Chapter 4
‘You’ve done what?’
Willow tried to keep calm, but it was hard not to giggle when Jake flew into one of his rages. He always went so red cheeked. It was like he was a teenager again and they were back at The Diner, complaining that his burger was too cold.
‘I’ve bought a minivan. Jenn was selling it. Do you remember Jenn?’
Jake ran his hands through his hair and sighed dramatically. ‘Jenn Havers. From school. Of course I do. She always had some crazy idea brewing.’
‘Nothing’s changed there really. She bought the van planning to sell coffee and cake but then lost interest in it. Now she wants to travel Europe. So, she’s selling it dirt cheap.’
‘And you want it why?’ Jake gestured around the apartment. ‘I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, Willow, but there is barely room for us in this place let alone a broken-down van.’
‘It’s not broken down, it’s in good condition actually,’ Willow replied. ‘And I plan to turn it into a matcha van.’
‘Matcha?’ Jake gaped at her like she had lost her mind. ‘Do you even like that stuff?’
‘I do actually, it’s tasty and it fits well with my new healthy mindset.’
‘Your new healthy what?’ He stared at her open-mouthed.
‘I want to be more in the moment, Jake. I want to remove the toxicity from my life and be freer and more mindful. I think I need to. I can’t carry on like this.’
Jake frowned and began to pace the room. ‘Like this? Are you saying you’re not happy?’
‘It’s not as simple as that. I think I need a change, that’s all. My job is so stressful. I feel trapped …’ She paused. ‘I’ve been thinking about home a lot, Jake, about Honey Springs. I want to go back.’
‘Go back? Why would you want to do that?’ he scoffed. ‘We left for a reason.’
‘You left for a reason,’ Willow said pointedly. ‘I just came with you.’
Jake stared at her, shaking his head. ‘I don’t get this. It all seems to be coming from nowhere.’
‘I’ve been unhappy in my job for a while. I need a break.’
‘Ah.’ He started nodding. ‘I get it. So what, you’re taking time off work?’
‘I guess you can call it that. I need to work out what I really want. I used some of Grandma’s money towards it. She always wanted me to use it on something useful.’
‘I think she meant a deposit for an apartment,’ Jake muttered. ‘But still – if this is what you want?’
‘It is. I have enough saved up, so I can live quite frugally for a while. Jenn has even said I can stay at her place while she is traveling.’
‘And you are doing all this without me?’
‘You could come? You’d easily get work up in the mountains,’ Willow offered. ‘It’s our home, Jake. Or at least it was.’
She watched as Jake’s face clouded over. ‘That town isn’t my home anymore, Willow. You know that better than anyone.’
And then he turned and left the room. Slamming the door behind him.
Maybe she was crazy?
After all, this was a bit of a radical decision and Willow knew that she wasn’t usually known for making them.
Usually, she took time and care to plot her next moves.
How could she make Jake understand that this just felt right?
It wasn’t something she could explain properly; it was just a feeling deep in her gut.
Talking to Jenn earlier had helped clear her mind. Willow hadn’t spoken to her in all the time since she left the Springs, but just hearing her old friend’s breathy tone on the phone had made it seem like no time had passed at all.
‘Willow!’ Jenn had gushed. ‘I can’t believe you’re calling me. How are you? And Jake! What’s high-flying city life like?’
Willow had laughed and given her a quick rundown of what they had been up to in the last five years. ‘It’s busy,’ she admitted. ‘Intense, actually. Jake loves it here.’
‘It sounds exhausting,’ Jenn had replied. ‘But you know me. That was never my thing. I think I was always destined to stick around here.’
Willow could easily picture her friend and imagined she had barely changed from their days at school.
Jenn was always the easygoing, laid-back girl, who drifted from one idea to the next without too much focus.
When Willow had left the Springs, Jenn had been working in the diner with Mel.
Willow guessed all that had changed now.
‘You heard about Mel?’ Jenn asked, as if reading her mind.
‘Yeah,’ Willow replied sadly. Her grandma had broken the news to her over two years ago. ‘It was awful. She was such an amazing woman.’
‘She really was. Cancer is a bitch,’ Jenn hissed. ‘It’s Lucas I feel sorry for. He couldn’t cope at all. He had to get away in the end.’
‘Lucas …’ Willow whispered, feeling a stab of sadness in her gut.
Her thoughts around him were still so complex.
Once she had considered him her best friend, but she hadn’t spoken to him in years.
Nevertheless, she was devastated that he had lost his mom in that way.
She knew how close they were. ‘When I last spoke to my grandma, he was still there.’
Her grandma had loved Lucas. He helped her out around her house and popped in to visit to stop her getting lonely. Before she died, about a year or so after Mel, Willow knew that he had been there a lot.
‘Yeah, well, a few things happened. I think life wore him down and he had to leave. He went to stay with his sister, Mia.’ She paused. ‘I understand that, to be honest. That’s why I’ve decided to travel for a year. I have money saved up, so why not?’
‘Yeah, why not?’
This certainly seemed to be the time to embrace the new.
Jenn laughed in response. ‘Anyway – the van. What do you want that for?’
The reality had hit Willow hard. This wasn’t some kind of game she was playing. She actually had a chance to do something different, even if it was short term. Like Esmae, she wanted to seize the day. Willow quickly told Jenn her idea.
‘I want to run a matcha van, back in the Springs.’
She was expecting her friend to laugh in response but instead she heard a grunt of approval.
‘Sounds cool, babe – why not? It’s all set up, ready to go.
I spent all my time and money restoring it and then lost interest. Typical, huh?
Anyway, this place would love to have you back. It needs something new.’
And just like that, they had exchanged details. Within minutes, Willow had a potential new business and a place to stay.
Although it was really scary and moving fast, it felt like the stars were aligning.
Willow had a shower and then tidied up the apartment while she waited for Jake to return from wherever he had stormed off to.
In her head, she was already packing her case and deciding what she would take.
She knew she would travel light. Although it was spring and still pretty unpredictable, she didn’t want to be bogged down with too many clothes or belongings.
Part of her new life ethic was not being so reliant on material things and there was something freeing about thinking about what essentials she could take. In a strange way, she already felt as if a burden was lifting from her.
As she moved around the small apartment, she started to think about the people back home.
Willow felt a twinge as she realized this would be the first time she would be back to the Springs since her grandma’s death.
In accordance with her wishes, her grandma didn’t have a funeral, so Willow had never had the chance to go back then.
Seeing her house again would be hard, especially as someone else must be living there now.
Willow remembered the times sitting on her grandma’s porch, with a perfect view of the mountains.
She had always been so wise and thoughtful.
‘Follow your dreams, sunshine. It’s the only way you can make them come true.’
Willow smiled at this memory.
She thought of the other townsfolk, like Mel, who she would dearly miss – she was always the person that everyone turned to for advice. It would also be good to see Jenn again, even if it would be fleeting.
And then there were people that Willow was more worried about seeing again. Like Lucas. Even though he had helped her grandma out, they had felt distant the last few times she saw him. Willow was silently relieved that Jenn had confirmed he had moved away.
There were other people that Willow was a little unsure about too – the prying Parker twins for example – Alice and Ava, who always had their noses in other people’s business.
And then there was Eric – Jake’s dad. Willow wanted to stay far away from him. Worry unfurled in her mind like an untangled web. Had she given enough thought to Jake? After all, he had plenty of reasons to stay away from Honey Springs and would find it so hard to go back there.
Did she truly love him if she was making him choose?
Later, Jake returned. He looked tired and drawn and Willow could smell beer on his breath.
She didn’t question where he had been, but instead gestured towards the sofa for him to sit next to her.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said immediately. ‘I shouldn’t have stormed out like that. It was just a lot to take.’
‘I know. I’m sorry.’ She took a breath. ‘But if I’m honest, Jake, I’ve been feeling unhappy for a while. Not with us – but with being here. It was great at first, but now I just feel worn.’
‘You haven’t been the same since your grandma died.’
Willow nodded, acknowledging this. It had been easy to bury her feelings at first and act like everything was OK, but the disquiet she felt had simply been growing roots inside her.
‘I think I just need some time back home. It doesn’t have to be forever.’
Jake sighed, rubbing his jaw. ‘And what about us?’
‘I’m not sure. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.’
‘I can’t go back there. You know that …’
Willow thought of Eric and a cool sensation drifted down her spine. ‘Yes, I know that.’
‘I guess we can try long distance,’ Jake suggested. ‘I mean, I still want to give this a shot.’
Willow grinned and kissed him gently on the lips. ‘I would like that too.’
‘Others make it work, so why not us?’ Jake reasoned. ‘Anyway, this can give me a chance to focus on building my own platform. I can’t leave this life in Seattle behind. I just can’t.’
Willow smiled stiffly. ‘If that’s what you want?’
Jake seemed to be warming to the idea quite quickly now; she noticed that his eyes were brightening at the thought of spending more time online. How ironic it was that she was looking to escape this world, while he was throwing himself into it even further.
‘Have you told Kirk yet?’ he asked.
‘I’m going to tomorrow,’ she replied. She suspected he wouldn’t be too upset – she had been taking her eye off the ball lately, just like he had said.
Jake pulled her into a hug. ‘I still don’t understand why you are doing this, Will, but I love you and I will support you – whatever.’
Willow buried her head into his shoulder, tears pinching her eyes. ‘Thank you.’
A feeling of terror suddenly drifted through her, but it was overtaken by a much greater emotion. One of relief.
As expected, Kirk accepted her resignation with barely a murmur.
There was a small leaving party at work, but nothing noteworthy.
Willow stood in the office, clutching a warm paper cup half full of cheap-tasting wine and wondering sadly how this represented five years of her career.
Her colleagues mumbled their condolences that she was leaving, but Willow knew they weren’t particularly sincere.
Apart from Toby, she had barely bothered to get to know anyone here.
Jake used to tell her off for it and said that she had to be less focused on work – and more focused on getting to know those around her.
Maybe that’s why she burnt out so quickly. It’s a lonely existence when you block everyone else out.
Toby sidled up next to her. He was clutching his wine, but Willow noticed that he pulled a face every time he took a sip. Kirk definitely hadn’t splashed out here.
‘I got you a little something,’ he said quietly, slipping a badly wrapped present into her hand.
‘Oh, Toby you shouldn’t have!’
Toby looked sheepishly at his feet. ‘I don’t think I would be where I am today without your guidance. It’s only a small thing. I didn’t really know what to get you.’
Willow carefully unwrapped the present, tugging at the mounds of tape that Toby had added, until finally she revealed two small, but delightfully personal gifts. The first was a small wooden sign in the shape of a leaf, with words carved onto it:
Let the matcha do the talking …
The second gift was an A5 notebook, hardback and beautifully green. Willow touched the surface delicately.
‘Toby, these are so thoughtful!’
‘I thought you could hang the sign up in your van, you know, and maybe remember me …’ he stammered ‘… And the notebook could be to write out new recipes or ideas or even document your new life in the mountains.’
Without thinking too much about it, Willow pulled Toby into a tight hug. She heard him let out a little gasp as she did so. He was stiff at first but soon relaxed in her grip.
‘I’m going to miss you,’ she whispered.
‘I’ll miss you too,’ Toby replied. ‘But you will be amazing whatever you do. You always are.’
Four weeks later, her bags were packed, and her ticket was booked. Jake stood awkwardly next to her as she waited for the cab to the train station.
‘So, this is it,’ he breathed.
‘This is it.’ She nodded.
‘Say hello to everyone there for me, won’t you? Except maybe not my dad. Don’t bother so much about him.’
Willow smiled grimly. ‘I won’t.’
‘And keep an eye on my page. It’s going to get more exciting, I promise.’
She chuckled softly. ‘I will.’
He pulled her towards him and kissed her forehead. She nuzzled against his chest, liking the familiar scent of him and the feeling of being held.
‘I just need to give this a shot, Jake. You understand that, right?’
‘Of course. And I hope you get what you need.’ He paused. ‘You always loved the Springs more than me. I know it was me that dragged you away.’
‘I wanted to go, Jake. You didn’t make me do anything.’
He nodded and then sighed. ‘Take care of yourself, Willow.’
The taxicab pulled up in front of them and Willow peeled herself apart from him, kissing him gently on the lips. Nerves were dancing inside her like butterflies, but she pushed them down. She was doing the right thing. Jenn was waiting for her in Honey Springs.
She was going home.
It was only as the cab moved away that she could see Jake was already on his phone, his face turned away from her.
She was already forgotten.