointment, Sadie. Not to me. Not to anyone who actually matters.” My words come out soft and urgent, protectiveness rushing through me.
Sadie’s eyes soften at my comment. Her hand lifts off the couch but she seems to think better of whatever she was about to do and takes another sip of her wine.
“I know that. Most of the time I know that.” Her words trail off and a look of uncertainty crosses her face. I’m not sure what to do or say. Her parents sound terrible, but I’m curious what happened with her siblings.
“And the rest of your family? You said you don’t talk to them much either?”
She shakes her head while swallowing down another sip of wine.
“Not at all. Growing up with our parents was unbearable. When we were little, I did my best to tell my brothers and sisters that they were just busy with their jobs and doing their best to take care of us whenever they’d miss a baseball game or school play.
It got to a point where my siblings were desperate for their attention.
I don’t blame them for falling in line and becoming lawyers and doctors, professions acceptable to my parents.
They were starving for their love, even if it was conditional. ”
“You weren’t as desperate. You weren’t willing to lose who you were to appease them.”
Finally, Sadie smiles again. “No, I wasn’t.”
“That makes you strong, Sadie.”
She finishes her glass of wine and sets it on the table. She pulls her legs up in front of her and wraps her arms around her knees. “I don’t feel strong after that text.”
I hate how defeated she sounds. I resist the urge to pull her into my arms and comfort her. “Why don’t you feel strong? Because it affected you? You’re allowed to feel your feelings. I’ve heard you tell Sophia that a dozen times.” My attempt to lighten the mood seems to work, but only briefly.
Sadie chuckles to herself but shakes her head.
“I hate how they still have any type of control over me or my emotions. The thought of seeing them all together, celebrating my sister, who is the furthest thing from a disappointment in their eyes… Well, it kind of brought back a lot of terrible memories for me. I want to be there for Willow, but I’m afraid spending a weekend with my family will erase all the progress I’ve made in the years without them.
The party is in Chicago, and they don’t even know I’m in Green Bay now.
I could easily drive down there tomorrow, but I’m not sure if it would be worth it. ”
I can’t blame her for being scared. Every time Claire texts and says she’s in town with no notice, I feel myself reverting back to my old ways.
The thought of Sadie feeling inadequate stirs something inside of me.
I want to shield her from her family’s judgment and make her see just how amazing of a person she is.
I finish my wine and set my glass next to Sadie’s on the table. Her chin is resting on top of her knees now, uncertainty pooling in her eyes. She looks smaller than I’ve ever seen her.
“It’s impossible not to think of the past sometimes, Sadie. The past shaped us into who we are today. And you, Sadie, are stronger, braver, and more remarkable than you give yourself credit for.”
She lets my words sink in, and nods once. She turns her head to look at the fire and we sit in silence for a beat. Suddenly, an idea formulates in my head. I’m not sure she’ll think it’s a good idea, but I have to try.
“I’ll go to the engagement party with you.”
Sadie’s eyes snap to mine. “What?”
“I said I’ll go to the party with you.”
Her mouth falls open and she appears dumbstruck by my offer. I want to show up to that party with Sadie on my arm and show those assholes just how amazing she is.
“Don’t let them control you anymore, Sadie. We should go to this party together and show them they don’t hold any power over you anymore.”
Sadie’s hand finds her necklace, a nervous habit she can’t seem to break, and her eyes search mine as she tries to make sense of what I’m proposing.
“But what about the playoffs?”
“You said it yourself, the party’s in Chicago. We have practice tomorrow morning but after that I’m free. We could easily make it to the party and be back before meetings the next day.”
She chews on her bottom lip and I hold my breath, hoping like hell she says yes.
“You’d do that for me?’
Fuck. This woman has no idea the lengths I would go to make her happy. Besides, the thought of telling her family exactly how I feel about them is too good of an opportunity to pass up.
“It would be my honor.”
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
Sadie opens her eyes and when she looks at me, the uncertainty I saw in them a moment ago is gone. Instead, there’s a quiet burning in there that mirrors the fire burning beside us. Her gaze holds mine, unflinching, and I catch the faintest hitch to her breath.
Every instinct screams at me to close the space between us, to let my fingers trace the line of her jaw. Restraint claws at me, warning me to stop. But the air still hums between us, heavy and electric.
I inch closer, my desire at war with my restraint. The line between control and surrender is trembling under our gazes. I reach out and push Sadie’s hair out of her face like I wanted to do earlier. She leans into my touch and closes her eyes. The pull between us is unbearable.
Sadie stays like that, her head against my hand, shoulder pressing against my arm. We stare at each other, a silent confession passing between us that neither of us can stop this for much longer.