Chapter 19
Beth
We sat in silence in the drawing room after Markus’s father stormed out.
First came the slam of the front door, then his angry footsteps across the gravel, then the double slam as he and the chauffeur got back in the car.
The engine started. The sound of it faded.
Finally, just when I thought my tears were going to spill over, Leonora rose and came to me, and she wrapped her arms around me.
“You were wonderful, Beth.”
I inhaled her rose scent and felt myself relaxing.
“Yes, very well done,” Markus said. “You played it beautifully.”
But they both spoke cautiously, as if they weren’t sure themselves exactly what had just happened. And it was soon clear they no longer required my company.
“Don’t wake Nina, will you?” Leonora said to me as she and Markus headed out to the terrace with a bottle of wine. “Leave her to rest, okay?”
But I was too unsettled to know what else to do with myself, so I crept up the spiral staircase and tapped cautiously on Nina’s door.
“Come in.”
She still looked pale, but her eyes were brighter than earlier. She patted the bed next to her, and I decided I’d rather have her company and risk catching her bug than sit in my own room alone with my churning thoughts.
“What on earth are you wearing?” she asked, and she reached out and tweaked the end of one of my plaits. “And your hair. You look funny.”
“Your grandfather came,” I said.
“Oh.” She glanced at her alarm clock. “I forgot. Is he still here?”
“He—” I didn’t know where to start.
“Beth? What’s the matter?”
I wondered, suddenly, whether Nina already knew about the game. I wasn’t sure if that would make it better or worse. Perhaps this was the sort of thing her parents did all the time. Maybe she’d laugh. Maybe I was worrying about nothing.
“He—I—They made me dress up, and I had to pretend to be you, Nina. Your grandfather believed I was you.” I gazed earnestly at her. “Your mum said if I didn’t, he’d be angry you were ill, and he—” I didn’t know what he’d have done, but I knew it must have been something truly awful.
But Nina was shaking her head. “You’re making this up, right? This is a joke.”
“No. I swear. That’s why I’m wearing this dress. And your mum plaited my hair, and—”
“You’re saying you took my place?”
I stared at her, hesitating. “Yeah. They asked me to.”
“You mean you actually called yourself Nina? And pretended my parents were your mum and dad?”
I nodded miserably. “I was only trying to help.”
She sank back into her pillows, staring at me, and then she turned her face sharply away, and neither of us spoke for a minute. Then—
“Can you go, please?” she said. “I’d like to be alone now.”
* * *
For the next couple of weeks, Nina wore her resentment like an outer layer of clothing. She was sulky around her parents and short-tempered with me. I tried to talk to her about it, but she refused to discuss it, glaring at me fiercely when I made further stuttering attempts to apologize.
“This is my home” was all she’d say. “And my family. Just remember that.”
How could I possibly forget it? I was acutely aware of my position as a guest at Raven Hall. I had no family of my own to return to, and my once-happy childhood home was now inhabited by oblivious strangers. I was entirely dependent on the goodwill of Nina and her parents.
I spent hours alone, keeping out of Nina’s way, mostly playing my violin—it was the only way I knew to numb my fears and soothe my loneliness.
One evening, a few days after Markus’s father’s visit, I was approaching the top of the stairs when I heard Markus answer the phone in the hall and say, “Ah, thanks for ringing me back, Caroline.” I retreated to my bedroom and shut myself in, my heart pounding.
He might have a client called Caroline, I told myself—but deep down, I was convinced Markus and Leonora had decided I was no longer a suitable companion for Nina, and they were demanding my aunt come and collect me.
And she would take me straight back to the children’s home; I was sure of it.
I cried myself to sleep that night. After everything I’d been through in the last couple of years—losing my parents and brother; being treated as a nuisance by my aunt—Raven Hall had felt like a haven, a second chance at having a happy life, of feeling safe.
I couldn’t bear the thought of being sent away.
For days after that, I felt as though I were holding my breath, even though Caroline never did turn up to collect me. Leonora and Markus continued to behave quite normally toward me, but I knew the real decision lay with Nina, and she remained distant and uncommunicative.
In the end, it was Jonas who mended our friendship.
It was a particularly warm morning in early August, and Nina and I were finishing our breakfasts—without conversation—in the dining room, when we glimpsed a blur of movement through the window: Jonas arriving on his bike.
“I’m desperate for a swim,” he said when we went out to meet him on the gravel. “Are you two friends again, now?” He’d joined us swimming a couple of days earlier, but Nina’s constant sniping at me had driven him to go home early.
I dropped my gaze and waited to hear Nina’s answer.
“I expect Beth would rather stay in the house,” Nina said. She gave me a pointed look. “In my house, that is.” She turned back to Jonas. “But I’ll come.”
I stepped back, ready to leave them to it, my mind already drifting to my violin and the music I would play to distract myself from the world around me. But Jonas’s irritation was clear.
“Fine. Well, Beth, in that case—would you write down your new address for me?”
“What?” Nina said. “She’s not going anywhere.”
Jonas pulled a face. “Well, I doubt she’ll be happy to stay here much longer if you keep treating her like this.”
My heart jumped erratically. How was Nina going to react?
She turned slowly and stared at me. It was probably the first time she’d looked me directly in the eye since I told her I’d pretended to be her for her grandfather’s visit.
“I honestly don’t want to take your place,” I said meekly. “I never meant to—”
She gulped, and then she flung her arms around me.
“I know,” she sobbed. “And I don’t want you to leave. I’ve been really horrible. I was jealous of you getting to meet my grandfather, but I know it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I’m sorry, Beth. I’m sorry.”
Jonas sighed loudly. “Girls.” He raised his eyebrows. “Are we going swimming, then, or what?”
Nina and I wiped away our tears, and we ran upstairs to change into our swimsuits.
She was extra nice to me for the rest of the day, but I was conscious that our reconciliation was down to Jonas, and I watched him more closely than usual as the three of us messed around in the shallows.
When Nina floated out into deeper water, I seized my chance and thanked him privately.
“Well, I had to do something,” he said, holding my gaze. “I’d hate to see you go. I like you, Beth.”
In that brief moment, I forgot about all my worries.
“I like you too,” I said.
“Do you think maybe, one day—” he began.
But Nina was splashing toward us, shouting that she’d seen a giant pike, that it had nibbled at her toes.
Our moment of intimacy was over, but I smiled to myself each time I thought about his words.
“I like you, Beth.” Things weren’t so bad at Raven Hall, after all.