Beth
Caroline’s Christmas visit fell early in December, because she was much too busy to fit me in later in the month.
I’d bought her a silk scarf from my allowance, and she gave me some sheet music for my violin that she told me she enjoyed playing herself.
I almost asked her if it was a joint Christmas and early birthday present, since she’d missed my birthday entirely the previous February, but I knew that would be rude, and in fact, the music was perfect—a genuinely welcome gift from one violinist to another.
But when I went to give her a grateful hug, she flinched away, as usual.
After fifteen minutes of stilted conversation in the drawing room, Markus suggested Caroline might like a little walk by the lake before she headed home. Caroline looked so relieved at the word home, she sprang up immediately, and Markus winked at the rest of us behind her back.
“Leonora might be best staying indoors, actually,” he said. “She’s brewing up a bit of a cold, I think.”
Leonora gave him a faint relieved smile, and we left her behind, although I didn’t really believe she was coming down with anything. Once we reached the lakeshore, Markus told Nina and me to go ahead and take the boat out, if we were brave enough.
“The lake’ll freeze soon, with a bit of luck,” he said, “and then there won’t be any rowing ’til it thaws.”
Relieved to have an excuse to escape Caroline’s strained attempts at friendliness, I followed Nina onto the dock, and we leaped down into the boat.
Nina grinned at me as she took the oars, and I was reminded forcefully of the fun we’d had during my first summer at Raven Hall.
I smiled back at her, and suddenly the day seemed a whole lot brighter.
Nina waited until we were past the island before she set the oars down.
“So, what’s going on between you and Jonas?”
“Nothing.” I knew I’d answered too quickly. “I mean, why do you even ask? You know Jonas and I are just—”
She tilted her head. “Friends?”
I nodded, frowning. “Friends. Exactly.”
“I wish . . .”
“What?”
“I just wish you’d be honest with me, Beth. I wish you’d tell me what you’re thinking. You go around all wrapped up in your own thoughts all the time. It’s like sometimes you think”—she hesitated, gazing at me earnestly—“that I’m your enemy. Like you don’t trust me. Or Mum and Dad either.”
“That’s not true.” I tried to laugh. “Of course I trust you.” But a series of memories pulsed in my mind: Leonora thrusting the blue checked dress into my hands; Markus’s wary expression when he came back from his diving trip a few weeks ago; the oily film at the bottom of Nina’s hot-chocolate mug.
I blinked them away. “You know I’m very happy here. ”
“Are you?” Nina said quietly. “Are you really?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Ah, come on, can we stop this now? I just want us to be friends. All of us. Jonas too.”
She scrambled forward and indicated for me to switch places. “Fine. Your turn to row, then.”
I seized the oars, glad of the opportunity to use my muscles. I took us on a circuit around the island, and it was a while before I looked across to the dock and saw that Markus and Caroline had left us to it. By the time Nina and I returned to the house, Caroline had already set off for home.
* * *
Markus was right about two things. Leonora was coming down with something. She spent days locked away in her bedroom until she felt well enough to rejoin us downstairs, and even then, she remained pale and withdrawn. And the lake did freeze over the following week.
Markus announced he was taking the rest of the month off as holiday. He checked the ice obsessively each morning, drilling boreholes, checking air and water temperatures, and goodness knows what else. His excitement radiated through the house.
“We’ve been getting fewer and fewer properly cold winters,” he told me.
“Last year was terrible, but this year”—he beamed at me—“with a bit of luck, we’ll be out there on our skates before New Year’s Eve.
You’ll love it, Beth. A proper Fenland tradition.
And you’re a proper Fens girl now, aren’t you? ”
I laughed, slightly unsettled by the intensity of his gaze. “I suppose so.”
“You can come out with me tomorrow,” he said, “if you like. I’ll show you how I check the ice depth . . .”
“Oh, leave the poor child alone,” Leonora said from the doorway. “Beth, Jonas is on the phone for you.”
I was relieved to escape to the hall, and I pressed the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“Beth? It’s Jonas.”
I smiled. “I know.”
“Have you got plans for Christmas Eve? ’Cause my mum’s having a little party here, and I wondered . . .”
“What does he want?” Nina’s voice from the staircase was sharp. I turned to look at her. She held my gaze.
“Nina’s here too,” I said into the mouthpiece.
“Well,” Jonas said, “she’s invited, too, of course.”
I tilted the phone away slightly. “Jonas’s mum is having a little party on Christmas Eve. He wants to know if we’d like to go.”
“Mu-um!” Nina called.
A moment later, a cross-looking Leonora appeared in the hall. “What, darling? There’s no need to bellow for me. You should come and find me.”
“Jonas’s mum is inviting us to a party at his place on Christmas Eve,” Nina said.
From the phone by my ear, I heard Jonas groan.
Leonora fixed me with a stern look. “Tell him it’s kind of him, but no, Beth. Anyway, we do our own thing here on Christmas Eve.” She took stock of my disappointed face, and her tone softened slightly. “It’s nice of Stephanie to invite us, but we just can’t make it. Do thank them, all the same.”
I waited for her to return to the drawing room, and then I said to Jonas, “Did you get that?”
“Bloody Averells,” he said.
I glanced up to where Nina still hovered, watching me.
“Funny you should say that,” I said sweetly. “I was thinking the same thing.”
When I hung up, Nina hurried down to the hall and caught both my hands in hers. “I’m sorry. That was mean of me. I’m really sorry, Beth. If you want to go—or maybe we could both sneak out and go . . .”
But it was hardly the sort of party I wanted to go to anyway—a boring adult affair in the middle of the day at the village B and B. I wanted loud music and dim lights and sweet cider and Jonas’s arms around me.
“It doesn’t matter.” I gave her a weary look. “Honestly. I’m sure we’ll have a nice time here.”
Nina was very childish, sometimes. I pitied her. But underneath that, I felt a sort of protectiveness toward her. She’d grown up in this strange, isolated bubble at Raven Hall, and she didn’t know any different—it wasn’t her fault. Perhaps, when I eventually left, I’d persuade her to come with me.
* * *
On Christmas Eve, the family had a tradition of exchanging one small present after dinner to kick-start the festive celebrations.
I’d bought my offerings on our shopping trip with Leonora in November, and I’d wrapped them carefully: rose-scented hand cream for Leonora, a bag of his favorite toffees for Markus, and a notebook with daisies on the cover for Nina.
I was looking forward to seeing them opened.
Nina gave out her presents first, and then I gave out mine. We all cooed over our gifts and held them up for one another to admire. Then Leonora looked at Markus.
“Dad did the Christmas Eve shopping this year,” Leonora said, raising her eyebrows in mock alarm.
“Uh-oh,” Nina said, and both she and I giggled.
“Just you wait,” Markus said, and with a flourish, he produced two identically wrapped boxes. He switched them between his hands with a show of consternation. “Which one’s which? How to tell?” He held one out to each of us. “Luckily, they’re both the same.”
We tore into the paper, eyeing each other’s as much as our own and laughing in our competition to see which of us could reveal the contents first.
“Oh,” I said.
“Wow,” Nina said.
We both tilted our boxes toward Leonora to show her. Inside each was a delicate gold charm bracelet twinkling with reflections from the dining room lights.
We lifted them out and helped each other to fasten them around our wrists.
“They’re beautiful,” I said.
“Thanks, Dad.” Nina ran around the table to give Markus a hug.
“The charms represent the wildlife around the lake.” Markus’s voice was gruff with a sudden shyness.
“There’s a flag iris, a greylag goose, a reed warbler .
. .” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’m glad you like them.
And for my beloved wife—” He produced a third box, which turned out to hold a beautiful necklace, the same shade of gold as our bracelets.
“These aren’t small presents,” Leonora said quietly.
Markus looked uncomfortable. “I know, but”—he turned to Nina and me—“I thought they’ll always remind you of Raven Hall, when you’re grown up. And you know, maybe you’ll want to pass them on to your own daughters, for their sixteenth birthdays, say. I just thought it was a nice idea . . .”
He turned back to Leonora and helped her fasten the necklace under her hair. She didn’t look as happy with her gift as I thought she ought to, but that was Leonora for you. She wasn’t like normal people. I knew that by now.